what is the worst thing your parents ever found in your closet: a horror story thread

time will tell if my brother is actually a cross dresser

One time when I was about 17/18, I left a huge lump of cannabis on a table after a party. It was a brown table and I guess I didn't notice it.

It was there for about a week before I found it and pocketed it.

I think the more interesting question is "what is the worst thing you ever found in your parents' closet"

one time my mum was googling my name on the internet...

...oh, wait, you're just after things found in the room. ok, the usual bloodstained sheets then i guess

talk of crossdressers and one pops up

used condom

Secular literature

Dunno if my parents never went through my stuff, or if they just never told me what they found.

Moms found the Pamela/Tommy sex tape on my computer, though.

some journal I wrote when I was really depressed. love the parents to death, but that type of privacy invasion is inexcusable

my grandma.

my parents found a bunch of vicodin

nothing, my parents would have never gone through my closet.

My mother read through my journal (which was probably in my closet) and discovered that I had gone skinny-dipping with my boyfriend.

This is probably not as bad as the time she went through my sister's purse and found a small bottle of vodka and some contraceptive foam.

Empty condom wrapper
Bottle of MD20/20 - heh

Worst thing I ever found in their room was a package of edible underwear, a used bowl, and some lube. *shudders*

when i was about 13-14 i had a stack of soft core porno mags, mostly playboy, and one time I left them sitting right out in the open. I came home to find my entire closet cleaned and picked up, with the mags just sitting exactly where I left them, like she didn't even touch them. never said a word about it!

When I was 15, in the bottom drawer* of my dresser my mom found a couple of pornographic magazines. For some reason they were in a manila envelope with my friend Trevor's name written on it so she even knew my source. She took them and kept the for a few days before saying anything to me, just to make me stew over it, as some form of punishment, which worked.

(*I actually tried to spell that "droor" just now! Go education.)

im just soooo glad it was playboy and not some of the other stuff that was circulating among my friends....

Oh wait I forgot about one.

I had come home from college and stashed some lingerie that my then boyfriend had bought me in my laundry basket. I forgot about it and put said basket in the laundry room. My mom decided to do my laundry (which she hadn't done in ages - I usually did it myself) and when I came home waved something in my face and said she liked my new outift . . .

my black lace crotchless new outfit.

Worst thing I ever found in their room was a package of edible underwear, a used bowl, and some lube. *shudders*

-- ENBB, Monday, August 11, 2008 7:53 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

lol

Yeah, I hope those things weren't all used together.

That bowl was the first I ever smoked out of btw.

When I was 14 or 15 and away for a night, my parents found a small amount of weed in my bedside table. They took it directly to the police.

Three or so years later, I left several hits of blotter acid in the pocket of a pair of jeans on the bathroom floor one night. The next morning I found the jeans gone and the hits of acid neatly lined up on the bathroom counter. When I eventually crept out of the bathroom, all a-tremble, my mom said casually "I put your jeans in the wash. There were some little printed paper squares in the pocket, I guess they're decals or something. I left them out for you." "YES! DECALS! OK! THANKS!" I shouted, and retired to my room for the rest of the day.

Your folks probably could've benefitted from the DARE program!

My friend Mike lived with his grandparents. They found his friend's bowl under the couch the night after we'd all partied there. They thought it was an airbrush.

My mom was the biggest snoop in the world. She found the well-hidden photos that I had taken when some us ditched school and went to Niagara Falls and Toronto for the day (we lived in Ohio). I argued, successfully, that she couldn't punish me for something that happened months ago. Big props to my little sister who called me and warned me before I came home.

My mom opened my backpack and found my two-days-since-cashed pipe. In some nonsensical pothead leap of logic I decided that if I was really gonna convince her that the pipe was totally innocent I had to show her my hookah.

some lol lesbian erotica i printed out b/c i felt dirty reading them in the computer room (also my parents bedroom)

I had to show her my hookah.

-- BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, August 12, 2008 1:59 AM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

She confiscated my hookah at this point.

The lol irony is this: she tried it w/shisha, liked it so much that she bought her own, and now we smoke every time I visit.

I'm surprised no one's said cumrag so far. Of course, that never happened to me either.

my dad once walked in and complained that my room smelled of lanolin. then he looked awkward and walked away, mumbling about feeding me less lamb.

omg

somehow I had gotten ahold of a copy of Genesis magazine (80's pron, in between Playboy and Hustler on the graphic scale). I had it in a stack of papers and my mom replaced it with a catalog of mechanical parts. Pretty slick of her, I must admit.

also, lighters and matches in pockets discovered pre-laundry.

I could fill a book with all of the humiliating things my parents have found/caught me doing. I'm amazed that I can still look them in the eye.

wtf is a "bowl" or "used bowl" in Yankese? Is it some kind of dope paraphernalia?

Also, wtf with parents stealing their teenage sons' pornography?

http://home.earthlink.net/~robsss/grfx/BowlPic.jpg

to answer SickMouthy.

While the bowl is only technically part of the pipe, it is used as a synecdoche.

Right, okey dokey. As they seem to be found alongside pronography I was having strange visions of some kind of cum receptacle.

tbf, the bowl above looks hell of like a posh glass dildo

The phrase "glass dildo" is very, very wrong.

i feel so innocent when people talk about weed paraphernalia!

nick had never heard of glass dildos before??

they found a bag of mushrooms once.

also my mom called me about 2 years after I moved out, asking if I wanted her to keep a bong she found in my closet.

I'm aware that glass is a fragile substance prone to shattering, lex; I'm just thinking of vaginal / anal safety.

the usual bloodstained sheets

i'm not that familiar w/the workings of glass dildos but i understand they're made w/a special shatter-resistant kind of glass.

wtf is a "bowl" or "used bowl" in Yankese? Is it some kind of dope paraphernalia?

dude, even I know what a bowl is!

Worst my 'rents found was probably me. My dad came to wake me up but I wasn't there. He freaked the fuck out thinking I had run away. They came back and I crept out of the closet. I loved reading in my closet. I was about 14 yrs old or something?
I would like to say some coke but then I'd have to add that I was actually "holding it" for them. Their friend had stuffed it in my mother's bag or something. I think they were so paranoid the police was going to come barging in - hah, for a gram, hah! - so they gave it to me to hold it. My friend, the snoops, were rummaging through my stuff and suddenly one of'em held out said envelope asking what it was. I mumbled something and hid it again. hahaha

Anyhow anyone who says that parents are not allowed to "snoop" in their kids' rooms give away they are not parents. I think parents should give the impression they don't, but are fully allowed to do it. Kids are the parents' responsibility and thus the latter are allowed to check up on'em. I know my parents did it. And they did. I am glad they did. When it was necessary. I'm not talking about constant snooping though.

I'd hope so too. I imagine my trepidatious and horrifically imaginative side would want to stay well away even if I was assured of shatterproofness, to be honest. Obviously many, many people will see that as a big turn on.

The difference is that glass dildos are solid (and often the cheaper ones are made of perspex), while bowls are hollow.

from girls' pants to a serious consideration of the difference between weed pipes and glass dildos in < 50 posts. this is why i love ILX.

Mostly, it was cigarettes and lighters. Luckily they never found any of the good stuff. The worst follows:

I found a big bag of money in my parents' medicine cabinet one day when I was in middle school. I stole $100 from it and hid it on the shelf of my closet under some blankets to take to the mall and buy tapes and comics.

A few days later, I found a man's empty wallet when I was walking around my neighborhood. I told my mom about the wallet and we returned it to him together.

The next week, she was putting blankets up on my shelf when she found the $100 and made me return it to the man.

I was grounded for a month. Rightfully so, but for the wrong thing.

Glass dildos are usually made of something similar to Pyrex, in my experience. They are damn handy, because they're easy to clean (dishwasher-safe!) and can also be heated up or cooled down safely.

I bet a glass dildo would be incredibly difficult to break under any circumstances involved in regular use. One hell of a pelvic floor.

You'd probably have to drop it onto a hard surface to damage it - they're pretty heavy, but also pretty solid.

Back to the original theme, I was once at my parents with a gf and left a riding crop in their living room. My parents know full well that I don't ride.

Back to the original theme, I was once at my parents with a gf and left a riding crop in their living room. My parents know full well that I don't ride.

Father's reaction doubtless = "go on, son!"

Knowing my father, he's probably jealous of me, because my mother won't let him use such things on her.

when I was maybe 10 years old my mom found one of those books of "truly tasteless jokes" in my backpack, i think borrowed from a friend. "THESE ARE NOT FUNNY. AT ALL." i didn't even understand even 3% of the jokes it contained, as I don't think I was yet aware of ethnic stereotypes.

"italians talk with their hands and wear tacky clothes? uh, okay, mr. tasteless joke book, i'll take your word for it, but i don't see how that is funny."

If that's the worst you guys can come up with, I am sure your parents are all mad proud of you. That includes the ones with the glass dildos and whips. That said I truly believe my daughters will remain chaste virgins for the rest of their lives.

wow ctrl-s, straight to the police! that's intense.

I have to say as a Canadian (and thus, a pothead) I have never used nor heard the word bowl used interchangeably with pipe. The bowl is a part of a pipe/bong/bucket, dudes! I protest your use of "bowl" unless you have been unscrewing it and leaving only it places. :)

FWIW I don't think my parents ever mentioned anything embarassing they found in my closets, but we were a very open and liberal family so I wouldn't have got in trouble for drugs/sex items/etc. Though I did find some women's dirty magazines in my Mom's closet once, which grossed me out. Seventies pubic hair.. in 92!

Huh. I've heard/used "bowl" all the time ("pipe" actually seems less familiar) but now I think that may have only begun when I moved to the States (and started using bowls) ... Hm.

(I can agree to a point about parents being able to snoop, stevienixed, but it can easily go way too far.)

Nothing. I had total screaming paranoia about my parents finding anything in my room so I never hid anything in it. Also I shared a room with my brother which kind of made things difficult.

My mom found some weed that was hidden in my closet. She took it out of the hiding spot and left it out in the open. She never said anything to me about it. I was on holiday break from college.

like everyone else: weed stuff and pr0n

the severed head of a neighbor.

When I was 10, I made a model b0mb from an old radio circuit board and some modelling clay, which my mother then found under my bed. That was an interesting conversation...

She found one of those alt magazines which have 'alt' girls with tattoos in them and other highly unconventional shit like peircings or shocker...DYED HAIR and assumed it meant I was a lesbian. WELL OKAY THEN. I never keep any drugs on me.

Somehow a honey bear bong that I ordered as a college freshman got re-directed to my parent's house (still don't know how this happened. maybe the university mail people intercepted it, recognized the sender, and sent it to my home address? dunno). Came home one weekend and the box was on my bed, opened, with the bong missing. Played dumb and asked my mom "what's the deal with this box on my bed?". "I don't know. Ask your Dad." I never did, of course. Months later, sister and I found the bong in this ceramic jar on top of the fridge that is never used, mainly there for decoration. Sister took it, and still uses it to this day.

wait, you can buy honeybear bongs through the mail?

why?

do smoke weed out of? cause it was like $5 and I didn't wanna make my own?

do you buy your jeans pre-distressed?

just bustin' on you dude, but for real, having paraphernalia sent through the mail is kinda foolish? is all.

(fwiw, if you ordered the bong by credit or debit card, they probably shipped to the billing address of the card -- pretty common practice for businesses with a high risk of receiving fraudulent orders, as 'mail-order bong sales' i imagine would be)

dude i was 18. i paid in cash.

Can you buy 'em legally in the US like you can here? With the whole "its decoration!" caveat they use in smoke paraphenalia shops?

yeah they're legal to sell! i mean i think the premise is you can smoke tobacco out of them. (we're still talking about bowls?)

Yeah they're legal. Or they were then, in the county I had it shipped to, at least.

xpost bowls 100% legal, bongs seem to have more restrictions on them, depending on where you live in the US

no weed, printed porn or sex toys...i feel too innocent!

Same here Tape Store. I think the worst they found were some "experiments" where I was trying to make penicillin (circa age 7).

<3 u2 for being so good!

I never got caught with any of that stuff either actually. I didnt touch drugs, cigarettes or booze when in high school/living at home. Or pron. They had nothin' on me, I was pure as the driven boredom.

i had a mate with an ingenious idea: he unscrewed his old commodore 64 (which he never played anymore, but kept in the cupboard) took half the insides out, stashed a couple of porn mags in there and screwed it back together again. i imagine it was a bit of a pain to mess around with it every time he wanted to look at the mags, but it was a foolproof plan. (his parents were quite religious and would have killed him.)

ha when i was like 8 my mom found a chemsitry experiment gone horribly wrong in my closet

i was just trying to make something cool happen!

I locked *myself* in my wardrobe a couple of times as a kid, partly cause I liked it in there, all dark and hidden, but partly because I knew my mum would freak out and think something was wrong with me and where had she gone wrong oh noes etc. Which is what I wanted, it was my twisted way of upsetting her because I was pissed off at her.

Kids be weird.

Huh. I've heard/used "bowl" all the time ("pipe" actually seems less familiar) but now I think that may have only begun when I moved to the States (and started using bowls) ... Hm.

ya, we use "bowl" up here , sundar. but only when one is inferring that it is filled with ready to be smoked erb. as in "after the wedding we went to my place and smoked a bowl."

otherwise it is a pipe.

and the parent never found much of anything in my room. she was either very respectful of my space or very good at hiding the fact she found some weird shit on my room. i was also very good at leaving my pot out anyways.
once she vacuumed it up and the other time she put it in a desk in the hallway, which i found a few days later and taunted her with it.

parents found shitloads of liquor and whatnot in my closet after i left for my first year at lol college. no punishment, cuz hey, i was 19 and they didn't really care.

and in high-school, my mom found a big bag of 'white widow' (very good weed, for those who don't know) in my sock-drawer. punishment? a 12:30 am curfew for the entire summer before my senior year, which was utter hell at the time but doesn't seem bad in retrospect.

Worst thing was when I was 18 and in the hospital and they cleaned my room and found my pr0no mags. This wasn't too bad of a thing, because they decided that since I was an adult I could keep them, never mind that I was underage when I acquired them. The REALLY fucked up thing though, was that I found out about all of this from my sister's then-12-y.o. girlfriend.

I too think it's fucked up that some parents confiscated playboys from teenage boys.

The whole idea of pron mags seems so quaint nowadays. 'When I was a kid, pron was hard to come by. We had to work hard for our pron back then...'

Shoplifting is hard work?

When I was small (five-seven yrs), I has this thing where I'd compress a lot of powdered sugar into a spoon, hide it under a piece of furniture, and come back after a few days of it having solidified a bit and lick it like a lollipop. So I'd get in trouble whenever my mom found I was hoarding sugar.

At age 17, my mom found some drug store vaguely-phallic "massager" that didn't really work, when she was forcing me to clean my room. (I was an epic slob.) Oh my god, her terror and grief were tangible. Same thing when she later found my copy of Chester Brown's Ed the Happy Clown, which she fucking BURNT outside and made me watch.