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Love me love my job

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How important, if it all, is a prospective partner's job status to you? And all other things being equal, what would you like their job to be? What's more important: how cool/interesting it is or how much money it pays? Has it changed with age? When you were younger did you want a lead guitarist and now you'd rather a lawyer? I was once asked this question and, floundering, said a classical musician. Now I think I'd rather an academic.

Conversely, have you ever caught yourself basing career choices on the basis of what might be a chick/guy

― N., Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

magnet.

― N., Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

it's probably of the least concern for me, but no more teachers, ever.

― chris, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

One day I will meet someone who isn't a librarian/archivist. Not that there's anything wrong with them - actually, I have rather a soft spot. They could do with earning BIGGER WADS, though.

― Mark C, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My girlfriend's job - nursery assistant, with some one-on-one tuition - is about a hundred times more productive and important than mine is, and she's very good at it and I'm very proud of her. But society has dictated that she gets paid fuck all which is a pain in the arse sometimes.

― Tom, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I must admit, I am curious to know what having a girlfriend who DOES earn a lot of money (a lawyer, say, which seems to be what all my posh friends end up with) would be like. Having said that, when I was with Vicky, we were both earning small but comfortable amounts, and it was great in a way because money issues didn't really come up. It's a horrible thing to have hanging over you if there is a shortage, or an imbalance, and it's a pleasure to not have to make it a concern.

Of course, I'm now single and unemployed :-)

― Mark C, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My only real criteria for dating someone is intelligence (and some other stuff actually). Jobs are fairly silly criteria. Something useful is nice in theory, so I'm gonna say ideal job is either hairdresser or owner of a little record shop, but really who cares.

― Alex in SF, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would go for interest over money, because on the whole I have and I can understand that mind set. I feel very uneasy when people insist on paying for things all the time anyway and have actually ended a relationship because the person in question insisted on paying for everything, leading to stand up arguement in a newsagents over the price of a chocolate bar.

Sleeping with people of the same job type just leads to gossip, talk and reputations.

― Anna, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh and I agree with Chris - no teachers. Though it's a bit late for that in my case.

― Tom, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Most indie boys seem to be computer geeks of some description. But, no, 'real life' things don't bother me at all. If someone is defined by what they do to obtain money, then they obviously lack substance and I wouldn't be interested anyway.

Having said that, I've always wanted to meet a nice librarian.

― emil.y, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

How many cruel librarians have you met to this point Emily? All the librarians I know are nice! Maybe even too nice.

― Alex in SF, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It is a question I had not considered till very recently. Going out with someone who has an incredingbly cool job (editor in a kind of cult TV programme on pop culture, freelance feature writer on movies and music, etc) has made me pondered the question: Do I like him more because I like his job? Am I that simple and superficial that I find a bloke attractive because he has access to The Strokes? The answer is NO, but it is a fulfilling sensation to go out with someone who is enthusiastic about what he does.

I am afraid I have not changed since age 16 on these issues, see above.

On my own career choice, it gives access to a large number of single males, most of them scoring very low in sex appeal. However, it has the advantage of impressing social science/arts/fashion graduates very easily.

― Arantxa, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This thread is ridiculous. However a mate of mine is about to move in with a bloke who is a make-up artist (not move in with in a boyf / girlf way, he is gay) and he does hair & stuff too! I am extremely green-eyed over this.

― Emma, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm with Emma, living with a make-up artist/hairstylist would be GRATE.

Other than that, it doesn't matter an awful lot to me. My boyfriend is a 3D artist/animator; it's nice to be with someone who is creative and has an artistic sensibility, but if he were doing something else I wouldn't think any less of him.

And Chris, depending on where you work librarians can get paid a lot - - there was a job I really really wanted to interview for (but didn't because I didn't have my degree yet) that started at $70,000.

― Nicole, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Do you think that it still matters more to women than it does to men..?

― N., Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think the Bachelor is sad evidence of that.

― Nicole, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I doubt 25 women would be so desperate to compete over the same guy if he was a teacher or a gardener and not some Ivy League moneybags.

― Nicole, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Um yeah, but that's a bad movie and I think the fact that Chris "NO I'M NOT GAY" O'Donnel is supposed to be cute might have something to do with their glee.

― Alex in SF, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My boyfriend works in a record shop. My last boyfriend was an ex- music journalist. If asked before I met them I would have said that these two professions were very unlikely to attract me, being full of (no offence) wankers who I would neverthless feel inferior to because of my relative lack of musical knowledge. But in truth, it didn't/doesn't matter because they don't define themselves by their jobs. Nor do I, which is lucky because if I did I'd be very depressed.

― Archel, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No, I'm talking about the reality show where real life women make a complete fools of themselves to win a chance to marry "The Bachelor". It's basically an extended version of "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?".

― Nicole, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Here is the link.

― Nicole, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh woops. What makes you think that guys wouldn't do the same thing? Marketing may indicate that 50 women clawing their way over some doofus is the way to go, but I don't know that this reflects actual attitudes.

― Alex in SF, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I don't think the majority of women act like this, but there is still a pretty significant minority that would do practically anything to get a man with money or a prestigious career.

― Nicole, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Having said that, I've always wanted to meet a nice librarian.

I'm a vaguely nice library assistant, so there's that. ;-) I guess I could apply to library school if I ever wanted to, but the problem is I've had enough of grad school and just don't want to go back.

The larger question -- heavens, it doesn't matter to me. The person not the job is important, and one can work an on the face of it boring job and be utterly captivating. :-) I guess my only thought, as was muttered on the financial 'mine'/'yours'/'ours' thread, is that it's better for both sides to have their own approach/source of income/whatever, and that if there's a major joint purchase that's needed, the split should be based on who could afford more. But I'm speaking from the 'as yet to regularly live with anyone' perspective. :-/

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The big problem I've seen with the "split based on who can afford more" approach is that the person who can afford more tends to get proprietary. Of course, in a 50/50 split, the person who makes less gets resentful. WIN/WIN!

The easiest way around this is to get married. "Your" money automatically becomes "our" money.

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i don't want a lover.

― Queen G, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Because I am a bourgeois trust-fund baby, I never have to worry about this thing. Mummy and daddy have sent me to art school all on my own, and I am so thankful because now I am in the proper environment to make art and meet other trust fund babies who work with me at Jamba Juice.

― Mandee, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What's wrong with teachers? Scared of a bit of hanky spanky? Tired of being told to go and sit on the naughty chair? Sick of 'having access to The Strokes' meaning the option of a jolly good caning?

― PM, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What's all this about librarians? No one seems to love librarians, not from my experience of it!

― jel --, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What! Nicole is about to become a full-fledged librarian, you wretch, so take that back! Or I'll pout or something.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I still hope to play for England in the World Cup Final, though being unfit, 42 and never exceptional at football, my chances may be slim. Likewise being a major pop star, what with being middle-aged and unattractive and having a horrible voice. The last two women I've been on dates with have been a video/digital installation artist and an award-winning novelist. The next may well be a professional classical pianist. These are all great jobs for a partner - but my last longer-term girlfriend was in market research in the City: dull. These glamorous jobs are all very well, but they're obviously only a tiny, tiny part of the equation.

Ideally my partner should be a major pop star with a vast fortune and enormous sex appeal and an interesting mind. Anyone know if Madonna's fallen out with Guy yet?

― Martin Skidmore, Thursday, 25 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What the hell is she doing with him anyway? She's venus, he's a penis.

― misterjones, Friday, 26 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

jel already is a librarian ned

― mark s, Friday, 26 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

(not qualified though!)

― jel --, Friday, 26 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Aw, the actually getting qualified part is the stupid part, Jel.

The people I know who actually work in libraries but don't have degrees have a lot more knowledge and experience with how to deal with things than most of the people in my classes.

― Nicole, Friday, 26 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nicole is right on the money there.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 26 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh whatever they do is fine, once they're working 24/7 for the LOVING RONAN COMPANY, ahahahahahah hohoohhohoho, yes sir.

― Ronan, Friday, 26 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

So Martin, what's Doris Lessing like then?

― Billy Dods, Friday, 26 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

the LOVING RONAN COMPANY

I can't see much in the way of stock options there.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 26 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Working 24/7 for the RONAN LOVING COMPANY would actually be an infringement of the European working hours directive! It'll have have to be 8/5 I'm afraid, with appropriate breaks :)

Nicole and Ned are OTM re: Librarians!

― jel --, Friday, 26 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The jingle for the LOVING RONAN COMPANY should be a rip of that Minne Ripperton song; "Loving Ronan is easy 'cause he's beautiful..."

― Dan Perry, Friday, 26 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Mr Miller, the problem with Teachers is that when you go out with them, especially with a group of them the conversation is only ever going to go one way, syllabusses, curriculums and how life for them is so hard, boo fucking hoo, talk about something else.

― chris, Saturday, 27 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

When you were younger did you want a lead guitarist and now you'd rather a lawyer?

FWIW, that sums up a unhealthy percentage of the NYC legal profession in between the ages 25-40. Not including the frustrated filmmakers, actors, and writers.

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Saturday, 27 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Fair point, Chris. How I yearn for the halcyon days of Will Hay.

― PM, Saturday, 27 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

ten months pass...
I am still keen on academics, but have grown keen on the international renowned actress idea too.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 10 March 2003 03:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't care what someone does for a living. Which has previously backfired a bit, since up until recently no one I dated had a job proper.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 March 2003 03:06 (twenty-three years ago)

fiscal responsibility is more important than earning power.

― zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Monday, 10 March 2003 17:43 (twenty-three years ago)

But surely not as sexy?

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 10 March 2003 17:43 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't have much earning power at all and I am fiscally irresponsible. I made a spreadsheet for January expenses and learned that I spent $500 I didn't spend, not including whatever I put on credit cards. But, that's sexy in a white trash sort of way, right?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 10 March 2003 18:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hell yeah!

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 10 March 2003 18:03 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...
Maybe an arts administrator.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 08:32 (twenty-two years ago)

In my late teens I had an artist boyfriend and I thought it was really cool, even though I thought his paintings were shit. They're a bit less shit now, but still not really my thing. Anyway, I'm all grown up now and only care what my boyfriend does in the sense that I know he's fed up with his job and wants to do something else.

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 08:41 (twenty-two years ago)

That is a laudably mature attitude.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 31 March 2004 08:43 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...
But I bet you secretly wish he was ruthless killing machine on the quiet.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 12:32 (twenty years ago)

Hrmmmm. What an interesting thread.

I agree that certain occupations are more sexy, and that yes, it changes with age, as most (non?-)superficial attaction criteria change with age.

I'm thinking about the competency issue. I don't think how *much* a bloke earns is really that much of a consideration for me - so long as he *has* a job, really. (Bitter after the two years with the trustafarian artist, moi?)

I think, though, in all honestly, if it was a choice, I'd go for someone who was actually *happier* and more content with his job (even if it was lower paid) than someone who had a job they hated, regardless of how much it paid. Less wear and tear on a person and therefore their relationship.

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 12:40 (twenty years ago)

That said, no one has *ever* said "ooh, data analysts are soooo sexy".

At least not in my hearing.

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 12:40 (twenty years ago)

Ruthless killing isn't generally quiet, is it? (x-post)

― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 12:42 (twenty years ago)

I saw an article on time that listed the top ten most glamorous jobs, and "fuck me" I said, as the job I was doing right then was number six on the list.

(Data Analyst it wasn't)

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 12:44 (twenty years ago)

It's silly to look at people's jobs as relationship criteria, isn't it. . What if they change jobs? My husband now has a job that is about as different as you can get from what he was doing when I met him, but I'd have to be pretty stupid/a crap wife to care about anything other than the fact that he's much happier now. Though we are a bit poorer.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 12:45 (twenty years ago)

haha. so long as he is somewhat reluctant about doing all that efficient killing... (xp)

i don't care about the job of a significant other, but i worry that working at a stupid and unproductive job making decent money but not inspiring me or using my brain at all makes me significantly less attractive.

― carly (carly), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 12:45 (twenty years ago)

I didn't say relationship criteria, I said attraction criteria.

I mean, hair colour, eye colour, pointiness of nose are also silly things to think of as criteria, but my libido can't help what it is.

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 12:46 (twenty years ago)

data analysts are so sexy becuase of their attention to detail. i find that very attractive

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 12:49 (twenty years ago)

Hurrah!

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 12:50 (twenty years ago)

I was more answering the original thread question than your post, K. I think I am probably attracted to certain professions too, though perhaps because they are a function of the individual's personality anyway. Ie. caring profession = caring person (sometimes), clearly not motivated by material gain hoho.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 12:54 (twenty years ago)

I dunno, Carly, people whose jobs aren't very fulfilling usually find crazy creative things to do in their spare time, like throw dinner parties with a Thai theme and harum-scarum all over 3 boroughs looking for fresh banana leaves in December, or take up new instruments or find a market for their craft projects or whatever. No pressure or anything! I'm sure watching 7 seasons of Buffy back to back counts for something!

Maybe take up a needle craft?

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 12:55 (twenty years ago)

I have found my job is a conversation stopper at FAPs.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 13:04 (twenty years ago)

haha, i'm sure watching 7 seasons of buffy ad nauseum counts for me going a little nuts! working at a record store a day a week is making me happy. ilm makes sense again. and i like not having a job define me. but sometimes i wish i was doing something much more awesome. (xp)

ooh, aldo, are you an efficient and ruthless killing machine?

― carly (carly), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 13:05 (twenty years ago)

Just about, yeah. ;-)

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 13:08 (twenty years ago)

Haha, Kate's answer works whether she's x-posting or not.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 13:08 (twenty years ago)

(It wasn't an x-post, I was answering Carly's question.)

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 13:09 (twenty years ago)

Obviously 'efficient' being the incorrect term, given how much time I spend on here.

x-post to myself

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 13:09 (twenty years ago)

Aldo once told me his job was so top secret he would have to kill me if I found out what it was. So maybe he *is* a top-secret killing machine...

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 18:13 (twenty years ago)

That said, no one has *ever* said "ooh, data analysts are soooo sexy".
At least not in my hearing.

Haha in mine neither! I'd have noticed. It's a pretty vague term though, probably encompassing wildly divergent types of jobs, so surely that's why it's hard to single out (as opposed to eg "bus driver", "biographer of footballers" or "archbishop")?

― The Vintner's Lipogram (OleM), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 20:48 (twenty years ago)

This thread is darling: up top three people are like "oh, well my boyfriend/girlfriend does this" and now they're all married up and such. Re-congratulations to all.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 21:05 (twenty years ago)

My wife hates her job but she is very good at it. Also sometimes he gets extra work which I can do as a freelancer for big $$$. Very sexy.

― 400% Nice (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 21:23 (twenty years ago)


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