Haltemprice by-election candidates

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7483851.stm

GRACE ASTLEY, INDEPENDENT
Ms Astley is a supply teacher angry at the way school tests in England are handled.

DAVID BISHOP, CHURCH OF THE MILITANT ELVIS PARTY
Self-styled as "Lord Biro", Mr Bishop wants to overthrow the capitalist state, which he blames for turning the singer Elvis Presley into a "fat media joke". He thinks US President George W Bush is the anti-Christ who will trigger Armageddon. Other policies include imprisoning Cherie Blair to stop her reporting details of her sex life and placing CCTV cameras in Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg's bedroom.

RONNIE CARROLL, MAKE POLITICIANS HISTORY
The two-times representative of Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest is calling - as his description suggests - for a future free of politicians. Mr Carroll, whose 1960s hits include Roses are Red and Say Wonderful Things, is conducting his campaign from his home in Hampstead, north London.

MAD COW-GIRL, OFFICIAL MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY
Mad Cow-Girl, whose real name is Rosalyn Warner, is a registered nurse who contested the Sunderland South seat in 2001 and 2005. She is standing on a policy of supporting pre-charge detentions of up to 42 days for terror suspects, saying: "I may be a loony but I'm not mad enough to want dangerous people walking free in the name of political correctness."

DAVID CRAIG, INDEPENDENT
Mr Craig is standing on a platform of cutting public sector waste. He wants MPs to be paid less and is offering to give away half his salary to charity if elected to Westminster.

HERBERT CROSSMAN, INDEPENDENT

Mr Crossman, who lives in Harrow, Middlesex, says he is campaigning over the "important things in life". Rather than focusing on issues of individual liberty, he is concentrating on the credit crunch, standards of living and petrol prices.

TESS CULNANE, NATIONAL FRONT
Ms Culnane is promising to "broaden the focus" of the by-election away from the issue of detention periods for terror suspects. She says other reasons for the terrorist threat must be addressed, including the war in Iraq and "mass immigration" since the end of the Second World War.

THOMAS DARWOOD, INDEPENDENT

Mr Darwood, from Thorpe Bay, Essex, is a campaigner for Christian issues.

DAVID DAVIS, CONSERVATIVES
The former Conservative shadow home secretary resigned his seat last month and is re-contesting it in opposition to what he calls the government's erosion of liberties. Plans to extend pre-charge detentions for terror suspects to up to 42 days and to increase the size of the DNA database are particular targets for his campaign.

TONY FARNON, INDEPENDENT
Mr Farnon lives in Newcastle-upon-Tyne.

EAMONN FITZPATRICK, INDEPENDENT

The former market trader says that, unlike David Davis, he supports the government's plans to extend maximum pre-charge detentions for terror suspects to 42 days. He stood for Northampton South at the last general election.

CHRISTOPHER FOREN, INDEPENDENT
Mr Foren, formerly a Crown prosecutor in Leeds, is campaigning to preserve Britain's environment, by reducing building on greenfield sites, extending roads and expanding airports. He also promises to tackle economic inequality, introduce proportional representation at Westminster and sustaining the UK's population level by allowing only as many people to come to the country as the number who leave it.

GEMMA GARRETT, MISS GREAT BRITAIN PARTY
Ms Garrett, currently Miss Great Britain, has become something of a regular at recent by-elections. Pledging to make politics "sexy and not sleazy" and Westminster "less dowdy and downtrodden", the beauty queen from Belfast came last in May's contest in Crewe and Nantwich.

GEORGE HARGREAVES, CHRISTIAN PARTY
An evangelical, Mr Hargreaves' main concern is with the European Union, which he says will "imprison the whole nation for 42 years or more". He is calling for the UK to have a referendum on the EU Treaty, as happened recently in Ireland.

HAMISH HOWITT, FREEDOM 4 CHOICE
Mr Howitt, a Blackpool pub landlord, opposes the smoking ban for public places, which came into force last year. His platform is that bar owners should be free to choose whether to allow customers to light up on their premises. Mr Howitt was the first landlord in England to be prosecuted for defying the ban.

DAVID ICKE, INDEPENDENT
The former professional footballer and TV sports presenter admits he does not have "any chance of winning" the by-election. He says David Davis's decision to call a contest on the subject of "Big Brother" is "far bigger than even he realises and unless we see the big picture of what is going on nothing effective can be done to stop it".

JOHN NICHOLSON, INDEPENDENT
Mr Nicholson, a former farmer, is running as an educational reformer. He advocates every child in the country being provided with an abacus, which he has developed, to improve their method of learning mathematics. Mr Nicholson is also campaigning for a better system of justice.

SHAN OAKES, GREEN PARTY
Former English teacher Ms Oakes is calling for a wider "civil liberties" programme than she says is being promoted by David Davis. In particular, she has criticised his support for the current maximum period of 28 days for detaining terror suspects without charge.

DAVID PINDER, THE NEW PARTY
Mr Pinder wants to "roll back the state and return to traditional British values". His policies include reducing personal taxation, deregulating business, allowing people more choice in healthcare and education and "reducing the power of the EU over our lives".

JOANNE ROBINSON, ENGLISH DEMOCRATS
A former civil servant with a qualification in dog behaviour, Mrs Robinson is campaigning on her party's main position of demanding a separate English parliament and prime minister. She is also calling for an end to "uncontrolled mass immigration".

JILL SAWARD, INDEPENDENT

Ms Saward was raped at her home, a vicarage in Ealing, west London, in 1986 and waived her anonymity to campaign for the victims of sex attacks. She opposes David Davis's views, particularly his opposition to extending the DNA database. Ms Saward has said: "Mr Davis thinks that by forcing a by-election he is standing up for British justice. In reality he is attempting to strike a hammer blow through the very tools the police need to keep us safe."

NORMAN SCARTH, INDEPENDENT
Now an independent, Mr Scarth ran in the Sedgefield by-election last year - which followed the resignation of Tony Blair - as the Anti-Crime Party candidate. He is described as a civil rights campaigner.

WALTER SWEENEY, INDEPENDENT
A solicitor and former Conservative MP for the Vale of Glamorgan, Mr Sweeney sits on the council of the libertarian Freedom Association.

CHRISTOPHER TALBOT, SOCIALIST EQUALITY PARTY
Mr Talbot says he is standing partly because Labour failed to put forward a candidate. He accuses the government of effectively setting up a "police state". He promises to be the "spearhead of a broader political defence of the class interests of working people in Britain and internationally against militarism, social inequality and the profit system".

JOHN UPEX, INDEPENDENT

Mr Upex, the managing director of an electrical engineering business and an anti-EU campaigner, was a candidate for the UK Independence Party in Wakefield in the 2005 general election.

GREG WOOD, INDEPENDENT
Mr Wood lives in Bedale, North Yorkshire

bet davis is thrilled to have david icke sort of agree with him

the nf are still going?

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

I'm wondering why a random chap from Bedale is standing for no apparent reason. I mean, I can understand wanting to get out of Bedale, but the suburbs of Hull aren't much better.

George Hargreaves previously stood for the Welsh Assembly on a platform of: changing the Welsh flag, because it is a symbol of Satan. He was also, famously, the producer of "So Macho" by Sinitta.

voting against (or for) ... Locking Terrorist suspects for 42 days!

Here's the results of the recent ILX poll of the same ilk.

There's time for a SEA CHANGE!

Don't think any of Haltemprice counts as suburban Hull. They all seceded to the East Riding council, the Tory gits.

Greg Wood (Independent) Former Royal Navy medical officer.

Assume this guy's some sort of radical Marxist then.

England U19's Yorkshire-based opening batsman and wicketkeeper is called Greg Wood.

I'd class places like Anlaby and Willerby as Hull suburbs even though they're part of East Riding. Even Cottingham and Hessle.

(although Hessle isn't part of the H+H constituency, I know)

They're really more like bloated ticks feeding off our warm, vibrant civic body.

(I'm just trolling for Kirk Ella-ite googlers now.)

There must be some.

East Riding = Tory, low council tax, so have rubbish roads and hope that everyone will go into Hull and use their council services instead. Bloated ticks, like you say.

Apparently the constituency extends to the outskirts of Goole. Which is the best bit of Goole, obv.

Most of the voters, though, are in Anlaby, Willerby and Kirk Ella. People on the outskirts of Google have trouble voting, because their webbed fingers make it hard to hold the pencil.

^^^ IRL lulz

google?

Google (Britain's premier inland port)[2] is a town, civil parish and port located approximately 45 miles (75 km) inland on the River Ouse in the East Riding of Yorkshire, England.

Fun Fact: During the last boundary redistribution, the East Riding of Yorkshire and North Lincolnshire Council both fought hard not to have Goole included in their territory.

I might vote for Gemma Garrett for being pretty, which is almost certainly a greater achievement than anything anyone else on this huge ballot paper has managed.

Actually before I vote, where does she stand on locking people up for 42 days without trial?

She stands slightly behind them with her hands over her baps.

Man I bet the militant Islams hate that.

Fun Fact: Having attended a 1 day training course in Goole I no longer fear death.

I might vote for Gemma Garrett for being pretty, which is almost certainly a greater achievement than anything anyone else on this huge ballot paper has managed.

-- Matt DC, Thursday, 10 July 2008 09:58 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

Well, someone obviously found Jill Saward very attractive.

Too soon?

I find "Goole" a right nuisance to type. Typing "Google" is too ingrained. Damn you, internets!

Fun Fact: The League of Gentleman was originally set to be filmed on location in Goole, but writer Reece Shearsmith felt it was "too far-fetched".

voting against (or for) ... Locking Terrorist suspects for 42 days!

Here's the results of the recent ILX poll of the same ilk.

There's time for a SEA CHANGE!

-- Mark G, Thursday, 10 July 2008 08:13 (55 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Uh, sorry Mark, didn't see that one when I did a search. Still, now people have had a chance to look at the manifestos...

no prob! Actually, you can see the value of having two polls on the same subject, like this.

Fun Fact: Goole is twinned with Złotów, Poland. Fuck knows how bleak that is.

GREG WOOD, INDEPENDENT
Mr Wood lives in Bedale, North Yorkshire

This is his entire profile. Dude gets my vote.

I like the cut of his jib

All Creatures Great and Small-watching dicks.

Please be this guy: http://content-uk.cricinfo.com/england/content/player/226318.html

Jeez I'm such an incorrigible anorak. :(

No worries, off to the pub soon, got some, er, cricket to watch! :D

http://ukpollingreport.co.uk/images/port/haltemprice26b.jpg

Afraid not.

Does anyone know what

Tony Farnon
INDEPENDENT

is standing for?

GIS makes me wonder if Goole's twinned with Złotów for historic water-tower-related reasons.

http://public.tfh-berlin.de/~rau/wt-s/wt-zlotow3.jpg

Best things about Bedale: the picturesque railway station, and the name of their pizza takeaway: All Pizzas Great And Small.

Actually I'm a bit worried that maybe GREG WOOD: INDEPENDENT originally had down that he thought the EU has too much influence in our lives and favours cutting taxes and going back to traditional British values, but then cut that bit when he realised that's what everyone else had put.

(xxxp) Drinking before 11am? Slippery slope... youth of today... bloody students... army, best thing for 'em etc

TOM D. (INDEPENDENT) - Tom is from Scotland.

favours cutting taxes and going back to traditional British values

Like 80% income tax for high earners... post-war consensus... save the NHS... salt of the earth etc

Tony Farnon (Independent) Promoting an anti-smoking website.

Cock.

If my name was Greg Wood, I'd register the "Be a great MP" party. "Greg Wood: Be A Great MP" on the ballot paper. Fantastic.

I'm also hoping that something nastily legal happens to Ms Mad-Cow to prevent her reverting to her original name.

I was intrigued by the BBC's election coverage yesterday: when they gave the full list of all the candidates, David Icke didn't have any affiliation, not even "Independent". Must be some sort of conspiracy.

(or a fuckup by the Look North staff, obv)

There's a great butchers in Bedale which does kangaroo and mango sausages amongst more traditional treats.

George Hargreaves (Christian Party)

That's an oxymoron, surely?

fried pentangle of lizard

Sorry, Ms Cow-Girl, not Ms Mad-Cow.

I'll have to try that butcher. Was planning to go to the food festival in Leyburn last month, but didn't make it.

Wise after the event

I daren't ask who Des O'Connor is.

Have you been to Forbidden Corner before Forest? It is dope imo, you need reasonable weather tho.

Bagsy I be Andrew Preview

I'm more interested in how Dingbod knows about my short fat hairy legs.

I went to Forbidden Corner about 5 years and was fab, I think they've added several new things to it since then.

I've never been, and I'm not really sure what to expect. Fingers crossed on the weather.

I bet it's more than 5 years since we went last. Need to find time at some point during our glorious summer.

Are you people talking about the sci-fi nerd shop?

lol no it's a nerd theme park

http://www.leninimports.com/forbidden_colours_japanese_cd.jpg

www.theforbiddencorner.co.uk

http://hitparade.ch/cdimages/george_michael-a_different_corner_s.jpg

So its the Corfe Castle Model Village for Tolkien nerds then?

Not really, it's kinda hard to explain. It's not mad dungeons and dragon-y, except for the bits that are.

What's forbidden about it?

It reminds me more of going to a Blue Peter version of the Yorkshire Sculpture Park than anything.

What's forbidden about it?

The local planning authority didn't like it much, from what I've heard, hence their unusual restrictions on visitor numbers and so on.

What's forbidden about it?

It's in the arse-end of nowhere.

I called a wrong turn on the way home and we ended up driving thru the Yorkshire Dales, completely fucking the car's exhaust in the process. Every time we drove over a sheep grid on the top of a huge hill I was singing the All Creatures Great and Small theme tune. Until Mrs Vague punched me in the face.

I spent a fair while driving round little country lanes in that area the other weekend, trying to take a short cut from Jervaulx to Bedale. The turning off the main road *was* signposted to Bedale, but none of the other junctions were. Bugger. Not-Mrs-FP, who is a mobile librarian, knew all about where to turn to get to remote hamlets, but not the best route for getting anywhere with a double-digit population.

(on the up-side, we did stop to take photos of rustic level crossings on the rather grass-grown local preserved railway)

we might go to Forbidden Corner this weekend. is it as Labyrinth-y as it looks?

I've never watched Labyrinth but I'm guessing yes.

http://www.austinchronicle.com/binary/e86e/SS.labyrinth1.jpg

thomas and mrs thomas.

Shouldn't that be the other way round? Just saying, like

sorry yeah, should have been a "from r-l" on there of course.

That looks more like Up-the-arse Corner to me.

I didn't even know Jennifer Connolly had worked with Samuel Beckett

Or Peter Reid.

By-election stage collapse fears

Twenty-six candidates are standing
The 26 candidates in the Haltemprice and Howden by-election will not share a stage at the count after fears it could collapse under their combined weight.

Election results are normally announced from a temporary stage at the Haltemprice Leisure Centre.

But the candidates in Thursday's poll will stand on the floor in a semi-circle around a small platform with the returning officer on it.

The 26 candidates will all be entitled to make a speech when the results have been announced, but the returning officer is expected to have a quiet word about keeping it brief, the spokeswoman said.

Then they all throw the winner in the pool.

Fun Fact: Refugees fleeing the massacres in Darfur asked to be repatriated after being offered accommodation in Goole.

I know a guy from Goole

Tom D (Independent): He knows a guy from Goole.

Is he still in Goole now?

No, don't be daft

Also, is it very wrong of me to hate the wacky japester candidates more than the BNP?

it's a bit wrong but..

Thing is you scratch most of these hilarious surrealists and they're BNP pigs just under the surface anyway.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Thing is you scratch most of these hilarious surrealists and they're BNP pigs just under the surface anyway.

IE, Ms Cow-Girl's "why shouldn't we lock lots more people up without trial? It'll make the country safer" comments.

NoodVag is OTM, of course.

David Michael Davis - Conservative Party 17,113 votes
Shan Oakes - Green Party 1,758
Joanne Robinson - English Democrats 1,714
Tess Culnane - National Front Britain for the British 544
Gemma Dawn Garrett - Miss Great Britain Party 521
Jill Saward - Independent 492
Mad Cow-Girl - The Official Monster Raving Loony Party 412
Walter Edward Sweeney - Independent 238
John Nicholson - Independent 162
David Craig - Independent 135
David Pinder - The New Party 135
David Icke - No party listed 110
Hamish Howitt - Freedom 4 Choice 91
Christopher John Talbot - Socialist Equality Party 84
Grace Christine Astley - Independent 77
George Hargreaves - Christian Party 76
David Laurence Bishop - Church of the Militant Elvis Party 44
John Randle Upex - Independent 38
Greg Wood - Independent 32
Eamonn Fitzpatrick - Independent 31
Ronnie Carroll - Make Politicians History 29
Thomas Faithful Darwood - Independent 25
Christopher Mark Foren - Independent 23
Herbert Winford Crossman - Independent 11
Tony Farnon - Independent 8
Norman Scarth - Independent 8

Good result for the Green party, a tenth of the cons' vote!

Wil no-one / has no-one ever stood for the "Punky Reggae Party" ?

Wow, even the most deluded-as-to-their-own-popularity student election candidates get more than 8 votes. That's got to HURT.

NORMAN SCARTH, INDEPENDENT
Now an independent, Mr Scarth ran in the Sedgefield by-election last year - which followed the resignation of Tony Blair - as the Anti-Crime Party candidate. He is described as a civil rights campaigner.

Hmm, so he gets kicked out of the "anti crime party" presumably because he likes crime really. 8 votes!

You wonder how much actual campaigning some of these people do tho, or whether they just like being on the telly stood next to some nazi dressed like a pirate?

Or maybe you're out with your mates one night on a bit of a piss-up, putting the world to rights, one thing leads to another and when you wake up in a morning you find you've registered as a candidate in a high profile by-election. And you hate foreigners.

Oh boy, I just went to the webpage of the one musician in my village not to play folk or early 70s classic rock covers to see if he was playing at tomorrow's rather inaccurately named "arts festival", and the front page has been replaced by a long list of reasons why David Icke is right and you should make everyone you know watch his videos and let him be the saviour of all mankind (top reason: global warming is a lie propagated by Al Gore).

Is Al Gore a giant space-lizard then?