The public rapper

yes, if the security staffer can't prevent a kid from rapping on a bus after school, the best option is probably to carry a gun and threaten the kid

Bust ales?

fantasize about white collar types beating teenagers with suitcases

he should take the kid sailing and straighten him out

Mr. President?” The Secret Service officer inclined his head, but kept his posture rigid. “Justice Thomas is waiting to see you.”

“Well, don’t leave the man sitting out there, bring him in,” said President Obama. He propped his feet up on the desk in the Oval Office as the Secret Service officer ushered Justice Thomas inside. “Leave us alone, would you, Jimmy?”

As the Secret Service officer passed by him, Justice Thomas said, “How’s your boy, James?”

“He’s rejoining his unit next week, sir,” said the Secret Service officer. “Thank you again for visiting him at Walter Reed — ”

“You can leave now, Jimmy,” sad President Obama.

The Secret Service officer made eye contact with Justice Thomas, held it, then excused himself, closing the door quietly behind him.

“They never get enough of us, do they?” said President Obama, as Justice Thomas seated himself on the other side of the desk. “Always folks wanting to touch the hem of our garments.”

“I beg your pardon?” said Justice Thomas.

“I know you pump iron a lot… it shows too, you’re looking good,” said President Obama. “Maybe you could give me some workout tips, help me put some meat on these bones. I got the Hollywood crowd locked up, but the bubbas like to see some heft to the commander-in-chief.” He winked at Justice Thomas. “Got to always think ahead to the next election.”

Justice Thomas stared at him.

President Obama cleared his throat. “This is the first time we’ve really had a chance to talk,” he said, ”and I wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings about things that were said during the campaign.”

“I can’t imagine why there might be hard feelings, Mr. President. I make it a policy to never comment publicly on politics or politicians.”

“You can let loose of that Mr. President thing,” said President Obama, tilting his chair back as he stretched his feet out on the desk. “In here, it’s just Barry and Clarence.”

“I wouldn’t be comfortable with that, Mr. President.”

President Obama’s mouth twisted. “Okay, be like that.”

“Why exactly have you called me here, sir?” said Justice Thomas. “Your secretary said it was a matter of some urgency.”

President Obama’s grin returned, brightening the Oval Office. “Well, as one of my law professors used to say, urgency, like horseshoes and handguns, is a matter of interpretation.”

“Which professor was that, Mr. President?”

“I don’t know… one of them.” President Obama’s grin faltered. “See, that’s what I’m getting out. You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”

“I was simply asking for the specific details for your assertion,” said Justice Thomas.

President Obama swung his legs off the desk, knocked over a flag paperweight. He jabbed a finger at Justice Thomas. “Now don’t go talking how that was symbolic. That was an accident.”

“Mr. President, I have a great deal of work — ”

“And I don’t?” President Obama walked from behind his desk. “I’ve been in office, what two weeks and — ”

“Three weeks, two days, and 17 hours, Mr. President.”

“Right, and already I got every left wing outfit screaming that I’m not doing enough for them, reminding me of promises I made, promises I don’t even remember making.” President Obama leaned against the desk, head drooping. “Then they put out the video on Youtube, and darned if I’m not in front of some crowd promising to do all kinds of ridiculousness.”

“Mr. President, am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Is that the purpose of this visit today?”

President Obama pulled a chair up, sat facing Justice Thomas. “I said some nastiness about you during the campaign and just wanted to let you know I didn’t really mean it.”

“You brought me here to tell me that you lied about me to further your career.” Justice Thomas nodded. “Duly noted.” He started to rise.

“Whoa, sit down, please?” President Obama stalked around the Oval Office. “Look… look where we are. Check it out. George Washington sat here — ”

“Actually no, Mr. President. John Adams was the first president to move into the White House.”

“Who cares?” said President Obama. “We made it, man. We beat them at their own game — ”

“Please, define we,” said Justice Thomas. “Define they.”

“Black folks,” said President Obama. “Poor folks. Folks born without power or influence, folks from broken homes and broken hearts, and here we are, at the top of the world.”

“Exactly, Mr. President.”

President Obama grew uncomfortable under Justice Thomas’ cool gaze. “Oh. I get it.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’ll tell Michele to retroactively push back the date of the first time she was proud of her country.” He grinned again. “Come on, Clarence, that was a joke.”

“If you say so, Mr. President.”

“My point is, last year I got on TV and said I wouldn’t have appointed you to the Supreme Court, okay?” said President Obama. “I said I didn’t think you were a strong enough jurist or a legal thinker at the time. I want you to know — ”

“You said I wasn’t a strong enough legal thinker?”

“Yeah, but I want you to know I was just going through the motions,” said President Obama. “You got to play the D.C. game if you want to get ahead, right?”

“Mr. President, I can assure you, I have been called much much worse than an inadequate legal thinker,” said Justice Thomas. “Perhaps now we can both get back to work — ”

“You want to compare war wounds, let’s throw down,” said President Obama.

“War wounds?”

“I’ve been called un-American because I didn’t wear a stupid flag pin, and then when I did wear it, they said I was caving in to Fox news,” said President Obama. “They said I had no real accomplishments in the Senate, other than claiming to be on a subcommittee I didn’t sit on.” He voice rose as he glided around the Oval Office, hands waving. “That Barry Obama, he took his children to a church led by a racist demagogue for twenty years. He got a sweetheart land deal from a political fixer who wasn’t even a felon at the time.” His voice echoed now, the cadence steady. “They said I was a media construct, as desperately in need of a teleprompter as any anchorman. That Barry Obama, he’s untested, he’s a lightweight, he’s totally unprepared to deal with the geopolitical threats to the nation. Me.” He pounded his chest, glared at Justice Thomas. “They said that about me. Did they ever say any of those things about you?”

Justice Thomas stood up. “No, Mr. President, they did not.”

“There you go,” said President Obama. “So maybe I’m the one owed an apology. You ever think about that.”

“Never, Mr. President.”

“Later, Justice T.” President Obama threw out the fist dap, but it hung there in space as Justice Thomas turned on his heel and walked out the door.

— Robert Ferrigno is author, most recently, of Sins of the Assassin.

Sailing on a sea of pain in a boat of humbleness, imo

xp

i kept waiting for that story to turn to slash fic

I wrote it :)

My condolences

humorist and author robert ferrigno probably deserves his own thread so let's stay focused on one kind of skeevy paranoid racism at a time k

Is it too early to start a "The pubic rapper" thread?

If people don’t stand up to “people” like this, they can and will walk all over you.

by rapping!

http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/ciu/ac/7c/bcc1024128a0d1c9f3350110.L.jpg

i kept waiting for that story to turn to slash fic

-- max, Monday, August 18, 2008 9:57 PM (15 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

ditto.
also: "I have had a special place in my heart for these minstrels"

guy shoulda busted out with some Herbert Kornfeld battle raps

While I do have a lot of problems with the OP, I don't think jumping straight to "he's a racist!!!!" is the correct answer here.

either that or some Will Smith

x-post

I understand the guy's plight but uh that "minstrel" crack is a pretty solid indication of "lolz u racist"

Okay, I totally missed that word. Former statement retracted.

If he hadn't used the word "minstrel", the author of the original story wouldn't be accused of race-baiting. Dude was perfectly within his rights to ask that kid to stop and that kid was obviously hoping that being an intimidating asshat would allow him to get away with being a prick in public. This has nothing to do with race and everything to do with teenagers being awful.

HI DERE otm, that was the point I was going for before the "minstrel" was pointed out to me.

srsly I have no time for people sticking up for indefensible shit like this kid's behavior; reacting like the kid was reading a book and this guy was going "OH NOES BLACK CHILDE MUST SHOOT" is fucking idiotic

unfortunately, the guy complaining is also fucking idiotic so really we have no choice but to level the fucking country and start over

ps I hate ppl

unfortunately, the guy complaining is also fucking idiotic so really we have no choice but to level the fucking country and start over

lolz - problem solved!

dude should've typed bard instead

yeah i was hoping after much flaming and perhaps jagger contributions that we would arrive at that conclusion:

swearing on a crowded bus: rude
calling out a rude person: fine
self-congratulatory fantasies about violence against 'minstrels': veeerrry suspsect
bragging on the internet about ^^ : just go to hell already

and, if it needed to be said, ban nude spock.

is swearing on a relatively empty bus more acceptable?

just curious. we should have a bus etiquette thread. perhaps I will go to the "Ask Abbott" thread...

and, if it needed to be said, ban nude spock.

-- goole, Monday, 18 August 2008 23:49 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

It'd be burt_stanton bringing the TALKING POINTS on threads like this these days

The most bothersome thing is his conviction that guys rapping to themselves on city buses at midday actually conform to whatever hyper-dangerous gang-banger fantasy he's projecting here and wondering about arming himself against -- a way of thinking that is perverse and pervasive and depressing, if you ask me.

What's especially funny/depressing is that in his account he seems to think he has stood up to Goliath and scored some giant blow for getting the guy to knock it off, when in fact the public rapper's response should totally undercut the idea that he's some great menace that requires guns to confront: like many teenagers, he is doing something obnoxious that he will grumblingly quit doing when reasonably challenged on it, which in my experience is true of most teenagers listening to headphones and rapping out loud on buses. But that is not the lesson that this person would take away from this, I don't think.

(Sidenote: if you can't tell which dudes on city buses are the ones you should not fuck with, believe me that it is probably not guys by themselves with headphones on, rapping.)

if you can't tell which dudes on city buses are the ones you should not fuck with, believe me that it is probably not guys by themselves with headphones on, rapping.

truthbomb

I'm the guy on the city bus you should not fuck with

Where are you getting the headphones thing from, nabisco? For that matter, where are you getting the "rapping to himself" thing from (walking up and down the bus ostentatiously making eye contact with other riders so he can show off how offensive and intimidating he's being does not fit my definition of "to himself")?

THIS JUST IN:

YOUNG PERSON CUSSED ON A BUS

"cussed"

Mr. Mo Collier, as a bus rider in a part of the country where buses are seen as dregs containers, I would happily answer any questions.

lolz did I summon Abbott to this thread or what

leave the mormon alone admrl

hahahahaha x-post

also I will take a stand against the public raper

oh god I just started reading the comments on the original story

# S T said
Jun 15th, 2008 at 12:13 pm

People who use force and intimidation are usually referred to as terrorists. We are all so concerned about Al-Quaida. When are we going to admit that we have our own home-grown domestic terrorists - like this thug?

STFU DUMBASS STOP WASTING MY PRECIOUS OXYGEN

riding the bus is for poor people.

if my driver mouths off i can just smack him in the back of the head with my glove. problem solved.

lol

plus taking care of your own children is so "new money"

I did take over the bus once and drive it into an abandoned public works building.

Dan I didn't mean "to himself" as in "minding his own business," I meant "to himself" as in "along with his headphones" -- maybe a bad choice of words.

And maybe it's just my personal experience but it seems like guys who are that ostentatiously obnoxious and into whatever they're listening to usually aren't going to be dangerous beyond just yelling at people and being dicks and getting in your face and then moving along? I mean, that was mostly a joke, but guys I would put in the hardcore need-a-weapon Do Not Fuck With category on buses are more likely to be sitting in groups looking calm and grim as hell.

Anyone from Montreal here? Signs & symptoms?

(xp) This goes back to the "where did the author say dude was wearing headphones" question.

I did take over the bus once and drive it into an abandoned public works building.

belongs here:
what from your past are you terrified will catch up with you someday?

i would've just started rapping too, but louder. maybe that 'I'm Just A Human Being' one from CB4.

# S T said
Jun 15th, 2008 at 12:13 pm

People who use force and intimidation are usually referred to as terrorists. We are all so concerned about Al-Quaida. When are we going to admit that we have our own home-grown domestic terrorists - like this thug?

Overseas yeah, we tryna fight terrorism
But we still got terrorists here living
In the USA

People who use force and intimidation are usually referred to as "bullies" or, more crudely, "dicks".

a directly stated "your rhyme smell like booty, son" silences even the most ostentatious public rapper

Basically I think my objection here, Dan, is not that this public rapper is not lame, and not that there is anything wrong or uncool with saying "watch the language" and getting actually a decent response to it (the guy seems to acknowledge that "not in front of my kid" is a reasonable request and grumbles it off) --

It's that ... well, not that it's everyone's job to have some sort of fine-toothed comb in judging the behavior of types of people they don't know, or anything, but this person seems to be doing that thing where his comb has teeth actively missing, and it reads like he takes signifiers like "young black male" and "rapping" and "obnoxious behavior" and "second-chance school" and leaps to a real worst-case imagination of danger where he's talking about arming himself against some looming threat well beyond people being assholes on buses, and he tells the story in a way (like the minstrel thing and the "representative of his culture for my daughter to base future stereotypes on" and stuff) that makes that broadly race- or class- or culture-based in a really, really adversarial way, and that's just ... disheartening.

And I guess my point was that it sucks that he would probably view this story as some kind of big win in that broad adversarial world, instead of the other way you could easily look at it, which is a moment in which he asked one of the obnoxious people he thought he needed a gun to protect himself against to be nice and considerate of his child, and the obnoxious dude just grumbled and did it, which is probably a sign that the people he's afraid of are likely not nearly as scary or anti-social as he's leaping to the conclusion that they are.

dudes i hate are those older grizzled punk rock mike ness lookin' motherfuckers w/sleeve tats that WON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP at shows. like srsly they just grow out of the floor at rock clubs. honest to god i went to She & Him as pussy indie rock as that is and i had to tell this dude to shut up standing behind me.

also i bet the dude that wrote this doesn't like black ppl. just a hunch.

I.e., I don't know why you're arguing with me about the public rapper being a nuisance and a dick, because I have no problem with that notion

"bust ales doesn't care about black people"

I'm arguing with you because you appear to be bending over backwards to demonize the asshole with the legitimate complaint. While I agree the complainer is an asshole, he is way more in the right than the annoying teen. I also think you're misreading the gun thing completely; did you miss the part where he said the gun thing ironically and the security guy from the school took him at face-value? The point of that didn't seem to be that dude thought he needed a gun to protect himself; rather that the school staff didn't seem to actively care whether people shot the annoying students who attend their school.

No Dan you're arguing with me because you're being stubborn and not reading what I'm saying anyway

So never mind

I'm reading what you're saying. I think you're making as many assumptions about this guy (some of which are true) as this guy made about the kid he challenged (some of which were true).

nothing really to add except I can't believe no one c+p'd this yet

so a hit from it would land like a medieval flail
so a hit from it would land like a medieval flail
so a hit from it would land like a medieval flail
so a hit from it would land like a medieval flail
so a hit from it would land like a medieval flail

Also, having dealt with the white version of this dick on the bus and gotten spat upon for standing up to him, I'm pretty much ready to murder anyone who acts the ass on the bus regardless of how harmless they actually are.

so a hit from it would land like a medieval flail

it's a saving throw in dungeons & rappers

http://judyandstu.com/Family/Chanukah2002/HappyBus1995.jpg

http://cdbaby.name/l/h/lhood.jpg

http://www.faithmouse.com/christian-kicked-off-bus.jpg

was she reading the Song of Solomon? that shit is HOTTTT

My sisters TEEOTS are like two twin roses

book of judith

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/38/Judith_Beheading_Holofernes_by_Caravaggio.jpg

Who in god's green fuck would want to go to Fort Worth anyway?

this dude's mentality is way to bernard goetz-ish for me to side with dan here

bernie goetz to thread.

whoa, how did i not see deej's post right there?

“Gunna shoot you in the head with my gat, with my gat. Gunna shoot you in the head with my gat.”

^^ fire

anybody else here ever had a gangbanger/rough-looking ne'er do well look you in the eye on a bus and practically sing about shooting you in the head?

it's not something you just shrug off.

If they did it in a language I didn't understand, I'd probably be okay with it.

Unless they put it in the universal language that is BULLET PAIN.

i have uncovered home video of this amazingly real and believable event http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jr73yYK5HE

Can we just not agree that teenagers suck and should be sent to work in the code mines and the grindhouses until they are loosened(lessened?) of their spunk?

well I been working in the code mine going down and down