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― mark s, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)
also i dreamt last night i was second banana in a hostage situation: eg i was standing beside this oogly blerk and we both had giant
guns and were menacing this group of cowering, well, hostages, in shrewsbury music hall (obv) => we could tell by the noises
outsdie that the west mercia swat teams had just arrived and i was contemplating switching sides and clobbering my confrere
ovah the head wiv my pistol and giving myserlf up: also i was thinking, "jesus, how did i get into this? there's no WAY they'll let
me sub-edit the mag from prison!!" I was still worrying about it two or three minutes after waking up.
― mark s, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)
Sometimes my flatmate asks me to tell her animal stories to put her to sleep. I'm
good at improvising stories in real time. I never know what the next sentence will be
until I say it. Last night this one came out. I guess it reveals stuff in my unconscious
mind...
There was a big city where all the people smoked. Their smoke collected in clouds
and drifted over to a nearby forest, where the animals started inhaling it. Soon the
animals fell sick and died of cancer -- all except a strange breed of smoke-breathing
lizard, which actually managed to extract nutrition from the smoke.
The health of the people in the city was also suffering, and gradually they all died off,
leaving the city an empty shell. The lizards, noticing this, moved in and started
working in all the businesses left abandoned by the humans. Because they needed no
food, the lizards had very low labour costs and soon had a booming economy,
trading with other cities.
Meanwhile, out in the forest, there were still a few humans left. They were the non-
smokers. After the great cancer epidemic they'd moved out to the trees and
devolved into monkey-like creatures.
Soon, in the city, new generations of lizards came along who grew bored of the hard
work, affluence and perpetual smoking of the older generation. A trend started for
food eating. Food was prestigious -- expensive, imported from other cities. Sitting
supping noodles or holding a big Mac casually in your hand became the ultimate
status symbol, the mark of adventurous youth.
After a while, the lizards' metabolism began to adapt. They started needing less and
less smoke and more and more food. The monkey humans began to find food in
trash bins on the outskirts of the lizard city, and raided them nightly. Emboldened,
they even dressed as lizards and mingled, unnoticed, in the city streets. Before long
they were interbreeding with the lizards (who had in the meantime replaced their
scales with fur, and grown in size, so they resembled large rabbits) and creating a
strange lizard-rabbit-chimp sort of hybrid.
When the city had converted totally to food eating, smoking came back into fashion
again. A minority of non-smokers moved out to the city, where they diversified into
odd mutated creatures -- raccoon dogs with naked skin instead of fur, ape-like bears,
squirrels with human faces. And the whole cycle started again.
― Momus, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)