Coming Out

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please talk about your experiences of it here. or if you are in the closet still, you could post anonymously and talk about your reasons why you are in.

― di, Wednesday, 20 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

when i told my mum i was bisexual she said "oh for goodness sake everyone's bisexual"

― mark s, Wednesday, 20 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Is she?

― Ally C, Wednesday, 20 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

well whenever she has a lesbian dream she tells everyone at the breakfast table, but she has not i think evah cheated on my dad so actively perhaps not

― mark s, Wednesday, 20 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh, she's like Brett Anderson. How nice.

― Ally C, Wednesday, 20 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hey don't be snarky about my mum!!!

― mark s, Wednesday, 20 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

well of course all my friends were okay with me being bisexual. even my bible-bashing pro-lifer high-school friend. but my mum took it badly. i told her not to tell my dad (my dads a conservative asshole), and she told him. then they confronted me about how "sick" i am. now we um don't talk about it. i'd rather not hear their shit, and i'm sure they'd rather pretend it never happened, that i'm straight. they didn't upset me, they just made me roll their eyes. it really wasn't as bad as it sounds, although some understanding would have been much preferable.

― di, Wednesday, 20 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

So when will your mom front a Suede tribute band, Mark? The public demands an answer!

Crap reaction from yer parents, Di, natch. I've heard worse, but I've certainly heard a lot better. You'd think that they could vaguely pretend to themselves that because you're bi then there's still 'hope' in their eyes, which is still a stupid attitude to take but anyway.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 20 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

my parents reaction- oh we knew honey.

― anthony, Wednesday, 20 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

When my best friend came out he was quite upset that I didn't make a bigger deal of. He was the last person he told and was terrified that I'd react badly, I was slightly hurt by that. He was expecting it to change the dynamic of our friendship. I didn't see how it could, He was still the same person.

― Ed, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I haven't come out.

― N., Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I remember the general reaction when a classmate from high school came out after graduation was something along the lines of, "You were in the closet?" He was somewhat annoyed with that, but even more annoyed when people asked him, "Has your dad come out yet?"

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well, so what happened when his dad *did* come out?

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I don't know if he has or not. This is the type of gossip I missed out on when I missed my ten-year reunion.

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A married friend of my dad's came out recently, aged 50 something. My dad said this isn't so uncommon. Fucking odd life, innit?

― N., Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A copy of City of Night fell out of my coat pocket. Then everybody knew! Well, that was how I came out to one group of friends. I was just waiting for someone to ask me ask me ask me. I never really came out to my parents--they outed me. I was pretty estranged from my family at that point in my life--early 20s--and on one of my rare visits back home they suggested that maybe the reason why I'd dropped out of school and was drifting through life was that I was confused about my sexuality. And when I told them I wasn't at all confused by that point, they seemed to accept it just fine. Of course, I have three brothers and three sisters, so the pressure to marry and have children wasn't too high. My parents sometimes talk about how they wish they could have made things easier for me when I was a teenager, but they couldn't have made much of a difference, really. I think I would have shunned their support, I'd have been embarrassed.

I hope your parents come around some day, Di. I think most parents--maybe this isn't the case with you, Di, I don't know--are just afraid for their children. Afraid of AIDS, of the "scary" gay netherworld, of gay sex, of fagbashing. Then they, hopefully, realize that it's generally not such a big deal, and they get over it.

― Arthur, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My friend J, who hung out in my little group of refuseniks in high school, looked like Liberace without the makeup, had a Matinique In- Wear wardrobe (Dan, I'm getting *such* a good '80s mental picture of you!) and dressed up as Boy George for Halloween in 10th grade. He is now one of MN's gay activists but actually dated girls despite our nickname for him: Queerbait.

Being totally uptight and having conservative political ambitions (he interned for Fred Grandy, the congressman who played Gopher on the Love Boat) it took him until after college to come out. When told of this, my mother said, 'About time - he *really* set off my gaydar.' I haven't seen him in years but our friend Nellie says he's got a breeder lifestyle without the actual reproduction: him and Life Partner have a dog and house in the 'burbs.

One of my best friends, who is now living in London, inspired Crush Frenzy in me and Nellie when we were at uni but didn't come out for ages.Now, however, he is way, decadently, out.

― suzy, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dan, I'm getting *such* a good '80s mental picture of you!

Likewise. It's very scary that the more I learn about you, the more you remind me of the people in my circle of MN friends.

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

In Hastings, there was a girl working the Louise Brooks/Dorothy Parker interface in a pre-Winona-in-Heathers/Jane Lane way and pillaging Ragstock weekly, while taking the mick out of mild-mannered Skinny Puppy fans and the Ultravox posse? Doing fake cheerleading routines which incorporated as many obscene gestures as possible due to Parkette proximity? Really?

Anyway, sounds like there were knots of five interesting people who planned escape at every Mpls-area high-school. And one guy who did In- Wear as a religion substitute ;-).

― suzy, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm straightish but it makes me think of this: My dad was all beery and emotional one night and told me with great pride that "I woulda loved you even if you were gay, son" as if he deserved a #1 Dad coffee mug or something. I know he was trying to be supportive and with-it but it just seems like such a so-what issue to me. I can't imagine not loving my kid no matter what their hobbies are, basically. The fact that he'd actually sat there and thought to himself, "What if Fritz is gay? Will I still love him? Yes, I suppose I will" just pissed me off. Maybe it's just a generational thing. I just shrugged and let him have his I'm-so-open-minded moment.

If I'd been smart I would have said, "I'm so glad to hear you say that, Dad, cause there's something I've been meaning to tell you..." just to see him turn six shades of purple.

― fritz, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Having written that, I realize what an ungrateful brat I sound like and that if I had been gay that would have been a real relief to hear. He's a good old guy really, my pop.

― fritz, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well, Fritz, better a so-open-minded moment than an 'I'm open-minded BUT' moment, my mum's speciality. But you're not sounding spoiled, just exasperated.

― suzy, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This could be my friend Sara or my other friend Sarah. But not Sara or Sarah, although Sara was kind of like that in a sweet, innocent way. You know, I don't think I realized until this very moment that how many Sara(h)s I know.

I'm sorry, I'm not on topic at all anymore, am I?

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

So Sara, then.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm not sure if I could ever come out as a bisexual...I'd probably set myself up to be rejected by the other 50 percent of humanity...

― anon, Thursday, 21 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

When i told my mum that i was a men hugger, she kicked me in the ass, and told me that i was a freak, oh and: "get the hell out of my house you ass ramming faggot!"

― Howard Tucker, Friday, 22 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That's a bit harsh, perhaps you should kick your mum in the nuts. i would.

― cool, Friday, 22 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My parents have been very very good, although I would expect as much considering that my mum's a fag-hag and my father could easily be mistaken as the fag she hags for. I'm intensely aware of how lucky I've been, and that I shouldn't be impatient with queer people I know who have issues (issues which seem ridiculously easy to get over from my perspective) because they generally haven't been so lucky.

― Tim, Friday, 22 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

my parents didn't speak to me for a few days,a fter the usual are you sure/have youg tos aids questions, and then they went to cousnelling. They now have a Non Homophoiba Here sticker on their fridge. Mind you Dad has more Shirely bassey/Babs albums than I do, and he's the one that got me listening to Cilla Black in the first place...

― Queen G, Friday, 22 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

my borther was a different story - he wanted to know if it was hereditary...soon after he became a fundie christian...but he sued to love melrose and he stillw atches friends.

― Queen G, Friday, 22 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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