100 Things That Tourists Do

2. Advertise where they are (often by means of sports paraphernalia)

3. have a nice holiday

4. Ask where the building they are standing in front of can be found.

5. Hand you a camera in a subway station as the train is pulling in and ask you to take a picture of them and their 5 overweight sisters, becuz this is the dream vacation they always talked about.

6. Approach people in non-English speaking countries and talk to them in English straight off without even asking if they understand it. Shamefully I have done this myself a number of times.

7. go to the top of things

8. Tour

9. Chillax

10. Become flustered when trying to use ticket machines.

11. smile

12. grin
13. ooooh and aaaah

14. point
15. give you looks, eye your fashion sense

16. Don't ask directions but ask "Is this the right street I'm supposed to be on?"

17. Experience 90% of their trip through a viewfinder/tiny LCD display

18. eat

19. say or think "fuck it, I'm on vacation/holiday"

20. prostitutes

21. Pump money into the local economy

22. buy fudge

23. drugs

24. ride the tour boat

25. misunderstand unusual intersections

26. What they think are drugs; in fact potpourri.

27. Call themselves travellers, until they get better-paying jobs.

28. Stand on the Left on escalators

29. Spend the first half of each day trying to find someone who cashes travellers cheques

30. Patronize the most mediocre establishments and drink the worst beer available

31. die

32. Stay at home because of $4 gas

33. have sex

32. "let loose"

35. Lose a member of the party under mysterious circumstances

33. rent a scooter for the day

37. think driving on interstates = seeing the country

38. eat more

39. complain incessantly if they are very old or very young

40. send postcards that arrive when they're back in town

41. talk about their trip way too much

42. get color

43. sleep

44. take pictures of themselves wearing native garb

http://i38.tinypic.com/ix8r6d.jpg
45. Peace signs

46. take photos of really disgusting looking food

ILXors are tourists??????

all ilxors are tourists whenever we leave the house

Not me. At home I feel like a tourist.

47. walk three wide on the sidewalk at a snail's fucking pace.

48. stop abruptly on the sidewalk during rush hour to take a picture of the goddamn el.

49. generally make me miserable.

74. act surprised that there is sales tax.

This would be about the 5th time I've talked about the scared-shitless white parents at the south-side McDonalds on the way to the Museum of Science and Industry, so I will just refer back to previous posts

75. start lots of sentences with "look, they've got a ______"

76. Wear giant broad brimmed hats, giant dark glasses, and an eighth of an inch of sunblock on their face, but nothing at all on their at the start pasty-white but later beet-red exposed legs.

77. sit in bars talking about how much less prudish and Puritan people are back home in Germany / Spain / Sweden / Australia / etc.

78. pump lots of extra money into the economies of the places they visit

79. allow the locals to feel really smug

80. smell

81. Prostitutes. and unfortunately in some cases child prostitutes

Scratch 78 - that's #4

yes and the whores thing has been done cap'n, sry

82. Lick ice cream cones

er...21

altho the child bit mixes it up.

83. reprimand an adorable little French girl for being the first human being I have ever seen to successfully kick a pigeon, for which she should really have been commended

84. Walk in the middle of our streets

85. Buy t-shirts

86. get robbed?

87. think taxi drivers obey things like cross walks and traffic signals.

88. Honk moped/scooter horns and bob and weave on very dangerous roads

89. Read the names of stores out loud as they walk down the street

90. Be the only individuals to make the news when they die in a disaster that kills dozens to hundreds of natives.

91. Say "Woohoo"

92. ask locals broad, legitimate questions -- like "how do we get to the heart of the Village?" or "what neighborhood has the best shopping?" -- that are extremely difficult for locals to answer succinctly without knowing anything about the people asking

93. try to get by on knowing only a few words of a different language

94. look at the locals with an intense level of admiration and respect

95. Wonder why they can't buy beer on Sunday.

96. buy inexpensive local clothing that will still seem like the cool new thing when given as gifts to family members back home in less-developed nations

97. talk about how the air is just different there

60. watch dad point at things and say what they are in weird dad announcement voice (e.g., "there's yr laundromat over there")

-- nabisco, Monday, July 21, 2008 9:03 PM (37 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

no one does this. it makes me think of brendan frasier in that movie where he has lived his whole life in a bomb shelter.

65. intense interest in workings of municipal/industrial things like trash collection, when buildings were constructed, chief agricultural product of that field we passed on the train, etc.

-- nabisco, Monday, July 21, 2008 9:10 PM (30 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

and I think you need to report these people to Homeland Secuirty.

Loads of people do both of those, bnw! I spent an entire train ride to DC behind an English guy looking out the window and going "there's a silo ... there's your farm supply store ... looks like just clover in that field ..." They're both kinda middle-aged dad-like, but boy howdy do they get done by people.

totally seen dads like that!

The first of those is closely related to this:

89. Read the names of stores out loud as they walk down the street

-- Maria :D, Monday, July 21, 2008 9:37 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

I was so nervous the first time sunny and I hung out that I just kept pointing to places off the road and going, "There's some more wetlands."

^^ dad

Somewhat of a corollary to the three abreast down the walk thing:

98. Move onto and off of mass transit in an unnavoidable thrombus.

99. pack/wear clothing based solely on the stereotype of the place they're visiting ("hm september in chicago...better bring the parka")

^^ yeah, i saw a kid wearing shorts on michigan avenue in late may apparently not knowing that 42 degrees with a 35 mph wind isn't uncommon.

This is totally the truth. Check your weather report, fools!

100. Stand squarely in front of landmarks having their photograph taken by their partner, leaving me too depressed to even enjoy feeling superior. Then wander around aimlessly and joylessly some more.

I think the most annoying thing is that they will greet you in your language. Or they will try to speak french when it's clear the last time they heard it, was when listening to soem Serge Gainsbourg. Or in elementary school. Trust me, English works best. Try it.

Also, asking the way. Duh I know. But this sometimes entails, going into a shop, not caring the shopkeeper is actually handing a customer and demanding to be explained teh way to a place even though they have a frigging map in their hands. Annoying? You betcha. Very rude? You betcha. Sometimes this will also include the tourist proclaiming that the directions are not right, pointing in the opposite direction. If the tourist keeps banging on I (the shopkeeper) am wrong, I will gladly tell s/he's right and urge him to go the wrong way.

Or what about trying to find the loo AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE. Then run into a shop, ask i f they can visit the toilet, and then run out PEEING if the shopkeeper says there's a public restroom a bit further down the road. We didn't know she was so (literally) pressed.

I also had the pleasure of having a bunch of old Japanese ladies in the shop. One of whom had drunk too much and had to have a lie-down. For about half an hour. At the same time there was a midly violent demonstration outside in the streets. We put down the shutters. Lady didn't mind, she was busy having a rest.

Yes, I know I sound a bit grumpy, but I've been doing this for about 18 years now.

Poor pee-er.

101. Declare all food in England to be terrible based on a sample of fast food outlets and chain restaurants in Westminster.

102. Go to art galleries, huddle around famous paintings/ spend more time being photographed in fron of them than actually looking at them.

I think the most annoying thing is that they will greet you in your language. Or they will try to speak french when it's clear the last time they heard it, was when listening to soem Serge Gainsbourg. Or in elementary school. Trust me, English works best. Try it.

You are specifically instructed to do this from like a thousand sources: "most people in x speak some english, but they will be pleased if you make some attempt to engage them in their language - they may even give you chocolates!"

It's funny because it's not true.

(xpost) It works in some countries too (well, maybe not the chocolates thing). Last time I went to Portugal people were totally delighted at meagre smattering of "obrigada" and "por favor". In Belgium, we would be greeted in English before we opened our mouths and our manglings of Flemish would be cut off with sighs. (And no, we weren't in the French bit)

This may depend on whether you are in a hot seaside country full of Club 18-30 tourists or a twee canalside town full of tourists who like museums, lace shops and expecting chocolates for demonstrating their superiority to 18-30 tourists by reading slowly out of a phrasebook they got free with a bottle of booze.

^^ yeah - people in China eat it up if you're white and you can speak a little bit of Chinese

See, I found this to be the case, too. I was able to say some basic things, and often, there would be a double take when they realized the giant white guy just spoke passable Mandarin. Street vendor lady was particularly funny about this.

103 go to the harbour and lodge a complaint about fish being there, then follow it up with a call to the local paper