if it's possible for a condom to be thinner than normal and still be safe, why wouldn't all condoms be that thin?

that is my question

Virgins

was askin myself this a while back

ok just googled "extra-thick condoms" for the lolz and found a bunch of premature ejackylaters beggin for em so maybe tahts the point

why don't they just make the whole plane out of that material?

so they're for guys who cain't skeet?? i can think of several better solutions for that

Didn't Seinfeld figure this one out in the 90s?

I'd always assumed 'extra safe' meant 'for bumsex'.

libcrypt i hate you for making me think of jerry seinfeld's cock

'now in goat-strength'

ew, Seinfeld's goat-strength cock

Hell, I didn't even know Jerry was a farmer.

whoa condomusa.com

"HOS Global Corp" will be shown on your credit card statement. The word condom will not appear on your packages or your credit card statements.

"What's the deal with Foot and Mouth disease?"

The word condom will not appear on your packages

cue obvious joke

thinner are more expensive.

just like models?

If it's possible for a condom to be sprayed-on, why wouldn't all condoms be sprayed-on?

If it's possible for a laptop to be lighter, why wouldn't all laptops be that light? Same answer. Except, you know, substitute sheepgut or something for titanium.

I'm not trying to ridicule the original question. I'm just repping for spray-on condoms.

http://www.toxicjunction.com/get.asp?i=V1295

word condom
http://img167.imageshack.us/img167/6664/lookandread3ka2.jpg

if it's possible for chips to be salt & vinegar, why aren't all chips salt & vinegar?

If it's possible for all ILX threads to be about condoms, why ... oh, no, really. I give up.

Also: spray-on condoms. Thoughts:

1) What if you miss a bit?
2) How long do they take to, umm, harden?
3) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY?

Spray on butterscotch and settle for a bj, bros.

okay that is an idea

"settle"

lol wuz gonna say

Couldn't you just use that hardening chocolate ice cream topping stuff and kill 2 birds with one stone?

"kill"

Also, "birds".

"death by chocolate"

"one stone"

keep 'em comin, boys

"jokes"

Dear fucking god what is it with people who eat food off each other? Or food-like things such as dessert toppings? God man for some reason it grosses me the fuck out.

"hardening"

Don't hate the topping, hate the game.

Dear fucking god what is it with people who eat food off each other? Or food-like things such as dessert toppings? God man for some reason it grosses me the fuck out.

― Abbott of the Trapezoid Monks (Abbott), Friday, January 9, 2009 1:30 PM (51 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i think at least a 3rd of the girls ive srsly long term dated have been really into this & i played along while being either bored or wtf-ing the whole time

What about the sushi girls they hire for business parties nowadays Abbs??

hey i like bjs and goin down on a bitch but dont get why im supposed to like it more with honey and (not lying here) YOGURT involved???

yogurt all over my screen

That wasn't yogurt, bro.

xpost

*vomits*

is it a thing to want to eat sushi off your OWN naked body?

*vomits*

― Abbott of the Trapezoid Monks (Abbott), Friday, January 9, 2009 1:33 PM (27 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

http://www.myvideo.de/watch/2199202/Smut_Peddlers_Feat_R_A_The_Rugged_Man_Bottom_Feeders

You know if you use the yogurt just right you never have to add any more for future excursions.

http://mybrands.com/images/products/xlarge/tap-n-apple-butter-spread.jpg

https://bellview.com/images/7340516001.jpg

What made you think of it today?

I was talking to VegemiteGrrl about urbandictionary on the politics thread, which made me wonder which thread was the one that led to me submitting a definition of "Tijuana picnic" to UD, which led me to Tijuana Picnic which eventually led me to here and me sitting at my cube crying from laughter

god all of these threads chain together in a neverending lol loop

pooping right before showering

hey i like bjs and goin down on a bitch but dont get why im supposed to like it more with honey and (not lying here) YOGURT involved???

― and what, Friday, January 9, 2009 1:32 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yogurt all over my screen

― s1ocki, Friday, January 9, 2009 1:33 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That wasn't yogurt, bro.

― Eazy, Friday, January 9, 2009 1:33 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

xpost

― Eazy, Friday, January 9, 2009 1:33 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

can i point what a great xpost this is, and it went unnoticed

"Tap'n Apple"?? Really?

*add bookmark*

xp: yeah that leapt out at me on this readthrough (before it got steamrolled by apple butter and Cadbury eggs again)

one of my proudest ilx moments

anyone who would call themselves an "underachiever" is probably severely overestimating their potential

― congratulations (n/a), Friday, January 16, 2009 6:23 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Sometimes, I'm sure. I think the people who do acknowledge that they're underachievers, though, have actual sources for their assumption ... like, I never studied for the SATs, but when I took them I got like, 99.999999999th percentile. Look at me now, you're dripping with envy.

― burt_stanton, Friday, January 16, 2009 6:27 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no, that's apple butter

― congratulations (n/a), Friday, January 16, 2009 6:28 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A++++++++

ayo dawg, I heard you like apple butter

Literally crying.

you know how there's no anon posting here anymore?

mmmm

apple butter story , read for first time, in hysterics right now

spoon dipped in apple butter

As if Cadbury's Creme Eggs weren't gross enough...

― might seem normal but is actually (snoball), Thursday, March 18, 2010 3:52 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark

I suggest that going on a first date with someone you met on a social media platform and then discovering that they have inserted a Cadbury's Creme Egg up their anus should be referred to as a 'Tinder Surprise'.

This may be the funniest thread on the entire site.

ew

don't forget that apple butter is not a contraceptive

might end up with a baby with apple butter genes

snoball at 1:46 9 Jan 09

KFC mashed potatoes and gravy is gross even if you eat it off a solid gold plate with a solid gold fork

goole at 1:48 9 Jan 09

ever had that shit a day later out the microwave? i don't even know how to describe it

☺♑ (joygoat) at 1:49 9 Jan 09

Now think of it eating it off a pasty, snaggletoothed girl with big permed mall-hair and a Yooper accent.

apple butter jeans
boots with the fur

Apple butter doesn't seem like having the right viscosity for this exercise.

does it congeal?

TIL

Peter Kuran reminisces during The Terror Takes Shape how a major studio ordered multiple "five-gallon pails of K-Y Jelly" in order to "slime up" the Dog-Monster for the infamous "kennel" scene from The Thing. Copious amounts of K-Y Jelly were also used to simulate saliva and to give the eponymous Alien of the 1979 film an overall slimy appearance as well as the blood of the eponymous Predator of the 1987 film which was mixed with chemiluminescence fluid from green glowsticks. K-Y Jelly was used for the Dilophosaurus's venom in Jurassic Park.

xpost I haven't had apple butter since I was a child. I feel like there would be a certain plopping factor when trying to get it out. You know, if Nate got full.

(MEANWHILE, IN A CONCURRENT THREAD:)

wow oh wowie wow why is our board so homogenous, can't imagine what might drive some people away

what

look hear me out

what if she left the creme egg wrapped

I skimmed a few posts in this thread and quickly withdrew my metaphoric toe from said waters.

creme eggs are great, idk what yr problem is

on a diet

i wouldn't put one in my butt tho

this is another one of those ilx is a bit on the prudish threads that i could spend a bunch of time playing devil's advocate on

beef vinadaloo was perfect

xp this thread hardly prudish, or are you referring to the odd nose-holding tut-tutters reacting to it?

Okay so out of curiosity I looked up spray-on condoms. Wiki:

some men found it intimidating, and were not willing to insert their penis into the device, opting to test it on their finger instead. The applicator emitted a loud hissing sound upon use, potentially "killing the mood"... The biggest problem, however, was that the drying process took 2–3 minutes before the condom was dry enough to use, which was too long to be truly marketable.

By 2008, the idea had not been developed further.

How about a second device that the penis is inserted into that has heating coils to dry the spray-on condom quicker?

if the erect penis is cooled sufficiently an application of Magic Shell would serve this purpose in both chocolate and butterscotch flavors

How about a mechanical contraption that guides the penis into the desired orifice on voice command...

Compatible with Alexa!

The idea was inspired by the mechanics of a drive-through car wash The idea was inspired by the mechanics of a drive-through car wash The idea was inspired by the mechanics of a drive-through car wash The idea was inspired by the mechanics of a drive-through car wash The idea was inspired by the mechanics of a drive-through car wash The idea was inspired by the mechanics of a drive-through car wash

i'm talking about the ppl being grossed out by combining food and sex

Like no one here’s ever used the eggplant emoji

i've used eggplant

You've gotten eggplant in her apple butter!

... emoji ?
Xpost

No just eggplant

apple butter jeans
boots with the fur

― sir chesley bonestell, qc (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, March 28, 2018 4:31 PM bookmarkflaglink

I know it's two years too late but this was amazing

great revive

ffs

Hello my name is LaCromwell Tiegs and this is my story.

I was buying a box of Lifestyle Ultra-Thin condoms at an Osco on the west side and the check-out man said ULTRA-THIN!? You're going to have some BABIES.

Thanks for listening and spread the word to your message board that this can't be tolerated.

- LaCromwell Tiegs

― LaCromwell Tiegs, Friday, January 16, 2009 3:37 PM bookmarkflaglink

Wow @ apple butter.

I'm going to go ahead and draft divorce papers and put them in the nightstand in case my wife ever did this.