Everytime You Masturbate, God Kills A Kitten

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PLEEZ ENTER THISSITE!!! it is one of the funniest thing ive ever seen on the net! it has so many of those ridiculous phrases to post that i cant even begin to think about!

― Chupa-Cabras, Sunday, 5 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Man, did that look like some serious spamming

― Chupa-Cabras, Sunday, 5 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

it is a parody

― anthony, Sunday, 5 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

like the stupid me, i only read the beginnig and then posted, thinking it was real, when i moved away from the firts 2 parts of course i dicovered it was a parody(im pretty dumb, but not that much)

― Chupa-Cabras, Sunday, 5 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Caleb and I want to thank you for having a look at our page on how to stop "you-know-whatting".

We're glad you had some laughs from it. Our creator actually sits and laughs when he comes up with these goofy website ideas. This is probably the best one he has done so far. Too bad he hasn't figured out a way to get paid for it.

We have lots more websites if you'd like to see them but I won't spam them on here. If you'd like to see any of them, just drop Caleb and I a line and we'll send you the list.

Caleb and I (and Reverend Francis) are all very extreme, radical, fanatical, dogmatic, born again fundamentlist Pentecostal Christians. You just wouldn't believe some of the stuff we get into.

Thanks again for visiting!

Hugs,

Elsie

― Caleb and Elsie Hamer, Sunday, 5 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

everytime god masturbates, i kill a kitten.

― di, Sunday, 5 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"oh ME!!!!!"

― bc, Sunday, 5 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I've stopped masturbating with Jesus, but he won't stop masturbating with me.

― Owl Man, Sunday, 5 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

http://members.rogers.com/gigivontrapp/vascopics/jesussays.jpg

― chaki, Sunday, 5 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Was that really necessary chaki?

― stevo, Monday, 6 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

the comic timing was perfect.

― chaki, Monday, 6 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

In the Biblical quote, "...even as kittens are upon the face of the earth" is very good, if meaningless.

If God was going around killing kittens all the time, would we not have to conclude that he had the problem, not us?

― Martin Skidmore, Monday, 6 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Martin -

"Even as kittens are upon the face of the earth..." means as long as there are any kittens around I [god] will be able to smite them. I guess you could say that all kittens God smites are 'smitten kittens'. And if someone took the kitten's mittens away before it is smitten, then it would be a....aw hell, forget it!

― Caleb and Elsie Hamer, Wednesday, 8 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one month passes...

I want the picture of the kitten with the phrase "Everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten, please think of the kittens" It's a crack up, Damn work computer won't let me open it!

― Kylie Thompson, Tuesday, 11 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.anzwers.net/hot/abuseself/godkills.jpg

― Alan T, Tuesday, 11 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Lol, you know part of the website is from another, except it's been reversed. Love the machinerey, though.... gonna buy Pump II!

― Fredrick Moore, Saturday, 22 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The original was from a Mormon site which discussed the evils and sin of masturbation and offered some ridiculous ways to stop.

This site is much better, having been "expanded" by Elsie and Caleb. Its a "keeper".

I laughed so hard I had to wipe the tears away. Especially the part about puttting the fish tank's plastic airline through the penis in to the bladder.

― JP, Sunday, 30 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

GOD DAMN I AM HAVE A HUGE PENIS ^-^ omfg it's so nice i can stick it in the toilet and flush all day long and just JIZZ EVERYWHERE IAOJDFONGDKLGKL OMFG WTFS %##@&*^$*^$(%(#%&(%(@^%*

― Huge Penis ^-^, Wednesday, 10 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one time, like, i took this poo, and it was all frothy and reminded my of starbucks frappacinos when you blow bubbles in them :D

― Diarrhea, Wednesday, 10 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Anybody check out the site's "anti masturbation devices"? (http://www.selfabuse.org/devices.html) Its almost as funny as the main site. They also put up "Bible Bedtime Stories for Kids" or something like that. Read one of those to a kid at night and she would never want to go to sleep again in her lifetime.

The guy Caleb has a site up where he tells about using used colostomy bags he dug out of a hospital dumpster because he couldn't afford to buy new ones. He washes them out in the kitchen sink then boils them to make sure they are clean.

Keeerist! Somebody has a great imagination.

Nate

― Nathan Lozzani, Wednesday, 10 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

OMFG!! If this was true I don't think we would need shelters for strays. They would all be dead. Especially between my guy friends. Kitten Power!!!!

― Emily Carlson, Thursday, 18 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

oh god where can i get the phote of the kitten bein chased by those mad fings!!!! n it says everytime u masturbate god kills a kitten!!!!

― maria zakaria, Thursday, 25 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hopefully the piccy is attached otherwise copy the url

Since the topic was brought up already, I thought I'd leave a message about where the picture in question has led on the Web. :)

Kittenhate.com
http://www.kittenhate.com/

Kittenhate.com is a website that allows visitors from anywhere in the world to log their sexual activities in a way that is both self-informative and entertaining. After all, sex and masturbation don't have to be taken too seriously.
Self-informative? By providing our users with an easy-to-understand framework to log and compile information about their most private of habits, we provide an opportunity to distinguish any patterns or oddities in a user's sexual diet. The user can then use that information to compare themselves with other users in their state, province, country or across the entire world and see exactly how they stack up.

Entertaining? Never before have statistics been compiled on such a grand and simultaneously finite scale on such a personal topic. Think of Kittenhate.com as the SETI@home of pseudo-sex sites. In the same way, you can race against other Kittenhate.com users in your home state, province or country, or even join a group and compete against others in kind. On a different tack altogether, you can join solely to participate in our community forums where users are encouraged to discuss and demystify the topic of sex, share their stories and encounters or simply chat it up.

― sully, Wednesday, 9 October 2002 13:29 (twenty-three years ago)