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Having Sex on the First Date: CLASSIC OR DUD?

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In your opinions, do "rules" really apply? Guys or girls, guys especially, what are your feelings about fucking on the first date?

Random questions about this: Is it better to wait longer? Do you respect a girl less if it happens? What are your experiences with this? Freaky question: Would you MARRY a girl you had relations with on the first night? Girls, do you think this rule is a load of outdated shit? and there could be many more pertaining to this issue, i suppose..

BOTH men AND women please feel free to answer and sorry, i KNOW that this forum is made up of socially progressive people and i don't mean to batter you over the head with what could be seen as old-fashioned moralistic questions, but that's WHY i'm asking them. I'm looking for intelligent answers from intelligent people.

― sandrine, Friday, 10 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Id say "you dirty cheap slut sandrine, how could you?" ho ho ho

― kiwi, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Its grate of course but as for long term potential 'real classy birds' still say thanks but no thanks in my (rather limited) experience

― kiwi, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

In terms of meeting someone face-to-face and then agreeing for a formal date or get-together, this has only happened with me once. I don't respect the person in question any less -- anything but!

The suddenness can be disorienting, and if you're not clear with each other or sufficiently sure you're reading each others' signals right, it might make whatever happens in following days awkward. In my case it was very much a mutual thing that just sort of got more involved throughout the evening, and why not? Certainly it's not something to go ahead and plan on -- that's a bit much!

As for marrying someone in that situation -- hey, if everything else that happened after that over time convinced me she was the one, why would I not want to?

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

you should do it whenever you feel like it. what the fuck is a date anyway? do people still do that?

― hamish, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

PLAN ON IT. Ply him with beer. Compliment his hair. Sit too close. Ask to hold hands on the way home from the gig, because it's really really cold.

― haloist, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"Compliment his hair." = one of the worst sentences I've ever written.

― haloist, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

was that a date?

― hamish, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

no. and I didn't plan it. and I wish I hadn't contributed to this thread.

― haloist, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

it's Ned's fault. He provoked me.

― haloist, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i think haloist is the cheap slut here.

― hamish, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

no ned is, & everyone knows it.

― haloist, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

my parents did it the first time they met and they're still together to this day.

― minna, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i think it's leaving it too long

― mark s, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah i'll tell you wot it was hard work clambering out of the birth canal with all that dad in the way

oh dear i feel wrong now

― minna, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i've never been on a date. i've picked up people in pubs, but its purely for a quick thrill. i like to know a bit about a person before i get involved with them. i don't know if its some kind of girl thing, but to be honest i find personality so much sexier than what its wrapped up in. how boring. said hamish.

― di, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I tend to murder women who sleep with me on a first date.

― Nick Southall, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ooops, did I type that out loud?

― Nick Southall, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nothing wrong with a fuck on a first date, or even just hanging out... you can dream about it, but just don't expect it... and certainly don't push him/her into it, if he/she's not about that.

― Brian MacDonald, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I find this date-centric view of relationships alien to my own experiences.

― DV, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

there are dates and there are dates, surely? I mean there are dates arranged for the express purpose of 'there's this unstoppable chemistry between us and tonite, baby, we gonna fook', and then there's the 'i just like hanging out with you and i want to find out if i fancy you by watching you eat soup,. and you can have either of those dates with the same person at any stage... so not wrong if it's right. is what i'm trying to say. the marriage thing's different - surely that's less to do with whether two people fuck on the first date and more to do with them still wanting to fuck after the five hundredth... and a lot of other shit besides yadda

― chris, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Freaky question: Would you MARRY a girl you had relations with on the first night?

I would, and I did. Never understood what it was supposed to have to do with "respect."

― Douglas, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't see it as a problem. Both my most serious girlfriends slept with me on the first "date", and neither was any less lovely, caring, sexy etc. etc. as a result of it.

The way I see it, if you meet someone with whom you click on a chemistry level but more importantly on a personality level, and are both honest with each other (building up trust is the key here), there shouldn't be an issue whether you sleep together or not. It's not like 99% of us don't get the urge to at the very least, and in a way, actually going the whole hog on a first date is a demonstration of the trust that's so integral.

Having said that, part of me actively wants to meet a girl who makes me wait. I think I'd find it inordinately sexy.

― Mark C, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm surprised this is still being discussed. I was a teenager in the '70s, and a lot of men thought less of a woman if she had sex on the first date then. I didn't. My (now ex-)wife and I spent the night together hours after getting together, and we lasted 23 years. The last ten people I've had sex with, it's been no later than the second meeting, for some reason. I have nothing against waiting, it's just happened that way.

By the way, anyone applying some dumb set of rules to a relationship with me is going to lose me very quickly. The time to have sex is when both parties want to and feel sufficiently comfortable and ready, in the context of what kind of relationship is developing. I've had sex with someone I'd known for less than two hours, and someone I'd known for a decade - both are fine.

― Martin Skidmore, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

no ned is, & everyone knows it.

*weeps* I fear I'll fly into Dunedin only to be greeted with signs saying "WELCOME CHEAP SLUT!"

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hmmm, Dud, but then I'm strangely moral about things like that.

― chris, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

There's always the chance that going too far on the first eh.... "date" makes you realise all you were interested in was going too far anyway and removes the desire to see the person regularly for weeks before realising that.

― Ronan, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I had a first date last night!! It ended with kissing, which I'm very pleased about.

― Sean, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

it's all right ned i've told them you'd prefer the opposite: "UNWELCOME CHEAP SLUT"

― mark s, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This would seem counterproductive. (And congratulations Sean. :-))

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Blimey Cabbage and you being a sex tourist and all.

― RickyT, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

moral of this thread is don't let any of ile near your girlfriend/boyfriend. you perverts.

― jess, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Classique. The words "delayed gratification" don't rate much in my personal vocabulary. OTOH, I can't see having sex with a stranger on the first date for reasons of physical and emotional safety. Best bet: cultivate someone in a friendship capacity until I make up my mind, then attack at will.

― Pythia, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I had sex with my husband on our first date, and we've been together eight years.

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo, Saturday, 11 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It is unnecessary to consume fruits off tree to intercourt

― mike hanle y, Sunday, 12 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Unsurprisingly, Minna has made my favorite post to this thread so far.

― Dan Perry, Sunday, 12 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*checks Minna's second post* Oh my.

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 12 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*weeps* I fear I'll fly into Dunedin only to be greeted with signs saying "WELCOME CHEAP SLUT!"

*laugh* Guys, make sure they are large and in flashing neon. Ned, I fear they know you, much too well....

But to answer the main question, as long as there aren't any misunderstandings between both partners, it can be fine. However, tis a tricky thing to handle. With one experience, the toughest thing was to convince myself that there was nothing wrong with attacking him in bed. I certainly wanted to, but it's hard arguing with years of conditioning. (Said conditioning? "Never sleep with someone you don't know well.")

Sod that. It worked out well, since I was sure he'd respect me, regardless.

As for marrying someone I'd slept with? I suppose I might....though it would take more than one date;>

― Nichole Graham, Sunday, 12 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I bet your strategy works wonders, Laurel - I can see it being a winner :-)

― Mark C, Sunday, 12 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)


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