Snipping The Apron Strings Is Becoming Harder Than I Thought

God, my computer was acting up, again....Didn't mean to post the same question twice!

i thought there'd been a dramatic development while you wrote the last one!

There'll never be a "good" time in this situation, Nichole. But it would probably be better for you mum (and dad) if they hunted round a bit more for other kinds of support as well as yours: it's really not fair on you otherwise. If you are always on hand in an instant, they will continue to rely on you, whether or not they mean to. The kidney thing complicates matters, but still you are the best help to them if free and unconstrained and happy in giving that help (not apron-strung resentful).

my mother has been fairly resentful of me moving across the country to seattle (i've never been more than three hours away by car from my family.) if you've been following ile at all since january, you may know that my grandfather died then, almost a year to the week from when my grandmother did. the strain of losing both parents has been an obvious wear on her. the notion of her son moving away a month later has affected our relationship (but it's not always the best to begin with.) but i had to go to olympia when i had the chance, as far as i'm concerned. (the irony of me being thrown back here not missed.)

i'm sorry nichole, that sounds horribly dismissive and trite...i was fighting with my mom while i wrote it (seriously.) i'll try to reply with something a little more thoughtful later.

i thought there'd been a dramatic development while you wrote the last one!

Sorry to give you a heart attack, Mark;> Again, my fingers were moving quicker than my brain... There'll never be a "good" time in this situation, Nichole. But it would probably be better for you mum (and dad) if they hunted round a bit more for other kinds of support as well as yours: it's really not fair on you otherwise...

Believe me, Mark, I know. My logic says that I am doing the right thing. Tis only difficult to dampen that ever-lovely sense of guilt. I've rarely lived with (or seen) my father; it has usually been just mum and myself. Because of her fairly constant emotional upheaval, I've had to learn to be the "responsible adult"---even in childhood.

For her part, Mum has never lacked for other emotional support (from friends, as well as the English side of our family). However, she has usually been too stubborn to accept any. Now, she knows she must.

I think you are doing the right thing, your mum has given you a natural break in continuity. Remember you are only a credit card swipe and 10 hours away, you can always go back, and at a moments notice if necessary. I'm not saying it's going to be easy but maybe this is the best opportunity you're going to get.

. the notion of her son moving away a month later has affected our relationship (but it's not always the best to begin with.) but i had to go to olympia when i had the chance, as far as i'm concerned. (the irony of me being thrown back here not missed.)

Jess, I do understand some of what you were trying to say, so don't worry about sounding trite. You didn't....

Thanks for being so candid, in return. If you knew how old I actually am, you might catch a clue to why I am so restless. So yes, I well understand the need to "get the hell out of Dodge". *hugs* First, I am sorry about your loss. I am still relatively new (joined in March), so I didn't know. As I too lost my own grandfather (at age 8), I remember how tough that was---especially as I had to break the initial news to Mum.

Now that was a "crash and burn" event, as she totally adored him.

But I welcome any more you have to say.....

I think you are doing the right thing, your mum has given you a natural break in continuity. Remember you are only a credit card swipe and 10 hours away, you can always go back, and at a moments notice if necessary. I'm not saying it's going to be easy but maybe this is the best opportunity you're going to get.

Ed, tis what makes the decision a bit easier. Due to my beloved debit card, I can indeed return. Odd that you say that: I'd gotten this type of opportunity earlier, but had to turn it down then, too. I don't plan to make the same mistake, twice! I'd kick myself....if my friends don't get there, first;>

As a stranger, I'm tempted to just keep my head down. Yours is an awful situation, Nichole, but I can't think that your mother needs you at her side 24/7, and you're not out of reach in London when you are needed. You need your own life. Trying to imagine myself into your mother's position, I think I'd feel terrible if I thought I was hamstringing your life. Stay supportive but live your life, for what little my advice is worth.

Stay supportive but live your life, for what little my advice is worth.

Martin, thanks for your insight; it IS helpful. Others have said the same, in one form or other.