Heatbags

I like to go to driving ranges after hours, pull up the wire beneath the catching net, sneak in, get high, pull out the shopping bags, steal a shit load of balls, take them with my dad's clubs to this park by my old school at hit them at stuff.........well one time I brought this dorky cunt Tam along and after we got high and started stealing balls, he wanders off to the tee area and starts throwing the balls at the walls, watching them bounce all over the place, making much noise, drawing mad heat......I yell at him to stop it but stupid whiteboy heatbag that he is, he just laughs and throws some at ME.....so frat-boy like......eventually he bounces one so that it hits a vending machine and it cracks the glass, very loudly......I'm like fuckit, I'm gone.....I start booking it and then I see a flashlight.....security busts us both but amazingly forgets the fact taht we're stealing balls and just makes Tam pay for the glass.

A variant of the heatbag.....the guy that you're talking to when you spot that girl you like.....youre like, "damn, so and so is looking fine.....badoonk is out of control in those capris.......i think she's looking at me.....".......and then you blurt out, 'dont stare'.....but it's too late.....it's ALWAYS too late with that fucker.....you could tell him, "hey man, your legs are intact" and he'd still have to look down to make sure.

I'd be loathe to name any such experiences, if only because I've likely been the heatbag more than once.

what's a heart bag?

The dumbest attract-the-cops person I encountered was on a coach from London to Bristol. The only smoking area is the back of the upper deck. Black teen boy sits in the front seat of the upper deck. Comes back with three-paper roll-up and asks me for a light. Okay, let's not start a conversation. He returns to the front. Man in suit behind him asks him to stop smoking. He ignores reasonable request. Smell is drifting back: dope, of course. Suit goes downstairs, talks to driver. Coach stops on motorway by emergency phone, which driver uses. Soon, police escort arrives. We stop at next service station. Lad at front escorted off. We sit around. After ten minutes, police came for me. They were told I seemed to be his friend. Strip search, all my stuff, everything - turns out the kid had a bag full of heroin. So he lights up a big joint in the NO SMOKING area of a coach and ignores a request to stop or move!

When I was 14 a friend and his younger brother and I went to buy sodas at a local market a little after 10 PM, and in the town I lived in there was a 10 curfew for minors. So on the way back my friend says there's some cops looking at us and says we should run. I didn't see anyone so I thought he was bulshitting to have a little fun, so all three of us take off, hopping a couple fences to avoid them (as we ran I did eventually see them). We finally make it home with no cops in sight, and then stand in the street in front of his house to talk and drink the sodas. As we're standing there I'm thinking, maybe we should go inside, because we're not even one full block from where the chase took place, but my friend was acting like it was all over so I don't even say anything. Ten or fifteen minutes later this cop jumps over a nearby fence, huffing and puffing like he's just finished a marathon. He calls his partner in the car and they take us to the pokey where our parents have to come and bail us out. On the plus side, it got me 15 minutes of fame the following week at school with the "hard guys."