"You should write a novel" vs "You should do stand-up"

"You should be a lawyer."

"You should do voices for a cartoon." "Great."

"You should do stand-up" = You are a dork

In my mid-teens I wanted to be a stand up comedian, but I settled for being an unemployable loser instead.

(xpost) "You should write a novel" = I don't want to hear another one of your long winded anecdotes.

It would be easier to prove my failure as a stand-up artist rather than my failure as a novelist. For the latter, I'd have to write an entire fucking novel, which even if it was, say, Dorain Gray length would be a time-eating BITCH. Whereas w/stand-up all I'd have to do is get up on open mic night and say, "You know, I never got why Photoshop calls it 'opacity levels.' Really, anywhere between one and 99 percent should be 'translucency levels,' amirite?"

*crickets* *y grillos*

I would do stand-up, but sadly I had a positive relationship with my parents as a child and as a result don't need to seek the approval of random groups of strangers.

I was thinking of opening with that line.

Then...THE STARE-DOWN.

this is "write a novel" easy

i mean, i think

People are always like "you should write a novel" and always all like "no."

I suppose that in this technological age, you could combine both options and do a webcomic.

i always get "you should be a professor."

someone told me I should write a book about music the other day. I think they meant non-fiction rather than a novel.

I did 'stand-up' once. Not doing that again, phoo no.

Might do a novel one day.

Neither of these are EVER intended sincerely. They essentially mean the same thing, which is either 'I want to fuck you' or 'I am terminally bored by everything you have to say and want to get all the flattery in early so I can duck out of this conversation without looking like a cunt'.

"you should write a novel" is a better thing to say because it will keep the person busy and out of sight longer.

You should write music reviews for The Guardian.

no wait

Neither of these are EVER intended sincerely. They essentially mean the same thing, which is either 'I want to fuck you' or 'I am terminally bored by everything you have to say and want to get all the flattery in early so I can duck out of this conversation without looking like a cunt'.

-- Matt DC, Sunday, May 18, 2008 11:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

or by parents/relatives predisposed to overestimate your talent

i think i saw a recent neil hamburger performance which consisted of nothing but excelsior posts

In my mid-teens I wanted to be a stand up comedian, but I settled for being an unemployable loser instead.

-- snoball, Saturday, May 17, 2008 4:27 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Link

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you made the correct choice

^^^ bah dum pssshh!!!
I do not wish to know that, kindly leave the theatre!

"You should draw a comic book."

Even though this is something I want to do, I still feel kind of insulted by it. The lesson here is that I am a basket case.

on the phone i often get "great voice! you should be on radio!"

.."German Bight moderate or poor, becoming good"

"You should be a teacher."

Do I really look like some sort of pedophile who should hang out in Dockers all day and talk about Abraham Lincoln? Thanks.

you want the truth?

Growing up I used to get "you should be a surgeon!"...because I could draw well.

Draw blood well...

I wish I had been witty enough to think of a retort like that when I was 14.

hi, doc. i was going to pick you to do surgery on me, but i've been looking over your sketchbooks and, well, you just don't draw well enough.

"Can you give me another prescription, Dr. Pushead?"

"Can you help me find a publisher?" v "can you help me find an agent?"

This is equally BEAUCOUP DE FUN as the original query.

This thread is so tragic, because it's all about Dom realizing that there's no traditional artform or medium that he could ever excel at as much as posting on ILX.

This thread is delicious, you should open a restaurant.

Neither of these are EVER intended sincerely. They essentially mean the same thing, which is either 'I want to fuck you' or 'I am terminally bored by everything you have to say and want to get all the flattery in early so I can duck out of this conversation without looking like a cunt'.

-- Matt DC, Sunday, May 18, 2008 11:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

yeah, i interpret both remarks as facetious, in the same way that "thanks for sharing" is. i hear thomas haden church's "you could work in a wine store" line in sideways in a similar "good for you, smart guy" tone.

Adolf Hitler: Politics is the new art!

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

You should be a Communist.

next time someone says something self-congratulatory to me imna reply "you should write a novel you should do stand-up!"

why choose one

i get the radio comment as well.
also, "you should be on american idol" LOLOLOL

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

weeelll....

it's better than a snide "hur, don't give up your day job" when you try and do ANYTHING AT ALL!!!

Not always.

The one I seem to get is "You'd make a great kids' TV presenter!", ffs.

(Mark Speight punchline in 5... 4...)

What's that Peter Cook thing?

1st man at party: "I'm writing a novel"
2nd man at party: "Neither am I"

N*** G****** has now had the "have you thought about writing a book" thing (the other week) and the "have you thought about doing standup" thing (last night). Puzzling. 58 minutes ago - Comment

^^^ilx poster

Nedd Gragett

Oh, I thought everyone knew -- his name is actually Ned Garrett, he just switched the consonants around for the web.

Nabis Gothingy

Newt Gingrich

"Book him, drano!"

i hear thomas haden church's "you could work in a wine store" line in sideways in a similar "good for you, smart guy" tone.

i think the line is supposed to be about what haden church's character doesn't understand, and that may often be true of such lines.

mine generally point towards journalism, food reviewing, general creative professions, though i have gotten one (actually damning with feigned praise) "you'd make a great judge"

Feigned praise! The new 'another thing coming'.

I get "You should be a politician."

I get "you should do something"