I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE. HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

ok

god damn i love bill cosby

http://retrocrush.buzznet.com/archive2007/badcovers/cosby.jpg

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/platform.asp

smells like...? Snopes?

haha, xp

Beat me to it!

(2) We will immediately go into a two-year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'WalMart' policy:'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

serious lols

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes.

megalolz to be had here too

v clever idea to snopes that shit guyz

between this and his petition, a red-lettah day for babywhat

Hope/Cosby '08

yeah he totally bit on it lol cosby didnt even write taht stuff

boy is my face red... red-lettah!

(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you will be banned for life.

^^ we need more candidates whose party platforms include a section on "Professional Athletes

"

people sure don't like being free, huh

Like we want more wheat!

Really though Cosby should try and find out who put this crap out there in his name (and Carlin's - who I seem to remember was also none to pleased to be associated with it) and sue their sorry asses.

forget it ned, it's the internet

should be easy to track down!

I wish this were all enacted and then - when the country ground to an impoverished halt - they could see exactly where this kind of bullshit leads.

Oh, I'm a dreamer.

sounds like somebody hates common sense

this crap got jacked from solzhenitsyn.

Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method

The Turkish method? Fucker can't even tell the difference between one swarthy foreigner and another.

Ned, careful how much time you spend thinking there's anything authentic here.

southbound aliens! this guy's still got it

I think he meant "we will adopt the Turkish delight"

Ned, careful how much time you spend thinking there's anything authentic here

Heheh, yeah, I know, but you know that a lot of people really do think this stuff is do-able. See every newspaper comments page ever.

"We will adopt a turkey"

this write-in candidate is right on!

Isn't this Kim Jong Il's platform?

There will be no more life sentences -- if you are convicted of a Capitol Offense, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim, gun, knife, strangulation, etc

In addition to the vague hilarity to be had by the misspelling and incorrect capitAlization of 'Capitol', I'm intrigued by this idea. What if you're convicted of treason? How does the State propose 'to treason' the offender to death?

Comment by Leigh
August 8th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Comment by † Rachel  MD ф
August 8th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE. HERE IS MY PLATFORM:
(1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned. English is the official Language, speak it or wait at the border until you can.
(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to Straighten out the country’s attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the ‘Walmart’ policy ‘If we ain’t got it, you don’t need it.’
(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many Observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under Strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.
(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you Didn’t put nuttin in, you ain’t getting nuttin out. The president nor any other Politician will not be able to touch it.
(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour School week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade. (7) Professional Athletes –Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive You’re banned for life.
(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you Lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences, if convicted you will Be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim, Gun, knife, strangulation, etc.
(9) One export will be allowed, Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of Wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, And the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we’ll ask the American people if they Want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision Whether it’s a worthy cause.
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day In Congress.
(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, Sporting events, outings, etc. (
13) No politician can be on television more than the following minutes: Congressmen – 15 minutes per year. Senators – 20 minutes per year. President Unlimited when on Presidential Business however during campaigns and Election years no more than 2 hours of television once they have announced they are running for office. This includes paid political advertisements.
(14) Campaign funding for any political office shall not exceed the amount Of income that office pays per year.
(15) The Media will not be allowed to explain to the public what some Politician meant just moments before.
(16) All persons between the age of 18 and 25 will be required to serve two Years public service. This means military, peace corps, law enforcement, Fire fighters and picking up trash on the roadways, etc. Public service time Does not include working for some politician as an aid.
(17) The Federal Income Tax will be abolished and a National Sales Tax of 10% will placed into affect. If any Senator, President or Congressman votes For anything exceeding the income generated by this tax will have to pay for it Out of their pockets.
(18) All Federal elected personnel will be removed from their present Retirement system and placed under Social Security which they will be required to Pay into.
(19) Any legal immigrant coming to the United States will be encouraged to Obtain the best they can for themselves and their family. They will not be Subsided. Sorry if I stepped on anyone’s toes but a vote for me will get you better Than what you have, and better than what you’re gonna get.
God Bless AmericaComment by Leigh
August 8th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
You go Rachel… we are a working family of ….. we have had the same job for years..with the economy the way it is i cant afford anything extra….i have had to cancel my health insurance, i applied for healty kids which helps every hispanic ILLEGAL family they can EVERY white trash family that doesnt work and EVERY black family in need. I WAS DENIED……WHY BECAUSE WE WORK….. THATS RIGH BECAUSE WE WORK .. YOU MAKE EVERY ONE ON WELFARE GET A LIFE AND GET OFF THE CRACK AND COUCH AND THIS MIGHT BE A BETTER PLACE
IF YOU ARE NOT HEAR LEGALLY THERE SHOULD BE NO HELP FOR YOU… SAVE THAT MONEY AND USE IT FOR THE LITTLE OLD LADY WHO CANT BUY MILK AND THE GOVERMENT WILL ONLY GIVE HER TWENTY DOLLARS A MONTH…..
AMERICANS HAVE BECOME LAZY WELFARE ADDICTS WHY WORK WHEN THE ONES WHO TRY AND DO WORK WILL PAY FOR YOU TO SIT ON THIER BUTTS DO DRUGS HAVE SEX HAVE BABIES. NOW IF I WANT TO SIT AND HAVE KIDS I STILL WOULD BE REFUSED BECAUSE I CAN WORK..
I WILL VOTE FOR YOU………I HATE TO BE IN LINE MAKING MY CHECK STRECTH WHEN EVERY LAZY LOWER CLASS TRASH HAS WIC CHECKS GOVERMENT FOOD STAMP CARDS… AND MOST OF THEM DONT EVEN NEED IT….
YOU DID HOWEVER MISS ONE THINGS…IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN ONE CHILD AND YOU CAN NOT CARE FOR IT…YOU SHOULD BE SENT IN FOR SURGERY THE NEXT DAY….DONT HAVE KIDS FOR ME TO TAKE CARE OF ……MY CHILDREN GO WITH OUT BECAUSE I WORK……GET OFF YOUR BUTTS CLEAN YOUR YARD RAISE YOUR CHILDREN…IF YOU DONT LIKE IT…..TOOO BAD I AM TIRED OF TAKING CARE OF YOU AND YOUR KIDS BECAUSE YOUR TOO LAZY TO SUPPORT THEM…YOU DID NOT HAVE TROUBLE OPENING YOUR LEGS TO HAVE THEM SO NOT TAKE CARE OF THEM….HANG YOUR HEADS LOW BECAUSE WAL MART HIRES HANDCAPS ANYONE CAN GET A JOB…..

WAKE UP AMERICAN STOP SPENDING OUR MONEY WERE IT IS NOT NEEDED OR DESERVED
GOD BLESS THE HONEST WORKING PEOPLE…..

IF HIM AND HIS ANTI WHITE PREACHER DOESNT WANT TO SAY THE PLEADGE SEND THEM TO AFRICA TO BE THE PRESIDENT AND TAKE HIS PREACHER BACK TO HIS HOME LAND

Vote Carlin/Mahr in '96! And always wear sunscreen!

(19) Any legal immigrant coming to the United States will be encouraged to Obtain much hard one

(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you will be banned for life.

Whoa do we have to take this to I Must Protest? Mods r harsh these days with the ath-a-letes.

Here is something to think about.

To: this says it all!

let me know what you think

please read it all

b

WAKE UP AMERICA !

David Letterman wrote this; it's the David we
don't often see...

' As most of you know I am not a President
Bush fan, nor have I ever been, but this is not
about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it
seems to hit the mark.
'The other day I was reading Newsweek
magazine and came across some Poll data I found
rather hard to believe. It must be true given
the source, right?
The Newsweek poll alleges that 67
percent of Americans are unhappy with the
direction the country is headed and 69 percent of
the country is unhappy with the performance of
the President. In essence 2/3 of the citizenry
just ain't happy and want a change. So being the
knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, 'What
are we so unhappy about?''

A.. Is it that we have electricity and
running water 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?

B.. Is our unhappiness the result of
having air conditioning in the summer and heating
in the winter?

C.. Could it be that 95.4 percent of
these unhappy folks have a job?

D.. Maybe it is the ability to walk
into a grocery store at any time and see more
food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last
year?

E.. Maybe it is the ability to drive our
cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to the
Atlantic Ocean without having to present
identification papers as we move through each
state?

F.. Or possibly the hundreds of clean
and safe motels we would find along the way that
can provide temporary shelter?

G.. I guess having thousands of
restaurants with varying cuisine from around the
world is just not good enough either.

H. Or could it be that when we wreck
our car, emergency workers show up and provide
services to help all and even send a helicopter
to take you to the hospital.

I.. Perhaps you are one of the 70
percent of Americans who own a home.

J.. You may be upset with knowing that
in the unfortunate case of a fire, agroup of
trained firefighters will appear in moments and
use top notch equipment to extinguishthe flames,
thus saving you, your family, and your
belongings.

K.. Or if, while at home watching one
of your many flat screen TVs, a burglaror
prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun
and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you
and your family against attack or loss.

L.. This all in the backdrop of a
neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and
pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where
90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

M.. How about the complete religious,
social and political freedoms we enjoy that are
the envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks
unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of
ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever
seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet
has a great disdain for its citizens.They see
us for what we are. The most blessed people in
the world who do nothing but complain about what
we don't have, and what we hate about the country
instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the
president who took us into war and has no plan to
get us out? The president who has a measly 31
percent approval rating? Is this the same
president who guided the nation in the dark days
after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to
bring an economy out of recession?Could this
be the same guy who has been called every name in
the book for succeeding in keeping all the
spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist
attacks? The commander in chief of an
all-volunteer army that is out there defending
you and me?

Did you hear how bad the President is
on the news or talk show? Did this news affect
you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't
take a look around for yourself and see all the
good things and be glad? Think about
it......are you upset at the President because he
actually caused you personal pain OR is it
because the 'Media' told you he was failing to
kiss your sorry ungrateful behind everyday.
Make no mistake about it.

The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have
volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have
died for your freedom. There is currently no
draft in this country. They didn't have to go..
They are able to refuse to go and end up with
either a ''general'' discharge, an'other than
honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a
''dishonorable' ' discharge after a few days in
the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment
in the minds of 69 percent of Americans?

Say what you want but I blame it on the
media. If it bleeds it leads and they
specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a
car crash with blood and guts How many will
watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The
media knows this and media outlets are for-profit
corporations. They offer what sells,and when
criticized, try to defend their actions by
'justifying' them in one way or another . Just ask
why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J.
Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill
his wife, but if he did he would have done it
this way......Insane!

Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New
York Times for the bottom of your bird cage.
Then start being grateful for all we have as
country. There is exponentially more good than
bad. We are among the most blessed people on
Earth and should thank God several times a day,
or at least be thankful and appreciative.' 'With
hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud
slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up
the country from one end to another,and with the
threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we
sure this is a good time to take God out of the
Pledge of Allegiance?'

DavidLetterman

Please keep this in circulation. There
are so many people who need to readthis and grasp the truth of it all

Can't even make it to N? Weak.

well he's used to writing top ten lists

I just read through a bunch of these: http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/soapbox.asp#hitnail

How come almost all these forgeries are Conservative-themed?

How come almost all these forgeries are Conservative-themed?

Conservatives are more apt to be swayed by an argument if it comes from a figure of authority instead of from an ordinary schmuck like themselves?

Because old people don't know an internet forgery when they see one