Best character from a U.S. tall tale

For me it's between John Henry (tragic tale & good metaphor), Paul Bunyan or his ox (hilarious bcz they are GIANT), and Johnny Appleseed (I am related sort-of to John Chapman!).

My favorite Paul Bunyan story is about his flapjack griddle. Dude needed so many giant flapjacks on his giant griddle; he got his PUNY ORDINARY MORTAL lumberjacks to wear skates with GIANT BRICKS OF BUTTER on them to skate around on the griddle so the flapjacks would not stick.

Flapjacks!!!

This Big Annie?

http://www.absolutemichigan.com/dig/michigan/calumets-big-annie/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Davy_Crockett

Blue Ox vs Johnny Appleseed

wash his clothes in a frying pan

Big Joe Mufferaw!

i am quite fond of both john henry and johnny appleseed - many of these i dont know - but did u know johnny applessed was planting the apple trees not for delicious wholesome apple eating but for making boozy cider with! you see when you plant an appleseed 9 times out of ten youll get an unpalatable sour apple tree - but any apples are good for cider! yay johnny appleseed! go!

were these tall tales concocted in some Federal Bureau for Inventing American Culture? or did people actually tell them beforehand? I mean, it's not like Americans were hanging around the midwest for 500 years passing down stories or something.

can we have a moratorium on troll-y sockpuppets plz

How is that a troll? It's a friggin question dude. This board is obsessed with this shit; it goes into a frenzied panic the second anyone shows any sign of life

We could tell you, bart stanberg, if that is in fact your real name, but then you would have to be killed by us. Please submit all requests for information in triplicate to the Bureaucratic Office of the FBIAC at #2 Red Tape Ave. Include SASE for mailing your sorry ass back to you.

THIS

Man if you were a lumberjack why the fuck not would you want to make up the world's epicest lumberjack? These things can happen anytime!

And remember: we never had this conversation.

If it's the same Big Annie, then she was a real person.

Yeah, so were Davy Crockett and Johnny Appleseed (who was kind of a religious nutso).

REMEMMER A ALAMO

giant fucking blue ox guys

He grew so big that 42 axe handles plus a plug of tobacco could fit between his eyes and it took a murder of crows a whole day to fly from one horn to the other.

So glad I separated him & big Paul/.

In the first Toy Story, the baddie kid has a poster for a band called something like "BIG PAUL AND HIS ROCKING BLUE OX."

name awesomeness splits my vote between "Alfred Bulltop Stormalong" and "Febold Feboldson"

Reminds me of being in the Cub Scouts and having that manual that detailed all sorts of Americana. or the Weblows or whatever that was

-={ BLUE OX KREW }=-

Febold Febolson was a Swedish man who lived on the prairie . Febold didn't want people to leave because he was afraid he would die of loneliness. One day Febold got a good idea that made him do a little dance. He ordered 1,000 goldfish from Peru. He put them in the only lake on the prarie. And when a couple of wagons rode by and he jumped out of some bushes and shouted gold. So the people stayed with Febold until they got to hot. The people almost left, but Febold said, "I will make it rain." So he built a huge bonfire. The bonfire evaporated all the water and it started to rain. The problem was the water wasn't hitting the ground because the air was so hot. So Febold got some frogs but they wouldn't croak. So Febold got one to croak and they all started to croak. Then they had another problem they couldn't plant their crops. So Febold showed them a trick and they lived with Febold.

T✧✧@K✧✧.E✧✧ is that you?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kill the thread with my stupid post. It was a good thread! Revive, dammit!

Dude no that was the best post! Did a first grader write that?

john henry. but i loved the disney cartoons of paul bunyan, pecos bill, johnny appleseed. somehow every elementary school teacher i had found a way to kill an afternoon with those. (they usually threw in rip van winkle and the legend of sleepy hollow too.)

missing from list: casey jones.

Paul Bunyan was created by an advertising copywriter. I represent for Mike Fink, tobacco chewer and flatboatman. Half alligator, half man and half tornado.

john henry bonham

isn't "tony beaver" the dude in a handful of dust?

Johnny Appleseed was a spreader of invasive non-local plant species.

I loved Disney's Johnny Appleseed, mainly because his guardian angel was batshit (IIRC).

Maltodextrin, did his apple trees actually cause damage to area ecosystems? I am not doubting you, I am curious!

Dude no that was the best post! Did a first grader write that?

-- Abbott, Wednesday, April 16, 2008 10:50 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

Sadly, it was a teacher. Check the reading comprehension quiz.

http://library.thinkquest.org/TQ0312323/ffsum.htm

What is fog?

* clouds
* snakes
* bears

Febold is broad what?

* shouldered
* chinned
* backed

You have found the teacher website of WOW and WHOA and WTF!

What is fog?

* clouds
* snakes
* bears

lol

After Paul logged all the North Woods he planted more trees. He and babe retired. Their is a lot of stories about Paul and Babe.

5. Why did the animals trust Johnny?

* they wanted to eat his apples
* they could sense his gentleness
* they would wanted to go west with him1889

Sally Ann Thunder Ann Whirlwind

Sally Ann Thunder Ann Whirlwind was very strong. She could throw a crocodile many miles. She saved Davy Crockets life when his head was stuck in a tree. Sally once had an encounter with a bear. Later in life Sally married Davy Crocket and lived happily ever after with him.

AND the 'Comprehension Quiz':

1. What did Sally do when Mike Fink tried to get her?

* She punched him away
* She locked him up
* She put him in jail

2. Who dose Sally marry?

* Mike Fink
* Gorge W. Bush
* Davy Crocket

3. How dose Sally save Davy?

* She caught him when he fell out of a tree
* She split a tree in half
* She saved him from drowning

4. How did Sally trick the bear?

* She gave him honey
* She asked him to dance
* She threw him out the door

5. What did Sally use to split the tree?

* rattle snakes
* rope
* an ax

THOSE LAST TWO QUESTIONS ARE SIMPLY UNANSWERABLE I FAIL TALL TALES UNIT

so is the first one who is mike fink???

John Henry prob has the most awesome songs written about him, but it's pretty hard to fuck with a big goddamned blue ox.

tall tales vs. faux-klore

John Henry:

http://www.starnet-database.com/dbase_deo/profiles/steel/steel.JPG

vs Babe:

http://www.monkmancomics.com/snaps/babe.jpg

xxxpost to Abbott: No, I was joking about Johnny Appleseed. But if you went around the country indiscriminately spreading seeds today, someone would probably try to stop you.

Someone planted pot seeds all over the Boise State campus. My friend was a gardener and she said she cried with each one she had to pull up and throw away.

a gardener who worked gardening for the gardening crew of Boise State

Maybe that's why they chose blue Astroturf for their football field.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

There is not a single mention of Davy Crockett's hat in the wikipedis article.

Where's Mose the Bowery B'hoy?

When I think of Molly Pitcher, the first thing that comes to mind is the NJ Turnpike rest area named after her. So it's funny that her Wikipedia article also mentions the rest area.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Catsupdude OTM re: Treasure Mountain

Its weird, I know all about Paul Bunyan and the Ox thanks to gorram World Book encyclopedias I read as a kid. Its a bit of a worry how steeped in US culture I was in the 70s, I knew all about the west coast 70s oil and water crises and whatnot but fuck if I knew anythign about Dreamtime stories or who the prime minister was before Malcolm Fraser.

Didn't know John Henry was a tall tale though, I thought it was a TMBG album :/

wtf @ zero pecos bill votes

have you people no hearts

I mean the man RODE a goddamn TORNADO!

Why you no vote for Pecos?

I am thinking that illiterate teacher may have upped the Big Annie vote.