"You should write a novel" vs "You should do stand-up"

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Poll Results

OptionVotes
"You should do stand-up"17
"You should write a novel" 12


Dom Passantino, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:20 (seventeen years ago)

"You should be a lawyer."

milo z, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:24 (seventeen years ago)

"You should do voices for a cartoon." "Great."

burt_stanton, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:25 (seventeen years ago)

"You should do stand-up" = You are a dork

mizzell, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:26 (seventeen years ago)

In my mid-teens I wanted to be a stand up comedian, but I settled for being an unemployable loser instead.

snoball, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:27 (seventeen years ago)

(xpost) "You should write a novel" = I don't want to hear another one of your long winded anecdotes.

snoball, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:28 (seventeen years ago)

It would be easier to prove my failure as a stand-up artist rather than my failure as a novelist. For the latter, I'd have to write an entire fucking novel, which even if it was, say, Dorain Gray length would be a time-eating BITCH. Whereas w/stand-up all I'd have to do is get up on open mic night and say, "You know, I never got why Photoshop calls it 'opacity levels.' Really, anywhere between one and 99 percent should be 'translucency levels,' amirite?"

*crickets* *y grillos*

Abbott, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:28 (seventeen years ago)

I would do stand-up, but sadly I had a positive relationship with my parents as a child and as a result don't need to seek the approval of random groups of strangers.

Dom Passantino, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:30 (seventeen years ago)

I was thinking of opening with that line.

Dom Passantino, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:30 (seventeen years ago)

Then...THE STARE-DOWN.

Abbott, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:30 (seventeen years ago)

this is "write a novel" easy

i mean, i think

Surmounter, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:32 (seventeen years ago)

People are always like "you should write a novel" and always all like "no."

Abbott, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:34 (seventeen years ago)

I suppose that in this technological age, you could combine both options and do a webcomic.

snoball, Saturday, 17 May 2008 21:40 (seventeen years ago)

i always get "you should be a professor."

J.D., Sunday, 18 May 2008 23:22 (seventeen years ago)

someone told me I should write a book about music the other day. I think they meant non-fiction rather than a novel.

The Real Dirty Vicar, Sunday, 18 May 2008 23:24 (seventeen years ago)

I did 'stand-up' once. Not doing that again, phoo no.

Might do a novel one day.

Mark G, Sunday, 18 May 2008 23:25 (seventeen years ago)

Neither of these are EVER intended sincerely. They essentially mean the same thing, which is either 'I want to fuck you' or 'I am terminally bored by everything you have to say and want to get all the flattery in early so I can duck out of this conversation without looking like a cunt'.

Matt DC, Sunday, 18 May 2008 23:29 (seventeen years ago)

"you should write a novel" is a better thing to say because it will keep the person busy and out of sight longer.

Hurting 2, Sunday, 18 May 2008 23:30 (seventeen years ago)

You should write music reviews for The Guardian.

no wait

King Boy Pato, Sunday, 18 May 2008 23:50 (seventeen years ago)

Neither of these are EVER intended sincerely. They essentially mean the same thing, which is either 'I want to fuck you' or 'I am terminally bored by everything you have to say and want to get all the flattery in early so I can duck out of this conversation without looking like a cunt'.

-- Matt DC, Sunday, May 18, 2008 11:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

or by parents/relatives predisposed to overestimate your talent

latebloomer, Monday, 19 May 2008 00:07 (seventeen years ago)

i think i saw a recent neil hamburger performance which consisted of nothing but excelsior posts

omar little, Monday, 19 May 2008 00:22 (seventeen years ago)

In my mid-teens I wanted to be a stand up comedian, but I settled for being an unemployable loser instead.

-- snoball, Saturday, May 17, 2008 4:27 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Link

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you made the correct choice

sunny successor, Monday, 19 May 2008 14:56 (seventeen years ago)

^^^ bah dum pssshh!!!
I do not wish to know that, kindly leave the theatre!

snoball, Monday, 19 May 2008 15:04 (seventeen years ago)

"You should draw a comic book."

Even though this is something I want to do, I still feel kind of insulted by it. The lesson here is that I am a basket case.

Oilyrags, Monday, 19 May 2008 15:06 (seventeen years ago)

on the phone i often get "great voice! you should be on radio!"

andrew m., Monday, 19 May 2008 15:36 (seventeen years ago)

.."German Bight moderate or poor, becoming good"

Mark G, Monday, 19 May 2008 15:38 (seventeen years ago)

"You should be a teacher."

Do I really look like some sort of pedophile who should hang out in Dockers all day and talk about Abraham Lincoln? Thanks.

Pleasant Plains, Monday, 19 May 2008 15:40 (seventeen years ago)

you want the truth?

andrew m., Monday, 19 May 2008 15:43 (seventeen years ago)

Growing up I used to get "you should be a surgeon!"...because I could draw well.

RabiesAngentleman, Monday, 19 May 2008 15:46 (seventeen years ago)

Draw blood well...

snoball, Monday, 19 May 2008 15:47 (seventeen years ago)

I wish I had been witty enough to think of a retort like that when I was 14.

RabiesAngentleman, Monday, 19 May 2008 15:52 (seventeen years ago)

hi, doc. i was going to pick you to do surgery on me, but i've been looking over your sketchbooks and, well, you just don't draw well enough.

andrew m., Monday, 19 May 2008 15:59 (seventeen years ago)

"Can you give me another prescription, Dr. Pushead?"

Pleasant Plains, Monday, 19 May 2008 16:32 (seventeen years ago)

"Can you help me find a publisher?" v "can you help me find an agent?"

This is equally BEAUCOUP DE FUN as the original query.

suzy, Monday, 19 May 2008 16:52 (seventeen years ago)

This thread is so tragic, because it's all about Dom realizing that there's no traditional artform or medium that he could ever excel at as much as posting on ILX.

Alex in Baltimore, Monday, 19 May 2008 17:10 (seventeen years ago)

This thread is delicious, you should open a restaurant.

Jacob, Monday, 19 May 2008 17:12 (seventeen years ago)

Neither of these are EVER intended sincerely. They essentially mean the same thing, which is either 'I want to fuck you' or 'I am terminally bored by everything you have to say and want to get all the flattery in early so I can duck out of this conversation without looking like a cunt'.

-- Matt DC, Sunday, May 18, 2008 11:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

yeah, i interpret both remarks as facetious, in the same way that "thanks for sharing" is. i hear thomas haden church's "you could work in a wine store" line in sideways in a similar "good for you, smart guy" tone.

get bent, Monday, 19 May 2008 17:13 (seventeen years ago)

Adolf Hitler: Politics is the new art!

latebloomer, Monday, 19 May 2008 17:18 (seventeen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

ILX System, Sunday, 25 May 2008 23:01 (seventeen years ago)

You should be a Communist.

VeronaInTheClub, Monday, 26 May 2008 19:47 (seventeen years ago)

next time someone says something self-congratulatory to me imna reply "you should write a novel you should do stand-up!"

why choose one

jhøshea, Monday, 26 May 2008 19:53 (seventeen years ago)

i get the radio comment as well.
also, "you should be on american idol" LOLOLOL

homosexual II, Monday, 26 May 2008 20:00 (seventeen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

ILX System, Monday, 26 May 2008 23:01 (seventeen years ago)

weeelll....

it's better than a snide "hur, don't give up your day job" when you try and do ANYTHING AT ALL!!!

Mark G, Tuesday, 27 May 2008 08:47 (seventeen years ago)

Not always.

Matt DC, Tuesday, 27 May 2008 09:08 (seventeen years ago)

The one I seem to get is "You'd make a great kids' TV presenter!", ffs.

JimD, Tuesday, 27 May 2008 10:23 (seventeen years ago)

(Mark Speight punchline in 5... 4...)

Mark G, Tuesday, 27 May 2008 10:24 (seventeen years ago)

What's that Peter Cook thing?

1st man at party: "I'm writing a novel"
2nd man at party: "Neither am I"

Tom D., Tuesday, 27 May 2008 10:31 (seventeen years ago)

eight months pass...

N*** G****** has now had the "have you thought about writing a book" thing (the other week) and the "have you thought about doing standup" thing (last night). Puzzling. 58 minutes ago - Comment

^^^ilx poster

Limoncello Carlin (The stickman from the hilarious "xkcd" comics), Sunday, 8 February 2009 11:31 (sixteen years ago)

Nedd Gragett

max, Sunday, 8 February 2009 13:20 (sixteen years ago)

Oh, I thought everyone knew -- his name is actually Ned Garrett, he just switched the consonants around for the web.

nabisco, Sunday, 8 February 2009 18:41 (sixteen years ago)

Nabis Gothingy

max, Sunday, 8 February 2009 18:45 (sixteen years ago)

Newt Gingrich

jel --, Sunday, 8 February 2009 20:37 (sixteen years ago)

"Book him, drano!"

Mark G, Monday, 9 February 2009 10:27 (sixteen years ago)

i hear thomas haden church's "you could work in a wine store" line in sideways in a similar "good for you, smart guy" tone.

i think the line is supposed to be about what haden church's character doesn't understand, and that may often be true of such lines.

double bird strike (gabbneb), Monday, 9 February 2009 11:10 (sixteen years ago)

mine generally point towards journalism, food reviewing, general creative professions, though i have gotten one (actually damning with feigned praise) "you'd make a great judge"

double bird strike (gabbneb), Monday, 9 February 2009 11:12 (sixteen years ago)

Feigned praise! The new 'another thing coming'.

cat anatomy expert (ledge), Monday, 9 February 2009 11:30 (sixteen years ago)

I get "You should be a politician."

NotEnough, Monday, 9 February 2009 11:44 (sixteen years ago)

I get "you should do something"

jel --, Monday, 9 February 2009 17:18 (sixteen years ago)


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