Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

Possibly cf with the ILM Noah and the Whale thread, actually.

it probably would if their smoothies weren't actually head and shoulders above the competition.

Not really. Although I suppose as part of (precursor to?) the whole twee countryside picnic Waitrose type adverts with some warbling accoustic number in the background I can see how it could grate a bit.

oh xp, 'cos yes their xmoothies are (mostly) very good.

I used to have to deal with their marketing department on a regular basis, and they were uber-cynical cunts of the highest order, even by marketing department standards.

xpost huh
also i think every supermarket now has a generic smoothie line with the damn-near exact same packaging aesthetic.

Snakes On A Plane!

The aesthetic is repellent and the drinks are insanely over-priced bollocks so yes just a bit.

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00487/SNF1501HPJ-170_487463a.jpg

^^^somerfield

xp
Not going to their picnic then?

http://www.innocentdrinks.co.uk/images/icons_big/warm_happy_people.gif

This Water (tm) is full of the lovingly squeezed juice of forty-eight cranberries OK WE GET IT I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND 2 QUID ON A SMALL BOTTLE OF FRUIT

Earl Okins playing...

...at the picnic that is.

yes wtf with this water

This is what happens when you let Belle and Sebastian fans into the food and drink industry.

They invented it and then everyone else ripped it off. I didn't mind it when they did it.

But when everything you buy these days has got a section in their packaging saying "Hello you, welcome to the side of the packet! My name is Tad Fadley's new urban wenge and did you know that I am made out of 100% pure organic smugness. The scrummy goo inside me was personally farted out through the buttocks of a lovely young homosexual called Jason - MmmmmMMM! Oh it's delicious, drink me drink me! I'd really like to know what you think of me so drop me a letter, fax or even a tattooed baby (LOL! JKS!) of what you think. If you have a phone you can actually speak to Jason himself while he shits into a vat of pure untreated fairtrade effluent." it gets rather annoying, yeah.

I couldn't tell whether this was a musical subgenre or a category of porn.

"The people at Innocent deal with the fruit-based products, and This Water with the water-based ones." - actual comment on bottle of This Water I once regrettably bought

(both Innocent and This Water deal with fruit-and-water-based products)

lol DL

I just get annoyed by so much other stuff, this is pretty far down the list.

dude i used to work with tried to jump ship to their marketing department AND FAILED HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tad Fadley's new urban wenge

Oh for the days etc

Soft drinks as I know and understand them.

who gives a fuck about this

No, this is the real shit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thxAqdxGSPU

I inadvertently found myself at their picnic a few years ago. Ruined my afternoon in the park. Fuckers.

And they're charging for it this year. Double fuckers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5F23TxSpZk

I would drink all this orange pop

i had a smoothie phase, but after deciding to cut down on sugar i am back on the cherry coke

Cresta: The blackcurrent beverage that induces strokes.

^ Xpost! LOLZ. Lolz at phrase 'warbling acoustic number'.
Yeah Innocent Smoothies....I'm just waiting for the Ribena (notsotoothkind) style scandal to happen.
"Hello you, welcome to the side of the packet! My name is Tad Fadley's new urban wenge and did you know that I am made out of 100% pure organic smugness. The scrummy goo inside me was personally farted out through the buttocks of a lovely young homosexual called Jason - MmmmmMMM! Oh it's delicious, drink me drink me! I'd really like to know what you think of me so drop me a letter, fax or even a tattooed baby (LOL! JKS!) of what you think. If you have a phone you can actually speak to Jason himself while he shits into a vat of pure untreated fairtrade effluent." it gets rather annoying, yeahHahaha
But like Ned says, this is irritating but not as much as many other things.

I miss the 70s and I want to go back there right now. This century fucking sucks.

When did adverts stop trying to be hip? Those Noodle ones are grebt

I am an unashamed Innocent fan.

"It's frothy at the mouth, man!"

xpost now I have the Billy Joel song in my head!

Yeah, back to the seventies with its needless foreign wars and epidemics of knife crime in our streets.

I was going to poll every flavour of Rubicon earlier this week and never got round to it.

matt dc - do it!

100% pure organic smugness.

I'm all for eating fresh stuff, but this kind of twee bollocks just makes me want to smoke a carton of R0thmans, drink six Red Bulls, and eat a kebab containing Alsatian meat cooked rare.

i had a smoothie phase, but after deciding to cut down on sugar i am back on the cherry coke

er...

It must be good for you, it's got cherries in it.

Diet Coke = no sugar
Smoothies = a whole shitload of sugar

Diet Coke = no meaning in the universe

^OTM

People who don't like Diet Coke should just kill themselves, imo

Don't tell me, I only drink any of that shit as a mixer.

Srsly shit ALL TASTES THE SAME

The aliens were bad, but the “please bear with” finished me off.

https://i.imgur.com/H2poQe0.jpg

Some cunt in a spaceship is blocking.... etc

It turns out the "Sainsbury's copywriter bad day" story was as predicted: a twee copywriting joke from the tweeest food brand in the business. @trequartbeasta has taken this photo of an actual pack of the product (left)

(Image 2 here another example of their writing - be warned) https://t.co/3rIKBMV20M pic.twitter.com/Rctm3F2acI

— dan barker (@danbarker) October 16, 2021

On top of that, I've tried their vegan bacon and it looks and tastes like anchovies

"tastes like anchovies" sounds more appealing than I'd expect for "vegan bacon"

yeah sorry I've tasted that bacon too and it is nowhere near the deliciousness of anchovies. also doesn't taste or feel much like bacon either, really just kinda...non-descript bland nothingness, not offensive or anything but boy do the "NSFW" ad campaigns oversell it

the This chicken substitutes are ok tho

Their vegan bacon is the only bacon substitute I’ve ever enjoyed.

is this the thread for all tiresome twee shit?

Just remembered I visited the worst place in the world earlier… pic.twitter.com/2DBz5RHfKe

— Mrs Gladys Steptoe (@GladysSteptoe) October 17, 2021

it's "fun" to see the uk version of these. though of course wine o'clock is universal

would take all of those over anything 'cheeky'

This looks absolutely delicious George, can we 'karma' over to yours for breakfast tomorrow? - Adam

— Waitrose & Partners (@waitrose) November 8, 2021

I mean, cringey social media account mateyness probably deserves its own thread. Or purge.

I like the sign-off because it separates it from the anthropomorphic brand shit netflix and amazon do and highlights that behind that tweet is a deeply miserable person.

I wouldn't make matey jokes about going over to George's house to hang out, Waitrose guy.

It’s easy to get distracted by misinformation these days, but don’t worry…Science has got your back. #ScienceWillWin pic.twitter.com/aXVzAsfa6Z

— Pfizer Inc. (@pfizer) November 9, 2021

Corporate brands awkwardly appropriating out-dated memes is a whole subgenre of this kind of thing. That one is a perfect example

is this that or is it different cos its for the kids?
https://www.club.ie/meet-pat-frog/

Tech seems to be the homeland of this aesthetic even more than food packaging now

I really didn't think I could hate Fiverr any more than I did, but then I found out about their internal job titles pic.twitter.com/XJvaqSi6OX

— nathan ma (@nthnashma) February 6, 2022

winner

pic.twitter.com/jtRSxrUkA5

— Chris Ashworth-Bennion (@ChrisBennion_) February 15, 2023

the 'innocent smoothies' voice crossed with the 'buckle up fuckos/2am chilli' voice is particularly horrifying

"We’re here to punch lunch in the taste buds"

Feels a bit weird to put cutesy puns on a liquid that is literally poison pic.twitter.com/uuo5xj85IW

— Rob Manuel 🧻 (@robmanuel) February 16, 2023

we have some Tesco kitchen foil at home which for some reason has "foiled again!" written on it

I had a better looking ham sandwich thrown to me at the milwaukee county jail in 1994

I'm fairly sure Wilkos own brand stuff was the first, and among the worst, for writing terrible random slogans on every single product.
Coat hangers - "get the hang of it"
Dish cloths - "dish the dirt "
Rubber gloves- "time for the dishes" (?)

Some marketing people have too much time on their hands

Collecting these is a national hobby

Dear brands, please, for the love of god, could you just stop with this shit. pic.twitter.com/ztbb5SyPy2

— Melissa Harrison (@M_Z_Harrison) May 21, 2023

That one’s especially bad cause “which order do you put shit on a scone” is just the feeblest patter, you know you’re in for a bad time when someone trots it out

Why does vegan food think it can talk to me like that? AN INVESTIGATION: https://t.co/lCIBpbWYf8

— Amelia Tait (@ameliargh) August 4, 2023

I’m in the supermarket and a line of stand-up comedians are calling me to attention in the alternative milk aisle. “Drink to avoid Fear Of Missing Oat,” jibes one carton. Another provocatively demands that I “slurp, gulp, guzzle”. A few rows over, the meatless meats fancy a chat. “Hello,” says a packet of not-bacon. “Just FYI, you might not tell the difference between THIS product and bacon. Pretttttay cool.” Some plant-based lardons are keen to talk about “our buddy Mr Piggy”. A packet of smoked tempeh boasts “flavour as smouldering as a secret agent walking seductively out of the sea”.

Thanks for that.
As a person who eats meat I am mildly interested in trying vegetarian (not nec vegan) alternatives but I am hugely put off by all this shite. I want information, goddammit, not cutesy twitter bullshit.

I'm sticking with chickpeas, beans and lentils but if there is a nice product out there that's not over processed crap please do let me know.

lol at the Oatly guy. what a douche. people in marketing need to be incessantly ridiculed for being giant losers and also for basically ruining the world we live in. shitheads.

TESTIFY

Bleach, please.

It's annoying but pretty low on the ruining the world scale, c'mon. Most people really do still think vegan = gross so who cares.

marketing has turned our entire world into a transactional, monetized hell. arguably capitalism speaks to us primarily through our bodies, but it's through marketing that the language of capital enters our psyches. the fact that these assholes get paid what they do to use the insights of psychology to manipulate our fears and desires is just beyond fucked up imo

it also ruined the internet btw

Also this phenomenon is not at all limited to plant based products, as documented itt for the last 15 years

i've never even seen iCarly

or Bleach for that matter, i heard there was way too much filler towards the end

the beavis & butthead take on the innocent smoothies aesthetic

https://i.postimg.cc/bwZkmSTw/20230929-181002.jpg

https://Twitter.com/mippy/status/1708957795591110689?s=46&t=zQbxLGLurMqWqcXnRpq5zA

Hello to you, dear reader!
When the former Albanian dictator Enver Hoxha delivered his New Year message back in 1967, he pulled the cord marked “truth bomb”. “This year will be harder than last year,” he declared. “It will, however, be easier than next year.” I mean … on the one hand: thanks for not sugar-coating it, Enver. On the other: way to kill the party buzz, you monster!
I don’t want to murder the atmosphere (or indeed any dissidents) by reminding you of the news year you’ve just lived through – or by warning you of the news year you’re about to live through. It’s not big, it’s not clever, and it’s sure as heck not seasonal.
But I will say, pointedly, that our reporting feels particularly necessary in dark times. If you can, please help support the Guardian on a monthly basis from just £2, so as to keep it open for everyone. I can’t tell you how much it would be appreciated. A free press is needed now as much as it has ever been – and on some days, more than it has ever been.
In return for this support, I am formally* bestowing upon you the right to refer to yourself – in conversation, in the pub, and on any business cards you may care to have printed up – as “a newspaper baron”. Face it: if you pay to support a news organisation, then you ARE to all intents and purposes a newspaper baron. Just enjoy it! All the others do.
With that, it simply remains is for me to wish you a very happy holidays, and a splendid new year. Goodness knows you’ve earned it.
Marina Hyde
*not formally

This honestly reads worse than most innocent-style copy & now I’m amusing myself picturing uk media dipshits lining up to declare the anonymous composers of shitty brand emails the greatest stylists of their generation

On 20 July 2013, GCHQ officials entered The Guardian’s offices at King’s Cross in London, six weeks after the first Snowden-related article had been published.

At the request of the government and security services, Guardian deputy editor Paul Johnson, along with two others, spent three hours destroying the laptops containing the Snowden documents.

the Graun as the last bastion of the UK free press is the only funny joke in there

feel like that awful kid acne graffiti is adjacent to the topic of this thread

I was unfamiliar with the Innocent Smoothies brand until this thread. Looking at it online, I don't find the aesthetic particularly irritating at all.

https://twitter.com/maxtundra/status/1749138392099491950?s=61&t=AL5DD_4iz350KGtptOz8ew

What stage of capitalism is this?

https://nickasbury.substack.com/p/purpose-authenticity-and-nepo-brands

This seems a bit too knowing.

https://dairynews.today/upload/iblock/e03/caoddzzokv49azcmitaye5utqoge1lgl/Kerry_Dairy_launches_category_first_oat_and_dairy_blend_line.png

Literary Smoothie copy

This made me laugh!
I once had an American reader contact me to complain about the British spellings and grammar.
I explained it was set in England, with an English character and written by a British author . She said she wouldn’t read any more of my work 🙈🤷🏻‍♀️ ahh well! pic.twitter.com/pSGZClJIqG

— Olivia Lockhart - Romance Author (@LivvieHarts) July 15, 2024

“Alligator Alcatraz”
“Cornhusker Clink”