i stumbled upon this article looking for a contact for work. i really had a hard time believing it was actually written. for like, not The Onion.
...
http://men.style.com/details/blogs/details/2008/02/post.html#more
Is Being Well Hung the Key to Happiness? Some guys never seem to worry. The reason for that is probably in their pants.
-By Ian Daly -Photograph by Sian Kennedy
Things were not looking good for Josh (not his real name). He had lost all the money he'd made as a day trader. To make matters worse, his longtime girlfriend walked out on him, taking all the furniture and whatever else she could carry. By any measure, it was rock bottom. But when Josh's friends mobilized the rescue crew, they were astounded: Josh appeared to be totally unfazed.
"He didn't care!" says Josh's best friend, Steve (not his real name), a 35-year-old hedge-fund manager who worked with him on Wall Street. "He shrugged it off. It would have killed a lesser man." But Steve knew his friend's nonchalance wasn't due to some elaborate form of self-hypnosis or handfuls of Wellbutrin. Josh owed his composure to something far simpler: nine inches of the most primal form of self-assurance known to man.
"If it weren't for his cock, he'd be a hobo riding the trains around the country," Steve says. "It's opened doors for him. Rich women put him up at their apartments. We have friends who have more money than him and are more successful than him, but they all say, 'I want to come back as this guy.' Secretly, we all want to be him."
Does it really come down to this? Millions of years of evolution culminating in a highly advanced society whose members are adept at evaluating worth on the basis of intelligence, compassion, creativity—or even money—and it turns out our core psychology is still governed by the length of our reproductive organs?
"Are you kidding me?" says Josh (who's 33 now and has started over as a physical therapist). "That's basically my philosophy on life! Whenever it gets bad, I'm like, 'Hey, I got the one good thing!' My ex-girlfriend called it BDS—Big Dick Syndrome. It was hard to even have an argument, because I'd just be like, 'Whatever.' It's an ego thing. Because when it comes down to men, I mean, really, what else is there?"
This is obviously not a popular notion among sex therapists, who tend to be of the opinion that "it's what you do with it that counts." But such reassurances are all but inaudible amid the phallocentric babble that permeates our post—Sex and the City dating landscape.
"Size matters only if you let it matter," says psychologist and advice columnist Dr. Joyce Brothers. The thing is, a lot of us are letting it matter—and not just within the confines of the bedroom but as the unspoken arbiter of our confidence. It turns out we've been doing this for a very long time. According to a 2006 report by the British Journal of Urology International, there is evidence that "prehistoric cave dwellers attributed the symbolic values of strength and power to penile size, as well as those of virility and fertility." And some anthropological-minded observers confirm what none of us likely want to hear—that Josh isn't lost in some fun-house mirror-land of his own personal delusion. He's enjoying the satisfaction that comes from living in a world that has made him its king.
"It's part and parcel of the whole thing about male size and power," says Dr. David D. Gilmore, cultural anthropologist and author of Manhood in the Making: Cultural Concepts of Masculinity. "I mean, look— the big man is attractive to other men and to women. He's admired. Big, strong men stand out, and the penis is a symbol of bigness, of strength, of mastery." In ancient Greece, Gilmore says, a big penis was actually considered vulgar—irrelevant, even detrimental, to the proportional athletic ideal. But it's not uncommon for Mediterranean mothers to kiss their babies' penises and say, "Grow, grow, grow!" And if size weren't the very fulcrum of even the most sophisticated and accomplished male egos, why would F. Scott Fitzgerald ask Hemingway to take a look at his apparently not-so-great Gatsby in the bathroom of the Brasserie l'Escorailles? For that matter, how did a guy like Milton Berle score with Marilyn Monroe?
The answer is unsettling. The title, the diploma, the Raymond Weil. The Danish lingerie model. What are these compared with the ultimate eugenic advantage? Penis size is the final word—the argument ender, the longest straw.
Figures vary, but the generally accepted average length for an erect penis is somewhere between 5 and 5.9 inches. A 2002 study conducted by the International Journal of Impotence Research found that most men seeking penile-lengthening procedures actually have normal-size penises. And, according to the British Journal of Urology International report, while 85 percent of women polled said they were just fine with their partner's size, only 55 percent of the men were satisfied with their own measurements.
Trying to draw a quantifiable link between penis size and the male psyche is a complicated endeavor, which is why scientific research is scant. But Trojan, manufacturer of Magnum-brand condoms, has been filling in the gaps—conducting studies to determine the psychology of its ostensibly more gifted clientele. "They claim to be very spontaneous and very assertive," says Trojan's vice president of marketing, Jim Daniels.
But Daniels divulges a potentially devastating secret: The Magnum isn't any larger than Trojan's other condoms. Its comfortable fit is due to an innovative "baseball bat" shape. The length and circumference are identical to those of other lines. Only the XL variety is larger—by 30 percent—and that's only required by about 6 percent of the male population. "You've got the image of the package—it's premium; it's gold foil," Daniels says. "And what guy doesn't want to think that he can handle a Magnum condom? There's a certain machismo involved."
Sound familiar? It should. Because human behavior will always be subject to the same social dynamics that played out at elementary-school—and penis size is no exception. Short men have Napoleon complexes. Coworkers still ridicule each other about their shirts. And successful young businessmen aren't above shoving it in your face—sometimes literally. Take G.C., for instance, a 31-year-old New Yorker who works in finance who taunted his pals one night after a few too many drinks by pressing his 8 1/4-inch member against the window outside a house party in the Hamptons—and knocking on the glass to get the partygoers' attention.
"Everybody got a kick out of it," he says. "There were guys and girls around. They were just like, 'Dude, put the fucking hammer away.'" Apart from occasional drunken exhibitionism, G.C. says he makes it a rule never to mention his good fortune in conversation. But he also suspects it's spurred him to act in ways that the less gifted might not contemplate—like the time a girl brought him home only to find out she didn't have large enough condoms. When G.C. went out to get some, he stopped off for a cheeseburger before he got back to business (and no, he didn't get one for her).
"Nothing really bothers me," G.C. says, "because everything kind of comes back to that. No matter what happens, I got a major fucking plus in my pants—know what I mean? It's the one constant factor."
In the far-right margin of the size curve, though—where only animelike proportions reside—being well endowed can be much more than a mere "constant factor." It can be an all-out magical power. Jonah Falcon, 37, a cable-television host in New York who's gained worldwide recognition for his 13 1/2-inch length, attributes losing his virginity at the age of 10 (with a woman eight years his senior) to nothing more complicated than his size. He has also observed something far more miraculous: So great is man's obsession with size, such are the power and mysticism radiated by a superlative specimen, that some are willing to compromise their sexuality just to get close to it.
"I've seen straight guys that turn gay around me," says Falcon, who is bisexual.
Falcon offers this reassurance to the 99.999999 percent of men who may be intimidated by his terrestrial presence: This gift has not been a panacea. Some insecurities don't just disappear with the wave of a magical 13 1/2-inch wand. His bounty has not, for instance, made Falcon feel any better about his weight. "I'm endomorphic, so I have to work out all the time," he says. "I can't always take off my pants, you know. Sometimes I just want to feel good about taking off my shirt." It's nice to know there's still some truth to the one about life's not being fair.
If it were fair, you would be getting more ass than Ron Jeremy.
February 19, 2008
― Surmounter, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:35 (seventeen years ago)
was this thread already done? i really was shocked. is this how ppl think?
― Surmounter, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:36 (seventeen years ago)
i believe it. we are stupid animals and this is evolution at its best.
you know how people say confidence is the key to everything? this is how men feel an innate sense of confidence. it's biology.
― mizzell, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:42 (seventeen years ago)
Um, about 60% of this article focuses on a couple of particular dudes, and about 0% cites any scientific research that really backs up the claim.
― Hurting 2, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:43 (seventeen years ago)
yeah but it was published in GQ so it's definitely true
― max, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:44 (seventeen years ago)
99.999999 true
― remy bean, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:45 (seventeen years ago)
doubting the veracity of this article means you have a small weener
― max, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:46 (seventeen years ago)
& veiny, smelling of gym socks
― remy bean, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:46 (seventeen years ago)
'Dude, put the fucking hammer away.'
also this^^
― mizzell, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:47 (seventeen years ago)
also i didn't know we were using the word "cock" in published articles now
eww that is so gross remy!!
― Surmounter, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:47 (seventeen years ago)
it's not a peer-reviewed journal, you know.
― mizzell, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:48 (seventeen years ago)
GQ asserts that believing everything you read in GQ= your happiness
― kenan, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:49 (seventeen years ago)
geez i guess not xp
― Surmounter, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:50 (seventeen years ago)
I listened to the 12 oz sausage guy from noize lol thread while reading this.
― nickalicious, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:50 (seventeen years ago)
pressing his 8 1/4-inch member against the window outside a house party in the Hamptons
where else?!
― Grandpont Genie, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:52 (seventeen years ago)
Where's Burt Stanton? This thread needs him.
― kenan, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:52 (seventeen years ago)
-- max, Wednesday, March 5, 2008 11:46 AM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link
― deej, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:53 (seventeen years ago)
Penis size depends. I have a relatively large and thick penis. It takes more time for insertion. Which means more foreplay for the girl. But once in, the girl usually enjoys herself as my penis reaches spots that smaller ones don't. Usually girls climax just through insertion. However, it is dud when the girl is 'small' and having a large penis can cause complications. Usually it is painful for girls who have smaller vaginas but once in it's usually a pleasant ride. Also dud is finding condoms in England that fit.
-- retard, Saturday, 5 July 2003 12:30
The comments made can be dud or classic: "What is that? A tree trunk?" to girls in post-coital glow, feeling successful for actually managing sex!! Dud can be when they start talking about other blokes penises. "One was so small and purple that it looked like a finger. It was so boring. I did not even feel it in me"
-- retard, Saturday, 5 July 2003 12:33
Classic for tantric sex that can last up to four hours. The attention needs to be paid to the girl because it is almost impossible otherwise. Girls enjoy the foreplay.
Dud because quickies are impossible.
Well, that is all I can say about my experiences.
-- retard, Saturday, 5 July 2003 12:40
I wish guys talked about their penises more. I was freaked out when I first had sex and the girl was amazed at it. And the trouble I had with sex during the first time. What do you do? I mean, I could not go up to my friend and say: 'I think my penis is too big. What can I do so I can actually have sex'. O.k, eventually I learned to be a very good lay but shit it took awhile. I do have unbelievable staying power. Maybe three times in one night?
-- retard, Saturday, 5 July 2003 13:04
― Bodrick III, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:54 (seventeen years ago)
unless you are both confident in the size of your weener and your unhappiness.
― Jordan, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:54 (seventeen years ago)
if you have a big dick and you are unhappy it is a false unhappiness
― deej, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:56 (seventeen years ago)
"I wish guys talked about their penises more"
― Bodrick III, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 17:56 (seventeen years ago)
i had no clue i was such a happy fucking person.
― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:00 (seventeen years ago)
well if your dick is that big you certainly are fucking
― max, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:01 (seventeen years ago)
This is one of the dumbest things I've ever read.
(It's still true, though.)
― HI DERE, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:13 (seventeen years ago)
But he also suspects it's spurred him to act in ways that the less gifted might not contemplate—like the time a girl brought him home only to find out she didn't have large enough condoms. When G.C. went out to get some, he stopped off for a cheeseburger before he got back to business (and no, he didn't get one for her).
HERO.
― ian, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:18 (seventeen years ago)
G.C. proceeded to eat a hole in the center of the burger bun, and use the remaining meat-ring as a "stopper" to prevent him from causing pulmonary damage with his major member.
― remy bean, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:20 (seventeen years ago)
http://www.generaltools.com/Images/woodworking/S838L.jpg
― Laurel, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:22 (seventeen years ago)
actually this article does more to support the idea that being an asshole who doesn't care about anyone else is the key to happiness. which is probably true.
― Hurting 2, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:23 (seventeen years ago)
also the image they use in the article is rather unsettling.
― Surmounter, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:27 (seventeen years ago)
That's horse shit, I'm 6'3, jacked with a 8 and a third inch cock that's 7 around and I can't come close to getting laid, women won't have a thing to do with me. I'm a nice guy and a total gentlemen, I like hanging out with my pals,jamming out to german industrial metal, pumping iron the most, video games when I have time, and I'm a strict catholic in my senior year at high school. I'm no social genius but I don't ask for a girls # until for a few weeks after I meet her or talk about weird shit. I don't have a car and all that material bullshit and keep my hair short and if women can't understand that then fuck them. Whenever I wanna get angry and tense I just think of all the twig or obese fucks that are smaller there that probably cheat on their woman that get laid it's bs. I can't focus on the fact that physically I am Darwinian perfection or I'll go insane with rage, it's not so much that I want sex but mainly that good feeling of having a companion that loves me. My body and my cock is almost as much a source for rage as it is for immense joy and gratefulness.
- Alphaman Feb 28, 2008 6:28:04 PM
― Mark Clemente, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:31 (seventeen years ago)
hanging out with my pals
― J0rdan S., Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:32 (seventeen years ago)
wau
― Hurting 2, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:32 (seventeen years ago)
OMG is 7" the circumference or the width?
― nickalicious, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:33 (seventeen years ago)
Donut burger cock-stopper! Holy shit!
― nickalicious, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:34 (seventeen years ago)
There is so much wrong with alphamale's comment but the minute I read this:
I'm 6'3, jacked with a 8 and a third inch cock that's 7 around
I knew he was an asshole. Ugh.
Also, I assumed he meant circumference.
― ENBB, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:34 (seventeen years ago)
keep my hair short and if women can't understand that then fuck them.
― Mark Clemente, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:34 (seventeen years ago)
radius
xposts
― That one guy that hit it and quit it, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:35 (seventeen years ago)
My body and my cock is almost as much a source for rage as it is for immense joy and gratefulness.
― Mark Clemente, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:35 (seventeen years ago)
I HAVE A SNAKE
― carne asada, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:35 (seventeen years ago)
I don't ask for a girls # until for a few weeks after I meet her or talk about weird shit
talking about weird shit for a few weeks before asking for her number might be his problem!
― Jordan, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:37 (seventeen years ago)
jamming out to german industrial metal
― mizzell, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:38 (seventeen years ago)
i need special underwear designed by NASA to contain my junk. trust me, i ain't that happy
― burt_stanton, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:38 (seventeen years ago)
physically I am Darwinian perfection
I think I saw Alphamale at the gym last night "pumping iron" while staring at himself in the mirror.
The more I read the comment, the worse it gets.
― ENBB, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:39 (seventeen years ago)
http://www.nthcoast.com/Products/images/94-99CobraSideEmblem.jpg
― C. Grisso/McCain, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:39 (seventeen years ago)
Donut burger cock-stopper!
I'm trying to guess whether this would be a better Mr. Bungle songtitle or a Primus one.
― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:40 (seventeen years ago)
Ideally it would be a Peaches song.
― nickalicious, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:42 (seventeen years ago)
ideally nothing would be a peaches song
― J0rdan S., Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:42 (seventeen years ago)
Or RAMMSTEIN. xpost
Primus was never one for direct junk refrences.
xposts!
― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:42 (seventeen years ago)
Ahhh... sweet sweet lack of self-awareness.
― kenan, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 18:43 (seventeen years ago)
(rip mona lisa ludatits)
― Jordan, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 20:22 (seventeen years ago)
^^^^^^^ RIP indeed
― HI DERE, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 20:23 (seventeen years ago)
thirteen inches from peak to peak
― remy bean, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 20:24 (seventeen years ago)
imagine a very little tightrope walker
hahahahahaha
― HI DERE, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 20:25 (seventeen years ago)
it was the reagan years, jesse
-- remy bean, Wednesday, March 5, 2008 1:54 PM (32 minutes ago) Bookmark Link
That is an nice non-sequitir, but I don't understand. The Reagan administration gave out free circumcisions? Is that where money needed for AIDS research went for so long?
― Jesse, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 20:28 (seventeen years ago)
yes
― HI DERE, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 20:29 (seventeen years ago)
HUH. And now that I think of it, it seems that maybe that's where some AIDS funding is going in Africa now too....
― Jesse, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 20:37 (seventeen years ago)
i am still imagining a very little tightrope walker.
― Jordan, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 20:43 (seventeen years ago)
sometimes i think itd be cool to swing 13 inches of dong around but like in the same way i think itd be cool to like blow up a rollercoaster or something - its not really shit that bugs me in daily life
― and what, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 20:46 (seventeen years ago)
http://blogs.indiewire.com/parkcity/archives/tightrope_poster.jpg
― HI DERE, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 20:49 (seventeen years ago)
btw this article is in DETAILS magazine not GQ
― J0rdan S., Wednesday, 5 March 2008 21:01 (seventeen years ago)
i was gonna say this seems kind of un-GQ
― deej, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 21:10 (seventeen years ago)
the graphic used is a guy laying on his back straddling a massive pink inflatable dick
― J0rdan S., Wednesday, 5 March 2008 21:12 (seventeen years ago)
also kinsey_survey_results.jpg
STUFF must have turned it down
― John Justen, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 21:16 (seventeen years ago)
...so to speak.
― HI DERE, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 21:16 (seventeen years ago)
i'd like to see the shit STUFF turns down!
― gff, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 21:18 (seventeen years ago)
tucked it into their waistband, if you will.
xpost
― will, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 21:19 (seventeen years ago)
WTF, Details used to be a good magazine!
― snoball, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 21:52 (seventeen years ago)
For some reason you guys were typing DETAILS but I was reading HIGHLIGHTS and was all ready to unenroll my son from the book exchange.
― nickalicious, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 21:59 (seventeen years ago)
When Goofus went out to get some, he stopped off for a cheeseburger before he got back to business (and no, he didn't get one for her).
― will, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:01 (seventeen years ago)
would a girl with big jugs or small jugs produce offspring with a big or small penis? also, big vagina or small vagina.
― CaptainLorax, Thursday, 6 March 2008 04:39 (seventeen years ago)
essentially, a flat girl is more manlike in appearance.
― CaptainLorax, Thursday, 6 March 2008 04:40 (seventeen years ago)
are you ALWAYS high?
― El Tomboto, Thursday, 6 March 2008 04:40 (seventeen years ago)
are you ALWAYS a troll?
― J0rdan S., Thursday, 6 March 2008 04:40 (seventeen years ago)
I'm a crazy-high mountain troll will big ears and a big nose and big genitalia. But I'm stupid and short. Keep your children away from me.
― CaptainLorax, Thursday, 6 March 2008 04:43 (seventeen years ago)
I want a t-shirt that says BIG DICK, NO PROBLEMS.
― Eazy, Thursday, 6 March 2008 04:48 (seventeen years ago)
NO DICK, NO CRY.
― Jesse, Thursday, 6 March 2008 04:51 (seventeen years ago)
I'm a crazy-high mountain troll will big ears and a big nose and big genitalia. But I'm stupid and short. Keep your children away from me.-- CaptainLorax, Wednesday, March 5, 2008 10:43 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Link
-- CaptainLorax, Wednesday, March 5, 2008 10:43 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Link
I want a shirt that says:
I'M WITH STUPID AND SHORT --->
or
I'M WITH STUPID ---> and <---SHORT
― Jesse, Thursday, 6 March 2008 04:53 (seventeen years ago)
"He's a BDNP kind of guy."
― Eazy, Thursday, 6 March 2008 04:55 (seventeen years ago)
"If it weren't for his cock, he'd be a hobo riding the trains around the country," Steve says. "It's opened doors for him.
― Hurting 2, Thursday, 6 March 2008 04:56 (seventeen years ago)
lol
how do you think i rang the doorbell etc. etc.
― chicago kevin, Thursday, 6 March 2008 05:00 (seventeen years ago)
I'm guessing big dick, small vagina.
― HI DERE, Thursday, 6 March 2008 05:30 (seventeen years ago)
this is the line that really got me thinking.
― Surmounter, Thursday, 6 March 2008 06:00 (seventeen years ago)
i saw on an episode of NOVA that the size of a guy's dong is influenced by the amount of testosterone they get in the womb. fun fact: woody allen, the perennial schmendrick, is really an alpha male: apparently he needs underwear designed by NASA to hold his massive junk that feels heavy in the hand.
― burt_stanton, Thursday, 6 March 2008 06:06 (seventeen years ago)
this made me laugh so hard because the first thing you thought of was "you know what else would be cool? blowing up a rollercoaster"
― J0hn D., Thursday, 6 March 2008 09:08 (seventeen years ago)
"hangdog"
― M.V., Thursday, 6 March 2008 18:23 (seventeen years ago)
hangbrain
― HI DERE, Thursday, 6 March 2008 18:24 (seventeen years ago)
hang myself
― snoball, Thursday, 6 March 2008 18:53 (seventeen years ago)
i would like to see a cock open a door. xpost
― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Thursday, 6 March 2008 18:55 (seventeen years ago)
let my cock open the door ... to your heart
― remy bean, Thursday, 6 March 2008 18:56 (seventeen years ago)
That's why he got arrested, surely.
― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 6 March 2008 18:56 (seventeen years ago)
cock does not go in heart!
― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Thursday, 6 March 2008 19:03 (seventeen years ago)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/b/bc/HSBNew.jpg/200px-HSBNew.jpg
― snoball, Thursday, 6 March 2008 19:04 (seventeen years ago)
turn your cock into a heart
― max, Thursday, 6 March 2008 19:05 (seventeen years ago)
http://www.coolbuddy.com/JOKES/funnypics/mr_bean.gif I was going to post a picture of Norwegian trolls but I like this one better.
― CaptainLorax, Thursday, 6 March 2008 19:35 (seventeen years ago)
I'm pretty happy for an Irish guy.
― Dr Morbius, Friday, 7 March 2008 16:25 (seventeen years ago)
this article is totally enriching my enjoyment of Mr. Sammler's Planet
― Hurting 2, Friday, 7 March 2008 16:26 (seventeen years ago)