in every car commercial ever

darkened industrial spaces

several cars driving through the desert very close to one another

monument valley

off-roading

only ____ was rated best _____

ZERO POINT NINE PERCENT APR

FORD FINANCING

TOYOTATHON EVENT!!!!

A one-second display of numbers and statistics that would take hours to decipher even if it was at an easily viewed size, which it isn't.

woman with nice legs accellerating

a Sting song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0L_gEXaiKM

lol GOB voiceover

A shitty old Bob Seger song.

haha xp

Closed course with professional driver. Do not attempt.

husband & wife expressing fondness for different features of the vehicle

storage space demonstrated with clustered lifestyle accessories

the word "freedom"

"your time. your space. your road"

the valorizing of the individual over the conformity of the masses

although good luck finding a stick-shift version

someone acting like 20 mpg is good for the environment

or if its a hybrid, someone acting like a smug ass loser

J.D. Powers & Associates awards

winding roads

o maaaan id always hoped arnett was just fucking around about doing voicework but good for him all the same

at the end, the car in question rotates shinily in a featureless, cornerless white environment, possibly with two others in the same "family" parked or rotating behind it

Designer stubble.

woman with nice legs accellerating

Typo notwithstanding, there's something incredibly sexy about this phrase

Traffic cones. That blurry effect from light refracted on hot blacktop.

Shots of the interior which obviously required a total dismantling of the section of the interior not included in the shot.

lol hurting cold turkey getting to you ;)

No other cars around, ever.

superior handling saving driver from near-fatal collision, (ie. fallen tree, child's toy, etc.) subsequent look of relief behind wheel of such a magnificent machine

A vehicle.

cupholder count passed off as a joke

Wisecracking chauffeur, 80s yuppy stereotype has moment of humanity on point of entering.

(The car that is. Not the chauffeur.)

"We didn't base our engine on another car's engine, oh no.... we based our engine on... A TIGER"

i want the tiger car

Comparison of you the driver of this car with a trained martial artist, athlete or wild animal in some way that appears to equate the years of mental and physical training or millions of years of selective evolution with the basically sedentary act of owning and driving a new mid range saloon car.

You've obviously never seen a hyena try to change gear.

driver that you can't quite make out

The female Spotted Hyena's urogenital system is unique among mammals; the female's clitoris is elongated to form a fully erectile phallus, and the vaginal opening is at the tip of this phallus. Only the shape of the glans at the tip of the phallus makes it possible to differentiate the sexes. The female urinates, mates and gives birth through this pseudo-penis.

THAT'S RIGHT SHE GIVES BIRTH THROUGH HER CLIT

So now we know why hyena moms never go for the epidural!

wet pavement

Sue Dop-Enis

New fake account name..

*moonroof not standard on base model

Don't all cars count as a "pseudo penis" ?

no, thats guitars

the more luxury the car, the more britishy the voiceover accent.

"control...power..."

use of the word "sheer"

seats folding in different variations to hold soccer balls, wedding cakes, surfboards, etc.

use of the word "simply"

yellow dividing lines flickering by in a hypnotic display of overwhelming speed

(usually using a ground-level shot from the vantage point of the rear tire looking forward)

reference to stupid unknown car conference...

"This year 300 judges in Osaka were asked to vote for the best small to medium sized rear wheel drive family car category B. They chose the MITSUBISHI COLT. Other cars are losers lol"

Promotional __ % APR financing available for __ months through your local ____ dealer.

Those Toyotathon commercials were some of the most annoying commercials ever.

"Now..."

I love when they say they got a five star crash test rating. I mean, I should hope so...

It's like giving the very car you make and sell a backhanded compliment.

There are plenty of cars being sold that don't have a 5 star rating. But they tout the safety of the vehicle and then show said vehicle traveling 75 mph through a cityscape. "Our car is safe so feel free to drive like a lunatic."

A young couple who look about the age of 20 with a huge house and garage, and a fucking highly expensive car who could only realistically be lottery winners.

"Our car is safe so feel free to drive like a lunatic."

isn't this volvo's tag line?

Volvo: For People Who Are Afraid to Drive
Volvo: For People Who Love Spending Time With Swedish Auto Mechanics
Volvo: For People Whose Purchasing Decisions Are Influenced By Trademarks That Subliminally Suggest the Female Anatomy

Response to thread question: Fresh tires

"professional driver on a closed course. please do not attempt."

Volvo: For People Whose Purchasing Decisions Are Influenced By Trademarks That Subliminally Suggest the Female Anatomy

uh, no:

http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/07XgcOR6TmdbP/610x.jpg

I was referring to the word mark. I suppose the design mark does suggest female anatomy too.

The mark consists of a circle with the word "VOLVO" inside with an arrow design.

Those oversexed Swedes.

And by the way: The foreign wording in the mark translates into English as I am Rolling.

Uh, unless someone already posted that.

"...in its class"

NATIONAL: Cityscape blurring into picket fences shifting into desert seguing into ocean highway switching to ...

(Off topic: Ever notice that whenever someone makes a point of driving to the Atlantic Ocean, the point is marked by a lighthouse? You can't just drive to the Wilmington beaches and turn around. Call it the Forrest Gump rule.)

LOCAL: Bad sound quality 50 dbs higher than national spots. Late 80s dance music. Inflatable gorilla/dinosaur. Man in front of blue screen. "Local" spokespeople who really live in St. Louis.

driver smiling smugly as he accelerates past gray conformists out of the city

mirrored shades

power slides, billowing dust, spinning tires, a crude mark of personal expression written into the salt flats