Help me with this scene from a movie script I'm writing

It's an indie style buddy coming of age movie and I'm pitching it to the young adult market. It's called: The Adventures of Shruggy and Mumbles.

Shruggy + girlfriend and Mumbles standing outside an old looking brick building covered in graffiti, probably in the Washington Square area of Manhattan. Shruggy's girlfriend looks like she was designed by the marketing department of Urban Outfitters.

Big dumb jock walks up to Shruggy.

Jock: Hey pussy, mind if I make out wiht your girlfriend here?

Shruggy [shrugging and grimmacing sheepishly, digging his hands into the kangarro pocket of his hooded sweatshirt]: Well I don... well .. hey what .. I don't ... I mean ... what? wha ... I mean who does that I mean hey ...

Jock makes out with Shruggy's girlfirend and shruggy gesticulates wildly.

Mumbles [some dorky fat kid with curly hair and one of those stupid hats, you know the kind I'm talkin g about, you totally do]: oh shit dude i'll get oyur medicine!

Jock begins to fuck the girlfriend, the first time she has ever been penetrated by a real man. the cold, clamy, indecisive hands of Shruggy an ascetic punishment, self-flagellation, because she blames herself for her parents divorce. to think, all the love Shruggy thought he had in the world, all of it was through the hatred others had for themselves. But, think for a minute, couldn't this be a scene from -your- life that you are watching?

a+++

i know ive said this before burt_stanton but right now you are def comeback poster - q4 2008

:D :D :D

http://www.sciencepunk.com/v5/gallery/pyramid.jpg

this could only have been improved upon if presented in the form of a comic strip

when one refuses to acknowledge obvious patterns he dooms himself to the ignorance of the ilx lowerarchy

http://www.lightparty.com/Artainment/images/CosmicMan.jpeg

recognizing the origin of such "entities" as "burt stanton" reveals the true nature of the situation

http://acssu.ca/Portals/0/popcorn.jpg

This script is based on a true story.

Shit, though, you should film all hodgepodge style with a friend or two and throw it up on YouTube. I'd watch it.

David Lean, celebrated filmmaker born March 25, 1908

Should be followed by about 45 seconds of porno-style penetration close-up intercut with shruggy continuing to gesticulate

You need a dog to run into the room and bite someone in the ass, or nuts. After that, easy greenlight.

This dog. Shruggy's sister's dog.

Also, I think Jock could have earbuds, and then maybe while they're fucking he slips his earbuds into her ears

just cut down on your parentheticals and ellipses and ....watch out william morris, you're in. the new diablo cody!

fuck WM, go right to CAA

$_$ here I come

Call the thing Shruggy's Sister. The scene up top is the first scene of the movie, the setup. After Shruggy goes through seeing his girlfriend get screwed by this other guy, he will do anything to keep him anyway from her sister (and her dog). Boom.

Keep the Jock away from Shruggy's Sister, that is. But Shruggy's Sister likes the jock, is co-chair of the prom committee with the jock, something.

this sounds exactly like a porno

http://www.radaronline.com/from-the-magazine/MC_4a_54-Cera.jpg

this is how vincent gallo writes movies

did you ever finish this movie burt

does this thread measure up to this classic from the archives?

What do people think of a scene from a comedy script I've got in the works?

if im not mistaken this thread:that thread::american version of the office:british version of the office

r u shruggy or mumbles http://i40.tinypic.com/mbr7tg.jpg

lets cast this thread using ilx posters

shruggy - burt_stanton
mumbles - captainlorax
girlfriend - roxymuzak
jock - king boy pato

Shruggy obv

yah thats what i figured

narrator - nabisco

jocks sidekick - jw

shruggys lil sister - tza

rock-n-roller - chaki

shruggys love interest - luna

mumbles love interest - killy

but who gets to play the marketing dept. of urban outfitters?

you can buddy i think youve got the chops

Lamp, this might shock you, but I wrote that part with you in mind. Up for it?

(and I don't really think those things about myself, it's just imitating the language of different authors to create this really strange joke effect)

JACK
Um, what are we laughing at?

SKYE
(frustrated)
No more games, Jack. You know why I’m here.

JACK
(laughs nervously)

SKYE
You laugh a lot, hun. I don’t remember telling any jokes.

JACK
I’m too drunk.

SKYE
More like I’m too black.

JACK
No! No! You’re great, you’re really great, tonight, well what I remember of tonight was really special, and…
(sound of offscreen zip)
And yeah, they’re really special too, but I just need to be on my own tonight. You know, first time… I mean, first night and all…

SKYE
(zips up)
Fine.

SKYE gets up, and studies herself in the mirror.

JACK
I’m sorry. We probably won’t remember this anyway.
(pause)
Thank you.

SKYE
(putting coat on)
“Thank you”?! Boy, make a mental image of my face and from that, imagine what my fine ass would look like, cuz you sure as hell ain’t gonna get it now.

me? mumbles? pbbbbt

not you, me

oh

...

wow