Friendiquette: Special etiquette for friends?

Did I try to contact too much?

Probably not, but I'd leave it there, at least until you get back to NYC in a few months.

Is this friend being rude by not replying in over a week?

There are loads of reasons why someone wouldn't reply to an e-mail that are in no way related to the sender or the recipient's opinion of the sender. She's probably not intentionally being rude.

Do I call again and say "yo wtf"?

No - you risk starting to look like a stalker.

lol

Makes sense on all counts. I thought the jokey email was over the line, which invited her to some obviously fake event to warm up my over-seriousness. I'm also bored out of my fucking mind unemployed.

My plan was to just resume things when I got back.

I think it's maybe a little bit rude on her part if she knows yr leaving the country, but on the other hand it depends on too many things.

Er. Why not schedule some stuff with other people who DO return emails and then in like a week write person #1 again and be like "yo I still gots Tuesday open, then I be out."

That friend often takes forever to respond... and it took me about a month to call on last meeting; my concern was I stepped over the line, mostly in the context of me not being around for a while. I hate being weird and overbearing.

maybe it's because you're a tedious creep!

Yeah, I'm a jackass, but I'd like to be less so these days.

Some people, I have discovered, seldom if ever check their email. Or their voice mail.

Hi.

More Friendiquette than you probably ever wanted to know.

holy crap

wow, that's, that's ... really long

this can also go under "heterosexual male/female friendship etiquette"

OP's secret burning core. Tucked safely away in the very last sentence.

OTM!

hmmm, yes, there'ssexual tension as there is in any relationship like that. but, she's got huge issues, and I'm a horror in relationships, so no. There's always that weird period when a friendship's starting out where it's like, "is he/she asking me out on a date?"

never be the one who doth protest too much

it's what ladies do

you got to lick it etc

What I've learned in my two and a half decades is that it's best not to bone every friend you make, because there'll be noone there to celebrate your birthday. :{

The little face at the end has a moustache.

it's tough being burt stanton

hard out there for a burt

It's so lonely and cold. hold me

friendo

http://www.bhrg.org/Dogs/07-060_Burt.jpg

ROFFLE

dying

i celebrate my birthdays with many an ex-girlfriend

burt stanton is no more. i am now known as "burt mcgurt"

burt mcgurt
easily butthurt
sad in the city
moved to a yurt

no no "moved to 'yurp"

Several months ago my partner and I found ourselves in a new country with a new group of friends. One by one we started finding places to live and inviting the rest of this little gang over for brunch as a kind of housewarming. One guy, lets call him G, didn't make our little gathering and has been mentioning ever since about how he wants to come over and see our place. So, I finally got round to organising this thing for our little gang but mentioned specifically in the email that our flat is SMALL and therefore I can't invite all the other new (mutual) friends we've made since, much as I'd like to, but I talked about plans to do something proper in a couple of weeks. When I hadn't heard back from some ppl I sent a reminder out to ask whether they were coming, so I could make sure I got enough food in.

So I do the shopping for the food - nothing fancy, but it involved getting a joint of meat and some relatively specialist items for the 'theme'. The evening before, G calls up and tells us he invited a couple who are mutual friends of ours and is this ok? Well, no, not really, because no-one will be able to move, but now:
a) I feel like a dick for being annoyed at him when he was only trying to be sociable but I specifically said I couldn't invite anyone else
b) I feel like even MORE of a dick towards this couple, because they are lovely and have made us feel more welcome here than ever, particularly inviting us round over christmas time when everyone else was flying home to their families. I feel bad for not inviting them first time round but I've been meaning to do something better with them like cook them a nice meal or something.

Am I right to feel a bit pissed off - up until a recent incident I'd always considered this guy really friendly but I knew he has a 'the more the merrier' attitude hence my email.

It's never polite to invite people along, especially without asking the host first!

So, yeah, imo it is ok to feel pissed off. That is a pretty basic rule he ignored there. Hope you still manage to have some measure of fun.

It's rude as a guest by the traditional code, no question. I don't rly live in a world of dinner parties, more like "How many people can we get into this apt? Oh, you brought beer? No problem!" but even then I think most ppl know better than to go against a formal invite.

otoh, maybe not everyone you invited will show up so it will be ok? I think it depends on whether it's a sit-down dinner with a set time schedule or a more casual party where people arrive and attend at different times.

what's the harm if there's a few extra people tho, really? if it's so packed that you can't hardly move people will head somewhere else soon enough. esp people that were not directly invited anyhow.

It was by no means a formal thing, just a leisurely sunday lunch but would have required more seats and table room and cutlery than we have in our one-room apartment (and everyone would have traveled some way to get here). Also my other friend was baking some cakes especially so might have felt bad if she didn't bring enough. In the end the 'extra' couple didn't come and one other person bailed so it was quite comfortable (no way would we have had enough food for an extra 3 ppl) but NOW I'm wondering if the couple didn't come because they felt unwelcome, because of us not inviting them first off!

Yeah most people would think 'where's the harm in a few more people' but I think I'm super sensitive to feeling pissed off when I've decided what I feel comfortable with and then others "over-ruling" that.

In the end it was dead nice, so I should just shut up and stop moaning.

invite them for dinner soon, lol about the situ over wine

i would be pissed off. the host calls the shots, not the guests.

sic's solution is voted best.

not sure where this country is, but it's always possible there are social customs at play here that you are maybe not fully conscious of?

invite them for dinner soon

Yes ding ding ding.

Was thinking of posting an "OTOH" to my orig post; in the end I decided to keep it simple, but now that the first reaction is out, I'm still thinking: inviting others was rude and Guy should have known better than to act against his hosts' wishes. But honestly, and I say this as someone frequently neurotic about details and apt to lose the big picture, I would much rather be the kind of person and the kind of hostess for whom more people is just more potential fun, and who will joyfully accommodate all friends and loved ones at the table.

It's not going to be the perfection of the china settings that makes people feel a glow when they remember the occasion.

^^ for me, with the allowance that having specifically been asked not to, inviting others was poor form on his part.