Which occuptions make your cock/twat rise up and say howdy ?

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I have had highbrow threads for a while, i need smut.

― anthony, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

UPS/Fed Ex guys, ski instructors, lifeguards (duh). The occasional priest.

― Arthur, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well i say yes to Posties and Priests

― anthony, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

coffee waiters, altar boys

― Geoff, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

gothic punk kids who do school shootings.

― Sterling Clover, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I see a theme Sterling .

― anthony, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hey, see a good theme and run with it. As mark s said elsewhere today, jokes are v.funny if you repeat them often enough.

― Sterling Clover, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dirty dronerock boys. Duh.

― Kate the Saint, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This one was a slow grower, Sterl.

― Josh, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Plump IDM geek girls.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

girls who work in record shops

― m jemmeson, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nothing really... how dull am I? Certainly not lawyers.

― Paul Strange, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Any that pay an obscene amount of money. Why don't I ever meet rich men? I have never been out with anyone who earns more than me. I want a man who will tuck large sums of money into my top and tell me to go up West and get myself something pretty, not men who need to borrow the bus fare home.

― Emma, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Emma, I can introduce you to plenty of men like this. But believe me, they're mainly assholes. Maybe you can take my place at the Ally McBall...?

― Paul Strange, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ah, but if they are being assholes all day long in the office they must want to take a break in the evening and be very very nice and generous to their other half. And my mum and auntie tried to set me up with a 60 year old arms dealer once, so anything would be better.

― Emma, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

More often they have a trophy girlfriend who they treat like she's stupid whilst also screwing their secretary and anyone else. Not that I've met some bad people, but there're other reasons I don't fit in with corporate culture...

― Paul Strange, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Huh, all my boyfs have treated me like I was stupid. I would not mind being a trophy girlf, it is quite strange to think of yourself as a trophy. And anything is better than an arms dealer.....

― Emma, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Damn - if they've been treating you as stupid then they're not worth being your boyfriend. Damn.

I guess it depends what you want. If you think you can be bought, and you can deal with being treated like dirt in return for the finest wines known to humanity, good clothes, and a Summer house in Cannes, then rich old guys might be fine. Better than arms dealers, too. Personally, I'd rather have someone who appreciates me. If they have money, that's great, but I'd rather they actually liked me and treated me with respect.

Of course, poor people who mistreat you... definitely a no-no... I think being a trophy would get boring quickly though. Imagine your time not being your own, not having time for your friends, and being told things are too complicated for you to deal with...

― Paul Strange, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I thought being a trophy girl meant you could go off and have affairs with your personal trainer / tennis coach / the pool boy.

Do firemen get well paid?

― Emma, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I must PROTEST the mental image of a twat rising up and saying, "Howdy!" Surely there's a cream for that.

Singers, definitely. Hell, I married one.

― Dan Perry, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You probably can have affairs... just try not to get caught and do it on your own time. And firemen don't get paid vast amounts, I don't think. Not sure...

― Paul Strange, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hadda job last year, involved directing explicit photo shoots (eg. an*l dildo insertion, two-girl clam-lappin' — 'scuse crudeness, these iz "technical terms") for nudie mags. Not the worst way to make a $. Far from it. Alas, all came unstuck cuz we got hassled by The Man. Yeah him.

― AP, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No occupations -- but I'd think twice over dating someone who works in mortuaries.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Women in cheese shops. They seem so knowledgable.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Potentially lots of free cheese as well, an advantage which is not to be sniffed at.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Whilst at school there always seemed to be a teacher or two that I had a crush on...

― DG, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Actually, a past love of mine was a trained masseuse. Yow.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A) Getting aroused by a job description is ridiculous.

B) A decent sized portion of us read this board at work. I'd like to continue to do so since there's no way in hell I'll do it from home much. However, having a row of headers with language like that really makes me not want to pull this up at work - it's rude and offensive, people can clearly see my screen. Just voicing my absolute irritation with the content of a couple threads, that's all. Can we please at least be a little less fucking blunt with the questions?

― Ally, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hmmmm, as well as the answers, too ok? *blushing*

Anyways, my answer: Bike messenger!

― Sean, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i am sorry ally .
I will be a good boy.

― anthony, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am totally stumulated by women who cut apart old kimonos to be resewn into designer clothes. And female body builders.

― Mike Hanley, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

So, a female bodybuilder who cuts up old kimonos and sews them into designer clothes pretty much describes your dreamgirl, then.

I fear for your psyche, Mike, but in a good way. :)

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I also fancy Librarians

― Mike Hanley, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I also fancy Librarians

Blimey...

― jamesmichaelward, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

we could extend this question to:

who do you find most attractive: bass players vs guitarists vs drummers vs keyboard players vs singers?

― lady die, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like women who play the Serpent, a old Wind instrument shaped like as S.

― Mike Hanley, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yours is shaped like an S? You should get that seen to, Mike.

― AP, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like women who play the Serpent, a old Wind instrument shaped like as S.

― Mike Hanley, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I want to marry a doctor. And if she plays in a band I'd like her to be the keyboardist because it is ladylike.

― Nick, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

As I mentioned before, supermarket girls. I have Gladstonian visions of Saving Them and carrying them to a life of Market Research luxury.

― Tom, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Generally (though there are many exceptions) the order of attractiveness to me is thusly: 1) bassist 2) guitarist 3) singer 4) drummer 5) keyboardist.

I used to think I hated all singers intrinsically, until some kind soul pointed out the appeal of Msrs. Gillespie, Yorke and Pierce.

When I look at the order of instrumentalists that I find attractive, I can't help but notice it is in direct proportion to how well I play those instruments. Hmmmm.

― Kate the Saint, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My daft ex (well, they are all daft but this one took the daft biscuit) was a bassist. He taught me a couple of chords and said 'you can be in Oasis now Emma'. If I was gonna go for musicians I'd be like Marilyn Monroe in SLIH and go for sax players. It is quite tricky to play a wind instrument and requires complex breathing / mouth contorting.

― Emma, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Long-term saxophone playing alters the shape of your lips.

― Madchen, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

six months pass...

my boyfriends best friend that i went out with some time ago. the gy at burger king. this guy i dont know.a stoned guy that has no clue what hes doing or who hes doing it with

― Jenna, Sunday, 17 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one year passes...

disreputable.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Monday, 10 November 2003 00:03 (twenty-two years ago)

three years pass...

A decent sized portion of us read this board at work. I'd like to continue to do so since there's no way in hell I'll do it from home much. However, having a row of headers with language like that really makes me not want to pull this up at work - it's rude and offensive, people can clearly see my screen. Just voicing my absolute irritation with the content of a couple threads, that's all. Can we please at least be a little less fucking blunt with the questions?

-- Ally, Sunday, July 22, 2001 5:00 PM (5 years ago)

― gershy, Monday, 9 July 2007 05:06 (eighteen years ago)

Räkäkää!

― Tuomas, Monday, 9 July 2007 11:05 (eighteen years ago)

this is my favorite thread title ever

― Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 9 July 2007 12:45 (eighteen years ago)

I like the idea of twats rising up - not so much to say howdy - but to overthrow our bourgeois capitalist oppressors.

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Monday, 9 July 2007 14:58 (eighteen years ago)

Do I even need to say it? Mechanics.

― Laurel, Monday, 9 July 2007 15:02 (eighteen years ago)

I for one welcome our twat overlords.

― Trayce, Monday, 9 July 2007 15:09 (eighteen years ago)

gynecologists? (jk)

― get bent, Monday, 9 July 2007 16:47 (eighteen years ago)

oink administration

― That one guy that hit it and quit it, Monday, 9 July 2007 17:04 (eighteen years ago)

Who's going to admit to having a cock/twat?

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 00:15 (eighteen years ago)

What, you don't like the "and/or" construction?

― Laurel, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 00:27 (eighteen years ago)

I like my cleaning lady.

― Eyeball Kicks, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 00:46 (eighteen years ago)

I am amused by the idea that it transforms back and forth as applicable.

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 00:51 (eighteen years ago)

Interesting. Tell me more.

― Hurting 2, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 00:56 (eighteen years ago)

My mom's a cleaning lady

― django, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 00:58 (eighteen years ago)

I like cleaning ladies.

― Eyeball Kicks, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 01:00 (eighteen years ago)

a Hot Cock Annie thread for all

xxp

― gr8080, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 01:01 (eighteen years ago)

I had a Huge Thing for mathematicians, largely due to growing up on too much Square One. Edwin Abbott Abbott, author of the incomparable Flatland, also played a part until I later discovered he was a reverend. Then I saw "Straw Dogs" and that really killed the mathematician love.

Science boys all the way, tho.

― Abbott, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 03:43 (eighteen years ago)

I especially love the certain subset of engineers who are trying to learn a foreign language and invite you to do silly dates like learning traditional German dancing and I can't waltz and they're nice about it and they can't ever really look me in the eye and they make really bad puns and are socially awkward but polite.

I've got one but he's an anth student.

― Abbott, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 03:46 (eighteen years ago)

Abbott I'm glad I'm not the only one grew up crushing on George Frankly

― Curt1s Stephens, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 03:48 (eighteen years ago)

*who grew up

― Curt1s Stephens, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 03:48 (eighteen years ago)

visiting professor of art history

― milo z, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 03:48 (eighteen years ago)

OMG GEORGE FRANKLY CONNECTION. I also had a thing for Dirk Niblick even though he was a cartoon.

― Abbott, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 03:51 (eighteen years ago)

HE'S SOLVING A FAMOUS MATH RIDDLE I LATER HAD TO SOLVE IN MATHCOUNTS:

http://www.progressiveboink.com/b/images/square/square4.jpg

― Abbott, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 03:53 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.progressiveboink.com/b/images/square/square16.jpg

HEY DERE MATHEMATICIAN HOTTIEZ:

http://www.progressiveboink.com/b/images/square/square17.jpg

― Abbott, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 03:55 (eighteen years ago)

Where did my math hottiez go? ;_;

― Abbott, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 04:00 (eighteen years ago)

drummers (keith moon style crazy), ups delivery dudes (what can brown for for me?), and an occassional uncombed but cute bartender at a seedy dive

of course, all these might just be based on the idea that i have seen ONE cute UPS driver and ONE cute seedy bartender.

the crazy drummer choice still stands.

― ni jo leeeeeee, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 13:38 (eighteen years ago)

Ha, I just heard an interview with this Rolling Stone writer, Jancee Dunn -- she said that whenever a band comes in all surly and wasted and too-cool-to-care, and the singer won't talk much, she'll start talking to the drummer, asking him about his "drumming philosophy," laughing at everything he says, etc. This always gets the singer to start talking and then of course she throws out the drummer quotes.

;_;
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___________________O

― Hurting 2, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 14:09 (eighteen years ago)

cock/twat
more than meets the eye
cock/twat
hermaphrodite surprise

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 14:34 (eighteen years ago)

Can't wait for that movie.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 14:36 (eighteen years ago)

I am interested in this Räkäkää!

― Ed, Tuesday, 10 July 2007 15:19 (eighteen years ago)

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