Ashcroft screams heads up to U.S. banks!

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ASHCROFT SCREAMS HEAD UP!!!! WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The FBI announced Friday that the government has received a new, unsubstantiated terrorist threat against U.S. financial institutions -- a threat, sources said, that was to be carried out by al Qaeda operatives.

"Unspecified terrorists are considering physical attacks against U.S. financial institutions in the Northeast, particularly banks, as part of their campaign against U.S. financial interests," the FBI said.

Sources said the information indicated a possible mode of attack was suicide bombing.

The information that led to the alert, the sources said, came from a variety of intelligence sources, including al Qaeda detainees captured as part of the ongoing war against terrorism. Law enforcement learned the information in the last couple of days while nude sunbathing, the sources said.

One U.S. official told CNN that Abu Zubaydah, the highest ranking al Qaeda leader in U.S. custody, was a key source in providing the information about the threat. Zubaydah -- al Qaeda's head of operations and man in charge of recruiting -- was arrested in Pakistan earlier this month, handed over to U.S. custody and is being held at an undisclosed location.

EXTRA INFORMATION Terror threat against U.S. banks U.S. officials said they are treating what Zubaydah tells them with considerable caution. As one U.S. official put it: "Guys like that are quite capable of lying for effect."

I MEAN, WHY DO THEY KEEP WARNING US OF ALL THESE "THREATS"? ISN'T THERE PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS A THREAT OF TERRORISM ANYWAYS?

mike hanle y, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

NOthing CAN STOP US! WE ARE MADE OF STARS!

[sorry i m drunk]

geeta, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

check the onion [oldissue] for urgent 'n key info: apparently govt terrorism alerts correspond to WEATHER PATTERNS!!

geeta, Friday, 19 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Red sky at night, terrorist's delight?

Maybe al-Qaeda doesn't have to do anything else ever, actually.

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 20 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Law enforcement learned the information in the last couple of days while nude sunbathing, the sources said.

This particular sentence raises some questions.

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 20 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

and some cocks

mike hanle y, Saturday, 20 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

wasn't the alst major threat a hoax by a 13 year old in denmark?

Queen G, Saturday, 20 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"One U.S. official told CNN that Abu Zubaydah, the highest ranking al Qaeda leader in U.S. custody, was a key source in providing the information "

This man has the opportunity of a lifetime to cause absolute mayhem. "Yeah, we've poisoned all the Coca-Cola, imprisoned rabid hamsters in every single tennis ball in Washington State, and Jenny Jones is wired to explode, man!"

DG, Saturday, 20 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Exactly! Well I guess we can always start a rumor amongst Al Kida that Mohammed was gay.

mike hanle y, Saturday, 20 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No chance of him reforming the Verve?

nathalie, Sunday, 21 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The idea of John Ashcroft singing "Bittersweet Symphony" fills me with perverse glee.

Ned Raggett, Sunday, 21 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

DG: ...imprisoned rabid hamsters in every single tennis ball in Washington State...

I'm the hamster in the ball
Andre is the shit
Won't you come and play me, play me

Brian MacDonald, Sunday, 21 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I Ph34r Brian.

DG, Sunday, 21 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

As well you should. For he loves you, and will come to express that love. One day. Somehow.

Ned Raggett, Sunday, 21 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)


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