Things you'd like to see at the opening ceremony of the London 2012 Olympics

2. Chas and Dave

3. Jim Davidson being inclusive

4. The heavens verminous with strange flying things, and beneath them a hellish black city of giant stone terraces with impious pyramids flung savagely to the moon, and devil-lights burning from unnumbered windows. And swarming loathsomely on aerial galleries ... the yellow, squint-eyed people of that city, robed horribly in orange and red, and dancing insanely to the pounding of fevered kettle-drums, the clatter of obscene crotala, and the maniacal moaning of muted horns whose ceaseless dirges rose and fell undulantly like the wave of an unhallowed ocean of bitumen.

5. Annie Lennox doing an Aretha Franklin tune.

6. Brian May lighting the torch, Hendrix-style

7. I'd also like them to squeeze in appearances by Steve Redgrave, Dame Kelly Holmes and, following a clerical error, Dwayne Chambers.

8. Boris tripping over

9. Several hundred hoodies doing synchronised standing on street corners looking threatening.

10. The Queen with eggs on her head

11. Half the performers being late due to line works

12. Steve Coogan MCing as Partridge

13. Ken surfing a bendy bus.

14. huge grey concrete sculpture of the inside of a house by whiteread.

15. Terry Wogan commentating

16. Rex out of Big Brother being eaten by wild dogs

lol

17. Cliff Richard pitching himself into the lit bowl of flames

surely you mean "synchronised wild dogs".

yes

18. Diana Ross missing a penalty

8. Boris tripping over

We had this conversation in front of the telly a couple of hours ago and decided Boris setting his hair on fire with the Olympic flame was pretty much a given.

haha

i mean HA! HA! HA!

surely Ken will have been re-elected by then?

19. Dr Morbius listing the four English celebrities he's aware of

If there's any justice Rex out of Big Brother will be Mayor.

xp: Like that isn't the max worth knowing?

20. that streaker guy

David Tennant lighting the flame (IT'S IN CONTINUTY!)

22. Laurent Blanc kissing Duncan Goodhew on the forehead for luck

haha, if Russell T Davies can orchestrate that, I'll be mildly impressed.

xpost

23. Italian delegation enter stadium doing impersonations of that marathon runner from the 1908 Olympics

24. cgi dog from churchill ads as host

25. The Streets chatting up Eastern Euro gymnasts

haha, if Russell T Davies can orchestrate that, I'll be mildly impressed.

xpost

-- ailsa, Friday, August 8, 2008 10:05 AM (43 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

23. Italian delegation enter stadium doing impersonations of that marathon runner from the 1908 Olympics

-- Ismael Klata, Friday, August 8, 2008 10:07 AM (41 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

waht

Your new hero, Jon:

http://images.beijing2008.cn/20070503/Img214046389.jpg

Dorando Pietri trained hard for the 1908 Olympics in London. In a race in Carpi he ran 40 km in 2 hours and 38 minutes, an extraordinary result for the times. The London marathon measured 42.195 km, a distance which became official from 1921. 56 racers started, including Pietri and fellow Italian Umberto Blasi. The day was unusually hot by British standards and the race was started at 14.33 on July 24, 1908.

Pietri began his race at a rather slow pace, but in the second half began a powerful surge moving him into second position by the 32 km mark, 4 minutes behind South African Charles Hefferon. When he knew that Hefferon was in crisis, Pietri further increased his pace, overtaking him at the 39 km mark.

The effort took its toll and with only two kilometres to go, Pietri began to feel the effects of extreme fatigue and dehydration. When he entered the stadium, he took the wrong path and when umpires redirected him, he fell down for the first time. He got up with their help, in front of 75,000 trembling spectators.

He fell four more times, and every time was helped up by the umpires. In the end, though totally exhausted, he managed to finish the race in first place. Of his total time of 2h 54min 46s, ten minutes were needed for that last 350 metres. Second was American Johnny Hayes. The American team immediately lodged a complaint against the help Pietri received from the umpires. The complaint was accepted and Pietri was disqualified and removed from the final standings of the race.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9e/Dorando_Pietri.jpg

There's even a centenary website!

http://www.dorandopietri.it/index_en.asp

26. the light appearing as our world finally progresses through the worm hole that some fucktard scientists created on 10 sept 2008.

http://www.nme.com/news/damon-albarn/47491

"Aaallll the athletes, so many athletes [...] Who's that flyweight fasting? It's the Olympics mate, get a new religion! [...] It's got nothing to do with your Great American Pastime, y'know"

etc

2. Chas and Dave

― Billy Dods, Friday, 8 August 2008 13:11 (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

:(

where is mascot

The Barnet Ape is right there, come on now.

27. A surprise performance by the Sex Pistols--the surprise being on the Sex Pistols.

26. the light appearing as our world finally progresses through the worm hole that some fucktard scientists created on 10 sept 2008.

Are we starting a pool on when the Large Hadron Collider finally goes online? If yes, is it too late to dibs 21 Dec. 2012?

Instead of releasing a cloud of doves, release a few hundred puppies.

MASCOT ALERT

They're being revealed tomorrow. Can't wait.

however bad they may be they'll be better than the response

but they won't be as good as Vancouver's

Quaachi! We hardly knew ye

uh..
http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/11/2010/05/screen_shot_2010-05-19_at_2.13.47_pm.jpg

Well, yeah. Hmmm.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/othersports/olympics/8353354/London-2012-Olympics-Irans-national-committee-threaten-to-boycott-Games-over-racist-logo.html

Idiots

A zionist blowjob, fantastic.

as if