Faghags: Classic or Dud?

no i haven't heard maragret cho on her faghagdom. tell me more.

As for "fag hags", I mean...that's a rough term. I pretty much am one, I guess, but I don't think of it that way because that means you're thinking of your friends as being gay, not being your friends, do you see what I mean? We all went to this kick ass gay bar last night, it's very amusing to bring your date to a gay bar but they have $1 cosmos and margaritas so it's all good, and we talked about acting and people spoke in Hebrew. I was so confused, but when they played Your Disco Needs You, it was like the best thing that ever happened to me. Then me and Tim got all worked up because they were playing It's Raining Men (Geri's version), and he was all, "Oh, everyone's going to go nuts for this song!" and then me and him were the only people going nuts for it, it was classic.

It really pisses me off when people automatically look down on women who have a lot of gay male friends, as if it's stunting their emotional growth or something.

Are straight men the new fag hags?

i am still not going to answer this question. because i am obviously going to be biased in my answer.

i'm probably misinterpreting someone, but isn't it a stereotype to think that "faghags" are people who go around saying "oh, i have this friend and he's gay, he's rude and shocking, rahrahrah"? i for one AM a faghag, i embrace the term, and i would never say anything as fucking dumb as that. firstly, even if gay men did say "shocking" things all the time (which is a ridiculous idea), any self respecting faghag wouldn't make a big deal out of it cos she'd be used to it. and for the record, i'm more frank and disgusting than any gay man i have ever met anyway.

i tried to deny my faghagdom for a long time cos i thought to myself, "how rude to be a woman who cares about the sexualities of her friends". but now i embrace it. why? because my friends use it as a term of endearment. there damn well can't be anything wrong or offensive about that.

dud

There's nothing more annoying than being friends with a woman for a long time and hearing her say things like "gay men are the best friends to have. They're so non-threatening."

i totally agree with this hypothetical woman's sentiment, even though my straight male friends are pretty non-threatening also. ;-) but i have felt uncomfortable out there in the big bad alpha-hetero world, which is to say most of the male world. at least the misogynist gay men out there leave women alone.

I went out with a group of friends to a gay bar tonight- it was nine people, 5 queer, 4 straight, only one woman in the group- it was sweet and pretty fun and mostly avoided the awkwardness of the gays feeling like being ambassadors / tourguides to the straight people (half of whom had never been to any gay bar, and this one was a leather bar with a backroom and a sexshop inside). Weirdest discovery: a very lonely Cannibal Corpse belt buckle (for the "Exhumed at Birth" album) just sitting there in a glass case alongside the buttplugs and dildos and dog masks and such. What was it doing there?

Only been to a gay bar once. All I really remember from the night was my friend leaning in and telling me "any song with a robot voice in it is automatically a good song in my book".

In my experience, very much dud. There seems to be this weird "how exotic!" sentiment with a lot of these girls that's incredibly obnoxious.

Ally in this thread very much a good example of what I'm referring to.

i totally agree with this hypothetical woman's sentiment, even though my straight male friends are pretty non-threatening also.

what do you mean by "non-threatening" though? when women say that, it makes me think they look at me (a straight guy) as this monster with a sabre-toothed penis. i mean, yeah, i might find you attractive and might ask you out or (if we're in a club setting) might get too close to you or something, but is that threatening?

Don't know if it was mentioned upthread, but gay men who hang out almost exclusively with straight women are equally dud.

Women who have a lot of gay friends are fine. I have a lot of gay friends and they're awesome but you know what? So are my straight male friends. It's the identification with the term and the women who usually adhere to such identification that I find most problematic. Any woman who would actually refer to herself as a "fag hag" is probably pretty obnoxious tbh.

i prefer the term "fruit fly"

i mean, yeah, i might find you attractive and might ask you out or (if we're in a club setting) might get too close to you or something, but is that threatening?

off topic but uh-- yes, it can be. A lot of women find it really, really hard to deflect male interest they don't return- a lot of women feel a kind of basic social need to be liked, and to be agreeable, which seriously gets in the way when trying to say "no". I can totally understand the mindset of girls who would rather feel like the guys they're around - or the guys in the club they're dancing in - are not the kind of guys they might have to fend off advances from. Even if i find it annoying when like 80% of the girls in a gay club are straights. And I really hate the "oh gosh my gay friends all have such wickedly taboo humor and we can go shoe shopping and talk about boys". and and and.

We need the term "fag nag" -- what I call straight male friends who insist on hanging out with me.

fag stags

better!

Hmpfffff
I don't even have any gaysexuals in my life

I think what makes the stereotype of the faghag so dud is the impression one gets that they gravitate to negative gay stereotypes and indulge and revel in those negative stereotypes, in bizarre, debasing, and embarrassing ways.

They provide attention for the attention whore. They feed the egos of the egotistical. They help provide drama for the drama queen. And often they're an object of derision for the Queen Bitch. And they do and are these these things for the most obnoxious of flamer to whom everyone else is rolling their eyes and sniggering indifferently, yet superiorly. It's like, "Hey great, here comes that rude narcissist and his coterie of plump straight women who giggle fawningly over every obnoxious word he says. Hooray."

But that's just the stereotype. On the other hand, does this word even have any meaning outside of this stereotype? Can you be a faghag without being one of "those" faghags? It's not exactly a race or religion.

I think of fag hags as chicks who like have gay friends as 'enablers' to do things they think they couldn't get away with alone, like sit around eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's and watch 'Queer as Folk' and Margaret Cho DVDs or go to a strip club. Like Mister Jim says, attracted to the stereotypes, and interested in sort of leeching off them? Yeah, Mister Jim is OTM all around abt the stereotype.

There's a mild, weird dehumanization in the whole friend dynamic there that is obvious right from the title.

Ally's post on this thread is WOAH.

off topic but uh-- yes, it can be. A lot of women find it really, really hard to deflect male interest they don't return- a lot of women feel a kind of basic social need to be liked, and to be agreeable, which seriously gets in the way when trying to say "no".

normal guys wish those women would cut that shit out.

the concept of the fag hag isn't necessarily positive or negative. it just makes sense. a lot of gay men like women, and a lot of women like gay men for like, a lot of reasons. i'm sure there are some classic fag hags and some that pretty much suck. if we have fun, we hang out, is pretty much my motto on friends. i don't think my girlfriends love me because i offer them stereotypes to latch onto or tickle them pink with my unending fey wit. they just think i'm a cool person.

normal guys wish those women would cut that shit out.

amen!

maybe you could direct "cut that shit out" at the not-normal guys who cause ladies to be like that

maybe those ladies could wear a badge that says "I can't take responsibility for how i treat men" and then normal guys would know who to avoid.

i dunno i am not a person who feels threatened by straight males (except creepy ones) but i can see why someone would feel that way and prefer gay friends u could be more understanding imo

a lot of gay men like women, and a lot of women like gay men for like, a lot of reasons

this is true, i have a ton of str8 female friends, it's more the identification with the term itself as enbb says - we may do/talk about kinda stereotypical gay guy/str8 girl shit, but i don't think any of them would dream of calling themselves a fag hag, and i wouldn't dream of giving them that label...

i always want to know whether a similar str8 guy/lesbian dynamic exists though. that would rule.

so much

i've seen it happen some

one of my best friends is a lesbo. we gripe about women together, it's great.

xxp: an ilxor once described himself to me as a "dyke pike"

Jonathan Richman: "I Was Dancing In A Lesbian Bar"

yah my housemate is pretty much a 'dyke pike'. I'm really good friends w/ these girls too, but this guy like secretly organises social outings with them and stuff and doesn't let anyone else in on it. He used to have a mad crush on one of them, so it's prob linked to that issue?

^knew a guy like this once too. referred to himself as a 'male separatist' and didn't like to socialise with dudes at all

the term i've heard is "lesbro"

omg @ male separatist and lesbro

don't forget "dutch boy"

wish i was straight so i could be a lesbro

lesbrodeo