And then I realised........

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.........that I was in the passenger seat. This morning, I mean. I walked out to the car carrying about three things and trying to send a text message, I sat into the car and moved my right hand around with the key in it for about 30 seconds, my brain was sending one of those ERROR ERROR type messages. And then I realised I was sitting in the passenger seat.

Similar mind fuck ups?

― Ronan, Wednesday, 10 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

New..........new.........eh........new.........eh...........new....... ....eh..............ANSWERS.

― Ronan, Wednesday, 10 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

One time my dad was going to some flea market with a friend. the guy had said he was gonna be there at 6 am. One minute late and he would leave. So my dad was rrrrreally nervous about it. He sees the guy's car. Runs to it. Steps in without looking at the friend. And shouts "Yes, we're ready to go!" He then realizes the car isn't moving. So he looks at the driver.... It isn't his friend. But some extremely angry looking guy. Oops.

― nathalie, Wednesday, 10 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I was making some coffee when I smelled burning cheese. The pile of cheese i had put on the side walk was in flames! There was a CGI policeman saying " You dumb shit! I hate you so much!" Then I spilled Oregano all over my shoes and accidentally knighted Elton John again, just before a giraffe puked on my Ferrari! Only then did I realise I was covered in Mint Jelly from the previous nights lamb a thon

― mike hanle y, Wednesday, 10 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hanel y you are insane.

― Samantha, Wednesday, 10 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I called for a taxi. A few minutes later I looked outside to see if it had turned up, and sure enough a car was there in front of the house.
I got into the car, closed the door and said my destination. The driver went "er... this ain't a taxi y'know"
It wasn't a taxi driver, just some bloke. Luckily he saw the funny side. etc.
I wouldn't have minded but his car was a right old banger.

― DavidM, Thursday, 11 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

you should hear about my dream of the cgi monkey and the body building octogenarian porn

― mike hanle y, Thursday, 11 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i still think ronan's takes some beating

― mark s, Thursday, 11 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This cashier chick at Eddie Bauer was chatting me up but I had to piss bigtime....was getting a little absent minded....I randomly made up some shit about going to Costa Rica for holidays next week and being "super psyched" about it........at the end of the convo she goes Have A Nice Holiday!....I respond, "You too!.....Uh wait..."....She goes "hahaha, it's cool, it's totally that kind of day!".....sweetheart.....I'd let her pee in my hair for hours...

On the elevator this grey-bearded courier guy, real go-getter oldtimer type tells me the weather is superb just as I'm stepping out.....I go, "yeah!, must be great for biking around huh?" he goes "sure is!".....for some reason I go "THANKS!"

Here's some intentional hijinks that went down this week.....there's this really cute girl Tara that started hanging with our click.....I'm into her because she's a total fucking goof like me.....and freckles all over her shoulders which amuses me to no end.....in a parking lot we were smoking weed in, I just grabbed and shook her by the shoulders out of the blue and yelled, "I'm NOT READY TO BE A FUCKING FATHER YET!!!!".....people staring....she was first in disbelief, then stifled a giggle, then started playing along by pretending to sob.....people still staring, gaping mouths about now.....I instantly recall my Chris Rock HBO special and yell, "I'LL KILL YOU GIRL, YOU HEAR ME!?!? I DON'T PLAY THAT SHIT!!!".........and a few days later at the galleria I realized I wasn't dressed totally dorkily in puffy jacket shit, like a kid, thus makign it a good time to pull out an old gag....I set my jaw into overbite and held her arm while acting mentally handicapped and like she was my caretaker or sister.....see, this fucks her totally over....she has to play along because if she gets annoyed and tells me to fuck off, people may think she's a heartless negligent bitch, right?.....but like I said, this girl's the bomb, she played along and baby-talked to me.....I whispered, "start calling me "alvin", aight?".

Is she the one?

― Ramosi, Friday, 12 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"I wasn't dressed" = "I was dressed".

Like duh, you MORON!

― Ramosi, Friday, 12 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

No way, Ramosi, I think if you were naked that would have made the scenario all that much more real, yes?

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 12 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i think she's the one, yo

ramosi answer my question on the food thread! about buffet ninjas and chocolate-orange-pancakes!

― geeta, Friday, 12 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah guys......she is full of nervous fidgety energy and also is a huge Deuce Bigelow and Tracy Morgan fan, just like me.......ah man, it's perfect......as far as music is concerned, she is a blank page.....she owns like 10 cd's......I could turn her into a superbeing...... though sadly I doubt she will fulfill the Dream Girl With Amazing Prehensile Monkey Tail fantasy of mine....but close enough.....we already sing along to the Strokes and Trick Daddy together.....I should ask her out on Sunday or maybe just invite her over to watch a video.......violate my whole spectrum, I wont hate.

― Ramosi, Friday, 12 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ramosi: she plays along with your retard kid schtick = she's the one. (I just remembered now that I was doing a similar thing two weeks ago- walking around university with a girl, both of us making dumb noises and walking around in circle, to the confusion of the general public. But she's fucking her boyfriend right now, so.. )

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Saturday, 13 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

8:45 - arrive at work

8:47 - turn on lights, take off scarf, take off coat, unbutton shirt...

8:48 - quickly button shirt back up

― rainy, Monday, 15 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

damn New Zealand flashers

― mike hanle y, Monday, 15 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

eight months pass...

After I had been at work all day, I fantasized about going home and checked my watch -- er, my watches. Apparently I was so tired and frazzled this morning that I put on both a tank watch and a diving watch, and, with the longish-sleeved seater I was wearing, failed to notice until 7:30 p.m. -- and 7:30 p.m.

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 7 January 2003 02:57 (twenty-three years ago)

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 7 January 2003 03:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Mystic.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 7 January 2003 05:41 (twenty-three years ago)

i once came home at 3am from a 10-hour restaurant shift, set my alarm lateish knowing i didn't have to work again til 6 the following evening, fell asleep ... woke up, looked at clock, oh no! shift due to begin in ten minutes! how could i have slept so late? rang restaurant, no answer, oh no! they're busy and i'm not there! got dressed and out the door in about three minutes, then ... slowly the coolness of the air and the lack of traffic woke me up and i realised it was actually 6 in the *morning*. yay!

― rener (rener), Tuesday, 7 January 2003 13:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh man, that not-knowing-if-it's-am-or-pm thing has happened to me so much lately. Still, once you realise you've got 12 more hours in bed than you expected it's not so bad.

― Ferg (Ferg), Tuesday, 7 January 2003 20:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Every so often I get into my car, rummage around in my purse for the key, panic when I can't find it...and then discover that I absentmindedly stuck the key into the ignition, where it belongs.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 7 January 2003 20:41 (twenty-three years ago)

ten months pass...

. . . that the stop sign was never going to turn green, so I might as well go.

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

...that the pizzas were in my hand. I had just paid the pizza man and all five people in the house were looking at me expectantly, sitting at the table, paper towels and beers in hands, meanwhile I'm running around looking everywhere screaming at myself "where the fuck did I put the pizzas?" Everyone is laughing. I'm getting mad "oh this is funny? I lost YOUR pizzas too assholes". The pizzas. Were in. My hand.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh man, I did the exact same thing once only with my jumper. I was standing there going WHERE IS MY JUMPER WAIT NO WE CANT LEAVE IVE LOST ME JUMPER. While it was tied around my waist, and my friend Dom was all "uhh... Trayce?"

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Must resist Sultans of Ping FC reference.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 21:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't believe I did the above, pretty thick.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:16 (twenty-two years ago)

..that the glasses I was trying to find and the glasses that I'd pulled down from my forehead so I could search better were very similar objects.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:24 (twenty-two years ago)

someone I know once sat and stared at their computer for ages because they couldn't remember how to make letters appear in uppercase.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Ramosi's posts above are so classic.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I was going to say, I miss that guy. :-(

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah! I wonder what happened with that girl.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Must resist Sultans of Ping FC reference. Heh, I had to try not to break into the song m'self.

Once, it took me ten minutes sitting and staring at the telephone to remember the number for directory assistance.

Which is 013.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:17 (twenty-two years ago)

orange juice instead of milk into the weetabix was a disgusting mistake I used to make when I ate breakfast, occasionally, if reading the paper or something. the cartons were the same!

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 23:19 (twenty-two years ago)

once when i was much younger, like freshman in high school though (thankfully) this didn't happen in school, i exited a mens room and there was the antechamber bit and there were two doors, one the real exit and one to the janitors' closet (lots of bathrooms have this setup) but i only noticed the janitor's closet one which had no handle, only a keyhole, and i thought in my sleep-deprived state that somebody had *stolen the handle* and began to panic and scream "help! somebody trapped me in here! let me out!" while banging the door to the janitor's closet.

somebody heard and opened the real door.

this is quite possibly the most embaressing thing i've ever done.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 4 December 2003 03:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Must resist Sultans of Ping FC reference.

You read my mind.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 4 December 2003 04:01 (twenty-two years ago)

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