what i did tonight (do not read if u hate me)

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As I may have mentioned a while ago, I have this old saab 900s motor car that someone gave me last year. It is very nice, and as it turns out not much dearer to run than the ford fiesta I used to have. However, I have noticed of late that a lot ov the ones I see appear to be driven by weirdos WHO LOOK DISTURBINGLY LIKE ME. Last night, for example, on thee way home, I saw one coming up behind me. I looked in thee rear-view mirror, and noticed that the driver was a "beardie-weirdie". I pulled over, and the thing went rocketing past, on the back it said "saab 900xs" "xs"? Whatever. Anyway, tonight, on the way to band practice, my mighty free saab exhibited this problem that is becoming worryingly more frequent - it misfires & the engine stops - I think some wire is fux0red, or something. Anyway, I got stuck behind a haywain, and I knew it was going to fuck up. And it did (groan) What U have to do is wait for thee engine to cool down, and it will start again & run OK. So I am sitting there pheeling pissed off when this other car pulls up, and this nice lady asks me if i've broken down. "yes" i say in glum manner. "perhaps my husband can help" she sez, "he's got one of those", so i follow her car around the corner, 'till i see this garden w/a saab 900s sitting there. This guy comes out & takes a look at me. "YOU LOOK LIKE A SAAB OWNER" he booms in friendly manner. I am afraid he is right. So does he BTW. WE walk down to where my car is laid up by the roadside and he helps me get it going again. He is a very pleasant fellow. Apparently if yer saab 900 motor car doeasn't start straightaway, thee engine tends to flood, and this is what happened to mine. We remove thee spark plugs & examine them. Then I go and sit in the car & try to start it whilst he waggles various wires. The engine starts. Perhaps we have found the source of the problem. He tells me he has bought the saab in his garden for 200 quid meaning to do it up, but u can get a really good saab 900 for 500 quid so it isn't worth it. The body work & alloy wheels are much, much better than on mine. The doors are not rotted out at the bottom for example. He tells me I can have it if i want it. I go to practice & arrive abt 1hr late. I tell the band what has happened and they go quiet. The drummer says "so your car broke down, and a complete stranger gave you another one". "yes" I repley. Phunny ole world, isn't it? Thank you thank you thank you Mr saab person.

― Norman Phay, Saturday, 4 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

of course he gave it to you, as you are his clone he has your welfare in mind! what luck!

― Maria, Saturday, 4 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

oh no! saab mindmeld! oh no!!

norman that is way cool that you met yr evil twin but what's with this "car" thing? i thought you loved bicycles! cars are evil!

― geeta, Sunday, 5 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I do love the bicycle, it's true. I use the saab for the band, 'cuz
it was free
the boot/trunk is absolutely enormous
it's amazing actually, I looked in one of those used car price guide things, and this car cost someone something like 20,000 uk pounds in 1989. 13 years later it is literally worthless, even though it still (mostly) works. New car = biggest rip-off ever I phear.

― Norman Phay, Sunday, 5 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This sounds wierdly familiar - a work colleague/friend of my otha half and her husband both drive big Saabs. They are beardy proggers too (well he is). They always seem to have a different one, but strangely of the same vintage - about 10 yrs old. I think they have a spare one which lives in the front garden.

― Dr. C, Tuesday, 7 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

we have stumbled through to a netherworld

― mark s, Tuesday, 7 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I once, er, met a bloke who drove me home in a Saab the next day and he was not a beardie at all (he was quite a weirdie mind), though it did seem like quite a posh Saab. Maybe he was the exception that proves the rule.

― Emma, Tuesday, 7 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Saab update! (This is getting wierd) I have a photoshoot at work for the next two days, and I've nabbed a pool car to take all the stuff out to the studio. The lady from reception has just handed me the keys for a........SAAB! Will I grow a beard as soon as I get behind the wheel? Will I meet Norman by the roadside? Will someone give me a 'spare' or offer to swap Saabs?

Borrowing work cars is totally ace as you can thrash them within an inch of their lives, do good skids and wheelspins an' ting. Also - photo studio is near an ace recd shop - yay!

― Dr. C, Tuesday, 7 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Small me's friend Darren's dad ran an organic farm and he got through hundreds of the things. I remember going to his house once, climbing in through the boot onto a matress, was v. comfy. Also he didn't have a beard, or listen to prog.

Younger same-size me's friend Andrew had a dad who used to turn up at least an hour (in a Saab) early and talk to himsself on a handsfree mobile phone. He looked much like John Peel and was nicknamed God, for his beardyness.

― Graham, Tuesday, 7 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Dr C:

I have a photoshoot at work for the next two days, and I've nabbed a pool car to take all the stuff out to the studio. The lady from reception has just handed me the keys for a........SAAB!

\/\/3 \/\/!LL /-\55!|\/|!|_/-\T3 J00!!!!!!
I recommend you start withe either "Nursery Cryme" or "Close to the Edge" ;)

anyway, since mr saab person waggled the wire my saab has run reasonably well. I will still go and see this fellow in a couple of weeks tho, because i'm sick of the door bottoms rattling on windy days. We tried to find one w/a good set of doors in a scrapyard, but I haf discovered that this guy in Cumbria or somewhere buys every scrapper he can find, and breaks them, sending the bits all over the world (sigh) Also, it's a hatchback, so perhaps I will be able to fit a mellotron in the back

Posh saab = the "9000", a very good example of which I cd have bought for 200 quid last year. The seller started at 1200 quid, and dropped his price again & again as he had no takers. It was actually very nice. Crazy.

http://www.saab-900.com/images/gallery/3doorhatch/jeff.jpg

Bo\/\/ & Ph34R the raddest worthless motor car that ever there was.

― Norman Phay, Tuesday, 7 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

haaaaw haw-haw-haw haaaaaaaaw

http://homepage.mac.com/dtcd/norman.jpg

― (That's Norman), Thursday, 9 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

yes but what is that demon in the middle distance a-coming to TAKE him? and which do we ph34r most?

― mark s, Thursday, 9 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

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