Joey Barton accepts arrest as an occupational hazard and presumably accepts imprisonment in the same casual manner: 2008 football off-season thread

was just coming here to laugh at this

barton to wormwood scrubs XI

BBC Sport website's report situated just above a slightly garish LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! stream of Tommy Burns' funeral

Bristol City/Hull make no summer signings as they've "got a solid squad of players ready, willing and able to fight to cement our place in the premiership" = skint, going straight back down again, what's the point eh?

= and sacking manager, including their current hero, or two on the way

big thumbs up for thread title. you should be commissioned to write titles for the Chicago threads.

Rory Delap has eaten my poppyseed bagel: Chicago thread part 219

Football has an off-season now? What is this, 1947?

Kevin Keegan to sign fancy Romanian midfielder who is inspirational for three games in Euro 2008 and then useless from September until Newcastle can get rid of him in three years time.

Harry Redknapp accepts arrest as an occupational hazard and presumably will accept imprisonment, next season, in the same casual manner

Can we get some excitement here for the LAST EVER Intertoto Cup? We've got...well...er, Aston Villa and Hibernian? OK, sure.

Villa to really push the boat out and make two whole signings this summer, pushing their first team squad to an astounding ten members.

Man City to sell everyone, fail to sign Ronaldinho, Deco and every other underachieving Barca player and then buy Steve Sidwell and Kevin Prince-Boateng in a fit of blind panic.

Sidwell for a fee of about £5m.

Apparently a firesale at Man City is pretty much a foregone conclusion this summer. I wonder whether it'll be Venables or McClaren overseeing it?

Chelsea are talking about £7 million for Sidwell. Not that English footballs are overvalued, you understand.

Will McFadden avoid signing for Celtic for another season?

I was going to have a punt on El Tel managing in the Premiership again next season, funnily enough. I'd had him down for Newcastle though.

I'm really looking forward to the big match this week. You know the one. If Adelaide United don't lose in China, they'll make it to the knockout stages of the Asian Champions League. Four months after the group stages finish! You don't get that kind of excitement in Europe!

Still, it might keep me distracted from Thaksin's wacky schemes at bringing down City and the inevitable fire sale for a week or two.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/l/leicester_city/7418121.stm

A moral victory for any fans of overachieving small teams whose manager fucks off to the moneyboys at the first opportunity. Just waiting for Calderwood to befall the same problems now.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article4009538.ece

I am not able to convincingly articulate quite how funny I find this.

The fact that Peacock hit the bar rather than scored in the 94 Cup final was for me the final proof that God did not exist.

I quite like how he doesn't appear to have made his mind up which church to join yet, he just fancies being a bit godly.

Top thread title, that man. (leaves thread for ever)

Looking forward to Peacock adding to the stock of harmless public amusement in the same way that previous footie god-botherers Icke and Hoddle managed to.

http://www.football-england.com/peter_knowles.html

Billy Bragg wrote a song about Peter Knowles. To my recollection he never publically abused disabled people or claimed to be Jebus tho.

I see John Terry has been named England captain.

Unleash moral fury!

against the bar

A moral victory for any fans of overachieving small teams whose manager fucks off to the moneyboys at the first opportunity.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2007/aug/05/newsstory.leicestercity

Manchester United assistant manager Carlos Queiroz has launched an extraordinary attack on the Spanish nation and Real Madrid in particular over what he believes are attempts to "naturalise" Cristiano Ronaldo.

Queiroz feels Madrid's outspoken courting of his Portuguese compatriot is about more than their wish to snap up the gifted winger, claiming it is part of the long history and rivalry between Portugal and Spain.

"Cristiano Ronaldo will never be Spanish! As they will never take Olivenca again," he told Portuguese newspaper Jornal do Noticias, referring to the small town on the disputed border between the two countries.

Queiroz also delved further into the historic rivalry, alluding to explorer Christopher Columbus - who both countries claim as theirs - and the 60-year Philippine Dynasty when Portugal was ruled by three Spanish kings until the bloodless revolution of 1640.

"They already did the same with Christopher Columbus, and it now seems they want to naturalise Cristiano Ronaldo," added the United number two. "Have they already forgotten what we did to them in the past? We will never lose our patience."

With Portugal preparing for Euro 2008, Queiroz knows the furore surrounding Ronaldo's future could not have come at a worse time.

"It's being done in a manner to distract the Portugal team, at the height of their preparations for the European Championships," he said.

"But I am convinced that despite pressure from the Spanish sporting press he will not accept to change his nationality.

"However, it is an attack with a well-defined strategy and Portugal should be worried about that."

Large fleet sighted in English channel.

nice of the wembley dudes to give the US national anthem singer a totally fcuked mic.

kelly rowland stand up

shes like 100000x more popular there than she is here

oh, was that kelly rowland? i wasn't really paying attention, just lolling at the terrible PA system

i think it was...

Yeah it was. She sounded okay on the radio?

beckham should be wearing his gold cap!!

btw total lol n00b question, but why do they call an intl appearance a cap

btw total lol n00b question, but why do they call an intl appearance a cap

-- J0rdan S., Wednesday, 28 May 2008 20:15 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

In the early days of association football, international teams didn't have a set colour for their shirts, and thus players from the same team would often take to the field in different colours. The use of a "cap" was an easy way of identifying who played for which country.

thx

I'd love to see Arsenal sign Barry. He's a fucking awesome player, much better than Lampard - he may not get as many goals, but he gets a decent amount, and his passing and movement is second-to-none. None of this hoofing 50-yard diagonal balls in hope like Lampard does so often. Swift, tight, short, accurate. Awesome player.

We were OK tonight. We ticked over well after he first goal. Would have liked to see Walcott rather than Crouch go on, but Crouch did OK. Just would've liked to see someone run at the Yanks.

Bentley is an arrogant tosser. I'd not have him in my squad.

Freddy Adu looked like the worst player in the world for the first five minutes he was on.

http://www.hwdyk.com/q/quizimage/princessbride.jpg

Bentley and Beckham post-match.

http://img.skysports.com/07/12/218x298/David_Bentley_609205.jpg

That dude from The Princess Bride directed by Rob Reiner.

I'd rather have Ashley Young come on instead of Bentley. Didn't he get 20 or so assists last season from free-kicks and corners? Scored a few too but maybe a bit lightweight physically at the moment.

Despite the assist for goal tonight was further proof that Beckham should never get near the pitch in a England shirt again.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/graphics/2008/05/29/sfnpre129cbig.gif

its all so clear.

Haha we are such tight bastards.

Well until we started paying Darren Bent I suppose.

Am I reading this right? So Spurs, proportionately, spend the least - and Derby spend the most. This while Jol was signing every journeyman known to man, and before Derby broke the bank for Robert Earnshaw? Do Derby let the fans in free or something?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1e/Lakshmimittal22082006.jpg

^^^the very image of trustworthiness

current top 8 to win the championship re: the bookies

http://odds.bestbetting.com/football/england/coca-cola-championship/winner

Will Birmingham Bounce Back to see Gold return to the Premier League, again?

Will Dowie at Loftus Road lift QPR to a lofty position in the championship and into the premier league promised land?

Will Reading run away with it, and steve coppell still show zero emotion?

Will Blackwell's Blades of Sheffield be a lethal force in the Championship?

Will Warnock the Warrior at Crystal Palace conker the championship and see the Eagles soar into the premier league?

will Jewel deliver the Gold, Silver or Diamonds for promotion at Derby next May?

Will Wolves savage the opposition to win a place in the premier league?

Will the magician Magilton spell success at Ipswich?

and ...
Will the Dutch Comedy Duo at Southampton get them out of the championship into League One?

Sheffield Utd for the division, Brum City for the second spot, Palace for the playoffs.

Surely they stand for everything that is rotten about football?

I don't quite follow your "to the detriment of others" line here. You mainly seem to be objecting to the new money thing, and QPR's ability to attract investors of the size and scale of Briatore and Mittal (who are perhaps not the most ethical chaps ever). QPR have not, as yet, used their wealth to go about buying the league or anything. They've made a couple of loan deals which are beyond the scope of other Championship clubs, yes, but in terms of permanent signings, I don't think they've been blowing other people out of the water by offering ridiculous wages or transfer fees to buy in Premiership players, unless you really think Peter Ramage is some kind of ringer at this level. They've got the potential to do that sort of thing, and a kind of financial clout that is beyond compare at this level and probably for most of the Premiership, but thus far I dunno that they've done anything particularly despicable (one could argue their dismissal of De Canio was kind of abrupt, tho).

Charlton's troubles are, I would suggest, due to their speculating on Alan Pardew's ability to take them straight back to the Premiership. Your wounds seem mostly pretty self-inflicted.

I think it'll be Palace and Sheffield United straight up, with Ipswich somehow emerging from the play-offs to join them. For the first time, I'm cautiously optimistic about Saints' chances - we actually seem to be developing something resembling team spirit, which you can't over-value in a division as riddled with mercenaries as this one. It won't get us up, and probably won't even put us in the top ten, but things cannot get worse than last season, surely. Michael Svensson's rising from the ashes might just have given us the lift we need.

QPR are being careful not to make the big leap until they're promoted. When they do, all hell will break loose.

Agree about our one-year plan. We're reaping what we're sowing, and we're definitely NOT one of the clubs suffering as a result of QPR's power. There are undoubtedly others, though.

QPR's power! Amazing stuff.

Sheffield Utd for the division, Brum City for the second spot, Palace for the playoffs.

Would back this up, maybe substituting Reading for Brum. Of the relegated teams, only Derby have no chance of going back up. Palace are the archetypal 'up through the play-offs' team.

I am quite looking forward to a season with two first-timers in the Premiership. When did that last happen?

Reading will be up there. Especially if they keep hold of Matejovsky, who will be the best player in the division by a street.

Wolves for direct promotion, obv, following McCarthy's replacement sometime in mid-November and Jebus-Blake's canonisation sometime in mid-January.

Didn't Reading and Wigan go up at the same time?

I'd love it if Dowie took us up but i can't see it. Our strikeforce is pretty poor compared to the other promotion contenders although we made up for us last year by sharing the goals around. Only Man Utd scored more than us in the second half of last season.

We've not got great strength in depth at the back either and under Di Canio last year we lost about 25 points in the last 5 minutes of games. If that hadn't happened we would've made the play offs. The bookies have only made us shit hot favourites to cover their own arse in case we went on a massive spending spree.

I'm starting to hate some of our own fans and the whole 'we are teh richest club in teh world' bollocks.

wbs otm. up until the parejo loan (which is still just a loan, however far-fetched) all the mooted money had done was free qpr - somewhat ironically, since we'd rather lost the knack whilst potless - to just go about the kind of canny business that we'd once been well respected for: connolly from arsenal's reserves for half a mil, vine for a mil, cookie for half what we sold him for, irish cafu damien delaney who hull let us have gladly for piss-all, and best of all the genius akos buzsaky, son of wegerle, for another half mil. from plymouth. the maligned agyemang also happened to knock in 7 in 7 on arrival btw. total expenditure something in the region of what a demoted club wouldve spent, and nothing nearly as lairy as the FOUR MILLION QUID for james beattie that plucky boots-and-braces underdogs sheff utd forked out. all in all, boo fucking hoo.

where we have been tacky, though: £700 season tickets, endless stream of transparent pr guff, garish new london tourist badge seemingly modelled on a 5p piece. like matt says though, tacky is quite fun when you compare it to a pitiless chelsea grind.

Still calling it for QPR not going up this year.

-- The stickman from the hilarious "xkcd" comics, Sunday, 3 August 2008 21:46 (1 hour)

also yeah ^^this^^ is some fine challops money can't buy, for all the reasons mr raif correctly points out. although some sort of insane buzsaky/cook/rowlands/vine/ledesma/parejo midfield could yet slap a bitch or two, even without a proper striker.

bring back Guiness as the sponsor, and "Quarter Pounda Rubbish" insults

not to mention young angelo "asprilla was a great player but I think I can do more than him in the game" balanta, who we found in the park. xp

and why did they change the badge?

It's all part of the rebranding.

anyway, birmingham to win it i think - larsson & mcfadden staying, mcsheffrey & jerome back at their level, and lee carsley probably the signing of the season for this league.

wolves ought to be up there too, but i dunno what goes on there. ebanks-blake and keogh are the bollocks.

Portsmouth to hit £20m summer spending mark with signing of Younes Kaboul and Nicky Shorey
http://tinyurl.com/6l4ot6

also see

Telegraph Fantasy Football's Most Wanted

David James Number 1 GK
Glen Johnson Number 2 Defender
Defoe and Crouch in the the top 4 strikers

Meanwhile, a supporters’ campaign to give Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp a knighthood the New Year Honours List is gathering momentum after Papa Bouba Diop gave it his support.

xxpost

What goes on at the Wolves is that our dick of a manager fails to improve the weakest areas of the team during the close season and buys another 23 strikers instead. So this season will be about avoiding key injuries *cough*Kightly*cough* and, like I said, replacing McCarthy after we plunge to 21st place early doors.

DJ Martian, you have seen Younes Kaboul play, right?

Kaboul = the new Beckenbauer or titus bramble in the same match

Kaboul was a long time Pompey Target before he signed with the Hotspurs, Redknapp drank Moroccan Tea with his parents apparently

i can hear the pinefox exploding with glee

Redknapp drank Moroccan Tea with his parents apparently

Before they slipped him a suitcase full of used tenners.

now picturing redknapp donning a fez, looking up rick stein's tagine recipes online and wondering if he can get away with signing mustafa hadji on a free

Right, the challenge: photoshop Redknapp wearing a Fez, saying - just like that - in a bubble

he also ate a missionary with samassi abou's parents.

Is it time to set up the non-Premiership thread for the season?

Robbie Savage Won't Be On Dis Ting 2008/09?

Actually maybe Kris Commons instead.

paul sturrock won't remember the championship 08/09

oh balls wait it's parkinsons not alzheimers

(paul sturrock won't lift the championship trophy 08/0-... ok no nm. )

kris commons is gonna get his head kicked in 08/08
qpr won't win the etc 08/09
simon jordan loves the kids 08/09

the guardian, which has a staggeringly bad record at announcing this sort of thing, reports that arsenal are in for xabi alonso. is that as delicious as it sounds? i think it might be.

Guardian's transfer 'scoops' are like parodies of real made-up stories.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/more-sport/2008/08/04/new-prem-bidto-rule-the-world-115875-20683679/

Dear Scudamore,

No.

Liverpool should not sell Alonso to Arsenal. You do not sell good players to your rivals. They should not sell him at all. He is great. He is virtually my favourite LFC player. After ... Robbie Keane.

I hope we are gonna get £10m for Kaboul

http://www.cafc.co.uk/uploads/Charlton8968splash.jpg

I don't honestly know what to say.

Is it time to set up the non-Premiership thread for the season?

-- The stickman from the hilarious "xkcd" comics, Monday, 4 August 2008 10:01 (8 hours ago) Bookmark Link

yes please. there is already big news to discuss: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/s/sheff_utd/7540385.stm

LOL you signed Darius Henderson

Scudamore's plan isn't ambitious enough. They need to book out Giants Stadium or the Beijing Olympic venue and play first-goal-winner-stays-on for the entire two-week break. Seats would be allocated by the hour (using a red, blue and green wristband system like swimming baths used to have) and the action would stop only for photo ops by world leaders.

When time comes for expanding this concept, added tension could be created by playing simultaneously at five or more venues around the globe, with teams shipped by that new virgin orbiter to the next city as soon as they concede. Teams not making it on time would risk humiliation, with their places being filled meantime by local impersonators and their waiting opponents allowed to trouser hard cash to let the children of local elites run up cricket scores until they arrive.

lol another season of mediocrity only this time I have the full sky sports package

The Addicks have guaranteed that any supporter who buys a season ticket for the current Championship campaign will receive the same seat completely free of charge in 2009/10 should Charlton gain promotion to the Premier League in May.

Santa Claus to be installed as reserve-team coach, Maddy McCann to be appointed mascot, Svetoslav Todorov to go entire season uninjured and finish top-scorer

lol The Times thinks Derby County are going straight back up automatically

Guardian's transfer 'scoops' are like parodies of real made-up stories.

otm, they are shameless. eg kaka to Chelsea was apparently a done deal one Saturday morning a few weeks back.

http://jp.goal.com/en/Articolo.aspx?ContenutoId=804593

lol, about time this beef finally got cooking