Video Tapes

I've always been a red-button junkie, I record enormous amounts of TV....before I leave the house on evenings, I usually program my VCR to record something I scouted in TV Guide while eating or taking a dump after work......if I know I'll be out late I prog. for Letterman (drawback: this also records Kilborn.....i swear, I don't care if I'm cool as beans with you, if you make me watch a full Kilborn show when I sleepover I'll slit your fucking throat).....and sometimes I play channel roulette and let the bastard run....when I get back I like to take a hot bath while smoking weed and then fall asleep to whatever I recorded.......on saturday nights I pass out to my SNL tape.....but sometimes I forget to watch a recorded tape and leave it piled up next to the console.....I will never record over it because I'm stupid like that..."what if I got some good shit!?!?"....got to see it first....I also have this weird habit of recording stuff in real-time, as I watch.....the crazy shit is that I've always had a black box (illegal cable receiver) which allows you to flip around WHILE recording.....I have some tapes that just baffle me.....just hours of rapid fire flipping around the Premium channels, shit is just incoherent......on some of my older tapes from home, it computes, though......I'd use the black box to watch the no-insertion porn channel while recording and I'd always flip to something real frantic when I thought I heard mom dukes near my door......you should see some of the crap I've got on my boxes and boxes of oldschool tapes......ALF episodes, simpsons so absentmindedly recorded there are repeats on the same EP-speed tape....just very corny TV shows with girls I thought I'd find time to wank to.....Scariest Police Chases........there's even hours of my Tony Hawk Proskater runs I thought were really once-in-a-lifetime great at the time.....I cant believe this shit.....okay, time to involve you bastards....

What is the worst or most baffling shit you've ever found on your tapes? Most embarrassing?.....Let me tell you about this one time way back, I had a dubbed copy of Bloodsport my crew was watching in my room one night, and at the end we let it run while we talked shit.....to my horror, the credits ended and the tape cut to the Wonder Years scene where a grown-up huge-tittied guest-star Soleil Moon Frye is about to remove her top and Kevin falls out the boat....I had that shit saved for wanking and all my friends (even GIRLS) peeped it and started laughing at me.....they knew the time.

Now lets get back to shit I forgot I recorded.....a few weeks ago, remember there was that weird late-night indie double-card......White STripes on Letterman, Clinic on Kilborn....well I programmed it but forgot to watch it.....stumbled on it yesterday.....Clinic suuuuuucked, the singer was rocking a surgical mask with a mouth slit to sing through, but the whole thing got sweaty and wet and it stuck to his nose and he kept losing breath...hahaha.....white stripes were money on letterman though, they did that "fell in love with a ghirl" song and in the middle they drop everything and do "little room", but on a different microphone with much echo so it sounds like a large room.....clever boy.

When I find too many videotapes stacked up in my room, I need to cleanse.......reviewing a tape and itemizing a label is undoable for me, because ther'es too much nonsense pastiched up in each tape.......so I must get medieval......have you guys ever played tape karate demo? I do like this.........I grab a bunch of tapes that are worn out or that I'm pretty sure have nothing good on them........I have a friend come over and we take turns holding each tape like a wooden karate breaking board......we punch them hard and they explode all over the kitchen floor....cathartic, we feel like lords....dont be fooled, this shit can be dangerous....if you don't commit and you don't punch fast and hard as you can, your hand will break it too slowly or partially and the plastic will shred the fuck out of you yo......I get shady sometimes.....certain tapes, older ones with big, thick, heavy spools of t-gazillion hours tape are much harder to break and I always pick those for my partner to break.......they always think all tapes are equal and they just didn't have the power this time.....while they bleed, I bring them bandaids and say, "damn man, you alright?"

Latest video I rented: House Party 4......yes, they made a number four......none of the original cast or production staff......they fucking ripped off Ferris Bueller right down to the jilted sister/illness gags........the director actually thought he was the only black guy that's seen Ferris.......its like those hiphop heads that go around saying, "Yo I usually don't get into this kind of thing, but there's this new rock and roll band, they just came out with this dope album.....theyre called Radiohead......".......this movie was garbage.......it was unfunny on that level that makes me take out my anger on strangers.....the film stock was seriously porno quality....

Latest porns tapes I watched: Hustler barely legal series #12......first time seeing one of this series, was looking forward to it as this episode starred Hope and Trista from ALS scan......what a disappointment.....terrible filming (everyone's skin looked ruckled and grainy), bad angles, weak action........Trista was ok in a boy-girl scene, dope tits......Hope, they barely even showed..... Ben Dover (it's a UK guy assuming the status of US Buttman or Italy's Rocco, same friendly fun-loving charismatic goofy gonzo angle, not this dull humorless strong-arm ammie exploitation angle that's the big thing now in the states......I hear Ben is big over there)........tape is this End Up.......far too much lead in time for the scenes, but the girls were hot and the action sloppy and stupendous.........funny shit: in one of the interludes one of the main guys (a punk rocker guy with mossy teeth and a goofy grin) starts sucking a banana sticking out the fly of another dude......the other dude says, "youre a little to good at this!" and the punk grabs the guys nuts hard and goes "i'm only fookin jokin!".......and one of the girls, the second one i think, is getting lubed up and fingered for anal, and she starts having second thoughts....I was fastforwarding for the anal but you could tell by her facial expresssions she was troubled.....get this.....the guys just say "that's alright luv" and just bust all over her face instead.....you brits are class fucking acts. Salut.