How do you rekindle your love affair with life?

usually when i feel down like this my mood is usually bettered pretty permanently by hanging out with bros, but if you don't have any good friends that won't really work. i would advise against like trying to force yourself into making friends, cuz then you realize that you don't like them (or as much as your old bros) and that just makes it worse

go to the beach

I've got it: windsurfing. http://www.northsoundings.com/nso_02_2_photographs/02_2_windsurfing_328.jpg

burt i knew you had it in you man

once there was a time when life felt like this:

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/mzing12/BOOK1.jpg
http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/mzing12/zing.jpg
http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/mzing12/party-1.jpg

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/mzing12/BAC2429.jpg
http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/mzing12/AreKids2.gif
http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/mzing12/0259905dac3a.jpg

now it feels like this

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/mzing12/copsmusclingin.gif
http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/mzing12/1180581638331.jpg
http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/mzing12/AU4742.jpg

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/mzing12/zing.jpg
!!!!!!

Go see a Rush concert. Totally life affirming. Makes my divorce proceedings seem completely insignificant.

start hunting men for sport

Do more, think less, get some sunshine every day, and do some kind of exercise on a regular basis.

And also maximize contact with people who make you feel good after your interactions. If you feel icky after dealing with someone, your gut is right. There are so many awesome people out there. DOn't let the idiots clog up your race track?

What happened to law school? Half the incoming class feels like you do. It's a great place to make friends.

Exercise and take up a new hobby.

Burt Stanton aka the sustainable gardener?

That soul-sucking work week sounds like a problem, too.

Either cut back to a healthier schedule or do something you really like.

yeah a new hobbie works for me.

Exercising and eating well is probably the best thing a human being could ever do. I was always a mopey schlub until I started eating fruits, vegetables, and taking those Omega 3 fish oil pills everyday. It's like an entirely different world now.

how to start exercising before having the energy to do so though? serious chicken and egg of lethargy here.

just push through it homie - that discipline is whats so energizing abt excersize

having life feel exciting, eventful and meaningful is definitely a difficult thing to do on your own, unless you have a manic or schizotypal disorder; i think the lack of close friends or relations might be the crux of the problem here

or passions, one must have a passion. and intimacy. passion and intimacy.

and grass.

appreciating yr own basic vitality is good - better than grasping for the momentary pleasures of robot saxophone or whatever. just the ability to feel so horrible or care so much that yr life isnt what you want it to be - that human sensitivity that complaint - its all quite intimate and profound.

“I…wasn’t happy at all, whatever happy means, but of course I didn’t say this to anybody because it was such a cliché – ‘Tears of a Clown,’’Richard Cory,’ etc. – and the circle of people who seemed important to me seemed much more dry, oblique and contemptuous of clichés than that, and so of course I spent all my time trying to get them to think I was dry and jaded as well.”

Here are some of the various things I tried: EST, riding a ten-speed to Nova Scotia and back, hypnosis, cocaine, sacro-cervical chiropractic, joining a charismatic church, jogging, pro bono work for the Ad Council, meditation classes, the Masons, analysis, the Landmark Forum, the Course in Miracles, a right-brain drawing workshop, celibacy…Corvettes, and trying to sleep with a different girl every night for two straight months…”

whats that from?

^^^ david foster wallace is the biggest anhedonic depressive ever, maybe

It's been tough getting a new life going, I guess. For some reason guys think I'm going to steal their girlfriends, so they compete with me and act like dicks even though I'm about as innocuous and pleasant as it gets IRL. Girls I'm not into want to eat my skin, and girls I am into treat me like dirt. The close friendships ended in Melrose Place bullshit, and the old friendships just don't feel the same anymore.

It's like you hit a certain age and it just doesn't feel like you can get a normal life going again if it somehow gets off track.

When I feel like this, I usually start devising exotic solo road-trips, which I of course never do, which then makes me feel even more useless.

how old are you, burt?

25

join a book club.

I'm about as innocuous and pleasant as it gets IRL.

-- burt_stanton, Monday, June 2, 2008 10:32 AM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

im guessing you could benefit from a little more sophistication in yr introspection burt

eat some grits.

humans have to work to make money, which puts you in a rut. you have to have good people around you, and things you're interested in doing. easier said than done.

wtf there is absolutely nothing wrong with work - in fact if approached with the proper attitude it is absolutely an antidote to depression

burt i'm 25, too, and i really don't think it's uncommon to take inventory of your life, your values, and your priorities at this age. i want to say that this is all Part of Growing Up but i wouldn't want to trivialize the quarter-life crisis, as they call it, because it sucks. but at least you're being conscious about what you're going through, which is not a claim everyone can make.

For some reason guys think I'm going to steal their girlfriends, so they compete with me and act like dicks even though I'm about as innocuous and pleasant as it gets IRL.

Maybe you are being a little too pleasant to the girlfriends? Or somehow they are vibing your combined singleness + ability to have superficial physical relationships?

Not cool.

That is not the kind of new friend many folks like to have hanging around. Would you?

ill swap you some of my infinite life satisfaction for a few hours of that job.

wtf there is absolutely nothing wrong with work - in fact if approached with the proper attitude it is absolutely an antidote to depression

-- jhøshea, Monday, June 2, 2008 2:43 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

i have a lot of things i'd rather be doing than sitting in this office right now.

congratulations

thanks!

yeah, i don't exactly love my job, which is arguably really trivial, but at least i get some sense of accomplishment when i complete a major project and satisfaction when i do my job well

i do too but i'd rather feel accomplished getting things done that actually matter to me.

Maybe you are being a little too pleasant to the girlfriends? Or somehow they are vibing your combined singleness + ability to have superficial physical relationships?

haha, no, it's not even when they're around. I remember I started my first real job and there were only a few other people my age. I sat with them at lunch and the three main dudes were were absolute dickheads to me for about 2 years straight (the rest were girls or married, and were fine) . I asked one of the girls what the hell was wrong with them and she said, "they're jealous of you." and I'm like "why?"

Then a few weeks ago at some hometown party an old friend's girlfriend I guess was checking me out and the two got in a huge fight; I haven't been invited back. It's always been like that. It was the same way with my two older brothers ... guys competed like hell with them, but they rated somewhere between a 9 and 10 on the looks and popularity scale. I'm not quite there, but they made the most of it.

What frustrates me is I don't want any of that shit, I just want a peaceful life with some good friends, fulfilling career, etc.

i'd rather feel accomplished and satisfied in my own choice of work but a surfeit of leisure never did anyone good, it leads to dissolution and lethargy

First try listening to the Albert Ayler album New Grass (or really most anything by AC/DC) really really loud and in your underwear and jump a lot. Then use this newfound energy to think of something to invent or build, then invent or build it. If you lack the knowledge and knowhow to execute this make it your new mission to gain said knowledge and knowhow. Somewhere in all this you should eat way too much and then take naps. Also play Twirlystick, a game you play by spinning in circles for one minute and then throwing a stick and chasing after it while your friend try to tackle you; this is preferably done in public view. Yell things. Start a change jar. Don't be afraid to cry. Draw pictures of boobies. Try a new food. Make life happen. Do all this and more and you will feel wonderful.

[they rated somewhere between a 9 and 10 on the looks and popularity scale. I'm not quite there]

but nearly?

Listen to Vampire Weekend

i agree elmo. i guess it's just the kind of work. we're not all privileged enough to be able to do what we want to do.

I have no idea what you should do Burt, I'm in a similar spot actually. But I'm moving to New Zealand in six months or so, so I'm hoping that remedies things a bit.

Basically if I had people to hang out with who weren't girls I'm trying to bone life would be pretty much perfect.

This is a tall order, but maybe you could try finding a girl you want to bone and bro down with? Do any of these women in your life have platonic guy friends they can introduce you to? Funny notion, using sex as a go-between for potential friends rather than using your friends as a go-between for potential lovers.

ilx is on some monkeys-at-the-start-of-2001 shit lately

omg guys actually say bone

who will be the first to kill a leopard

wait wait so i don't understand, all this ennui you're describing is really just you being too horny?? welcome to life

This is a tall order, but maybe you could try finding a girl you want to bone and bro down with?

BONE AND BRO DOWN WITH, wow

BRONE

actual lols at "brone"

bone down with

brown

http://m.assetbar.com/uua5MX23v.gif

hahahahaha

you could also attempt not actually trying to bone some of the girls. you know, have some for friends.

fuckfriends are for broning & tromboning

Life has my number and knows how to reach me.

now i just wanna know what burt looks like

burt follow these 4 steps

1. buy bass
2. play bass in an awesome metal show
3. have hot chick waiting for you in your bed
4. post on ilx

lols

haha, none of this is about sex. It's about finding meaning in a world you didn't make

oh

hence step 4 burt

make your own world and stuff it with a creamy filling of meaning

that's what i'm saying! make friends with the girls! you can discuss finding meaning in a world you didn't make instead of having sex!

..on ilx!

speaking for myself i am glad to know that you are human, burt, and not a robot

or a bonebot

some might mistake me for a lolbot mk 3 but that is not the case

that's what i'm saying! make friends with the girls! you can discuss finding meaning in a world you didn't make instead of having sex!

-- Maria, Monday, June 2, 2008 1:47 PM (51 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

LOL, that's what I was trying to say...my god what did I start...

I was going through this until recently - re-connecting with a few old friends I like waaaaay better than the people I've been spending time with since. We forgave each other for past transgressions (or ignored them completely) and it's been nice. I guess this wouldn't work if you don't care for the people from your past (where I liked them and didn't like me).

But (for the most part) they're still waitresses/bartenders and don't have to wake up until noon on any given day, so now it's kind of a semi-constant reminder how much I hate starting work at 8am. But I'll survive.

my 20s sucked. the 20s were when i realized i had failed to make all my teenage dreams come true. that sucked. my 30s have been great so far. the 30s are when i made peace with not having any dreams.

i also learned how to focus on enjoyment of the small pleasures in life: a good meal, hanging out on the couch with the cat, the joy of tinkering around with music software instead of dreaming to be in a famous mega-platinum selling metal band... that sort of thing. how i learned to stop worrying about the future and love the present, or something like that. i also fell in love - which does help.

i have a good friend who is eternally miserable and i keep telling him to stop obsessing over his misery and using consumerism to try to put a band-aid on it, and get involved with helping other people out. just try it, i tell him. he probably thinks i'm a huge asshole, but i still think it's good advice.

i haven't given up my dreams, and never intend to, although they have become more modest in scope. e.g. "become world-renowned man of culture & mystery" has been replaced by "learn a sensible trade and run a profitable small business"

How do you rekindle your love affair with life?

meet one fascinating woman, become smitten, enjoy it for the brief period until you go back to hating everything again.

(xpost) Much the same for me, except that the scale of my dreams has stayed the same, it's the structure that's changed. They've gone from "nebulous wish fulfilment daydream revenge fantasies" to solid plans that I have at least half a chance of managing to carry out.

i bounce from extreme fun to extreme :(, its a rollercoaster but i like it way better than some sort of dulled medicated middle ground

me too! same exact

not to exaggerate or anything, im not prone to mood swings or manic depression, just kinda run of the mill cyclic lifestyle

good to know someone else is bouncin with me =)

u know tho, deej, u generally seem kinda perky to me. like up

oh you

Life has my number and knows how to reach me.

-- Dr Morbius, Monday, June 2, 2008 11:40 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Link

One of the best things every said by anyone, anywhere.

Wait, wait, wait...

I think I've never had a love affair with life. Sorry I am such a prude, life.

This definitely will not work for everyone, but I go to the mountains, put on a backpack and walk away from my car, as far away from roads and people as I can get. Then I keep walking.

Rocks, trees, sky, dirt, creeks, sun, silence and the smell of warm fir needles. They do me a world of good. I always come back invigorated and happy. Then I eat some bacon.

my affair with life has nothing to do with love

my 20s sucked. the 20s were when i realized i had failed to make all my teenage dreams come true. that sucked. my 30s have been great so far. the 30s are when i made peace with not having any dreams.

This, well sort of. As I approach 40 I'm getting less and less worried about all the things I coulda shoulda woulda done, and becoming more comfortable with the here and now, regardless of what I'm doing - as long as I have a roof over my head, a job, someone(s) who love me, and some idle things to keep me happy in my spare time.

My job's dull, I dont earn enough, I may never afford to buy a house, I want to be a songwriter or writer but I just dont got the goods - but I think I'd rather be cool with who I am than angst over what I'm not.

Sometimes I still hate on myself for being crap, but who doesnt.

Those around me who really have pursued awesome dreams - to go back to what Surmounter was saying about work - have only got there by working really fucking hard to get there. Games designer friend - programs his ass off for about 18 hours a day, no joke. Is bored with games industry, even though he makes and plays PS2s and Xboxes for a living. Partner is a musician. He works at it really really hard and just wont give up or second guess himself. I just wish I had that discipline!

I wish I had ANY discipline. Part of me thinks I could make crazy dollars with a little work ethic.

I console myself with the knowledge that most contemporary writers I really like didn't write their Major Books until they were in their early 30s.

I've got a decade to get more good at English.

i know it's like the clock is ticking. when will i prove myself? ::tick tock::

Heh, I had a crisis when I turned 30 in that regard. OMG I AM 30 AND SINGLE AND HAVE NO HOUSE AND MY JOB SUX AND I HAVNT DONE ANYTHING AWESOME AAAAAAA.

Somehow, the panic passes!