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Why am I such a stupid fuckwit?

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ok, so I manage to survive a twenty minute dash across bangkok on the back of a yamaha 250 complete with full pack, I survive an overnight train journey (acr\tually quite comfy) and arrive in what can only be described as the most beautiful place I have ever been. Why then, two hours after I arrive do I try to jump from one rock to another on the beach, land on some barnacles, slash my foot open, seriopusly graze all down one leg, scrape my arn\m and smack my chest?

I now have three stitches in my foot, two in my arm, am on antibiotics so I can't drink and can't go in the sea for seven days.

I feel like crying and want to come home.

― chris, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

really, give me 5 good reasons to stay

― chris, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

um perhaps you could get stoned, for pain relief

― haloist, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

good point dude

― chris, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Because we'll call you a big baby if you come home. And you'll be in the wrong time zone for the world cup.

Is it ok to giggle a bit now?

― Martin, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

another good point, well done

― chris, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris your dick wasn't grazed though so the primary purpose of visit is still ON!

(OK sorry to hear this, unlucky but you are in the most beautiful place on earth after all. I always drink on antibiotics, mind you.)

― Tom, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Can I also say "Ouch." That sounds like it may chaff a bit.

― Martin, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

they have seriously strong painkillers here, this is a good thing, the biggest Ibuprofen tablets I've ever seen.

Unfortunately I needed a local anaesthetic (sp?) and this was administered with a big long needle, twice!!! due to some arsehole who wouldn't wait for the nurse to stitch my foot back together. some of the most pain I've ever felt.

― chris, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought that said you had two big injections up the arsehole. Which would have been missing really I guess.

Consider this big travel experience number one. You never know the next one might be more fun. You didn't want to come back without any stories to tell did you?

― Martin, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

according to Neil the Zimbabwean who is in the next bungalow to me I'm going to have some hella cool scars

― chris, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ibuprofen? bah. tell them the pain is unbearable and that you need heavy amounts of morphine pumped through yr veins

― geeta, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Is that 5 good reasons yet?

I suddenly feel all Jason Donavon now... You give me one good reason to go Cabbage, but I'll give you 10 good reasons to stay.

And if you come home I'll sing that to you all the time, there you go thats nother one.

― Martin, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh Chris, you poor thing. You're not a stupid fuckwit, it could have happened to anyone.

You're in a really gorgeous place, you'll be all fine and mended soon and it's pissing it down with rain in London. And even if you came back now you'd still have the injuries. So where would you rather be injured and indolent? Thailand or Walthamstow?

― Anna, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris, I don't think you are supposed to take those tablet orally. They are for another orifice.

I always fear for this type of thing when jumping from rock to rock. We did it in Sri Lanka down the beach and one tiny slide gave me visions of crabs eating out of my leg for a week toasting each other with champagne (the crabs were obviously quite cultured). Its a great opportuinity to read loads and loads of Mills and Boon books while supping on non-alcoholic cocktails with bouze in them.

Don't play with any cats. Have lots of "massages". And of course get well soon.

― Pete, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

There's a heatwave in the UK starting Friday. Get well soon.

― N., Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

thanks guys, I do feel better, except for the fact that the dicky belly is back too! inside every paradise lurks someone's hell I fear.

― chris, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

But inside everyones hell lurks a paradise too. FInd yours and revel in it. As long as you don't get the nasty orangey ones you'll be fine.

― Pete, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

No one's actually answered Chris's question, I note.

― N., Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Beacause only Chris has the answer.

― Anna, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I HAVE NOT COME HERE TO "FIND MYSELF"!!!!

actually I canme here to have fun, get a tan and see cool things. So far so ouch.

― Chris, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh go on, look inside yourself, take a spiritual voyage. If you pull your stitches out you can really look inside yourself.

― Anna, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Just get on with it you big sissy :)

― Jonnie, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Mind you, don't do it if there are any dogs around. They love snacking on entrails. When I looked inside myself last I found a huge empty void. This worried me for a bit until I realised it could be the solution to all my storage problems.

― Pete, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If this catches on IKEA will go bust.

― Emma, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

But big-anus man will do well.

― Sam, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Before you do drink, do some interweb research on which antibiotics you're on. Some are fine with bouze, some aren't. If you've got lucky, then your holiday should follow almost the same course as you intended.

Septicaemia is worth avoiding, though, so look after yourself, big man.

― Mark C, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Surely you need only look at the instructions with the packet to see if alcohol is banned or not?

― N., Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Not very good if they are written in Thai.

― Anna, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I bet they are in English.

― N., Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Fiver says they are in Thai.

― Anna, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I didn't say they wouldn't be in Thai as well.

― N., Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You're wussing out now! No backbone in young men today.

― Anna, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think you are seriously misussing the word young there. ANyway, even if Chris can't drink I'm sure he could do a yoghurt.

― Pete, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

make pain your friend, or alternatively parade your battle scars and ask those beautiful people to be gentle?

at least you have the internet right?

― Menelaus Darcy, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Not drinking is a blessing, Chris. You'll lose those extra pounds...

― Ally C, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Seriously, good sir, get healed up soon. :-)

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm sure he could do a yoghurt

Grr.

I once heard a fantastic rumour about there being oestrogen in the foil on the top of yoghurts, and so you should not lick them. Particularly not if you're on a sex tourism trip.

― Ronan, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I dunno Ronan, it might be quite good if you're inclined in the ladyboy direction.

― RickyT, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If I ever start a band, it will be called Ladyboy.

Surely there's a lot to do without going on the sea? Anyway, lying on the beach for a week would be a good way to catch up on some reading AND get a killer tan.

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Killer tan indeed, skin cancer alert - stay out of the sun between 11- 15:00. Oh and factor 15 at least.

― Emma, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

aawwww chris! you poor wee thing! eat lots of taro paste to fortify you as you gaze out upon the gorgeous scenery... you can still go on boats and stuff can't you? och, you'll be fine! (but what emma said about the sunscreen).

― katie, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I hear there's this island there with a communal society on it. Utopia with chicks and dope. Maybe you can get a map...

― nickn, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Watch out for the sharks and farmers, though.

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 14 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I must admit that I had a moment of greatness last night, sitting at a bar, reclined seat on beach, waves lapping ten feet away, lovely music on the stereo, some Paris cafe thing, the avalanches were on there in a very bare remix and frosty glass bottles of coke, watching the stars and talking arse (like telling people I got bit by a shark - funnily enough they never believe me). That was superb, unfortunately I've been walking too much on my foot and I'm fearing for my stitches. But some nice American lady has offered to get me some Vicodins!

― chris, Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ah. there you go, man: vicodin + the beach = good times.

― geeta, Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

American lady > isn't that a contradiction? (JOKE alert)

― stevie nixed, Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

she seemed like a lady! it's been 36 degrees today, and cloudless, I reckon if i'd been allowed in the sea I'd have fried anyway.

― chris, Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Dude looks like a lady!

― N., Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ladyboy?

― RickyT, Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Pint of Bitter, Gin and Tonic chaser, Baileys Irish Cream chaser = THE ONLY TYPE OF LADYBOY I WANT!

(NB this is a lie port and cheese please)

― Sarah, Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

deffo not, the sex trade seems almost non-existant on this island, which is good, as it means if I watch the champions league in the bar I'll be ab;e to watch it instead of getting hassled by bar girls as what happened to a bloke in the hostel I was in, he hjad to leave in the end as they kept hassling him, for wanting to watch footy and not being horny!

― chris, Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris - you're not going anywhere near Pattaya are you? Only that's where a gang of Chelsea headhunters have set up a bar called the Dog's Bollocks as a hooligan stopover point for the World Cup.

― N., Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

nah, that's on the coast near Banghkok, and a real sleaze pit apparently, really really horrible, where the package sex tourists go.

― chris, Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ah so you're a sex traveller, not a sex tourist. Alright then.

― Anna, Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

the distinction is important Anna, yes

― chris, Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

unfortunately I have to log off for the day (it's twice the priice here for net access than in Bangkok :(

have a lovely time this evening, all of you.

― chris, Wednesday, 15 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)


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