This is a thread for sad ILXorres of any age

:-(

Underemployed
Underpaid
Underused

I have a poem my sister wrote at age eight:

ANGER

HATRED

MADNESS

YOU GIVE ME HAPPINESS

I GIVE YOU SADNESS

impatient

;_; can't you see these tears are real i'm crying

lol Abbott's sister was Rollins

Bored and a bit lonely...

...but feeling very pleased with myself because my first proper report development worked!

I recently purchased a mid-size sedan and started listening to blues rock. I just don't know where I fit in : (

: D

K8 belongs on a not-sad thread, the impostor!

Being pleased with oneself is not incompatible with being sad. I can make the sad face over lots of other things that are not job related.

;_;

I imagine you would fit in the driver's seat of the sedan? Or is it too small for your mighty girth?

Like the first car I drove was a VW Vanagon bcz it was the only automoblie that allowed me to toss my wicked giant cock over my shoulder & still have room for passengers. (This before me necessary M-to-F surgery: when that thing tumesced, all of my blood swarmed to it and I'd faint with an oxygen-deprived brain until I was no longer aroused.)

K8 okay you are welcome back.

I r sadness po-fleece.

sade dit moi, doo doo doo dooooooooooo

jobless
anxious
bored
still trying to fit in to this new country
too much time alone at home thinking bout things
thank god for the internetz

That fortysomething thread I started is making me sad so I'd better snap out of it.

AAAAA-AAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAA

http://www.armory.net/img/CU/CU_monks_robe.jpg

(x-posts)

I guess this is more like for a "bittersweet thread" but

Best bro just got my dream job! He totally deserves it!

Best bro just got...my dream job. I'm stuck at a shit job.

Sister @ era she wrote this poem:

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/igotabeefpastry/cassiebershon.jpg?t=1219852026

AUSPICIOUSLY UNHAPPY but maybe bcz she had to glean potatoes.

AUSPICIOUSLY UNHAPPY

Que?

I am de-saddifying myself by singing to myself MBV lyrics translated into LOLspeak.

(Cue picture of Kevin Sheilds as Bagpuss saying "Can I has question?")

I often expect to be disappointed, and then I am disappointed, and then get hopeful about something else, but know ultimately it'll be a disappointment. I think if I didn't have to deal with beginnings and endings, I'd be a bit happier.

Here is an SAD comic I wrote...in...2004? '03?

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/igotabeefpastry/suicider.gif?t=1219852532

That is my best penmanship, like how I write when I try RILLY HARDD.

;_; once again

That's an awesome comic, Abbott. It made me smile.

(No LOLling aloud in the office.)

*quiet in the library*

You CAN cry for hours in the library, tho – no one will really stop you.

DOAN KNOE WHEN
IM GONNA LEEF U AGAIN
GRAB REASON
AN IM DRAGGIN U DOWN LOL
COME JUS 2 MAK U HAPPEH
SHOT IN DA HEAD I CAN C
I CAN C IT
BUT I CANT FEELZ IT

xxxpost

That comic is brilliant!

I often expect to be disappointed, and then I am disappointed, and then get hopeful about something else, but know ultimately it'll be a disappointment.

If there is anything I've learned in my transition to grown-updom, it is: there's always a curveball around the corner and seldom, if ever, a golden light. After telling myself for yearrrrs (ten years?) that something great will finally be around the corner in a month or two & my worries will finally abate, I have discovered it is not true. So I bear in mind that bad shit will constantly happen, so I can be prepped & not let down, but I still try to live like I will eventually reach Good State.

PLS 2 B MEK MEH RELIZE!!!!

I feel kinda sorry for Socket Face!

He is a good, if stoic, protagonist. Don't worry, he lives on.

btw abbs i would read a comic like that in book format

Socket Face is THE SUN CARD to balance out Human Pencil's HANGING MAN w/WHEEL OF FORTUNE in the middle. How's that for a three card spread?

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f86/igotabeefpastry/backpage.gif?t=1219853368

Sorry I turn every thread into the Amazing Adventures of me and my McCrack3n peers.

Abbott you know this anyway but you're really talented. we mortals are jealous.

libcrypt's gonna host me a page for my comics, which is a SWEET and RAD offer...I just have to get a few more done before I pop 'em up on the URLz.

I have a poem my sister wrote at age eight:

ANGER

HATRED

MADNESS

YOU GIVE ME HAPPINESS

I GIVE YOU SADNESS

You sure it wasn't by Trent Reznor, age forty four?

My sister is so boss.

in first grade I went through a "black period" with my crayon drawings, my parents were v disturbed

my black period included impromptu flava flav impersonations (no, really)

wau wau wau

What I am wondering right now is if I'm so sad I have to go straight home from work and spend the evening doing codeword puzzles, or if I'm going to attempt to go out and go to a gig and spend the evening sitting around feeling vaguely awkward with a bunch of people I haven't seen in a while - not to mention wandering vaguely around London trying to burn time before the gig starts and wondering where it wouldn't be too sad to have dinner that wasn't too rubbish before the gig.

Put like that, being sad and playing codeword all night sounds kinda appealing.

I'm just blue.

I'm going to look for Codeine videos on youtube.

I am de-saddifying myself /.../
-- Masonic Boom

Wooh, them images that phrase is yielding!

xpost Good plan. I'm going to go for a long-ish walk that's going to culminate in a long-ish drink (with a friend!).

Love abbot cartoonz! hearticon hearticon hearticon. Am not sad, but should be. Old, horrorjob, dead end thingness otherwise, and once upon a time all this would have made me quite sad, but now I'm adjusted. My sad-making organ is all raisinized, and the best I can do is mildly mopey.

Bleah! So depressing!

I am still no closer to a decision.

I have no one to go to the gig with.

The only people I will know at the gig are the band. I'm really sick of being in that situation.

"To pretend to be happy could only be idiocy..."

i have a long-standing tradition of feeling like a chump on most major holidays.

we had plans; car broke down and we took a tow truck home in the rain.

I've spent the holidays with a significant other every year since I left home. This is the first time I've been alone, and it's proving more diff than I anticipated. I had someone to spend these days with, then I screwed it up, and now it's just me not-putting-together-my-furniture and finishing this wine. I'm not really sad about it so much as ambivalent. Feels strange.

it is a time of self-reflection.

yes, but it's also a time of hope and renewal.

. . . or it can be, under the right circumstances, and if you're lucky.

thats kinda what im goin for

As a child of divorced parents, I think the biggest silver lining is TWO CHRISTMAS DINNERS, so... maybe your kids will grow up to be like me and only concerned with gorging themselves ;)

― not everything is a campfire (ian), Sunday, December 26, 2010 4:07 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark

Yeah. And our kids had a good time, which is of course the most important thing. It was just, to me, a sort of stark reminder of everything that's happened in the past year. I hope/expect that by next year I might actually be able to enjoy Christmas. Problem is that even as I've adjusted to and am mostly okay with my daily life now, Christmas is a special case, and hard to prepare for or know how it will feel. I was surprised by how shitty I felt the last few days.

first time in any of those situations is tough- fwiw it doesn't sound it was too bad (as a first attempt) so hopefully it wont be so tough again

I am feeling sort of weird and crystalline abt Gabriellle Giffords being shot, thought I would call my mom, who is always good at listening – remembered that my mom is currently at the funeral of her developmentally delayed sister. Feeling fucked up that my first reaction to her death, earlier this week, was should I be crying? (tho tbh nearly everyone in my family but my grandma feels that way abt the situation, I think) I'm not good around death.

My poor mom is so giving and strong and all I do is dump my problems on her –– at least I remembered her day before I made a call.

My father died of dementia a few years ago. I didn't feel very upset when he died, mostly because to me he had died ten years before he actually did. There's no shame in feeling this way.

Yeah there are different kinds of letting go. Sometimes it happens a long time before someone stops breathing.

IDK she was in bad health but it's not like she had a terrible life no one would want to live. Example: she had her digital cable paid in advance for the next entire year, so it's clear she was enjoying the TV. She's just the kind of person it is very, very hard to feel close to.

I really didn't mean what I said in a "at least they're not suffering anymore" way, I meant more in a "have had lots of time to prepare for their death" way.

Tell us more about your late aunt, if you want to.

I feel like anything I would say would make me sound like an asshole.

i'm always sad in January, it's like clockwork. left my 10-minute short show tonight after intermission, skipping the post-show meet and greet again just cuz I didn't feel like seeing anybody afterwards or talking to the crowd. just withdrawn the last few days.

had a weird dream last night where at one point I was holding and hugging my son and smiling (I don't have kids)....no idea what that's trying to tell me but anywho....

i am feeling unreasonable

(it's all relative tho because i am habitually too reasonable)

i don't really know what to do! at all ever! but i'm glad i have my cat

i'm having a bout of middle-of-the-night hyperactivity even though i had almost no caffeine all day. said bout is accompanied by a knot in my stomach.

i've been thinking about the tenuousness of "stability" and the thing of the one jenga block being pulled away and making the complex system collapse. the cog-behavioral therapists stress that catastrophic thinking is toxic, but for me in 2011, it's hard *not* to think catastrophically.

It's harder to get a job than I thought it'd be. Oh well, as long as I have Dressy Bessy cd's to sell I should be okay.

Good to hear the cat is around.
xpost

things pretty bad lately, even if it's been weeks of feeling sort of dead/neutral and just carrying on. keep finding myself crying at weird times of day or in the supermarket or whatever, just sort of general lack of life direction, anything sets me off. going to counselling tomorrow, even that sort of seems to make me feel worse, like the mental equivalent of when you discover something and go to your gp and then you know it needs his help to get rid of it. never really felt this bad before.

nobody i know knows really...maybe one or two people, but not really. nobody has a clue...which makes it worse.

<3 good vibes your way

i'm sorry to hear that, Ronan. i am just an internet person, but you seem like one of the best ever. i hope things get better.

right on! count me in w/ the well-wishing!!! hope life brightens up for you soon

Very much sending good thoughts.

Ronan you are cooking and running and feeling life -- maybe a little too much? -- that is ok. Happens to the best of us. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.

You may feel better after you talk to the therapist/counselor if not only because you're not carrying it around by yourself.

Crying because you feel a little bit raw and open to the elements is a thing, separate from crying because you're sad, specifically. It's weird. It means things are happening, though? That's a transition period ime. LL is right, maybe you are purging some things and opening up some things? All support and care to you.

Laurel otm. But also is there someone close to you you think you could discuss this with without being patronised or felt sorry for or whatever? Having someone know who you can talk to can make things 1000000000x better in my experience, even if you never bring it up again.

Ronan, that sounds just like how grief works itself out. I'm not sure what you are grieving, but even if it feels wretched and endless, how you'r feeling is normal in that situation.

You are the ilxor I would want to bump into on the streets of London and then write about it on the Random Encounters thread or whatever it's called. I think because you come across as a whole, real person, which can be hard to achieve on a board. I know that has absolutely nothing to do with how you're feeling - it's just an explanation for why I hope it eases off really, really soon.

thanks everyone for all the support. there sort of are people i can discuss it with, but i think i have done so to a point where i don't want to make it a continuing thing, i guess this is why i am going to this counselling this morning.

it's all prob the culmination of never doing this before and the illness i've had and stuff, even though i got over the worst part of that (mentally) i probably should have seen somebody to discuss the depression it caused, cos that sort of remains a bit.

i feel a bit better this morning but glad i'm going to counselling, i've put it off for way too long.

Hope the counselling helps mate.

I think it's important to remember that sadness and blankness, wherever they come from, are real and valid expressions of who you are. I often cause myself more pain and stress when I worry about ending those feelings than I do when I inhabit them and take some time to myself and try to work out what they're telling me.

ronan, this is a normal reaction to seeing mcshane back in the ireland jersey?

What nv said, hope counselling can help, and things begin to look brighter

There's always ... Keith foley?

it's Kevin, and god help youse if he's the answer to anything

I'd say listen to some Bon Jovi, but I guess that would make most people feel worse.

I've been reading about disthymia recently, kind of explained a lot to me.

Counselling can be good Ronan, hope it goes well...I found it much easier to open up to a stranger.

Chin up Ronan, and be proud of yourself that you sought help!

was just kind of an assessment this morning, to see if they will give me counselling, and they will so i guess i passed/failed. felt good talking even at this early stage. probably shouldn't add that the assessment counsellor was hot.

lol transference

if tony soprano had the cupla focal....

if tony soprano had the cupla focal and put on a few pounds

assessment counsellor was hot

Loss of libido is not a big issue, then.

haha...i guess not. first proper session next friday, with a diff person.

very sick of myself atm

am trying to tidy in an attempt to put my negative distraction to good use and get at least one thing done of the mountain of put-off stuff that's weighing on me. it isn't working.

i hate how self-pity becomes a kind of self-justification, after a while.

my sadness is amply demonstrated by the fact that i remembered exactly how 'ilxorres' was spelt in the title

come hang out over here

the thread title anticipates the day when a certain forlorn Chelsea striker tries to find solace on ILX.

I'm not currently sad because I did quite a lot today even if none of it was very exciting, some day I may even learn that as I feel good when I do things I should probably do things more often.

that's a hard lesson. when i am "active", even in the sense of like cleaning the house, i am often struck by how good i feel but then i go straight back to idle brooding as soon as i get the chance. behavior modification is tough -- it's not enough to know what the right things to do are, you have to implement them -- and this fact makes me sad.

nilmar, may we temporarily call you dolores?