Absence of bonhomie in co-workers

I swear you'd have more banter on an 8 hour shift with Satan than with my colleague today.

Why. Ruin. A. Good. Thing.

wait so is the complaint that your coworker isn't chatty?

haha xpost

doesn't talk, sighs occasionally, barks occasional info eg "i'mgoinonmylunch" at shrill tempo.

i have the opposite of this problem. do we work together?

Better to be too little chatty than too much, though, no Ronan?

i never tell anyone i'm going to lunch though. or bark. at least not at work.

this is really dependent on your workplace i think
i'd be happy if the people next to me in my office would stfu

are you a 50-something englishwoman with a voice that sounds like the showgirls from the "British Casino" proposed to Mr Burns?

x-post as I say, you need to communicate for work and the colleague is at a desk very close to me. if they were silent but benevolent fine, but silent and constantly sighing loudly or tutting is kinda grim I find.

I don't want to chat endlessly either, of course, but negativity seems different from silence. Maybe I'm sensitive to this.

go make a emo about it

-- jhøshea, Wednesday, 9 April 2008 23:21 (1 month ago) Link

sorry had to do it

that's okay

are you a 50-something englishwoman with a voice that sounds like the showgirls from the "British Casino" proposed to Mr Burns?

Thank you, you have made me think of what is still the funniest moment in the entire series:

Burns: ...Now, to the plant! We'll take the Spruce Moose. [picks up the model] Hop in!

Smithers: But, sir --

Burns: [pointing a gun] I said, hop in.

I used to have fun with this sort of co-worker. The surlier they were, the more cheerful I was. Verbal aikido, to the point where they'd be all "look, I'M MISERABLE, OKAY? LET ME BE MISERABLE!" and I'd just smile and nod and say "yeah, go for it! Get down there and wallow!" And they'd start crying and run off to the bathroom. Fun!

being cheerful at work is such a difficult concept for me to understand.

rock hardy, that's the reason for workplace massacres.

but fake it? i really hate when my coworkers show up to work with atlas-like chips on their shoulders.

'cheerful' /= 'giggly-egregious-phony-lady who calls me sweetypie'

rock hardy, that's the reason for workplace massacres

Don't be ridiculous, Kevin -- clearly it's Rock who is committing the massacre in slow motion.

What have they done to my Ronan?

:/

i'd be happy if the people next to me in my office would stfu

agreed. and at long last now i know what 'stfu' means.
however to answer the q ronan.
say nothing.
the co-worker may need space for a while, and the reason behind the atmosphere could evaporate naturally, and in fact, they may open up once the mood lightens.
i work with a rather stressy co, and i know how to play his moods now. first, i leave well alone, wait a few days, then ask what was up.
bingo - open discussion and better understanding between us.
always seems to work.

Don't be ridiculous, Kevin -- clearly it's Rock who is committing the massacre in slow motion.

I need a .gif of Bill Murray as the grill guy smiling and nodding in the SNL sketches. That's me with the surly people who are all "I DARE YOU TO BE HAPPY AROUND ME!"

I was on vacation for two weeks and just started again this Tuesday. I'd seen my parents, old childhood friends, New York buddies, went to a wedding, saw a man get his nose broken. At 10am my boss came in and walked past my desk without looking at me, and went "hey" out of the side of her mouth. I realise this mostly has to do with me though.

I don't even want to know what was up, cos answer is just general dissatisfaction with lot/life, though not in a major do something about it way, just default operational mode you get in offices.

I mean...to give some context, the people I work with will have these whisper-fests where they moan about a co-worker or a faulty computer or something in hushed tones. It's so pathetic.

You know that kind of atmosphere? I've seen it around plenty of places, it is a surprise that it's about where I now work though. I did a really hard interview and loads of training for this job and everyone at that point was so positive, and I was positive about working for this company.

It is sad that the people in some parts of it are such buzzkills.

I don't even expect like cheerfulness, I just hate such pointless negativity, or negativity channeled in such a pointless way. Even the hushed tones make me cringe, "we hate it here but SSSSH nobody must know!"

The good news is it inspires me to get a job elsewhere in the same organisation, which is possible and achievable, and definitely should be better.

http://www.break.com/index/office-worker-goes-absolutely-insane.html

rock hardy, that's the reason for workplace massacres

Wait, I thought Rock worked from home...

Peeps need to read Miss Manners' shit on the dangers of pally-palliness at the workplace. That woman is a galaxy of OTM.

Wait, I thought Rock worked from home...

You have to keep the voices in your head SOMEWHERE.

Now I only drive my wife crazy, but I had 15 years to practice on other people's psyches before going solo.

:)

I swear you'd have more banter on an 8 hour shift with Satan than with my colleague today.

I can't decide whether to act rude or adopt a gigantic smile. How do you deal with stressed ratty co-workers?
― Ronan, Wednesday, June 4, 2008 6:41 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

fuck. this is my life right now. don't want to seem ungrateful after near two years unemployed but göt damn

Peeps need to read Miss Manners' shit on the dangers of pally-palliness at the workplace. That woman is a galaxy of OTM.

― Abbott, Wednesday, 4 June 2008 21:03 (2 years ago)

I need to read this. When it goes bad, it goes baaaaad.

Sometimes, the more pally you are, the more you reveal how much you despise your job. So I keep my mouth shut, lest one of my co-workers deems my job-despising worthy of relating/tattling to our mutual supervisor.

relentless stream of microagressions from person who hired me approx 2 years ago, who is no longer my boss but with whom i still work day to day. comments like

"yes, I understand how it works Tracer. what I am getting at is.."

this is every day and it is just so shitty, makes me feel shitty, my bosses (and their bosses) are cc'ed on practically everything and it feels... awful? i finally responded today. i'm always skeptical of actually addressing things like this because it can make it a larger issue, and you run the risk of further inflaming people but i just can't take it any more. i finally said

"Not suggesting you don't know how things work! I'm mystified by the antagonistic tone here and it saddens me. We've always gotten along. Have I said / done something wrong? Genuinely confused and open to feedback."

no reply yet

Sounds like you handled it better than I would!

yeah that sounds as healthy as it could have been expected to be tbh

apologies in advance for vagueness, but i did have an issue with a co-worker last week that was challenging. i was able to talk about it with another co-worker afterwards, and i felt kind of bad about it, really felt like i didn't say the "right thing" and if i had said the "right thing" it would have gone better. they affirmed with me that there isn't really a "right thing" to say in this situation, the important thing was that i said something at all.

anyway, i think you did the right thing. your speaking up may not resolve the issue, but saying that there is an issue is important. i feel like one of the primary goals of things like microaggressions, gaslighting, etc, is to maintain the fiction that the person engaging in those activities isn't working to create a hostile environment, to upset or "trigger" a person and then work to discredit them in the eyes of others by portraying them as "sensitive" or "overreacting".

my experience is that this is not a problem that goes away on its own, and even though speaking up about the problem opens one up to further attack, it's in most cases the best viable option.

yeah sounds like you've at least given the situation a chance of defusing in a fair and even-handed way. it is very hard and anxiety-inducing trying to decide whether to speak up about this kind of thing or just plough on. sometimes i resent having to put myself out there emotionally as part of my job or due to other people's behaviour, but it's probably best to do so in this situation.