Things that suck about Melbourne: A List

"roads" "system"

lack of rentals

impossible price of flats/houses

slow people

caroline springs

prevalence of SUVs

king st

crown

i love crown

west richmond station

gertrude st

whats the matter with gertrude street??

chapel st north of lamb on chapel

inferiority complex

digital harbour

i mean srsly, wtf kind of name is digital harbour

Collingwood FC

Frankston

its distance from here

yeah melb is one of my fave cities. if i had to live somewhere outside the states, it would be there.

Don't get off the train at Richmond
Skins want your Doc Martens

Don't get off the train at Camberwell
The writers want your Air Jordans

Don't get off the train at Essendon
You'll get attacked for your moccas

Don't get off the train at Frankston
You'll get attacked by the Rockers

Don't get off the train
Don't get off the train

Don't get off the train at Eltham
The yodel yobs want lederhosen

Don't get off the train at Caulfield
Yid boys want your copy of 'The Chosen'

Don't get off the train at Broadie
Petrol-heads want your Torana

Don't get off the train at Laverton
Gorilla Gang wants your banana

Don't get off, don't get off, don't you get off
Don't get off the train

Don't get off the train at Box Hill
The skaters, they want your ramp

Don't get off the train at Noble Park
3174 wants your postage stamp

Don't get off the train at Broadford
Bikies want your leather jacket

Don't get off the train at Kooyong
Tennis toughs want your racquet

Don't get off, don't get off, don't you get off
Don't get off the train

Don't get off South Melbourne Light-rail
Greenies want your pollution

Don't get off at Flinder's Street
Nazi punks want a final solution

Don't get off, don't get off, don't you get off

Well, the train whistle blowing makes a sleepy noise,
Underneath the blankets are all the girls and boys

Rocking, rolling, rocking, roll

Rocking, rolling, riding, out along the bay
All are bound for Mourningtown, many miles away

Rocking, rolling, rocking, roll..Oh

Don't get off the train

Don't get off the train at Ringwood
Goths want your mascara

Don't get off the train

Don't get off the train at Windsor
Sandman wants your pyjamas

Get an aeroplane
Flight 103 to Lockerbie now boarding

Don't get off the train

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

speaking of which, the ongoing absence of tism

Yes, 'Root!' aren't really an adequate substitute.

I have no problem with Gertrude street or our public transport. We *have* a decent, single-ticket PT system. Sure its desperately over crowded at peak hour but you try living in perth or canberra then you come back and tell me our PT still sucks.

Also wtf is digital harbour?

We *have* a decent, single-ticket PT system. Sure its desperately over crowded at peak hour but you try living in perth or canberra then you come back and tell me our PT still sucks.

Perth and Canberra being underserviced doesn't make Melbourne's system suck any less. It's shit. No money is being spent on it, just poured into tollways that fill up within six months.

Digital Harbour is in the Docklands and just weird.

Its funny, as someone who doesn't drive, I've managed to get about perfectly well in Melbourne for 15 years on PT.

Men in cloth caps and long sideburns carrying their double bass through the city to jazz fusion gig at a skanky small bar selling boutique beers which is crowded with backlit bottles on shelves going right up the wall.

^ sums up melbourne in one sentence

Bogan dickheads from Hoppers Crossing whose favourite record is Wolfmother.

They don't play footy at Princes Park anymore.

Greaves St (try parking there for two minutes)

^ unless you LIKE being offered handjobs, obviously

Bogans from Adelaide coming over for the weekend to pick up dozens of Krispy Kreme.

Bogans from Adelaide coming over for the weekend to pick up dozens of Krispy Kreme.

Haha. This was bogans from Melbourne going up to Sydney for the weekend until KK spread their evil empire into Victoria a year or so ago.

back on topic: krispy kreme

the idea that afl is 'footy' and actual football is 'soccer, ya dickhead'

A flat across the road is being auctioned! I'll tell you what it goes for

2br top floor opening at 700,000

ha! nobody's bidding

Autumn, could you elaborate on how the public transit sucks in Melb?

Lesee: Trains, buses, trams everywhere. yeah, that must be awful.

Can you give at least one of your train lines to us? Please? If you don't like it?

One bid, passed in at 710,000. For a 2br flat. THIS SUCKS ABOUT MELBOURNE

xp Where are you Mackro?

Seattle... where I pretty much love everything here, except dearth of light rail.

Perth and Canberra Seattle being underserviced doesn't make Melbourne's system suck any less. It's shit.

Well, better to have one shitty service than none at all.

We just have an old monorail and a SLUT!

Demand has escalated in the past few years and services have not increased. Extra trains were put on recently but only after intense pressure and the fact that no bastard could get on a train. Trams are not keeping up and nobody's doing anything about it.

http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2005/12/05/lynne_kosky_narrowweb__300x381,2.jpg

We just have an old monorail and a SLUT!

-- Mackro Mackro, Sunday, 4 May 2008 12:15 (43 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

er, piggyback rides?

Seattle's SLUT

I like Melbourne. The only things I don't like are that it is too flat and too far from the rest of civilisation. You people whingeing about house prices and/or public transport have obviously never spent time in London, let alone Sydney.

house prices? hahaha, melbourne has got to be the cheapest rent i've ever seen in a city, well in a city worth living in at least.

i was only there long enough to catch The Darkness at the Palais (by accident, no joke), but people were all over each other.

house prices? hahaha, melbourne has got to be the cheapest rent i've ever seen in a city, well in a city worth living in at least.

-- phil-two, Monday, 5 May 2008 00:02 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Link

When was this? Things are changing very quickly here.

When was this? Things are changing very quickly here.

ah well first time i was there in early 2004 and i was astounded at how cheap rent was. last time in jan 08 it was definitely more expensive, but i rented a room on smith street & moor street - right on the corner in that new'ish building across moor from the panama room. like $100aud a week!!! something similar in nyc would have been like almost three times that! it did have the drawback of 24/7 drunks hanging outside my window, but still....

Was that a short term room in a shared place though?

Cos a 1brm apartment in that area would go for about $250 a week now.

it was a short term room in a shared place, but thats how much they were paying usually. it was really a great location, sans the junkies. seriously, every day every night they would be there screaming and fighting until 5am.

also its right by the giant supermarket where i met nick cave's son!

There's a shortage of rentals now, and it's getting worse. This is part of how our long-term conservative govt fucked up housing.

The drivers in Melbourne are the shittest in the whole country, and the drivers in Balaclava should not be driving cars.

Also all the dumb roads and how lanes appear and disappear without warning.

all the twentysomething dipshits who still believe in melbourne's rock and roll myth

all the sixtysomething dipshits who still believe in melbourne's rock and roll myth

what does that even mean

Fellas, fellas, if we're Australians can we at least call them 4WDs not SUVs? I mean, they suck rancid shit just as much either way, but let's be accurate about the name at least.

fucken oath.

MELBOURNE is the third cheapest capital city in the country to buy a house, fuelling a population surge as people priced out of the market in other states relocate to Victoria.

oh goody

why cant they go to tas instead

Cus it's internet sucks ballz.

JM, 4WD can be a low-profile sedan. SUV is far more accurate.

Also I don't know how Melbourne is cheap compared to everywhere except Perth. Sounds like a beat-up to me.

SUV is far more accurate.

...which is only ever used in references to these monstrous arseholemobiles

4WD sedan is an "all-wheel drive". 4WD is a 4WD.

back on topic: ANNOYING PEOPLE

Adam: my brother lives in Queanbeyan. Think on that - QUEANBEYAN. His house cost him over $500k. His admittedly nice, but not really mansion-sized, house IN A COUNTRY TOWN.

SOMETIMES THINGS DON'T GO RIGHT

WEATHER IS SOMETIMES NOT THAT GREAT

:-D

no good shoegaze bands

sydney has a bunch!!

Yair my friend Jay's in one wot just released a new album, acktshully (Longest Day)

AND ME AND ROB SHALL RECTIFY LACK OF MELB SHOEGAZE ASAP DONT YOU FEAR

i'd like a good place to get ribs and chicken wings and that stuff, i think we're lacking that here

I wish we had colder winters too. I miss the snow and frost and clear deadly deadly subzero canberra air sometimes.

canberra is fucken freezing, u mad

Thats what I like though! I miss being able to do slidey-skids in thick frost at the bus stop.

^ euphemism

Every year it would snow at the Dandenongs. Every year. Not any more.

It would? I dont think I recall snow here more than once or twice, but I have only been here for 15 years.

I have noticed the extreme lack of drizzly rainy winter though. I miss that.

When I was a kid we were snowed in a few times.

And yeah, no rain anymore. This is great and annoying at the same time.

Festival Hall aka Festering Hell

Too many whingers

too many cunts spoiling my sunday night drinking

What did they do?

they were there

cunts

Thunderstorm asthma?

http://www.independent.ie/world-news/australasia/rare-thunderstorm-asthma-kills-six-in-melbourne-35248237.html

I read about that today. Crazy!