ILE Helps Shakey Mo Collier Determine if his Mom has Joined a Cult

oh yeah this guy is a douche.

there's a fine line between "cult leader" and "douchebag"

xp: lol

http://whatenlightenment.blogspot.com/

also, dude's own mom wrote a book about what an insufferable dick he became

http://www.themotherofgod.com/

my mom went to see him play drums with his jazz band. she told me they did some Alice Coltrane cover and I thought "hmm well hey now my mom knows some Alice Coltrane, that's cool I guess."

I just did the unthinkable: held a weekend retreat for women only. Has a male teacher who’s crazy enough to call himself a guru in a post-postmodern context ever done such an audacious thing? Well, I did. And guess what? It was a smashing success. Women came from all over the world to find out what Evolutionary Enlightenment means for women at the beginning of the twenty-first century. Initially, I was slightly intimidated by the idea of sitting alone in front of a packed hall of women. But their interest and enthusiasm for their own evolution instantly generated an atmosphere of such overwhelming positivity and seriousness that in a matter of seconds, any awareness of gender distinctions faded into the background. For most of us, any trace of self-consciousness disappeared and we were off on a thrilling evolutionary adventure.

Those of you who know what a serious guy I really am will appreciate that this weekend was not a small victory. I’ve been working on this project of a “new women’s liberation” for over 15 years. A momentum has been generated for this dimension of what I call the Universe Project that is catching fire and gaining strength in women around the world, by all accounts continuing since the retreat.

^ if he had a sense of humour, would be lol (with him)

I learned of a student being forced—against his will and his moral compunction—to engage in daily visits to prostitutes in Amsterdam for weeks on end as a kind of penance for past sexual indiscretions.

hahaha okay come on that sounds like total bullshit. "my guru made me do it!"

Dude she's spending your inheritance on jet fuel, you gotta stop her.

That dude must be seriously addicted to blowjobs to be going to all this trouble.

like anyone has a casual addiction to them.

I can quit whenever I want

This sounds very bad. Intervention needed?

so, yeah, i think this guy is seriously dangerous for your mental health and well-being, and your wallet, and self-esteem, and your reason.

but im sure you're being vigilant enough, shakey mo. but no, not harmless.

eh I dunno. the links Dell posted are funny and none-to-credible in their own way. My mom still has a job, is still in touch with her family, is self-sufficient, etc. I am not particularly worried about her mental or physical health (she sounds the same as always). But hearing about all this mumbo jumbo can be irritating (nothing new there either - lemme tell you about the time she bought the Enneagram book....)

x-post

I'll keep y'all posted tho

Just make sure she's not making huge "donations"! I worry about what happens if she's bilked out of her retirement and ends up homeless or something else horrid. Yep, keep us in the loop.

You have to stop her. It's a slippery slope - she may seem happy and self-sufficient now but before you know it she'll be fucking this dude along with about 30 other women and will have bequeathed your entire rightful inheritence to the Andrew Cohen Foundation. Act now before it's too late.

otoh, Shakey's mom fucking 30 other women might be awesome

(sorry)

I sort of meant the guru dude fucking 30 other women but whatever seems scariest in a totally groundless way, really.

Also make sure she's out of town whenever there's a major world leader passing through, just in case.

fwiw perhaps I should point out that my mom has no money and I have no "inheritance" to speak of. She's a librarian at a public school.

lolz many x-posts

Advise her employer to keep her away from books on chemistry, just to be on the safe side.

(Okay I'll stop now...)

eh I dunno. the links Dell posted are funny and none-to-credible in their own way?

what? how so?

grammar/spelling errors, vocabulary similar to the very people they're criticizing, etc.

What do you do when you find out your mom's a skinhead?

also lolriffic claims as ref'd upthread ("my guru made me see a prostitute!")

x-post

you write a song about her

(YOU FUCK HER)

You write a song about her

when I was a little kid I went to some religious guru thing that some of my dad's old friends talked my family into checking out. I realized when the place is packed with white people, it's a cult.

I'm not white btw

NHL: cult

a lot of non-white folks in Jonestown yo

A Jurassic 5 audience: cult

NHL: cult

lololol

The Path: The Five Tenets

The Five Fundamental Tenets of Enlightenment

The five tenets define what the enlightened, or liberated, relationship to the human experience is, and what it looks like in action. They describe simply and clearly how to manifest what is discovered in the spiritual revelation—how to embody the absolute nature of that revelation in the life you are living, here and now. More

These tenets represent the path to enlightenment, but they also represent the goal itself because, as the traditional teachings have always told us, the path and the goal are one. What that simply means is that the place that you want to get to, and the position that you take in relationship to your experience in order to get there, are one and the same.

In an evolutionary context, the goal is to become enlightened, which means liberated from ego, so that you can become a vessel for the pure egoless passion of the authentic self to express itself in this world. The five tenets describe the position that you need to take in order to perfectly cage the ego, and they simultaneously describe the natural state of the inherently free authentic self. If you are enlightened, if you have become one with the pure egoless passion of the authentic self, this is what your actions are going to look like—naturally, spontaneously, and effortlessly. And if you want to become enlightened, if you want to become one with the pure egoless passion of the authentic self, this is what you have to do—through intention, will, and effort. If you are sincere in your desire to become an agent for the evolution of consciousness, these five tenets must be lived without conditions, at all times, in all places, through all circumstances. In this way, whether carried by the spontaneous ecstasy of revelation or driven by the force of your own intention, your actions will consistently reflect the clear perception of the enlightened view.
Andrew Cohen
The First Tenet: Clarity of Intention

“The first tenet is the foundation of the spiritual life. In order to succeed in liberating yourself from ignorance and self-deception, you have to have no doubt whatsoever that you want to be free more than anything.”
The Second Tenet: The Law of Volitionality

“Most of us like to see ourselves as unconscious victims. But in fact, we all know exactly what we are doing.”
The Third Tenet: Face Everything and Avoid Nothing

“The third tenet is the ultimate form of spiritual practice. It asks: how awake are you to what is motivating you to make the choices that you make? Because only if you're paying close attention are you going to be able to bring the light of awareness into the darkest corners of your own psyche.”
The Fourth Tenet: The Truth of Impersonality

“The fourth tenet states that every aspect of the human experience is a completely impersonal affair. It tells us that the illusion of uniqueness, the narcissistic self-sense that is ego, is created moment by moment through the compulsive and mechanical personalization of almost every thought, feeling, and experience we have.”
The Fifth Tenet: For the Sake of the Whole

“The pursuit of enlightenment is for the transformation of the whole world, the enlightenment of the whole universe. It's ultimately for the evolution of consciousness itself.”

The Path: The Five Tenets
The Goal: Tappin' That Azz

my little cousin went to that cult thing with us that day, and cried when she walked through the doors because a feeling of immense happiness apparently overwhelmed her.

I'm pretty sure I brought my game gear and was playing some robocop game

robocop owns

Shakey, I feel like we are looking at completely different pages...but at any rate, I don't see what the occasional grammatical or spelling error has to do with the veracity of the stories that people are relating concerning their eperiences with the dude.

also lolriffic claims as ref'd upthread ("my guru made me see a prostitute!")
there is another american guru who tried to "cure" a student of the trauma that she had endured as the result of being sexually abused by coercing her into performing oral sex on several men in a roomful of bystanders. so, i don't find such a story to be implausible at all.

totally different dynamic goin on in yr anecdote than from the one I quoted

as tv shows go this sounds closer to "psychic kids" than "law and order special victims unit" so i wouldnt worry

you know, I wanna kind of speak up on behalf of cults here. for real. does this stuff give your mom pleasure? a sense of peace, of belonging, of making spiritual or intellectual progress? maybe dude's schtick wouldn't do that for you; cool enough. but to my mind, if a person wants to blow a lot of money on something like this, I kinda don't see the harm; I certainly don't see where a music obsessive like me is in any position to say "don't give your money to that religious leader dude, the pleasure you get from his deal is hollow." you know what I mean? last week I threw about two hundred bones at rare metal vinyl. when the vinyl came in the mail, I experienced great pleasure, as I do when playing it. I think the difference between that and me, say, attending a spirit-animal retreat is kinda academic.

*posted from my blackberry. location: spirit animal retreat

U+K question: Are you fucking the vinyl? If not, I don't know if the analogy holds up. (If so, lol micropenis.)

fwiw I'm fairly certain my mom isn't fucking anybody but thx for checkin dan

It's what I do.

U+K question: Are you fucking the vinyl?

taking the 5th here, I ain't gotta tell you guys shit

they're 45s btw

and, as of this writing, no longer of any value except maybe sentimental

dude wear protection ffs

yeah J0hn that's why I'm not particularly worried - if she seemed unhappy or was acting strangely or cutting off people from her life that'd be one thing, but she isn't.

lolz x-posts

my parents are in their episcopalian church's altar guild now

thankfully my dad no longer does su doku for like 3 hours a day, that's the most pernicious fkn cult of our times

Appendix A
Troubleshooting Candles
HOW TO USE OIL CANDLES:
To fill:
1. Unscrew follower (brass top) and hold to
side.
2. Pour oil to within 1/4 inch of top.
3. Replace follower and tighten DO NOT OVER
TIGHTEN.
4. Adjust wick if necessary.
Use alcohol to clean candle if needed, polish brass
candle holders and followers with brass cleaner.
TROUBLE SHOOTING ABC’S
Candle has low flame, even if you are sure
that the candle is full of oil, check it before trying anything else. If the
candle is full, see below.
Low flame or no flame. Candle lighters and snuffers can drip wax onto
the wick. You usually can see drops of wax on the follower. If so, re-
place the wick. Extra wicks are on the shelf with the oil in the cabinet at
the back right-hand side of the sacristy. You need to use the wire to in-
sert it through the follower.
No wick. Someone has depressed the wick. Using a pin or your fingers,
pull up the wick until 1/8" of wick is exposed. Too much wick (candle
smokes and has a huge flame) Use your fingers to gently push the wick
back into the wick holder until 1/8" of wick is exposed.
Paschal Candle — Fill with oil, if using first time of the season. Unscrew brass
part on top of candle and fill. In use at all services from Easter Vigil through
Pentecost. Empty oil into its original container using the labeled funnel and
place candle in cardboard box when not in use.

taking notes here, this could be the best thing for my love life since old metal 45s

No wick. Someone has depressed the wick.

Someone has depressed the wick.

dammit xpsot

I was going to repost that myself. It is strangely alluring.

"The Fifth Tenet: For the Sake of the Hole"

Ruh-Roh!

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/41648/original.jpg

My dad and stepmom are "qualified" to give workshops "at the cellular level" in this:
http://www.soulwave.org/

ethan beats dead horse, film at 11

that wasn't a dead horse i was beating to rachelray.jpg

currently reading this totally awesome book and thinking it could be worse with my mom

OT: check this out, thought you and Jay would be interested:
LILYS - Classic / Dud + Search / Destroy