ILE LAz0r QUEST

New laser-questing answers.

Also, if anyone in London wants to join a team and SHOOT AT EACH OTHER then reply on a postcard (or email) to the usual address. I bet you there's a Laser Quest in Streatham - also the only place I haf ever been ice skating in London.

I once got a score of -3000 at Quazar in Collier Row.

I played LazoR KEWST!!! a couple times, like, 3,4 years ago. I was rubbish at it. It didn't gimme the satisfaction of troo murder, cos I was always getting shot. But what about paintball? I've never tried that.

Yes of course I have been with WORKMATES no less. What happens is this:

- you enter dark room with ancient arcade machines that stinks of teenage bumsweat. You wait twenty minutes while totally unfuturistic classic roXoR plays (Urban Bloody Hymns in our case)

- you feel embarrassed as you fill in your forms but also eager for the thrill of the LASER CHASE. As you are put in your laser garb you notice several 12 year old boys are also taking part in your game.

- you enter the LASER ZONE. Your gun does not work you run about futilely you shoot your boss once. You realise that your gun is working but that you keep getting killed so cant use it. You find a place to hide and be a 'sniper'. Nobody turns up. You get bored. One of the 12 year olds sneaks up and kills you.

- you emerge and get your score. You have come 7th with 63 points. Which of your collagues is best? Simon has got 183 points good for him but what is this? "The Judge", "Killer", and "Mecha-M" have got 30,000 points apiece due to killing the lumbering market researchers. They look smug and you find yourself wanting to say "At least I've had sex you little runt" or something equally juvenile.

- you leave. It is raining.

There's one on my bus route home, and it's 24 hour. God we went there one night before Christmas after being out at a club, they play techno music inside and it was amazing. And it had strobe lights and stuff. Christ I have to do it again sometime, I can't think of a better place to go after the clubs close.

OF COURSE I HAVE BEEN! but not for bleddy years. This 21st Century of ours has no place for such 2000AD inspired Mean Arena silliness. I still fancy paintballing though (never done that), so go figure. It is something that you must do for a couple of times, but get bored with the diminishing returns, and stop about 5th time. I recall playing in an arena with an upper floor -- that had a sort of Aliens- ness to it.

and all the gear is stinky

I think that might be one of my favourite Tom posts ever.

Bring your polaroid sunglasses and watch your laser beam MULTIPLY MAAAAAN. EVERYBODY IS HIT. THERE CAN BE NO ESCAPE.

At least that used to work. Haven't tried it since I was 13 or something.

I got told off for shooting at my friend when we were supposed to be watching the training video.

"you notice several 12 year old boys are also taking part in your game"

Yeah, and what do they do? They follow you around till they shoot you, and then (this is going by the Quazar system) you're 'paralysed' for 5 secs, you can't get shot (good) but can't shoot either (bad). As soon as the 5 secs is up your assassin shoots you AGAIN cos he's never more than 3ft away and will not listen to your pleas for sportsmanship. The worst thing is of course is that when faced with shitty 12yo behaviour you can't knock their teeth out with yr gun cos they'll just get the wardens AND their dad on to you so you have to put up with their cheatyness and a score of -3000.

The best player species is of course the 20-something geeks who are there all the time and get their kicks by shooting you behind their back or from a long way away and other stunts only possible if you are a 20-something virgin.

Ha ha. 'teenage bumsweat'. Hee hee.

Wow, is the link between laser quest skillz and sexual inadequacy THAT defined?

I've been, Sarah. It's much more embarrassing than the above posts would lead you to believe.

Paintballing is much more fun. You can inflict HUGE HURTINGS on the 12-yr-olds because "this is war, son".

I have been once, back in the day at college, the entertainment googolplex round the corner used to do 8 pounds all day unlimited pool, bowling and laserquest for students, we used to go mainly to play pool all day, it was nice. One day Nick suggested lazerquest, so, the three of us sign up and are put in the bumsweaty room with a bunch f kids, some spotty oik comes in and says "who hasn't played this befire" the three of us raise hands. Immediately the small children start arguing as to who won't have us on their team, fortuunately we are all on the same side.

The little shits follow us all over the place shooting us in the back until John has a great idea, he trips one of the little bastards up and puts his foot on his stomach and shoots him many times, this is an ideal way of building up massive points, let me tell you.

Tom, I seem to remember I was even losing at the 12 year old kid stage. It did exist when I was 12, didn't it? I have not been back since.

Paintballing I might like to try, although it looks painful.

Also I now fear the dry ice machines in these places would only remind me of bad clubs.

i thought this was gonna be about who is the laziest person, and i was going to win

hah! no challengers.
i wear the laziest ilxer crown.
and now i'm going to go lay in the sun with mock-cream buns, fizzy, and mon amour (sorry too lazor to know if this is actual korrect francais)

Elizabeth is too lazy and has missed the sun in the town belt.

I haven't been for eight years. There used to be two in Oxford; Laser Quest and Mega Zone. Then Laser Quest took over the Mega Zone and the old Laser Quest became a futon shop. I can certainly remember the annoying twelve year olds...in fact one of them taunted me by saying "play the game" as he shot me at almost point- blank range. The old Laser Quest had this bridge which I decided would be great for shooting people on the level below, where I tried to walk forward only to find that I wasn't going anywhere! It turned out that my backpack was ensnared by the camouflage netting.

Tom, you got shafted.....my laser experiences were exquisite......first time I went was for my friend's birthday party and the place had just opened up, all the equipment worked perfectly and the place smelled like a new car, Dodge Caravan LE (no leather) to be precise.....the terrain was a bit small but it was okay.....because the sound system bumped and if you brought a CD they played it while it went down....in our case it was MORTAL KOMBAT SOUNDTRACK BABYYYYYYY......we'd all grew up on rap music so it was thrilling to finally hold lifesize non-fluorescent colored guns.....I sweated bukketts but it was lovely....

Paintball is better though, because of the threat-of-real-phyisical- pain-recieving/joy-of-real-phyisical-pain-giving factor upping the rush to the billionth power.......outdoor is the way to go, and again I stress the pain is vital, so you need to go to a place that uses the hi-power gatts with the full-size, thick-coating pellets.....when you get hit, it should smart like what?.....INCEST.....our place let us do 5 minutes of target practice first, and we knew it was on when we heard our paintballs hitting the steel target....it sounded like real bullet pings, deafening.....we did Capture The Flag format.....shit was ruckus, we had the basic cheap metal-mesh facemasks and ski-goggles, none of this safety-first shit, this was the raw ages......if you got it in the face from the wrong angle, you'd have a big bruise my man.....if you got it in the back of the head or neck, youre on the bench for the remainder, because there was absolutely no protection there.......haha this one guy, though, he got worked......in the first game, he got shot in the hand and it hurt so much he sat out the next 2 games.....when he reentered, he miraculously got shot in the SAME HAND and this time it cut him real bad, one of those cuts that leave the flaccid white watery-looking skin flap covering up the fresh red flesh beneath and you have to debate whether to snip it off or try cleaning it and hoping it seals back up.....yo, my man, wear gloves.

Were you twelve at the time Ramosi?

The man next to me just said 'I had to pull my beard to stop myself in the end. he's just a cunt, isn't he?' This is great and has nothing to do with lazerquest!

Why is he letting the magickal secrets of beard-ownership be heard by outsiders?

I dunno, but he just said 'are there any computers in here that don't have faults? Do the computer technicians anally fuck them every night after this place closes. plus, it's been left in spanish'. then he starts talking in spanish.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to do a sinist0r vs ILE paintball match. Can we can we can we can we can we?

Paintballing is SO cool. The resulting welts really impress your girlfriend.

Can we can we can we can we can we can we?

The "Smells like Teen Booty" bootleg of Nirvana vs. Destiny's Child made me think of this thread.

I went once w/FRENDZ. As we waited to enter the ARENA OV DEATH they played k-scary terminator-ish musick, and we felt the PH33R. Once in we noticed thee sam 12-yr-old unsportsmanlike behaviour as t0m mentions above. The would hold their laser guns in front of their chests whilst firing so U couldn't shoot them properly. One of our number, a scary lady teacher belted one of them. He started crying, but she intimidated him so much he didn't grass us up. We all had a great time and decided to go regularly. However we never actually did. "Quake" rules "LaZ3R QueST" IMO.

Mark C, start a thread. THo with footie, are we not over-reaching ourselves all ready with the physical demands thing. I'm tired now, leave alone after the fearsome primrose hill clash of the tit-ends. Still, I'd love to go paintballing.

*i'd* love to go paintballing. i think i'd be deadly at it. however, i do fear it somewhat, having seen PJ go blind from it in byker grove.

they assured us, it was the paintballing.

The let PJ go blind, let PJ go blind. Let PJ go bli-i-ind.

My friend did get hit on the lip by a ricocheting paintball.

It was funny.

Okay, I'll start a thread.