HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

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Poll Results

Option	Votes
High School in United States.	4
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered	2
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.	1
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.	1
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.	1
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth	1
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.	0
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.	0
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only ope	0
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.	0
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered	0
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.	0
Abortion clinics now available in every	0
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.	0
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.	0
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all s	0
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe le	0
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.	0
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.	0
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.	0
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.	0
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia,formerly kno	0

― and what, Monday, 1 September 2008 16:00 (seventeen years ago)

no caliphate, no credibility

― DG, Monday, 1 September 2008 16:04 (seventeen years ago)

cannot decide between

Abortion clinics now available in every

and

High School in United States.

― Alan, Monday, 1 September 2008 16:05 (seventeen years ago)

Prime Minister Jagger stable after corn dog bio-cod cheek pizza-topping-induced mutation

― blueski, Monday, 1 September 2008 16:06 (seventeen years ago)

where is "Grand Moff Chelsea takes office"?

― Dr Morbius, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 13:34 (seventeen years ago)

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

― goole, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 13:55 (seventeen years ago)

would kick it in a jamaica-ruled france, btw

― goole, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 13:56 (seventeen years ago)

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

this one is sort of incongruous old-fashioned misogyny among all the standard persecution-complex conservative bullshit

― max, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 13:58 (seventeen years ago)

its like henny youngman showed up at a right-wing radio conference

― max, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 13:59 (seventeen years ago)

Wanted to do a Private Eye 'Scenes You Seldom See' poll but they don't seem to be on the internet in any number, for some reason

― DJ Mencap, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 14:01 (seventeen years ago)

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

^^^this ones a creeper

― ice crӕm, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 14:05 (seventeen years ago)

High School in United States.

― The stickman from the hilarious "xkcd" comics, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 14:06 (seventeen years ago)

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

wat

― wanko ergo sum, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 14:08 (seventeen years ago)

The one I saw had...

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon).

...which didn't fit at all.

― Ned Trifle II, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 14:09 (seventeen years ago)

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

wait is this cos of a three mile island thing or because we nuked them or waaaaht

no consistency

― goole, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 14:15 (seventeen years ago)

i guess we probably nuked them and while we were distracted mexico took over california

― max, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 14:16 (seventeen years ago)

It was because you were all so fat you couldn't defend yourselves, and of course you had all your guns taken off.

― Ned Trifle II, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 14:23 (seventeen years ago)

...taken off YOU.

― Ned Trifle II, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 14:23 (seventeen years ago)

Or something.

― Ned Trifle II, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 14:24 (seventeen years ago)

Man I am glad the people of Floruba will finally get to vote, even if they're all "ME A STATUE. HOW DO I RODE VOTING!?"

― Abbott, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 15:33 (seventeen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

― System, Tuesday, 9 September 2008 23:01 (seventeen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

― System, Wednesday, 10 September 2008 23:01 (seventeen years ago)

;_; Floruba ;_;

― Abbott, Wednesday, 10 September 2008 23:45 (seventeen years ago)

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