Bartender, I want THIS

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Okay, so what's the stupidest thing you've asked a bartender to make for you? The sort of thing that the bartender looked at you funny or asked, "Um, what?" Or do you keep it pretty simple all the time and not get that look? Is it just me?

― Ally, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My answer is from last night's outing, btw. Me and a friend of mine were doing tequila shots and got bored of that, moved on to Cosmos, got bored of that, so we started on the Long Island Iced Teas. Well, we got bored of that but were told there's really not much stronger. So Tim actually says to the bartender, who is a friend of ours, "We want more Long Islands. But can you make it without ice?" Which seemed to confuse everyone, "You mean like warm?" "No, I mean like no ice, I don't want it diluted, ice is awful and ruins everything". Okay, so we do that and have that. Then we're like, we want two more, no ice...and um, can you hold the coke?

Next time we do that we're going to ask him to load it up with marachino cherries too. "Long Islands with no ice or coke, just alcohol. And cherries. Lots of cherries."

I don't even REMEMBER how I got home.

― Ally, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

guinness and tomato juice

― kevan, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Remember the 'Screaming Viking' from 'Cheers'? "Do you want the cucumber bruised?"

― dave q, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Something fruity at the Betsey Trotwood... I think that it was an approximation of Death By Fruit but without the absinthe. Malibu, Midori, and various sickly sweet juices. Oh, it gave me a headache just looking at it.

― Kate the Saint, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The barman at the Betsey refused to give me a Midori and lemonade on Friday night. "Sorry, we only do shots of Midori" was his rather weak excuse. I asked if maybe he could, like, do me a shot of Midori with some lemonade in it and he needed to ask the landlord's permission before obliging.

― Madchen, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What? That's inexplicable.

― Ally, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I only order simple drinks because complicated/trendy ones tend to vary depending on the bar you're in. Plus, I'm addicted to gin martinis.

Having said that, if there's a bar specialty that will get you FUBAR after three sips, I'll be all over that like a shot.

― Dan Perry, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That's bollocks! I've had midori mixed with loads of things at the Betsey. I think they was having you on. In fact, last time I was there, there was a whole BOARD full of mixed drinks you could have involving Midori. You were lied to. I suggest you kick some Betsey Butt!

― Kate the Saint, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I kicked all sorts of butt, but only after I'd downed three Cowboys, hehe.

― Madchen, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If I'm buying drinks for people and one wants a pint and the other wants a half of the same thing, I always say "a pint of x and a half of x", because when I used to ask for "one and a half pints of...." I tended to get the response "We don't do glasses that big". Difficult to believe, but true....

― MarkH, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am far too simplistic. The perverse advantage is that I get other people to suggest Strange and Unedifying Concotions for me -- which can sometimes be problematic. ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"a shot from every optic in a pint glass"

i lost a day and a half, but won the bet.

― kevan, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A round of Guinness shandy was quite fun. The Waggledance shandy however, nearly made me cry with the giggles and I woosed out of asking for it. Tee hee.

Midori and lemonade is the drink of class. Hope there was ice action too. MMM. Tis the green necter.

― sarah, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Bartenders always seem to look at me funny. I stick to basics so I can just point at what I want...

― matthew, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I have had trouble expalaining gimlets,manhatthans and Pumphouse 182s.

― anthony, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Cider and peppermint. Needless to say I was young and didn't know any better, esp after drinking 6 pints of it.

― Billy Dods, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I wish there were more places you could go and order up cocktails but alcopops unfortunately seem to have displaced any kind of cocktail sense that never was in sheffield. I'd tried explaining a gin martini once, oh dear......

― Ed, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I haven't asked for it, but apparently whisky, coke and milk is a real drink and you have to put them in the glass in a certain order to stop it curdling. Overheard on Saturday:

"Can I have a quadruple vodka Red Bull?"

"Sorry, I'm not allowed to do that." (Pours double vodka Red Bull plus double vodka.)

"Isn't that just the same?"

"What you do with your double vodka's none of my business."

― Greg, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I can tell you the stupidest thing a bartender ever said to me: "Dude, you HAVE to tip me!!!"

― Joe, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ed: as you shurely know, "gin martini" is redundant.

Joe: watch out or we'll sic the tip police on ya.

I'm at O'Connor's, my round, and a nameless ( =forgotten) member of our party asks for bottled water. w/trepidation i approach the bar, spell out our order. Spike predictably shoots me the above-described "what are you, stupid?" glare. TAP water at O'Connor's, people.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Barkeep, Miller lite and Cabernet with a shot of Campari."

― Mike Hanley, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I only drink Vodka Martinis so a gin martinis is not redundant.

― anthony, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Bailey's, Campari and Pernod with a splashof angostura bitters please." If one is firm and uses a straight face they will even ask you to say stop when they you've had enough bitters like that'll make it taste nice. Luckily it wasn't for me.

― Pete, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I see someone else has done the top row. Jesus, that was possibly the most stupid thing I've ever done and on the night before I move all my stuff (and life) down to London.

I can't remember picking up keys, I can't remember unloading van, I can't remember unpacking, all I remember is the vomit.... for two whole days

― cabbage, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Anthony, I think the point is that a vodka martini is NOT A REAL MARTINI. ;)

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Now that is absurd.

― anthony, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Vodka martinis are better. Marginally, as non-flavored martinis are sick as hell, but still.

― Ally, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Flavored martinis must be made with a vodka base, as the gin would overpower whatever you were trying to create ("I'd like a chocolate pine cone martini, please..."). A properly-made gin martini is amazing, though. I'll drink a vodka martini, but only if no other option presents itself. (For example, if I have to pick between a VM or a *shudder* Bloody Mary, call me 007.)

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's not absurd. Real or plain martinis are made with nowt but gin. No vodka goes near them. Vodka martinis are a pale imitation.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I drink gin in Pumphoses, G&Ts and Gimlets.
I find vodka and vermouth work better together.
Maybe thats me.
But i view Flavoured Martinis evil.

― anthony, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What is a flavoured martini? The idea of flavouring a martini with something other than vermouth seems very wrong to me.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The most common flavored martini is the cosmopolitan. Others I've seen include: chocolate, white chocolate, mint chocolate, chocolate orange, raspberry, orange bliss, cranberry, melon, butterscotch, cinnamon. Most of them are a vodka martini + flavored liquer, which can be really nice if you're dealing with a good liquer.

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

wait, I thought vodka was the usual Martini base...what is the standard then, gin? I have never had one. I usually drink moonshine

― Mike Hanley, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

the strangest drinks that i have drunk, or have witnessed being drunk, were as the result of immature and irresponsible drinking games. i cannot complain, as these drinking games were the origin of my much cherished guinness and tomato juice, but they also prompted perhaps the most revolting drink imaginable, the vodka and chicken soup. who ever heard of a hot drinks machine in a bar? i ask you.

cabbage, i too partook of the "top row" the day before embarking upon a long journey, perhaps this is the only time that it is ever attempted? i boarded a train carrying most of my possessions in a couple of suitcases, and arrived at the other end six hours late and without my luggage.

― kevan, Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I have been forced by strange girls to order lager & soda and gin & soda on a few occasions.

― Nick, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Gin and soda would presumably be a (vile as I hate gin) variant on vodka lime & soda therefore not weird. Lager and soda is just nonsense. Guiness shandy is a well known joke played by aged regulars/City wankers on nubile and innocent young barmaids.

The correct bar staff reaction to the ordering of any of the ridiculous drinks mentioned is to give the orderer a look of such utter scorn and derision that you hope they will never dare order it again (though very drunk people often do not appreciate derision and scorn). And also to make up an extortionate price for said drink.

― Emma, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The sodas ND was on about sound glamorous - much like his 'strange girls'.

I back Starry re. Guinness Shandy; at least re. its strangeness.

I like all Martinis. Bruno Martini?

Anthony, please tell us how to make a Manhattan.

― the pinefox, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Never Mix the Vine and the Grain" beer and wine dunt mix

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Beer before wine, makes you feel fine, wine before beer, makes you feel queer (not gay, but odd. Though it may make you gay too).

― Emma, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

odd is tha becasue beer is lower alco content?

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 25 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

three weeks pass...

A Manhattan is ambrosia if done well :
three parts rye whiskey one part Sweet Vermouth 2 dashes of Angostura Bitters
shaken and served w/o ice in an old fashioned glass.

― anthony, Sunday, 19 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Gin and soda isn't really that odd, Nick. Someone asked me to serve them a whisky and fresh orange the other day. No THAT is weird.

― Ally C, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Beer before wine, makes you feel fine, wine before beer, makes you feel queer (not gay, but odd. Though it may make you gay too).

I never read this before tonight, but the idea of wine and beer mixing making you gay is the funniest thing imaginable. I want to put THAT on a shirt.

I had mojitos tonight and I think we convinced my bartender obsessive that I am getting married. I had a good night.

― Ally, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Beer before wine, makes you feel fine, wine before beer, makes you feel queer

No you idiot - it's the other way around. ("Beer on wine - fine / Wine on beer - queer"). Are you trying to make everyone queer? I'll invoke Section 28 on yo ass.

― Nick, Thursday, 23 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No Nick - try it out. Drinking a few pints o' beer after wine is disconcertingly bad is simple, drink like you are changing gears - start with the most liquid weaker drinks and then shift to the medium strength less liquid (alcopops), then another gear shift to wine and finish off on rum and cokes followed by shots o'whiskey. Num Num.

― Pete, Thursday, 23 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No Nick it is you who is an idiot as I have got it right and will prove it next time I am in the pub.

― Emma, Thursday, 23 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I much prefer starting with the stronger drinks. Gets me happy drunk quickly. Drinking several pints of weak beer just gets me bloated and nauseous before I have chance to get drunk.

― Nick, Thursday, 23 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Starting the evening (pref. in the afternoon of course) with a large dose of spirits (vodka is ideal) is always a GOOD PLAN. Generally you can then act non-pissed when you arrive at the pub, but as you wade through your second pint you will become very twatted very fast, therefore not having to bloat your stomach by consuming vase quantities of lager. Apologies to everyone I know who has seen me put this plan into action.

― alex t (Note: re-branding in progress), Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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