Rolling Tory relative/friend offensive quote thread

Past classics welcome.

Choice cuts from xmas day:

'I'm not wearing that pink party hat, it's effeminate'
'I don't want to sound racist but if we had electric cars abos would be sniffing electricity'

Spending the entire night with them tonight so I'm expecting a fresh batch.

the one about cars is awesome. And makes you think.

How about "If the economic situation is so bad, why isn't the Budget doing something about the immigrants?"

What are abos?

Oh wait, saying it in my head makes it clear. Oh dear.

This particular night turned out to be a flop in bigotry terms, although one of them was so disgusted with his beloved tabloid shitrag's constant coverage of Paris Hilton that he was moved to write a complaint letter to the editor asking where the real news is. I couldn't get a word in edgeways in order to tell him that if it's news he's after he should read a fucking newspaper.

Oh, and the Portuguese are 'wops.'

I was expecting a tirade of bigotry when I visited my dad this Xmas, because my wife has TB, which is on the rise due to immigration. Mildly surprised he didn't go on a rant about it.

Mind that wouldn't be a "Tory" offensive rant, as he is very much a union man.

Really?? That's fucked.

yeah because the working class is historically automatically pro-immigration

'John Howard wasn't perfect, but he thought about what he did'

'so did Hitler' seemed too obvious a response

"why not just vote in the nazis and have done with it"

My brother's constant use of the word nignog seems appropriate here. I've always thought that he's not racist and just finds the term funny, but he's so fucked-in-the-head/tory that i'm not sure. either way, not cool. Also refers to Obama as 'Mugabe II' (because 'electing a black man worked so well for Zimbabwe'). *sigh*

Holy shit. I'm an only child, but I'm assuming there's no etiquette-related issue with beating the fuck down on your brother's testicles with a hammer?

To say he is the sibling I like most either speaks incredibly bad of me, or just goes to show how terrible my family is compared.

O_O

My dad is old school labour, to the point where he has been nearly fired many a time in for his crazy schemes trying to fuck over his bosses and anyone with some sort of power over him, just for the sake of it. My siblings saw him and thought "Wow, that man is crazy, gonna become a tory"; I saw him and went "Hey, I kinda agree."

To say he is the sibling I like most

In which case you can deliver the pod-hammering in a friendly and constructive way. Everyone's a winner!

i remember back in the days of the GDR, my father would often complain about shortages, question the wisdom of the east german authorities, purchase black market foodstuffs...

i had to turn him in to the local stasi, of course.

Couldn't you just have hit him in the balls with a hammer?

grinly, I like your solution.

The other thing mine said: 'Rudd's just given $10 billion away so everyone can spend it on the pokies!' Conveniently forgetting that Howard BRIBED PEOPLE TO HAVE BABIES, money which was also spent on these so-called pokies.

(not offensive, just ultrabiased and dense)

what are the pokies?

Irritating local slang for poker machines/slot machines.

Upon seeing two guys kissing across the road: 'EW THAT'S DISGUSTING I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT ETC ETC'

Today is going to be FUN!

'I feel nauseous'
'Take these ginger tablets'
'What do they taste like?'

My idiot father, regarding the bushfires which killed 200+ people the other day: 'Rudd shouldn't be there, he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near little children and babies'

This, from a man who never once said a bad word about Howard and his racist tyrannical fucking junta.

Today my cousin was all in a tizzy because her sister was letting her four-y.o. son wear pink sunglasses. I made a point of asking to wear them myself.

oh god.

I make a point of wearing pink tops to family gatherings in order to incite bigotry. Hasn't worked yet.

Autumn, you should have said your dad should never have been around little kids and babies either and then let him work it out.

Hah! Brilliant. I'll keep that in the bank.

I have a pair of pink sunglasses. Does anyone want them?

My soon-to-be father in law, trying to explain that he is not racist: "Look, I don't hate Middle Eastern people,, I just don't trust them."