What else could go wrong for Gordon Brown in the next six months?

2. panned Glasto turn

3. Is photographed punching wee Jimmie Krankie.

4. Appoints Jay-Z as junior secretary for rural matters, decision roundly panned by NME

5. Makes Amanda Holden cry on Britain's Got Talent.

6. Secret M15 DNA testing reveals he is the clone child of Richard Nixon and Myra Hindley.

7. Opens tin of Heinz Cream of tomato Soup for his tea, only to find contents are past expiry date.

8. forgets suit on way to party conference speech and is forced to it in vest and pants

9. Another 12 exclusive interviews on GMTV

10. 2010 election theme tune written by Rick Witter

11. Schnuffel Bunny remix

12.Scotland unilaterally declares independence and refuses to let him back in, even for a quick cup of tea and some shortbread with his nan.

13. Absentmindedly shaves off sideburns while thinking about this morning's Balamory

14. Sonned in messageboard beef by a Lib Dem kid

15. Savagely satirical song about his economic policies set to the tune of Stranglers' hit "Golden Brown" on 2DTV

16. David Cameron earns stunning reviews for his guest spot on Gavin and Stacey

17. accidentally brushes the Queen's breasts with sweaty palm and is set upon by corgis

18. That Guido Fawkes dude wins Big Brother 2008

19. New Coldplay album features scathing attack on abolition of 10 per cent Income Tax band.

20. Free subscription to The Dandy revoked.

21. Nick Clegg refuses to pass on sloppy seconds

22. Mark Oaten agrees to pass on sloppy seconds

23. House of Commons canteen removes battered Mars Bars from menu

24. Secretly videoed singing "The Sash" during post-UEFA Cup Final piss-up.

25. Bryan Robson: "Raith Rovers are a club with a great infrastructure and I think we're going to go places together"

26. His stint as Doctor Who's companion earns him top place in the 'least sexy companion ever' poll on Outpost Gallifrey.

27. Robert Mugabe announces that he's a really top geezer.

28. Diary cock-up leads to him being forced to make agonisingly strained small talk with real human being for 5 interminable minutes.

29. Wind changes; jaw stays that way.

30. Is seen re-enacting cover of Oasis 'Cigarettes and Alcohol' cover with Alistair Darling.

31. Upon meeting Barrack Obama, insists on referring to him as 'dog', throwing gang signs and rolling up one trouser leg.

32. Reminds public of his achievements in government during in-depth interview on Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway.

30 Correction. Is seen re-enacting cover of Oasis 'Cigarettes and Alcohol' with Alistair Darling, Hazel Blears and Yvette Cooper.

33. In interview with New Statesman, declares his favourite Carry On... to be "Carry On Dick"

34. Newly unearthed CCTV footage from 1997 shows a suspiciously Brown-shaped figure cutting the break lines of Princess Diana's car.

35. Alan Johnson caught making the gun finger gesture behind him on Prime Minister's Question Time.

36. In an exclusive interview with the News of the World, Ian Huntley expresses his admiration for Brown's work throughout 10 years of government.

37. Fails to acquire Croatia shiny needed to complete Euro 2008 sticker album, Ed Balls has a swapsie but gives it to Jack Straw in exchange for Bosko Balaban.

38. Is described as "butthurt" by George Osborne, and when protests seems to back up the claim. "Butthurt Brown" becomes the new witty shorthand for the frustrated PM.

Just to show it's not all bad news, PM's car did not cause Jet crash.

39. David Cameron completes GTA IV "well quicker".

40. David Cameron gets NME cover where he is on some decks or something.

41. Lembit Opik defects to Labour.

42. Cheeky Girls application for new visa fails

43. Andrew Gilligan spearheads Evening Standard campaign against Brown based around the idea that his natural odour is revolting to the working class and that his DNA includes the controversial incompetence gene.

44. Frank Field defects to the Nazi Party

45. AIDS, AIDS, AIDS

46. Penis catches in fly zip, mad painful, Brown continues to wince throughout appearance on Newsnight, is soundly mocked by the nation.

I like to imagine the PM's spin guyz are checking back on this thread every few hours and taking notes.

47. PM's spin guyz check back on this thread every few hours and take notes.

"Earn £1000 per day in Modelling!!"

Plus you'll have to be known as Mandy for the course of the shoot, darlin'

Me sister is called Mandy, so...

HIS IDIOT CHANCELLOR CD STICK 30p ON A PINT OF CIDER

GOOD WORK LADS, KEEP SOAKING THE RICH IMO

To be fair, think of all the Magners drinking Tory boys this will hit.

Too distraught to consider the upside yet

missed a trick there really, should have been "Cider served with ice" at 300%

fukkeeyn wut?
http://www.glasgowsurvival.co.uk/pictures/nedgal166.jpg

Ah Strongbow, Breakfast of Champions

political suicide'

This was front page of the Mail on Sunday, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1261262/Gordon-Brown-star-Gloria-De-Piero-topless-Page-3-model-aged-15.html?ITO=1490

Sadly the story isn't anywhere as interesting as the url.

3/10:

http://imgur.com/W1Y6k.jpg

You weren't kidding - that is a horrific piece of writing

oh good, now labour have some crap posters...

they've been on this thread all along wakka wakka wakka

http://blogs.nybooks.com/post/491156096/did-the-gravediggers-arrive-too-soon

I know what he means. It's not necessarily an endorsement of Labour or Brown, more a feeling that they (and indeed the tories) haven't reached the conclusion of their narrative arc yet. It feels like the election's come too soon, and Brown needs to exhaust himself totally and engineer a Balls takeover before we can move on.

Brown'll make for an awesome character in many books to come

Brown'll make for an awesome character in many books to come

i tend to think that his legacy/future perception's going to be pretty positive?, i don't know if i'm right. lack of charisma and social ineptitude is by far the biggest criticism of him, which plays way worse in the media than it does in books about doughy british ex-PMs

Just took one of those online politics thingies at voteforpolicies.org and came out 75% Green, 25% Lib Dem. While I'm not particularly surprised I didn't go for the Labour policies I was surprised I matched up so well with the Green party (not knowing an awful lot about what they're about apart from the environment). I don't think this is going to change the way I vote next month though. Still going for the "lesser of 2 evils" option.

LOL Green Party 100%!

Haha, Green Party 40%, Labour 60%. Voting Lib Dem btw.

Labour 40%, Green 40%, Lib Dem 20%. Also voting Lib Dem; might vote Labour if I lived somewhere else. Wd probably not vote Green (or not in a general election) but I'm glad they exist, I think?

Kind of regretting saying I was interested in the environment and Europe cz everyone's stated policies seemed broadly similar, even though there are parties I trust to take those seriously and parties I don't. Immediately discounted anyone whose manifesto points said outright they'd leave the EU, but I was hoping for a big obvious "we like Europe" to vote for, and all the others were variations on "international unity is very important and we will work with the EU but we think it's wrong on major points", to the point where I couldn't tell who was hedging their bets in which direction.

questions were too long for me

Wd probably not vote Green (or not in a general election) but I'm glad they exist, I think?

yes, this is the only fucking way to have them.

Well, it's all over for him now, as the Daily Mail asks Could something as trivial as the PM's wife's unsightly toes affect his election campaign?

Can't be long until the Mail points out his glass eye and their dead child.

indeed. totally classless. no space for this kind of thing in modern politics.

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01382/mcbride-brown-460_1382765c.jpg

Sorry, didn't realise McBride still worked for Brown.

Lib Dems 55.56%
Green Party 11.11%
UKIP 11.11%
Conservatives 22.22%

lol, disgusted at myself for agreeing with UKIP and tories on some things.

Voting SNP btw, didn't take that into account did you voteforpolicies.org.uk?!

SNP?

Scottish National Party.

i prefer to call it the National Party

The National Affront

haha.

The candidate for my constituency is a dude called Osama who once wrote in the Guardian that a return of some form of caliphate would be a beneficial thing!

^ I confess I stole that from Genesis P-Orridge (!!!!!!!!!!!!)

SNP?

he calls a woman a bigot not realising a radio mic is on, then in a radio 2 studio he holds his head in his hands while listening to the playback, not realising a camera was on.

infinite gaffe recursion

Almost starting to feel sorry for Brown. Just when it can't get worse it does.

i often feel sorry for him, in a way

Up until now Brown was having a reasonable campaign I thought, minimising the damage if nothing else. Good luck going out and talking to people for the next week or so Gordon.

i wouldn't have though mixing with the ordinary people was gordo's strong point at any time tbh

but i think he did p well in the debates, considering

@VizTopTips says

HANDING IN YOUR NOTICE? Save paper by wearing a radio mic and calling a fat northern racist woman a Bigot

94. loses backing of the new left review

http://www.newleftreview.org/?page=article&view=2830

Very uncomfortable with that. Abstaining might be a respectable position for an individual, but for an organ to advocate it is just posturing. More importantly, lauding non-intervention in Yugoslavia and condemning Blair's 'murderous war' there is not right at all.

;_;

Yeah well. For all I know it's got a readership of five, but i couldn't take that risk

More importantly, lauding non-intervention in Yugoslavia and condemning Blair's 'murderous war' there is not right at all.

yeah it's one of the things they're weird about

its influence belies its tiny readership, though fortunately not in any area of consequence (i.e. it's huge in academia)

Theresa May wants to swap horror stories.

god this all seems like such small beer from the vantage point of 2017 dunnit