Do I LOOK like I want to have some ultraforced small-talk bullshit conversation?

put in headphones

develop a fruity odour

That does not WORK even half, electricsound!

;_;

Abbott y u crush esoj's hopes

I will repost my story from earlier today about WHY headphones do not work:

I made eye contact with a gorilla at the San Diego zoo. Extended gaze with that cold, wicked beast, then crying ensued for a good 30 minutes (on my part, not the 'rilla's). This put me off of eye contact for years! Anyone who made extended eye contact with me...I'd start crying.

At age 13, in the jr high cafeteria, the vice principal told me it was against the rules to wear headphones. At this point, I wore them constantly, big ones – a defense mechanism so I could PRETEND I couldn't hear the mean things people said to me and maybe they'd knock it off, thinking I couldn't hear them. I showed him that the headphones were not attached to anything, but he did not recant on enforcing the law's letter. He stared into my eyes with his beady, steely little eyes and would not look away. As per, I started crying, and he asked why. Never being good at making up lies, I said, "You remind me of this gorilla that scare me eight years ago."

When I got home that day, my mom said, "We got a call from your vice principal today – you told him he looked like a gorilla?" I explained that, no, he reminded me of the gorilla's terrifying eye contact. She said, "You really need to get over that."

that vice principal needs to harden the fuck up

Strategically-placed webcams & mirrors around the cube along with mutterings about "nam" may help.

lol guyz remember when surmounter got roasted by some bitches for making this exact same thread

can I ask you politely to lay off a little on the meta front

sorry I meant to just say "dude" there

dunno how meta that is exactly but sure

Yeah, headphones totally don't work like you'd think. I used to ride the bus to work a lot, and man, dude, I just don't want to talk about comic books movie adaptations or what your kids ate or about the true core of Christianity or whatever with you right now, just, please.

Ok, on lunch break at work, off I go... bye guys!

that vice principal needs to harden the fuck up

-- haitch, Tuesday, August 5, 2008 9:53 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

^^^^^^^ this

This never happens to me, not on the bus, not in the street. Strangers are basically put off talking to me, because I must look like a serial killer to them or something. Either that or I have a naturally very very pissed off looking face.

Did anyone here see the movie "The Fall"?

Abbott's gorilla crying reminds me of this movie, which is a recent release. So in an indie theater somewhere? near you?

Also, there was that gorilla that adopted a kitten and was able to sign "Soft soft cat cat" which makes me cry right now.

www.wolaver.org/animals/koko.htm

ha - xpost - The signing Gorilla is Koko! The soft cat thing is totally cry worthy.

Abbott your story made me tear up. Fuck that gorilla, middle school AND your dumb principal.

Um guys? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koko_(gorilla)

Sorry to hijack small talk thread with Koko posts but I just noticed the following on wiki:

"Koko has been involved in several sexual harassment lawsuits.[13] At least three female former employees have claimed that they were pressured into showing their breasts to Koko. They alleged that Patterson encouraged the behavior, often interpreted Koko's signs as requests for nipple display, and let them know that their job would be in danger if they "did not indulge Koko's nipple fetish." Koko has been known to playfully grab both male and female nipples without warning or provocation. Patterson claims that Koko uses the word "nipple" to refer to humans."

Um, what?

I...think we had a thread about that where some interesting/reasonable things were said but I cannot now remember anything that would help me search for it.

Oh wait, apparently google.com still works. But this is not the thread I was looking for. /hand wave

Nipples! Apes! Lawsuits!

has anyone made a koko kitten "i am the soft cat" lolcatjpg?

soft soft cat cat
;_;

Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: What?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.

^^^ this was one of my favorite things about one of my exes

what are you DOING that you can't handle small talk? /midwesterner

Them: "I see you're reading 'X'. How do you like it?"

Me, with finger on page as placemarker and smile midway between cordial and psychotic-off-his-meds: "Actually, I WAS reading 'X'. Now I am talking to you."

xpost:well,whatever - Koko's soft good cat cat died tragically because it escaped and was hit by a car.

I totally believe Koko knows how to sign and just enjoys the boobies.

Getting back to the title complaint, I totally sympathize, but (I'm going to play devil's advocate here) at the same time their reply might well be "Do I LOOK like I care what you want?"

I mean, in some sense, why should they care? What's in it for them? Clearly they want a chatty, small-talky office environment, you don't, so the status quo is probably the closest thing you'll get to a compromise.

Don't get me wrong, I know it's impossible to accomplish much while someone's trying to gab with/at you, and small talk with the wrong people can be exhausting and thankless. (It can occasionally be tiresome even with the right people, i.e. people you like and hit it off with, but generally it makes the day go by a lot quicker.)

Still, if this is the office culture, you're outnumbered, and/or you don't like your co-workers enough to engage in small talk with them, you'd probably do well to look for a different job. (Not that you didn't know that already.)

I guess it's also that I've known so many people who complain that they can't stand dealing with workplace small talk and chitchat -- but then who seem shocked and appalled that they don't have any friends or allies in the office, and so they get the shaft w/r/t vacation days, overtime, or whatever. Right or wrong, that's often the price of refusing to participate in this sort of stuff if you're in a very quote-unquote "collegial" office.

But all this is easy for me to say, as I've been lucky to have co-workers who are usually well-equipped in the funny/smart/interesting department -- or, if not, then they keep busy enough that neither of us wants to get in the other's way.

http://www.bangitout.com/uploads/63houseMD.jpg

I find that doing a poor, awkward job with the small talk rapidly solves this problem.

I mean, maybe people like to chit-chat with Autumn Almanac because he always comes out with a neat story or a snappy zinger or something.

i am tired of awkward. my new goal is to never be awkward again.

I don't know, I think a lot of it is just basic, tribal, "Are you a friend or enemy?" stuff.

(I wonder if Nabisco's poor job tactic makes their lizard brain think "Not friend, not enemy...must be sick, AVOID.")

(That was an xpost.)

sending off the "oh hey, kinda busy" vibe is not that hard. (as in "oh hey, kinda busy posting to a message-board full of social rejects")

People who talk too much, to you, or whatever. SAVE ME!!!!!

I don't think I am in the sick/avoid category -- I think I usually (and totally by accident) fall into the "this guy seems to be kinda serious about whatever he's doing and doesn't seem to be really into talking to me, so I'll just say hi and move along" category. I doubt people think I'm lame or unfriendly, they just slot me into the "not a chit-chat guy" category.

It's possible the important part is less doing a bad job with chit-chat and more constantly returning to work issues. Like, "Hey, it's such a beautiful day out" might get responded to with "Sure is! Yeah ... well, I'll get this back to you as soon as I've made copies for everyone!"

I think the main thing is just to not push the "He thinks he's BETTER than me/TOO GOOD to talk to me" button. Once that's been pushed, and you're perceived as a snob or whatever, trouble ensues. But if you can duck out of chitchat without pushing that button, you're probably fine.

furiously scratch your genitals when anyone engages you in conversation. that should do it.

Well, as long as the genitals hold out. If you've got a very chatty office, you could wear 'em down to a wee nub by lunchtime.

I'm terrible with small talk and wish folks at work wouldn't engage me in it either. Even when I manage to pull it off, I feel like wiping my brow afterwards. I just simply don't know what to say. I feel like I'm being challenged or put on the spot. The whole thing is a mystery to me. And yeah, if you're in the middle of doing something, it's especially irritating.

I guess it's also that I've known so many people who complain that they can't stand dealing with workplace small talk and chitchat -- but then who seem shocked and appalled that they don't have any friends or allies in the office, and so they get the shaft w/r/t vacation days, overtime, or whatever.

OTFM

If you've got a very chatty office, you could wear 'em down to a wee nub by lunchtime.

don't go blaming that on your chatty office.

I mean is it me or do several ilxors seem to take some sort of misplaced pride in their inability to chat pleasantly with other human beings?

i don't have the tools necessary to answer that question.

but i would like a hot dog.

oh god wrapped in bacon and deep fried with chili omggggggg

i think i'm heading here when i get back to the loop.

i think some people like to think their ineffectiveness at small talk means they're not like all those banal baby-makers who rush out to see the new CGI-heavy action thriller after watching Local Sports Team play their weekly gridiron match and afterwards shovel fast food down their pieholes while zipping down the interstate in their Suburban. a thought that isn't necessarily totally devoid of validity.

"99%? pieces of shit."
- g. cartwright

furiously scratch your genitals when anyone engages you in conversation. that should do it.

-- chicago kevin, Wednesday, August 6, 2008 3:12 PM (1 hour ago)

i don't have the tools necessary to answer that question.

-- chicago kevin, Wednesday, August 6, 2008 4:00 PM (18 minutes ago)

but i would like a hot dog.

-- chicago kevin, Wednesday, August 6, 2008 4:00 PM (17 minutes ago)

These statements are not unrelated.

I"M LIVIN ON THE STREET
I AINT GOT FFOOOD TA EAAAAAAAAAT

Results 1 - 10 of 10 for "hot dog" "penis replacement".

xp fuck christmas?

you forgot one charlie!

If you've got a very chatty office, you could wear 'em down to a wee nub by lunchtime.

don't go blaming that on your chatty office.

-- chicago kevin, Wednesday, August 6, 2008 2:58 PM (Wednesday, August 6, 2008 2:58 PM) Bookmark Link

"Don't go blaming / your chatty office / You never wore it down before..."

Umm, I don't know who all I can speak for here -- and I agree that there's nothing cool about anyone bashing his head against the wall over an actual inability to get through some basic social-skill chit-chat -- but some of us may have just adopted a social style that allows us to get on pleasantly with everyone without having to undertake much chit-chat beyond our tolerance level, which strikes me as ... well, the ideal. But maybe I've just never worked in the kind of office that's chit-chatty to the point of wearing on one's nerves.

I mean, I think there's a social skill to politely and indirectly communicating to others how involved you're inclined to be in chit-chat, and I say that as someone who used to sit and squirm through endless cases of being talked at until I learned the friendly and inoffensive ways of signifying that you're done, thanks.

i've found that saying "hey, i'd love to talk but i really need to whatever whatever whatever. i'll catch up with you later." or something usually works. if it doesn't then i have no problems ignoring someone while i do what i have to do either.

also, none of this applies at this job as no one talks at all here.

Work chit-chat is just as bad. 'oooh the widget on the website's gone wobbly i clicked the wotsit and it told me, like, re-load the... have you had that? have you? have you? have you? I asked X and he said he didn't know. He didn't know, he didn't. No. Didn't know about that. Did you see that Y was looking for you? yeah it was about 15 minutes ago, because A was at her desk, not at lunch. ooh hang on is that righ, was she? oh no, she'd had her sandwich but she hadn't gone to get the crisps yet. she got them prawn cracker flavoured, well i suppose they're not crisps they're sort of---'

etc.

The thing I hate about "polite" chit-chat is that people who engage in it never talk about things I want to chit-chat about. Please. I've said before: I'm the original Chatty Kathy, but I want to talk about hot dogs and like internet memes and pretty much like ILX New Answers and not, hm...for instance, who's going to the Hamptons this weekend?

When you miss connecting with people enough times that the conversation is going to be one of you just nodding politely and tacking on a smile (and you take turns being that one), maybe it's time to give up?

ljub, yr last post is basically like a phone call with my mother if she starts trying to do anything around the house while on the phone. God forbid.

the worst is when i'm stuck in one of these conversations at work and then the phone rings, which would normally mean rescue, but sometimes the person just stands there patiently waiting for me to finish instead of wandering off.

Ever since the contractors took the bathroom off the house, which was Tuesda...was it Tuesday? Right, yes, cos I was at school in the morning sorting music with my student helpers, did I tell you, they're the nicest girls, they scrubbed the whole floor while I re-hung choir robes, so anyway since there's no bathroom anymore I can't style my hair normally, there's no outlet close enough to any of the other closets (editorial note: our house has two closets with sinks), because you know in the blue room the only outlet is under the window, I told your father we were going to regret that but you know he always knows best. So my hair, I know it looks terrible, I'm not proud, but it doesn't matter when I'm in the water all the time, especially with my water aerobics class and the sailing -- although it gives us an excuse to go to the marina and take showers there. Thank goodness the people renting the cottage leave tomorrow and we can run across the lawn to bathe there, I'll probably just take my dryer and curling iron over and leave it there.

...there's like 15 more minutes of this, I'm quoting an actual "conversation". Not kidding.

Yikes, I know a fair number of people who talk that way, and I can't stand it. If I were ever in a job where the majority of my co-workers were that kind of talker, I'd start looking for the exit fast.

(Usually, though, there's just one, and so it can be a work-bonding experience, i.e. you can commiserate with others in a group "Why the hell will she never stfu?")

It's not a colleague in this case, it's my MOTHER. But it's okay because I love her and my dad errs on the other side by not really listening to her at all (even abt important stuff) so by the time she gets me on the phone she can be a little manic.

I actually brought up the Pulp Fiction scene quoted above to a coworker the other day. Nice guy, I like hanging with him, but he really does seem to always have to have some minuscule bit of small talk to keep him going. His conversation starters usually revolve around asking whether I've seen any movies even though I've said a bazillion times that I don't really watch that many movies. One time he asked me if I'd ever been in a car accident, that was weird.

One time he asked me if I'd ever been in a car accident, that was weird.

wws plotting some insurance fraud?

"so dan.... have you ever kidnapped a baby?"

"ever used your typography skills on anything like, oh, I don't know.... a ransom note?"

"just curious..... how intricate to you think the MOSI's surveillance camera system is?"

dude we should totally ask him these questions tomorrow and see how long it takes for him to crack.

or for us to, either way.

It's not a colleague in this case, it's my MOTHER.

No, I understand. I'm not solely thinking of colleagues, either -- I had an ex-girlfriend who talked the same way. It was very frustrating, as I didn't want to tune her out, but I couldn't deal with the seemingly arbitrary twists and turns, random mid-stream changes of subject, etc.

Not that any reply was really needed, since like your mom, she could easily go on for nearly half an hour in that vein...

The funny thing is that her brain is really doing that, all the time, and she can juggle like five things at once. Who else do you think knows when the chicken has to come out of the oven and that the clothes in the dryer are going to wrinkle and is also planning sheet music for fall 2009 and thinking about calling those people from church about having enough coffee on Sunday, and...and...and. This is how the little things get done.

A lot of people don't appreciate that, they think you can plan your activities/projects and then leave them in their sphere and move onto something else. Unfort life = kind of not like that.

Ever since the contractors took the bathroom off the house, which was Tuesda...was it Tuesday? Right, yes, cos I was at school in the morning sorting music with my student helpers, did I tell you, they're the nicest girls, they scrubbed the whole floor while I re-hung choir robes, so anyway since there's no bathroom anymore I can't style my hair normally, there's no outlet close enough to any of the other closets (editorial note: our house has two closets with sinks), because you know in the blue room the only outlet is under the window, I told your father we were going to regret that but you know he always knows best. So my hair, I know it looks terrible, I'm not proud, but it doesn't matter when I'm in the water all the time, especially with my water aerobics class and the sailing -- although it gives us an excuse to go to the marina and take showers there. Thank goodness the people renting the cottage leave tomorrow and we can run across the lawn to bathe there, I'll probably just take my dryer and curling iron over and leave it there.

...there's like 15 more minutes of this, I'm quoting an actual "conversation". Not kidding.

-- Laurel, Wednesday, August 6, 2008 9:07 PM (38 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

This is some William Gaddis type dialog from this lady here

My ex was sort of like that, but in a completely ADD/OCD way -- she was constantly all over the place, but wasn't really capable of multitasking, and couldn't stop working on something once she started it in earnest, even if something else more important came up. Her conversation style basically mirrored her thinking style.

Oddly enough, she was also one of the people I mentioned above who couldn't deal with small talk. Pot, kettle.

It's funny, she takes that whole conversation to accomplish something that for me would look more like:

1. take grooming stuff to cottage
2. remind Sally to bring coffee
3. chicken out at 4.45
4. profit...er I mean, etc.

but those things don't look related on paper, so they wouldn't necessarily remind me of EACH OTHER. Whereas with Mom, things are so inter-woven that they naturally lead to each other and get fitted together.

i think some people like to think their ineffectiveness at small talk means they're not like all those banal baby-makers who rush out to see the new CGI-heavy action thriller after watching Local Sports Team play their weekly gridiron match and afterwards shovel fast food down their pieholes while zipping down the interstate in their Suburban. a thought that isn't necessarily totally devoid of validity.

-- Granny Dainger, Wednesday, 6 August 2008 20:08 (2 hours ago) Link

I'm surprised by just how bang OTM this is. And I'm glad there's a thread for this stuff because honestly this whole thing is something that bothers me more or less on a daily basis because there are a LOT of people in my company and many of them want to chit chat and well...I don't think of myself as *better* than them, I just simply don't know how to bridge that gap between my world and theirs. I wish I could.

There is one guy in my own work group who will attempt to talk music with me (though he isn't particularly knowledgeable about it) and I always rather admire him just for trying.

Argh Laurel I just put up with a week of that kind of rambling monologue from my visiting mother. The thing is, when she left and I sighed and said to my bf "god, I mean I love her but the peace will be a relief, she never shuts up!" he raised an eyebrow and laughed at me.

Cause I kind of do the same thing :/ IM TRYING NOT TO THOUGH. And I dont do it at work, jesus.

Oh and, while I see Oops/Bimbles point on the banal co-worker thing, maybe some of us are just bad at/dislike small talk because we're genuinely shy and awkward and no damn good at it, and it isnt pride to admit it - its relief?