Things that happen in the one-block-sized park across the street

Last Sunday I was woken up by a trombone quartet playing that Sousa song that is the theme for the Monty Python show. They were playing for a Rotary Club meeting. Hot dogs were grilled and served. The trombone quartet also played the theme from Jurassic Park.

There is one of those "YOUR SPEED: SPEED LIMIT 25*" detector signs by the park. Last night a bunch of kids were seeing who could ride their bike the fastest. (The fastest child rode at 16 miles per hour.)

*I am really glad about this thing. Way too many people speed in my neighborhood, which is full of kids. Additionally, it's great fun to watch people speed down right before the sign, as though a cop is nearby.

One time, as I was walking my dog, a man called "Chile" introduced himself to me. He was probably 35 years old or so. He told me he painted the mural that was in the park bandshell, and that he used to be a crank dealer but now he's teaching kids how to breakdance so they'll stay away from drugs. Hot air balloons flew overhead. My dog vomited.

A few days ago a very young girl with two different shoes and a stained dress was crying and begging her mom to go home so she could pee.

Once a child found an unwrapped condom on the ground and asked me what it was. He was probably about eight and half-fluent in English. I tried to explain it, that a man put it on his penis during sex to prevent pregnancy. I didn't know what else to say. He then put the package over his crotch and started thrusting, and said, "Like this? Fucky fucky?" I went home.

These are all pretty great!

You need to turn this into a text adventure.

Bandshell

Hot air balloons fly overhead. Your dog vomits.

Chile is here.

>

Will cash out my imaginary 401k to fund the programming effort for Abbott's World: A Text Adventure.

Park

A trombone quartet is playing the Monty Python theme.

A hot dog is here.

> WAIT

Time passes...

A trombone quartet is playing the theme to Jurassic Park.

A hot dog is here.

> EAT HOT

Which hot do you wish to eat?

> DOG

Eaten.

>

"Like this? Fucky fucky?"

NEW ILX MEME

Park

A small boy runs up to you and says: 'Hello meester! What this please?'

An unwrapped condom is here (held by boy).

> EXPLAIN SEX

The boy places the condom against his doodle and gyrates. 'I have the sexing now!' he proclaims. 'Fucky fucky!'

> QUIT

Are you sure?

> Y

Do you wish to play again?

> N

He told me he painted the mural that was in the park bandshell ... now he's teaching kids how to breakdance so they'll stay away from drugs. Hot air balloons flew overhead. My dog vomited.

This is like that novel Snoopy is always trying to write.

It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out!
A door slammed. The maid screamed.
Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon!
While millions of people were starving, the king lived
in luxury. Meanwhile, on a small farm in Kansas, a boy was
growing up.

ugh memories of Ariane game coming back xp

"Memories of Ariane" should be a Bob Dylan song.

Well, send him the game's link then.

Ain't it just like the web to play tricks when you're tryin' to be so quiet?
We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it
And Louise says she's improving her brain, temptin' you to defy it
Lights flicker from the shit refresh rate
In this room you're not meant to masturbate
The itunes on shuffle plays soft
But there's nothing, really nothing to turn off
Just the mouse cable and joypad entwined
And these visions of Ariane that conquer my mind

I poured her a drink, maybe three
and said hey let's all drive to the sea