Australian rules football -- what the hell

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Turn on the TV to start up a video and am confronted with the vision of burly sculpted men and their burly sculpted haircuts (or lack thereof, being bald) in little shorts and sleeveless shirts running around, kicking and catching a weird lump of a ball while shouting "ARRRRRRR!" at each other. It's a vision, I admit.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 18 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And it's sponsored by Foster's. I thought you people there didn't drink that stuff, but merely exported it to gullible foreigners.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 18 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

OZZY ROOLS!

― duane, Thursday, 18 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If these guys were biting the heads of bats as well, that would be truly impressive.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 18 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(i mean "Ozzy Osbourne of the band Black Sabbath is really great". i hate all sports.)

― duane, Thursday, 18 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ned you got in the way of my stupid joke. you bugger!

― , Thursday, 18 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I aim to please.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 18 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

we don't drink fosters, it's known as emus piss round here - aussie rules...shit, i'm leaving this one to electric jim to explain, he's a melbourne boy

― queen g approximately, Thursday, 18 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

We don't drink Foster's, but they make other beers which we do in fact drink. I don't watch Aussie Rules, but I couldn't swing a cat in the office without hitting 20 people who do.

― electric sound of jim, Thursday, 18 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That's either one big cat or one small office.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 18 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, I'd be going out of my way to hit as many people as possible. Walking around from desk to desk..

― electric sound of jim, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's just a cross between Gaelic football and rubgy and thats that!!.....damn enjoyable!!!!!!!

― me being drunk off his ass, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Australian rules " basketball was popular in my youth. no dribbl;ing

― mike hanle y, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

But you DO dribble in Australian rules football (I think you have to dribble every three steps or something). It's probably the weirdest thing about the sport. Trying to dribble an oval ball on grass is surely a recipe for chaos, especially when the guy with the ball has to worry about getting clotheslined in the meantime.

― Kris, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ned, admit it: you *do* watch tv!! and you LOVE IT! you do!!

― geeta, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

the bit where the referee/umpire guy signals a score like some sort of summer suited robot really gets me going

― bc, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

summer suited robot

― geeta, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I watched Aussie Rules at the Oval...it was not so great.

― jel --, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Having spent a whole 6 weeks in Australia my ex decided to take up Aussie Rules on his return to London on the grounds that there are so few British players in this country that it would be relatively easy to get onto the national team and travel the world (mostly to Australia I suppose) being an international athlete. He then started to explain the rules. I then started to fall asleep.

― Emma, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't particularly like Aussie Rules, but it seems no more preposteorus than American Football or rugby. Soccer is the only sensible one of the lot of them.

― Tim, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Please can one kind australian please explain, in one brief paragraph, THE ROOLZ. I really want to know - I was watching it the other day but, like baseball, I kind of don't enjoy what I don't understand.

Though I am going to a major league baseball game in 2 weeks when I'm in the states! Go Mets!

― Mark C, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Pah if you think that's bad you need to see the Irish Stick Fighting Championship. Actually it's known as "hurling" but rest assured it involves toothless gardai (it's amateur) beating the shit out of each other, oh and sometimes they knock over the odd point or the like. There's also Gaelic Football, a similarly rough game. And if any of you saw the Gaelic Football meets Aussie Rules series then you'll understand when I say it is bloody as a slaughterhouse.

― Ronan, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Aussie-rules football is HILARIOUS fun.

― Dan Perry, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ned, admit it: you *do* watch tv!! and you LOVE IT! you do!!

No. Because I don't, ha. ;-) But it makes the moments of discovery like this all the more fun.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

you have to get the ball through th e bigposts (a goal, = 6 points) or throught he small big posts for 2 points, but you have to bounce the ball every 10 metres, there's i don't know 14 to a side, maybe, and you can't get caught actually holding the ball like in a rugby tackle...otherwise the rules are quite simple, scratch yr balls a lot, hug the other men and slap them on the ass, headbutt the opposite side and drinka a hsitload of beer afterwards

― Queen G approximatley, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i watched a game from start to finish once and learned the rules that way.... basic rule: if somebody throws it to you and you catch it, you can either 1) run forward and get clobbered 2) stay where you are or run backward and no one's allowed to touch you. kick thru big posts for big score, smaller side-posts for small score.... i like the "throw-in" technique too.. if the ball just sort of squirts out- of-bounds then ref goes and gets it, turns his back to the field, and throws the ball backwards over his head as high as he can and everybody just goes for it... nutso

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Also: desired form of passing the ball is through "marking" - if you catch the ball after it's been kicked and before it has bounced on the ground, you're allowed to stop and take your time making the perfect kick (presumably to someone else on your team closer to the goalposts, or through the goalposts themselves). It's this stop-start aspect that often seems to confuse people.

― Tim, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Tracer just beat me there. Note though importance of catching * kicked* ball. If catching thrown ball, player only has option 1 (as outlined by Tracer) available.

― Tim, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

aha - so if thrown ball is caught then clobbering inevitable - gotcha

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Aussie Rules football: Fun to watch, if only to get your usual dose of blood and gore...

What genius thought it up? "I'll create a sport where bodybuilders go up against accountants, do their best to kick a lump and get paid!"

(And, yep, Fosters IS crap. Tastes like carbonated dishwater;>)

― Nichole Graham, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

yup. as a friend from 'down under' explained: "foster's is australian for piss".

― geeta, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"I'll create a sport where bodybuilders go up against accountants, do their best to kick a lump and get paid!"

Sentence of the year.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

taking sides: bud vs fosters (uk versions of both obv)?

― mark s, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Shirtless AFL-what the hell

― Arthur, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think you're going to cause a few heart attacks with that link there, Arthur.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

this is best sport ever. beat shit out of each other and follow little ball around until it goes through posts and little man with funny hat signals that you are fuckin' awesome!!!

― Ron, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Whatevah! bud vs foster's vs MILLER HIGH LIFE ("the champagne of beers"!) (swiss versions obv)

― geeta, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Here I was thinking there was a topless gay sport I could actually enjoy...sigh

It's back to masturbating to WWF

― Queen G, Saturday, 20 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think you're going to cause a few heart attacks with that link there, Arthur.

Indeed, I can already think of a few who would be begging for this link.

Should be subtitled: "The cute, toned and the tanned" (for English lads, anyway...)

― Nichole Graham, Monday, 22 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i get the last word

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 24 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I heart aussie rules, I was having fun watching Carlton vs Collingwood yesterday morning, I'd love to have a go at playing it

― chris, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

two years pass...

I am fact-checking an article on Australian rules football right now. One website I visited contained this QUICK POLL:

Which one of the AFL's proposed ruck rule changes do you prefer?

*Prohibiting contact with a raised knee?

*Remove the centre line allowing ruckmen to jump from any position accompanied with a 10 metre diameter circle outside which the ruckmen must stand before the ball is bounced?

*Creation of a ten metre circle to reduce run up?

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 11 November 2004 22:59 (twenty years ago)

it amuses me that Tim is somewhat of an expert. i would love to see him write something at the detailed level he addresses music. perhaps a blow by blow description of a particularly fine end-to-end behind.

― bulbs (bulbs), Thursday, 11 November 2004 23:17 (twenty years ago)

Prohibiting contact with a raised knee?

no way!!!!

― bulbs (bulbs), Thursday, 11 November 2004 23:19 (twenty years ago)

Second option is total madness. Third option is the best idea - cut down the run-up, you're obviously going to lessen the pace at which the ruckmen will run into each other.

― The Midnight ROFFLEr (haitch), Thursday, 11 November 2004 23:26 (twenty years ago)

I feel like a fraud of a victorian to admit this, but none of those options made a squit of sense to me. Then again, I've lived here over 12 years and never been to the footy. Not really my thing.

My best mate's wife, she's a punk and she's a major Tigers fan. Seeing a punk in a Richmond jersy and mohawk is very cool =)

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 11 November 2004 23:34 (twenty years ago)

when it came to sydney there was talk it attracted more women that league did and a lot of mates started going on that basis.

― bulbs (bulbs), Thursday, 11 November 2004 23:41 (twenty years ago)

Of course it does. I mean think about it: TS: Matty Richardson, or Mal Meninga. I know who I choose!

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 11 November 2004 23:42 (twenty years ago)

(for the reference of those not in the know:

Matty Richo:
http://puntroadsite.netfirms.com/Richo_London_Cup.jpg

Mal Mangledface:
http://www.smh.com.au/ffxImage/urlpicture_id_1069825899013_2003/11/27/main_meninga.jpg

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 11 November 2004 23:44 (twenty years ago)

(also, Mal got done for assault. Like a lot of League players seem to. Whats with that? Mal went to school with some old friends of mine, even though he looks like he's about 50. Apparently he was a horrible bully. I think it was that guy anyway).

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 11 November 2004 23:46 (twenty years ago)

Oh dammit that picture didnt work.

This'll do.
http://www.afl.com.au/cp2/c2/webi/article/045362aa.jpg

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 11 November 2004 23:48 (twenty years ago)

they should really play in those extremely tight tiny shiny gold shorts and little lame jerkins.

― bulbs (bulbs), Thursday, 11 November 2004 23:48 (twenty years ago)

Who, League players? Ew!

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 11 November 2004 23:49 (twenty years ago)

yes. to compete for the female dollar.

― bulbs (bulbs), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:06 (twenty years ago)

"Aussie Rules football: Fun to watch, if only to get your usual dose of blood and gore... "

Way back in the day before ESPN showed the NBA or NFL, they used to show Australian Rules Football all of the time. The best part of the show was this highlights feature they used to open a telecast. I remember there was an excellent shot of some guy sliding to kick a ball through the big goal posts and ending up going head into the post teeth first. People get beat to a tar in that game, much more respectable than futbol, that stuff is absolute dullsville other than revolutions and riots break out after and during some matches.

― Earl Nash (earlnash), Friday, 12 November 2004 01:57 (twenty years ago)

mmmmm, tight white shorts......

― Vicky (Vicky), Friday, 12 November 2004 08:46 (twenty years ago)

I think I'm right in saying Aussie Rules Football pitch is the biggest used for a team sport and also there are some daft number of players like 17 a side? Always looked slightly gay to me - not that there's anything wrong with being slightly gay of course. Gaelic Football is very entertaining.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 12 November 2004 13:01 (twenty years ago)

Okay, I have a serious, work-related question: Does anyone know why people seem to refer to the West Coast Eagles and Sydney Swans usually by their full name -- and not just West Coast and Sydney? Or am I wrong? I mean would it be weird to say: "teams qualifying for the finals included St. Kilda, Geelong, West Coast, and Sydney"? I guess it's always Western Bulldogs, too, but I don't care about them, since they didn't qualify for the finals.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 12 November 2004 17:42 (twenty years ago)

I'm sure nobody here knows the answer to this ridiculous question.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 12 November 2004 17:48 (twenty years ago)

I'm pretty sure I hear the non-Vic teams get referred to by shorter names - sydney especially. Problem with the others is ,there are 2 WA teams and 2 SA teams (is that right? Gaz will come and beat me up in a second for getting this all wrong). So you tend to hear them referred to as the swans, the dockers, fremantle, etc.

I think. I tend to zone out when the ads for Sports Tonight come on, or the news goes to the sport bits.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 13 November 2004 01:23 (twenty years ago)

trayce i know absolutely nothing about this sport. tim (!!) knows more than me and he thinks its ridiculous.

i work for the soccer channel fer fucksakes! (RIP Jonny W)

― bulbs (bulbs), Saturday, 13 November 2004 06:47 (twenty years ago)

Wait wtf? Johnny Warren died!?

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 13 November 2004 07:49 (twenty years ago)

yes. age 61. state funeral.

― bulbs (bulbs), Saturday, 13 November 2004 07:53 (twenty years ago)

I am so not an expert re Aussie Rules! If anything I've almost watched more football in the time since initially posting to this thread than I had in my life prior to that. But as Gaz might know it was one of those games one could not avoid playing at school at least about five times so I know how it works to the minimum standard required of any Victorian in order to retain citizenship.

Like any convoluted sport (or any sport period) I guess it becomes less ridiculous the more you play or watch it. For a game with so many regulative peculiarities it's very efficient - most of its stylistic quirks are designed to make it very fast.

I would not be surprised if the answer to Jaymc's question is just habit and whatever roles off the tongue. "Sydney Swans" has a nice cadence to it, as does "West Coast Eagles"; "Hawthorn Hawks" and "St Kilda Saints" don't really, At first I thought it might be a Victorian teams versus other teams (Victorian teams being older being more likely to be referred to with a level of familiarity) but it would be odd for that to still be the case.

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Saturday, 13 November 2004 12:32 (twenty years ago)

six months pass...

REVIVE

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 05:18 (twenty years ago)

I don't get why they call it "football" when it's more often in their hands and it's not even shaped like a ball.

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 05:19 (twenty years ago)

So anyway Soccer Australia changes its name to Football Australia BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT IS and 90% of Australia gets its big bloody sook on "wah wah that's not football" etc etc

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 05:20 (twenty years ago)

Everybody elses interpretation of the rules are more humourous than what they actually are.

I think you've got to agree that it's what you're familiar with. I mean WTF are the rules in American football?

re: Fosters

No, I don't know anyone who drinks Fosters, but all CUB beers, Guinness, Cascade, Reschs and Redbacks (among a few) are owned by them, so unless you want to drink New South Welsh pish (Tooheys), you're putting $s into their coffers.

Also they make under license/import:
Asahi
Belle-Vue Kriek
Corona Extra
Fiji Bitter
Guinness
Guinness Stout Imported
Harp Lager
Hoegaarden Forbidden Fruit
Hoegaarden White
Kilkenny Ale
Kronenbourg - 1664
Leffe Blonde
Leffe Dark
Leffe Radieus
Leffe Vieille Cuvee
Miller Genuine Draft
Stella Artois

So, it's time for more homebrewing!

― Sasha (sgh), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 05:53 (twenty years ago)

One of the things that put me off wanting to live in Australia was the seemingly endless supply of rubbish beers. I tried as many as I could, but nothing did the trick for me.

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 10:16 (twenty years ago)

Hey them's fightin words, mate.

(nb: I hate beer)

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 10:24 (twenty years ago)

I drink Tooheys New. Apparently this makes me a girly girl, so I think I've switched to Cascade now, but LINING POCKETS.

(New South Wales pish, argh! I'm changing!)

― edward o (edwardo), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 10:36 (twenty years ago)

Ya poofter ;P

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 10:40 (twenty years ago)

you obviously did not try coopers

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 10:44 (twenty years ago)

'Please can one kind australian please explain, in one brief paragraph, THE ROOLZ....'

Er, sorry Mark, no. In one exceedingly long paragraph, maybe.

― Fred Nerk (Fred Nerk), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 10:51 (twenty years ago)

New makes you a girly but cascade is acceptable??? what fucking world do you live in edward?

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 11:01 (twenty years ago)

This happened when I was in Canberra, gaz. They're weird there. I haven't actually HAD a beer in a while, mind you.

Nowadays it just seems simpler to get pissed on red wine since I no longer have housemates who share their expensive imported stuff with me.

― edward o (edwardo), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 11:06 (twenty years ago)

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