Friends who forward your e-mail...

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What do you think of friends who pass your e-mail on to other curious people, admirers, etc. without your knowing?

― R.U.Kidding, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Personally, I think the immorality, the violation of it is fairly obvious, but maybe I'm not intellectual enough or something. Maybe I'm too bourgeois to transcend such idiotic notions as 'trust'. I would like to see a justification for it outlined here, i.e., 'you sent it', 'it's fair game', etc.

― No Way, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sometimes it can be acceptable, but these are exceptions that need sound reasons - mostly, very very bad indeed. I get this at work - when I send a mail to colleagues I don't necessarily talk about clients in a way I would want them to see, but I've learnt that some people thoughtlessly forward them to these clients!

― Martin Skidmore, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm not talking idle gossip or office chit-chat. I'm talking deeply personal stuff that was forwarded by someone who believes that there is no such thing as privacy (or trust, apparently), especially once you've set an e-mail free.

Of course, this applies to everyone but the person who subscribes to this notion. Of course.

Morality doesn't exist in a vacuum, justifying itself, or justifying its lack of self. It must be tested against real individuals and their very real feelings or it has no worth.

― R.U.Kidding, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Go with your gut. That's a chickenshit thing to do. Plainly put.

― Deadman, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i know someone who does this. as far as i know the person has never done it to me, but the thing is I DON'T KNOW. i would feel pretty annoyed if person did.

― di, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's not an annoyance, it's a total violation, because I assumed that friendship means a certain level of trust and honesty, and this person is so socially fucked up that this person never learned that or doesn't respect that or thinks that she is above that, or something. This person doesn't know how to love, because loving really means not hurting people, and this person hurt me, violated me, almost like a rapist. I am scarred because of this, and I can't talk about it with anyone because I'm boxed in. I have no proof because it's been engineered that way. The only person I can talk to won't talk because that person is the recipient and feels guilty about it and thinks I hate her.

― RUK, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

the only advice i can give to you is that in future you should be very wary of this person. don't tell them anything you don't want someone else to know.

i guess in my situation its different because i'm an incredibly open person, but at the same time i expect people to realise that i do have boundaries.

― di, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i think minor non-toxic versions of this happen sometimes when too-much-information ppl are close friends with very guarded ppl: things are passed on about the guarded friend which the TMI-person would not even thing to hold back about re themselves => but to be honest RUK in this case i wd say your friend is announcing that she no longer WANTS your trust, ie the intimacy that grounds it is something she is choosing, consciously or unconsciously, to push away... If I wanted to scrabble for a "good" reason for that I would say it is because she does not feel she is able to live up to your standards, and this is her way of backing away, and she makes herself the villain in order now to let you feel you are the villain (eg for demanding too much): BUT I have no reason to know that this is not happening for a more obvious (and less convoluted) bad reason, viz that she is not a nice or trustworthy person. Either way it massively sucks.

― mark s, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"now" = "not", sorry

― mark s, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I asked this question a while ago and was told basically that the internet is a public place, deal with it. *shrugs* I don't agree, I mean I think that's a crap thing to do (in my case it wasn't a friend of mine but a friend of a friend), and it chainreactioned a bunch of really crap things by a few different people. It was ridiculous, over something completely stupid. I just think you should do what you have to to avoid sending that person personal information from this point forward, they broke the rules.

― Ally, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i think minor non-toxic versions of this happen sometimes when too- much-information ppl are close friends with very guarded ppl: things are passed on about the guarded friend which the TMI-person would not even thing to hold back about re themselves i am TMI person, and i know how to exercise discretion when it comes to my friends.
― di, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

just closing the itlaics.
― di, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

fuck!
― di, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There?

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes, there. Salvation, etc.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Man, that's cold.

― Kim, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

pass it on to like WHO? i don't get what this qn is about.

― , Wednesday, 17 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

that's funny, i never saw it as demanding, in fact the e-mails were becoming more and more infrequent. once a month or every three weeks, in fact, and they weren't all that personal - i held an awful lot back. it's not so much the content (i can be tmi, too) as the trust. if this person thinks i was too 'needy' and dependent, then this person doesn't know how to be a friend at all, because what i've been 'demanding' has been nothing. i only responded to what i thought was an invitation to share, and she made it clear that she needed me as well, i mean, she told me all kinds of shit and i didn't share it and oh boy, i could have.

i mean, jesus christ, if i'm guilty of neediness then most other people are blood-sucking leeches. i think this 'friend' wasn't just a cold-hearted bitch who really didn't want any closeness in her life.

― 123, Wednesday, 17 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

yeah i meant she was too chickenshit to be open about any problem she had with the situation as was because she imagined you would then think she was SAYING you were too demanding etc: ie this is the confusion in her head, not related to anything actually in the world — and it's still disrespectful

the only reason for even going down this road as a suggestion is if you want to speculate abt ways she might have considered herself to be acting from confused "good" motives (ie "good" from her perspective) => but if you don't, fair enough, cuz like Ally says, she broke the rules and that completely leaves the ball in yr court how you respond

― mark s, Wednesday, 17 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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