Do you have weird dreams about celebrities?

I don't think I ever have celebrity dreams. I've probably had one or two. Combined with the not fancying thing this does seem to imply that celebrities are all a ghastly disappointment to me.

There was also the going out with Fred Durst thing which lasted two nights and really pissed me off. It was even a bad relationship in the dream, I remember sitting next to him and thinking "I have absolutley nothing in common with you."

I have also snogged Nigella Lawson in a dream.

Hmm Liz Taylor now or Fred Durst. Tough call.

I have had sexual dreams about George W. Bush, Jeffrey Archer, Michael Portillo and Catherine Deneuve. EWWW! (Except for Deneuve, of course.)

the imaginary bands that've been in my dreams = the elvises, the explosives, and phoenix.

i've got an online dreamlog

how small's my head, funny man?

Quite a realistic dream then.

okay. i figure that radiohead in dreams = NIGHTMARES

*no I'm not going to say who it is, too embarassing.

I am always very suspicious of songwriters who say, "Oh, I heard that song in a dream and I knew it was genius so as I soon as I woke up I wrote it down." I quite often have dreams where I think, "Ha! That's the funniest joke ever ever ever, haaah" or "Wow, wouldn't this make a great film script?" only to wake up and think, "Oh my god, what a load of nonsensical but dreary bollocks that was, what is wrong with my subconscious?"

I am working as an usher at a Soho theatre where Trev and Simon from Going Live! are mounting a comeback show.

Unfortunately, we see a TV news broadcast that claims Trev and Simon have been kidnapped by terrorists while on holiday in Africa. We see a home video of their last hours subathing at their hotel. The newscaster says they have probably been killed.

I go round to TV chef Michael Barry's house for help, but he seems uninterested. He and my grandmother are making a vat of egg mayonnaise and fighting about who has the best recipe. Michael is going to use the egg mayonnaise as fertilizer to grow sushi.

A young Philip Schofield is at Michael's house, but I'm not allowed to speak to him, as he's doing an internship.

I meet Rich Johnston, who writes the internet comic column 'Lying in the Gutters', who says he's going to write a charity comic to let people know of Trev and Simon's sad plight.

Later, I walk along Charing Cross Road with my sister (that's you), and she reveals the whole thing was a hoax to get publicity for the theatre show. Trev and Simon are safe and well. I am the only person who has fallen for their trick.

This morning I had a doozy: I was assisting Brian Wilson on a new record. He still ooked like c. 1967 Wilson but we were working on Macs and everything else around us said "2007". Except, of course, the cassette machine that he told me to use to play some demo of (awful) new stuff. "Stop it before the next song." he said. The song he wanted to hear ended and the thing kept going. The stop button wouldn't work. I was scrambling around trying to stop this thing as other assistants tried to help but...no dice. Lots of fear in that room. I eventually yanked some cables out the back of the machine. It stopped playing and I walked back, scared shitless, towards Wilson, who was standing next to this huge, bright Mac monitor - arms crossed and looking furious. Me(looking down): "I'm so, so sorry, Mr. Wilson. It'll never happen again."
Wilson (red face, slurring): "It better not! One more time and I'll killfile all of you and have them send you back to Yale!" (WTF?!!!)

I dreamed the other night that I met Roger Ebert (he still had a mouth but couldn't talk) and he wrote me this hell of flirty note that I found surprisingly flattering. It had this at the end:

p.s. My favorite work in the past five years has been judging on Iron Chef. If you do this, try and do it when Morimoto is on: he's the only good one.

I woke up and realized I'd confused him with Jeffrey Steingarten at the end, which I think is fair enough (tho Ebert is the better writer).

in all of my celebrity dreams we are playing soccer

I hardly ever remember my dreams, but usually they involve politicians and/or pop stars. Usually ending with me insulting them, as in the dream I had where I was at an awards ceremony, and I presented Mick Hucknall with an award for "World's Biggest Wanker".

Two nights ago I dreamt that I was sitting in a hospital waiting room with DEREK MCGRATH of all people and he asked me if I recognized him. I said "aren't you the guy from Small Wonder...no wait, My Secret Identity!" and he kind of pouted and skulked and said "No." Maybe he'd rather be known for Cheers or something. Star Wars was playing on the waiting room TV.

Erotic nightmare about Varg Vikernes. A conjugal visit? Rather cold and uncomfortable. Wake up when a super-sudden FACE EATING occurs (I am in receipt of this).

Most vivid dream I've ever had was a few years ago and involved Neko Case kissing me while Robert Wadlow played fiddle in a bluegrass band that was floating in a boat and playing "Dirty Old Town".

i dreamt that tony blair visited my old school and some kids were asking him all these awkward questions he couldn't answer. i didn't really do anything tho.

Last night I dreamed I was shaving Hugh Jackman's neck. He was charming and funny and called his "back of the neck" hair his "Wolvie fuzz."

wow

I have totally strange dreams. But entertaining.

I dreamt that Brian Wilson turned up at my house on my birthday and performed a sort of karaoke version of some of his hits. He'd been hired by one of my mates as a sort of entertainer. He seemed very jolly. I remember excitedly digging out my copy of Smile to get him to sign.

Then I dreamt I went to the shops and bought a white-bread version of the Burgen soya & linseed loaf. When I woke up this morning I was very disappointed to find out I hadn't actually bought any bread and would have to have tuna salad for lunch.

(So you still had the signed "Smile" then?)

*checks*

No :-( Damn.

Unlike the poster a few posts back, this was Brian Wilson circa Smile concert era, but maybe a bit more lithe as he was doing comedy clown-style falling over and stuff. He was like a kids' entertainer more than anything else. I remember being awestruck but also a bit disappointed.

I had this bizarre dream that I was in a cafe and Roger Daltrey was there discussing his breakfast cereal preferences. He didn't like Weetabix or stuff with oats in it.

all the ones I've had involving celebs are nightmares which leave me awake in the middle of the night going "ew ew ew, wtf argh!".

i think i've already mentioned the dave gahan/martin gore dream somewhere on ILX - in which one of them, can't remember which, tried to sleep with an underage me. but I don't think that was quite as bad as one I had the other night of being back in high school with Marilyn Manson doing cartwheels in the hallways in a cheerleader's outfit. I also had one a long time ago of being chased by members of Westlife who were trying to kill me in an aquarium. *shudder*

i had a dream this morning about spotting a shark at the beach then suddenly i was in the water sitting on a surfboard riding the breakers in. there were a lot of other people in the water too. the shark passed me from right to left and i pulled my legs up as it swam under me. i remember thinking i wanted to get to shore but i wasn't really that worried about the shark? i'm guessing it was about 7-9 feet long. i think i was more curious about seeing a shark close up than i was worried about the shark.

i always have dreams about cute celebrity girls wanting to be friends with me...

okay before I forget completely...

[in my dream}: Will Self is dating Britney Spears. He's driving aroud Droitwich in a fast, dark blue car with "I Luv Britney" painted on the side. Later I see him driving around again and now someone has grafittied the words "SLUT" and "SLAG" onto the car with arrows pointing towards Britney's name. This angers Will and makes him drive all the more faster around and around the streets. Soon Will has added "This is the Modern World" to his car's messages. He just wants people to accept their relationship.
I see his car screech around a corner near the High School and he's gone. Later his car is found crashed in the middle of the woods.
There was more but I've forgotten it.

i had a dream that britney and i got on like this trolley together and rode around town

i once had a dream i was charlize theron. i was trying to seduce john stamos.

Oh Kate Bush appeared in my dream. She made me a cup of Vanilla pod tea, and told me about her latest track that she'd just mixed with Youth.

Not particularly weird, but hey, if a youth remix of some new track happens, I heard it first!

I had a celeb dream last night for first time in years. I'm lying in bed with the blonde one (Suzanne?) from the Human League. Unfortunately it's some sort of fold down bed and we're top and tailing and I'm worried that my feet smell bad. In addition my son is next to her, who's next to Phil Oakey who's top and tailing next to my wife.

I had a waaaaay strange dream about Fred Durst. He was rigged up and suspended in some kind of (non-kinky) harness thing. I wasn't really 'there', but I observed him being lowered through some kind of wooden trap door in the floor which lead to near-Earth orbit. He was lowered and lowered and lowered until he was just a speck, and then he disappeared.

I think most people have that Fred Durst dream.

.. while awake.

Oh look, it has happened!

Eminem jerking off at the bottom of a staircase.

David Lynch discussing his forthcoming film version of Bob the Builder.

most of my celebrity dreams are about dead celebrities?

once had one about Jean-Michel Basquiat, wherein we were in a blank industrial atmosphere, and he was shooting a 9mm in all directions while yelling things about lines.

another involved Humphrey Bogart and I playing duets for a few minutes on a baby grand.

in terms of live celebrities...well, the only that i've ever remembered had to do with my friend justin, Ryan Philippe, and a bathroom. now that was a good one.

I once dreamed that I shot Tori Amos. I felt kind of bad about it in the dream.

I used to have recurring sex dreams about David Bowie.

Last night I dreamt that I met Jarvis Cocker at Gatwick airport, but he was really, REALLY fat, like 400 pounds, and we talked for 30 minutes while ignoring his wife. He signed my flight ticket stub and I was pissed after he walked away that I didn't take a photo of he and I together. Then I ripped the ticket accidentally and no one in my dream believed I'd met him. I can also vaguely recall that I met another pop star there too, and said to my friend "we should just hang out at Gatwick all day, every day!"

I've been having bizarre dreams ever since I quit smoking in November, geez.

Okay, so last night I dreamed that I went to the My Bloody Valentine reunion gig. It was in a small hall and all the crowd were sitting on cushions. There was only about 100 people there? Anyway, they started the set with an acapella version of Loomer and stayed playing quiet indie rock for the whole set, sounding more like the beautiful south. At one point they wheeled out a HUGE rack of impressive looking guitars but they never touched them. They even broke out a version of Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now, Kevin Shields sounding very odd. The crowd was not impressed, but I didn't care too much because one of the girls who I regularly see at gigs (in my dream - I've never seen her before in real life) came onto me and I was snogging her for a bit.

A fight soon broke out when the crowd got restless about the shoddy sounds. Lots of booing and catcalling, and there was a stage invasion - security was notable in it's absence. People tried stealing MBVs equipment and were making off with the previously noted rack of guitars. One guy tried to take the drumkit and the drummer was fighting him off. I stepped and told the would-be thief "You can't take the fucking snare drum, it's the drummer from My Bloody Valentine! It's like stealing Ringo's drumsticks!" This seemed to placate him, but the gig ended in disaster.

Later that day I bumped into Kevin Shields on a walk. He seemed quite down. He thanked me for helping him out and seemed happy with his work. "I didn't expect you lot to like the new sound. It's not as adventurous as it was."

I just thought I'd share.

I have loads of these dreams:

Robin Williams is an octogenarian delivery boy in NYC. He walks into a dingy apartment block, but is threatened by a prostitute and a thug. While trying to escape he falls down a stairwell, breaking both his legs.

Valerie Singleton is on stage at a school prize giving, and she starts shouting "arsehole".

Simon Amstell arrives at my house in a big white Transit van to deliver a load of weapons and military hardware, including bullets and tank shells.

I noticed Steve Martin and Joseph Gordon Levitt arriving at some sort of event together. Steve was in a white suit. I held him back while JGL went in and said, "I don't know how long you two have been together, but Joseph and I dated for a couple weeks a while back, and I have to say, he's a little ... green." Steve seemed unperturbed: "We've been dating for the last six months to a year." "Oh!" I said. "Well, then, you know what he's like." I quickly wished I hadn't said anything at all; how was I to know it wasn't a new relationship?

Sometimes I've had dreams about being best friends with some celebrity I don't particularly care about IRL. I think Stevie Winwood was the last one I had like that.

i dreamt that i was hanging out at a friend's place and his brother, kevin mcdonald from the kids in the hall, was in town and popped by to visit. i wanted to tell him i loved his work but not act like a dumbass, so without even a smile i said "hey, i really like your stuff. really makes me laugh." he was annoyed by me immediately.

OK so this is pretty gross but there are some worse sex dreams on this thread already, although I don't think this one is particularly sexy at all, more like WTF EWWWW.
I'm in the audience watching Graham N0rt0n presenting his chat show, and suddenly he says "I'm starting a new straight pr0n website..." and I'm thinking "WTF, you're gay!". N0rt0n then says "...and here's a clip from it!", and it's a movie of a washed up music biz celeb receiving a raspberry ripple ice cream enema. Maybe this is my subconscious trying to set up an aversion to ice cream that I can lose weight or something...

I had a dream recently that was a TV commercial for the Rolling Stones. It started off completely dark, with the choral intro to "You Can't Always Get What You Want". An announcer's voice comes in, saying something like "From the band that brought you (I Can't Get No)Satisfaction, Jumpin' Jack Flash, and Honky Tonk Woman, The Rolling Stones are proud to present to you..." and it pauses for a second right before the song kicks in "...SLASH!" Then it cuts to footage of Slash playing along with the Stones, but standing front-and-center the whole time.

last night I dreamt that beta band was driving me through a forest at dangerously high speeds O.O

I had a dream that I was dating (and screwing) Kristen Bell many weeks ago. The ensuing five minutes after waking up, I had to make sure to hide all of the razors in my house.

I've had two dreams within the past week in which I was required, for some reason, to identify celebrities.

In the first, a number of assembled movie casts posed in front of me, and I was asked to name the actors. The only ones I was able to figure out, though, were Alexis Bledel and Alan Arkin. Actually, I think I was able to recognize Arkin from the ears up.

In the second, from this morning, someone sat next to me on a chair and asked me to guess who he was. I think maybe I was blindfolded or something and had to go on voice alone. Anyway, my guess, which turned out to be correct, was Kevin Jonas. (I'm mostly impressed my subconscious was able to name one of the Jonas Brothers.)

I was living with my brother and we had a party at our house. Lots of people showed up, including Miley Cyrus, who was annoyed that it wasn't a barbecue party. I tried to explain to her that it was freezing outside, but she didn't seem to understand. I think she'd even brought some grillables, too.

A couple of weeks ago I had a dream where I ate lunch with Kellie Martin and she told me that I am in fact a person who is capable of being loved.