Hearts won't win the SPL 2008/09

Not just any 40-year-old man, mind. Has there ever been a time when Russell Latapy wasn't ridiculously old?

Heading for an inevitable late Kris Boyd winner here

No, he seemed old when he played for us and that was LAST CENTURY. xpost about Wee Russ.

Late dubious penalty in this one, I reckon.

It is a shame that Davie Weir is suspended, because seeing him pwned by a man older than him is one of my favourite things. Listening to this on the radio is torture, but I imagine watching it to be worse.

Nice to see Wattie remember that Kirk Bigfoot is actually a centre-half. Also, he can't take as many terrible throw-ins from in there. It might just work...

Pre-match, Yogi was on about how Wattie was the best manager in Scottish football. I presume someone had put some crack in his tea.

Reading elsewhere that Rangers goal came about as a result of the Falkirk full-back being out of position having been chopped down by Whittaker (who was already on a booking), totally ignored by ref. This true, or the bleating of paranoid Celtic fans?

Paranoid Celtic fans? SURELY NOT. In other news OFFS it's going to be like this for us all season, isn't it?

in other paranoia news, certain types of internets people are going off their nuts at Phil O'Donnell's brother-in-law refereeing a game involving Celtic, casually ignoring the fact that said match featured Celtic playing against a team starring THE REFEREE'S NEPHEW (St Mirren's Stephen O'Donnell).

I have a feeling that this year's new "Ross Wallace is not a left back/Gary Caldwell is not a right back" is going to be "Barry Robson doesn't play out wide on the right". Still, good to be back, innit?

I picked the wrong side of the OF for a late dubious penalty winner, obviously.

What a surprise, Colin Nish attempted something that was more like a backpass than a shot at Alan Combe.

Looks like I've gone back to being terrible at predictions again.

You know that "people you thought were dead but aren't" thread? Well, that's what St. Mirren's like, in the sense that you're always surprised to find they're still in the SPL.

Easy seeing you've moved away from Paisley, not allowed to forget it round here!

BREAKING NEWS!

Aston Villa agree fee for Ugly Betty!

(also Hamilton not shite)

http://www.avfc.premiumtv.co.uk/page/NewsDetail/0,,10265~1363790,00.html

Accies!!! Great performance, thoroughly deserved to win and played very good football as well. John Hartson tipped us to win before the game too.
Let's hope we can keep up the home form and get some good away results. Inverness and Killie away are our next two games so hopefully we can pick up something from them.
The James gang were superb tonight. Wonder how long we can hold on to them.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7554946.stm

http://i34.tinypic.com/33kby35.jpg

...

OMG MY EYES! MY BRAIN!

That Mikoliunas goal was quite good, wasn't it?

Adam Virgo watchers might be interested to know that he has now scored three goals in two games. can we have him back please? (joke)

seeya Carlos :'( . but hey, with that £17m accumulated from selling defenders in the past six months, Walter can splash some cash on the new Tore Andre Flo.

I watched most of the Rangers and Celtic games live and decided that I was never going to watch football again. But the other games look like they were quite a bit better. Shame that Laszlo is clearly far too much of a free spirit to keep the Hearts job for more than a few months.

Looking forward already to our top of the table clash with the impressive Accies on Saturday. After their united demolition i think Brewster will (and probably should) stick with one up front, despite it offending some 'proper SPL club an thah' sensibilities. First game since mid April, having successfully avoided all the pre-season guff.

And then afterwards I'm taking my mate's wee boy to the Nairn Highland Games fair. Fun beside the seaside/apocalyptic Moray Firth weather-death fairground shitemare...........time will tell!

Good luck to QOTS tonight. Hopefully the team from the second half of the cup final will turn up. I think they'll get a pretty decent crowd an' all. I'd definitely go if I was a bit nearer. Airdrie seems a bit of an odd venue choice though.

humphrey, are you a 'snecker then? Which side of the divide were you in the Highland league days?

Aye, good luck to the Doonhamers - as a by-product, it was nice to see Morten Weighorst and his comedy Danish-Dundonian accent on the news last night.

nice to see new blood in the SPL threads, it was getting oddly reminiscent of the actual SPL in terms of contenders :-)

Reports suggesting the bad weather is going to postpone the QotS game.

Also reports suggesting Celtic have actually signed someone! Glenn Loovens of Cardiff, that is, who was meant to be Rangers' replacement for Ugly Betty. Am hoping this does not mean that Caldwell is getting dunted out of the team.

http://www.walesonline.co.uk/footballnation/cardiff-city-fc/2008/08/14/breaking-news-loovens-joins-celtic-91466-21536549/

Pedro Mendes set to join Rangers today - I think he's exactly the kind of player they need, unfortunately.

Fortunately they need another 15 of them

Lots of people at work are saying how good Loovens looked in our pre-season friendly, maybe forgetting that he was playing against our static forward line.

With Elvis gone, Bobo not wanted and Cuthbert out on loan we definitely needed another centre half. I think he's predominantly left-sided though, meaning he's fighting with Mick and Darren O'Dea rather than Caldwell for a place. What worries me is that Strachan may decide to pop Loovens straight in and shift Mick over to the right which = disaster.

Bobo has apparently rejected a £30k a week move to Birmingham :/

Man cannot live on £30k a week alone

Must be that time of year. Rumours abound that wee Shaun is coming back again...

Hope no-one's told Neil Lennon

Pedro Mendes is going to Rangers just to give Lee McCulloch someone who is used to being elbowed in the face to practice on.

That's every transfer window since he left that someone has started a rumour about the return of the prodigal Shaun. Bound to be true one of these times...

I'm beginning to remember why I like to watch games in pubs, this is awful. Teams tipped by most to finish 3rd and 1st and they're both fucking rubbish so far. I don't think there's any danger of Hamilton being knocked off the top of the table today.

Celtic consider bid for Maloney

Get the fuck on with it then!

its a poor game.

Bye then, Thomas Gravesen. Perhaps his wages will go to the imminent return of the prodigal Shaun. Or a full back or two.

1 x left back (maybe Robinson from WBA?) and 1 x Shaun by the end of the month I reckon.

So long Tommy G. I kind of liked you, useless though you mostly were.

All you need is someone out to get Bobo.

I'd rater he was in the team tbh.

rather, rather.

I quite like Mark Wilson at left back, though his disintegrating legs are going to put paid to that, aren't they? Do not understand continuing ostracisation of Bobo, he looked pretty useful pre-season, and it would have saved us paying £3m for Glenn Loovens to sit on the bench waiting for an injury to Captain Undroppable.

I liked Gravesen pwning St Johnstone for rofflez, and for a quality goal against Rangers a couple of years ago when I was pished in the pub for my birthday. Also frontrunner in "shite apart from his hat-trick" stakes for a game against St Mirren once. Not a great return for the money, to be fair, but it's hard to be good when you're turning out for the reserves/Everton. File alongside Jiri Jarosik as "good idea that didn't quite work out".

Did anyone see Reporting Scotland tonight, where Stephen McManus bridged the Glasgow divide by giving Kris Boyd a birthday cake? I can only assume it was a cunning tactic to beat Rangers by fattening Boyd up more than he appears to have managed himself over the summer. He certainly doesn't look a stranger to a fish supper, and I feel him and Darcheville could be close to giving the legendary fatso forward line of Lavety and Yardley a run (well, plod) for their money.

Cheerio then, Alan Stubbs. You were always one of my favourites. Please use your retirement to come up to Celtic and teach Stephen McManus a bit about passing the ball out of defence.

and cheerio to Evander Sno. Ajax evidently needed a bloke with big comedy clown feet who walks like Charlie Chaplin more than we did.

Wow, what are Ajax thinking? He'll probably be great now.

He certainly doesn't look a stranger to a fish supper

Talking of which, Artur's been piling on the pounds again I see.

^tru dat

Lee Naylor was nearly Player of the Year once! I'm believing that Mogga can make them good again! (please to sort out Massimo Donati an' all, cheers)

please to sort out Massimo Donati

you misspelled "ship"

Poor wee Massimo :-(

[q]Poor wee Massimo :-([q]

poor in the playing sense, not so much in the pocket

(to be fair he showed genuine flashes of pure class between extended bouts of shirking tackles, but there's really no room for him in any Celtic midfield I could choose)

pfft tagging

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/leagues/scottishpremier/celtic/5815715/John-Hartson-diagnosed-with-brain-cancer.html

Good luck John.

Fuck cancer.

Aye, just read that. I'm no doctor but testicular cancer that's spread to the brain doesn't sound good. Good luck, Big John.

Had heard some rumours over the weekend that he'd been admitted to hospital with suspected testicular cancer, but the brain thing...urgh, what a shock. Poor lad, thoughts with him and his family. He's turned into a smart and articulate pundit that I thought could have a good go at management, and was the scorer of one of my favouritest goals of recent seasons (that skelper against Liverpool in the UEFA cup run of 2003). To see someone a couple of years younger than me struck down like that, it's random and it's unfair and it makes me so bloody angry.

Good luck, big man.

Bit more reading, and I've found out that Lance Armstrong's testicular cancer also spread into his brain. He's currently sitting third in the Tour de France, so that's a bit of hope for BBJ right there.

Former Wales, Arsenal and Celtic striker John Hartson who is fighting testicular cancer is in a critical condition in hospital.

Doctors have confirmed that the cancer which had already spread to his brain, has now been diagnosed in his lungs.

The 34-year-old, capped by Wales 51 times, was diagnosed at the weekend.

He was transferred to Morriston Hospital in Swansea on Tuesday and underwent emergency surgery and is now receiving round-the-clock care.

:( good luck john, i enjoyed your summarising for Setanta. You always had good things to say about Accies and you really know a lot about scottish football at all levels.

Oh buggeration, Johnny :(

Mind you, the only time I ever saw the big man in the flesh was in a pub, he had pint in one hand and was puffin' on a fag like nobody's business

All I can add is another heartfelt Fuck cancer.

Mind you, the only time I ever saw the big man in the flesh was in a pub, he had pint in one hand and was puffin' on a fag like nobody's business

I have told my story before about bumping into him in Jinty's after a Celtic Euro match I had watched with onimo, and not only having to tell him what had happened but listen to him trying to convince me he wasn't fit.

Still, fuck a cancer.

I related that story to someone at work today and they looked at me liked I'd stabbed a kitten.

So, we're going to be on Sky next season. T/S Scott Booth v Jim White. Where's my mute button/the pub?

Celtic vs Dynamo Moscow in their 1st CL qualifier. Tough draw.

Motherwell robbed last night by a ref not knowing the rules.

If Celtic progress to the second qualifying round, they will be drawn against either Arsenal, Lyon, Stuttgart, Fiorentina or Atletico Madrid, who are the seeds in the next stage of the best-placed path.

I didn't realise just how fucked we were.

I read somewhere that Shaktar, Sporting and Panathinaikos could replace some of those teams should they get through. Arsenal and Lyon will definitely be in there though. Based on the form at the end of last season I'd be happy to get past Moscow before worrying about anything else.

Sadfaced we didn't get Twente Enschede for comedy McClarenisms, also this from Wiki "The famous You'll Never Walk Alone recording by musicians Gerry & the Pacemakers is loudly sung along in the whole stadium before every kick-off." so it'd be just like a home game, innit (also am on holiday when the away leg is on, location as yet undecided, so would have liked somewhere I could have feasibly travelled to, not sodding Russia).

Dinamo Moscow trivia from Wikipedia: Despite not having won a league title in over thirty years the club still has a quite extensive, though aging, fan base.

lol hi dere Russian Dundee United

Top hot transfer gossip from my man in the stands! Charlie Adam spotted sitting with Gus McPherson at a St Mirren pre-season friendly last night! Momo Sylla (or his double) spotting playing for St Mirren in same friendly, going by the name of A. Trialist for maximum lack of clarity as to whether it was actually him or not.

There you go. Not exactly "Ruud van Nistelrooy spotted getting a tour of Lennoxtown", but slightly more believable.

John Hartson's girlfriend is pregnant, poor lassie :-(

Back to football again, and it's bye bye Bazza (again), let's see how you cope when people are allowed to book you.

Forgot to mention for maximum hilarity that the Momo Sylla-alike was playing at centre-half.

My brother, who doesn't know much about football, has given me the Celtic international away shirt for my birthday. I don't have the heart to tell him it's only going to be worn once or something!

Well by the team, I'll get more wear out of it.

Although I suppose he might have bought me the bumble bee number and I don't know if I really want to be visibly Tim from a range of several miles.

The bumble bee is great! At least he didn't buy you those crap tartan international shorts that look like pyjamas/boxer shorts.

Hey, we've all missed the exciting news that lesbian-curing wackjob Marvin Andrews has signed for Hamilton Accies!

i didnt miss it.

Sorry, not controversial enough for you to troll post then?

His public demonstrations of his faith are great an' all.

its a strange signing for a "family" club

Falkirk out to a team from Liechtenstein, Motherwell dishing out a decent amount of revenge for last week in order to get thumped off Steaua Bucharest next up, after Steaua knock out Celtic's feeder club Ujpest Dozsa.

LOLkirk morelikeamirite?

Actual left back actually signs for Celtic

http://www.celticfc.net/news/stories/news_240709141451.aspx

This is long overdue an airing on here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2Yi2HU71W4

Also, I threatened at one point this evening (under the influence of much alcohol) to put money on Massimo Donati for POTY. (LOL mistyped that as PITY). I am up for mocking here. Guy's going to be great somewhere. <3 him. Also, is going to knocked out of the team for Skoosh, but (controversial opinion ahoy!), maybe shouldn't be?

Not convinced by N'Guenmo or Fortun'e (lol random apostrophe, cheers backroom staff). Latter was compared to Kenny Misser, which begs some questions I can't be arsed answering right now...

Right, I didnae actually see the game, but Dr. Fox was deployed in midfield in the second half apparently (Mowbray taking tips frae Gogs?) and one of my pals said N'Guenmo was shit, the other one said he was quality. Can I have a half-sane opinion please. Also, being on holiday for the two Dinamo Moscow games is not the best :S

First half, he looked the part - I actually thought we'd found that long-overdue replacement for Stan Petrov at last, but he was a bit suspect in the tackle and exhibited some headless chicken tendencies. Fantastic Mr Fox was more or less sent on just to prove he existed, I think.

I thought he was solid against a team that weren't up to much and I didn't see much evidence of suspect tackling or headless chickening. It's hard to judge anyone based on that game.

Silverware in the bag already and it's only July. Unprecedented quintuple (apart from 1967) is on!

Silverware which looks like they picked it up at a poundshop or got it free out of a Weetabix packet or something, to be brutally honest. Still think it should have been a round-robin tournament, see how we got on sending Simon Ferry and Niall McGinn out against Barcelona.

(Paddy McCourt is awesome, btw)

Graham Potter R.I.P. :(

Only 30
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/news/int/customisation/1.0/-/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/8170443.stm

Shame.

St Mirren win the Renfrewshire Cup, continuing the pointless trophies that make you feel better about stuff (according to my man in the stands). Was slagging him off about the extreme pointlessness of the Renfrewshire Cup as a concept, but have been reliably informed that they didn't just have to win against Morton, but had to beat a works team from the Chivas Regal plant and a gang of kids from the local YMCA.

I think the Renfrewshire Cup might be the biggest trophy in British football, or maybe Scottish football. It's big, anyway.

Did no-one ever tell you that size doesn't matter?

lol, was looking up to see where I'd posted that Antti Niemi "he's no' finished, he's only 28" story before, and came across this:

We don't want Tony Mowbray (or Derek Riordan, we've already got Stephen Pearson if we want a reasonable SPL player who will never get into the first team), thank you very much.
― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

ESPN free on Virgin XL to those of you lot not stupid enough to move into a non-cabled area three weeks after they brokered the free Setanta deal :-(

Is it time for a new thread yet?

yes

Dis Ting Won't Be On Setanta - the SPL 2009/10 thread