People who pester you to try their favorite books/movies/shows/bands, etc.

I have had pretty good results with "The Wire" - less so with my favorite music.

I find it tricky balancing the urge to share things I really enjoy with people I care about and the desire not to be annoying and repetetive. A friend once said to me "Will you just shut the fuck up about Alan fucking Moore". But he goes on about cars all the time.

i do this like crazy

I'll paste what I said in the Harry Potter thread:

...

isnt this just a basic desire for community? like, something to share with other people?
--max

maybe the desire to proselytize also comes a short-sighted inability to recognize that, you know, people might have different interests from you
--max

I'm interested in both of these statements. There's a guy I know who's really into music and movies -- about as much as the average ILXor, but more so than most of his friends -- and he's spent a lot of time trying to turn people on to the stuff he likes. A lot of his friends are thankful for the recommendations, because they wouldn't have heard of things like the Flaming Lips or Bottle Rocket otherwise -- but there's something about it that rubs me the wrong way.

I definitely like being able to discuss art with people -- the conversation afterwards is often as rewarding as the experience itself -- but I prefer to come to things on my own terms, not because someone has pressured me into experiencing them. (Sometimes, too, I bristle at someone's misunderstanding of what sorts of things I might like.) Furthermore, I don't even really understood the impulse to make everything you like a communal, shared thing: there's lots of art I like where the fact that few others share my knowledge or pleasure of it is a big part of what makes it special to me. I wouldn't want to tarnish that by haranguing people all the time to experience it, too.

I think it probably takes a certain kind of confidence that I don't have, either, in the same way that I'm more comfortable writing music reviews with a subjective slant ("this is why I like X") rather than an objective one ("this is why you should like X").

-- jaymc, Tuesday, March 25, 2008 12:02 PM (18 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

i love sharing shit with ppl. it's why i dj, why i do a lot of things. for me it represents a good percentage of the joy of liking stuff.

i dont shove stuff down ppl's throats tho. i think!

i only do this to ppl i'm really close with, otherwise i feel like an overbearing dick

See, but DJing is a way to share things with people but without forcing it upon them. They're already there and receptive. And you're impressing them quietly, just by doing your job.

yeah i agree with that and that's usually why i try to play music at parties if i can

also becasue i don't want to listen to wilco

I used to be pushy and obnoxious about sharing music, in my teens and into my 20s, but I stepped back and took a look at myself and mostly quit doing it. Actually I joined a music APA where we encourage each other to do it; that outlet saves my other friends who aren't interested.

My best friend in high school and I did a swap once -- we each picked 15 books for the other to read over the summer. Mostly misses but a few hits for each.

And you're impressing them quietly, just by doing your job.

-- jaymc, Tuesday, March 25, 2008 5:30 PM (35 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

you should have seen me wildly drunk at my party on friday night, when i decided it would be easier to dj if i was lying down. then i put on a pair of oversize sunglasses. then i hurled. "quietly impressive" indeed!

jaymc i think its totally bizarre to have something you like be your little secret thing

I do this, mainly with TV shows and with people who I know very well and am sure will like them. My brother in law was resistant to Arrested Development for years (just to 'annoy' me apparently, although I wasn't particularly annoyed, and had his own interests at heart, although admittedly I can be fanatical about stuff). Anyway he then saw some and was hooked and is now humbled and receptive to anything else I suggest. Ha! You CAN win!

Mostly it's humour-based, and to stop situations where a couple of us are LOLing at stuff with everyone else not getting it.

If someone does this to me, I'll usually give it a try if it's someone who actually knows me and the stuff I like (and why I like it).

People who try to push their taste on you are fine - if they have great taste and you like the new stuff you're being exposed to.

The problem is when their taste is at odds with yours, and they keep pushing and pushing. That has been situation with a new friend of mine, who always takes over the stereo, both at my house and his, and plays low, dirty three and neko case. Now, I own physical copies or mp3s by all four of those groups, so obviously I don't HATE them, but usually when I have people over I want to play something that doesn't make me want to kill myself. And then when I put on anything that has an electronic beat, the eye rolling begins.

"Have you got your tickets to the Neko Case concert yet?"
"No, I'm not going. I don't really like her that much"
"*big eyeroll and deep inhalation*"

C'mon dude, don't do that.

i do this allll the time but am also an overbearing dick

haha i love wilco but who the hell plays them at parties??

exactly

answer: "interesting" people at parties

er "interesting" people in college

i'm pretty self-conscious about doing this with music, i don't want to be a dick and i try not to push stuff on my friends any more (unless they're musicians and i know i can nerd out with them).

with tv/movies, i don't know, i've probably been a little annoying about the Wire or 30 Rock or whatever.

im always recommending - but i do try to tailor it to my audience

ie not just i luv this! rather i luv this and i think you will too! or sometimes just i think you will luv this!

yeah its usually based on a reference point for me, like you like x then youll like y kind of thing

recommending shit to ppl, and getting recommendations from people, is like one of the most important ways that i socialize with others, and make friends, and stuff

although its really more often "you like x?? y is way better" hence the overbearing dick part

or you could try having a personality instead of just a list of things you consume

j/k?

although just last night i did try to bully someone into seeing the boredoms who i knew wouldnt really be that into it

i make suggestions and give people books and stuff but i would never pester someone or bug them about it. it's an important way to socialize i agree but it's all about the execution

sometimes i just bully for sport you know if im bored or whatever

or you could try having a personality instead of just a list of things you consume

-- n/a, Tuesday, March 25, 2008 6:27 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

how would you suggest we go about doing that?

I stopped doing this after an incident with a William Burroughs album (the colab with Disposable Heroes of Hip-Hoprescy). One guy just flat out said "Man, I just don't care about this...". Another guy spent the next few days calling me "Spare Ass Annie" and cracking up with laughter.

or you could try having a personality instead of just a list of things you consume

or you could imagine that we engage w/ the world around us in ways that dont necc involve consumption

you can make your own art, but then talking about that is way worse and more boring than talking about other people's art!

xp

i was mostly just kidding but also referencing the frustration i feel when 99 percent of the conversations i have with coworkers and friends revolve around tv shows or movies or music

but, like, what else would they revolve around? i mean 99% is high but music/movies/tv is a pretty important area of most ppls lives. and holy shit would i rather talk to people about lost than about their families.

I understand, but better all of that shit than sports.

x-post

amen

lol i was just gonna say that if i didnt like sports id probably never have made a single guy friend in my life (this isnt literally true but sports + all of these other things make bonding way way easier, that doesnt mean i dont think n/a's point isnt a worthy one)

i don't mind it when there are real conversations about tv/movies/music, only when it's a replacement for actually talking about stuff (i.e. "have you seen that?" "yeah, that's good, have you seen this?").

i dont think something like that could ever come close to an actual conversation tho, i get this is yr point but my point is that some kind of debate or justification becomes necessary

I think one of the biggest upsides to being a critic and/or keeping a blog is that I can just talk about the music or movies I'm interested in until I'm blue in the face, without actually bugging anyone I know about it, unless they're actually interested and want to read it and respond or engage me in a conversation about it. Now and then I do get all "you gotta see/hear this" to someone if I know their taste pretty well and find something I think is right up their alley, but really I've never been into the hard sell except maybe in high school/middle school when almost everyone is kinda like that.

tbh i get sort of annoyed when people try to talk to me about lame tv shows

/morbius

i don't mind it when there are real conversations about tv/movies/music, only when it's a replacement for actually talking about stuff

I think this is generally OTM, but at the same time there are plenty of people with whom I don't want to engage in serious conversations, and having something trivial in common is the only hope of having something to say. (For those who know me, yes my family is on the list of People I Don't Want to Have Conversations With.)

if i was morbius i wouldn't have said "lame"

I think one of the biggest upsides to being a critic and/or keeping a blog is that I can just talk about the music or movies I'm interested in until I'm blue in the face, without actually bugging anyone I know about it, unless they're actually interested and want to read it and respond or engage me in a conversation about it.

Very, very true.

ya i feel that too. actually i often dont wanna talk about movies when i'm out cuz i've already said my piece and i dont like repeating myself

jaymc i think its totally bizarre to have something you like be your little secret thing

-- max, Tuesday, March 25, 2008 1:10 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

Really? I dunno, I get sort of depressed sometimes when I think of how the Internet has changed my listening habits and how a lot of what I listen to and talk about now is the same hipster shit everyone else listens to and talks about. Since I do think that our sense of self is in part constructed by the things we consume, I like to have a few things that feel somewhat unique. It's not even about wanting the most obscure thing, just having something that feels like mine.

Yeah, but how much of that is truly 'yours'? So long as one other person out there likes it as well then it's not. I get your point -- and there's a lot of stuff I like and enjoy very much which isn't even a subcultural blip on the radar -- but I don't pretend that liking, say, M. R. James or James Branch Cabell or Ilyas Ahmed or whatever makes me somehow different per se.

Let me say, I don't want this to be the case for everything I like. There are some things I like that I absolutely want to be shared and communal, like Justin Timberlake, Lost, and Waiting for Guffman -- where a lot of my pleasure is based around interactions with others (respectively, dancing and singing along, discussing theories, and quoting lines). But I also get a lot of pleasure out of the fact that no one else I know is into Sondheim's A Little Night Music, and it's this fun, unpredictable thing I can claim for myself and I dunno, maybe makes me more interesting.

Yeah, but how much of that is truly 'yours'? So long as one other person out there likes it as well then it's not.

Well, as long as a work of art is being produced and distributed by a label/publisher/studio, I obviously realize that I'm not the only one experiencing it. But in some cases I can pretend that I am (and this is partially what I mean by the Internet changing things, since it used to be a lot easier to pretend when you weren't connected to all sorts of other people and your tastes in turn influenced by those people), and in other cases the mere fact that no one I personally know is into it is good enough.

Getting just a little bit of encouragement and going overboard, classic or dud? (My daughter told me that she said to her dorm friends "my dad listens to THE WEIRDEST SHIT YOU EVER HEARD" and they were all "yeah right" so I did a 2CD "Beginner's Guide to Horrible Noise" comp for her this weekend so she could prove it to them.)

Report back re: results.

and I dunno, maybe makes me more interesting.

Preemptive edit: "...if only in my own eyes."

i was mostly just kidding but also referencing the frustration i feel when 99 percent of the conversations i have with coworkers and friends revolve around tv shows or movies or music

Nick, I actually talk to my friends A LOT about things not media-related...mostly about feelings, families, personal traits, life directions, and all kinds of "touchy-feely" stuff that has a lot to do with our personalities. It's best kept for small, personal conversations, though. I have no idea how you feel about relating to your work colleagues on a more personal level, if that's what you mean.

Also xp lol max

I actually talk to my friends A LOT about things not media-related...mostly about feelings, families, personal traits, life directions, and all kinds of "touchy-feely" stuff that has a lot to do with our personalities. It's best kept for small, personal conversations, though.

This, pretty much. These past few months alone have had their share as a variety of friends, both new and of long standing, have been going through rollercoasters that I've tried to help out with as I can even just by simply listening, none of which replaces regular discussion of music et al but which at the same time complements it and demonstrates where the true friendship lies. It isn't in me talking about the Cure or MBV or someone else talking about Lost or whatever else, that's for sure.

Good thread, this.

people who know me well, and vice versa, yeah it's cool because we all have an idea on each others tastes. And sometimes we'll joke about how we make each other watch certain movies, and if we really disagree we'll tell each other.

It's when people I've only just met try it, that sucks.

I guess this could well be conversation vs forced chat

When I was in high school and listening to Guided By Voices while my friends were all listening to like Metallica it became pretty obvious that trying to force your taste on others is an irritating, pointless exercise for all parties. I find it very liberating actually--nowadays people can get in my car and hear Anaal Nathrakh and there's a respectful understanding that I listen to weird music and that's just my thing. I try to give very targeted recommendations very infrequently, and only if I'm 99% sure the person will like the recommended thing. I like to think that I do it rarely enough that my recommendations are taken seriously.

Of course, I still do have friends who go on forever about upcoming movies, and I never ever care. Also friends who ask me about TV shows when I've made it clear that I almost never am aware of TV shows. It's a minor nuisance at this point because I have no problem being blunt about it. The best friendships are never based on common interests anyway.