grim unintentional punchlines

You’re looking for a job or you wouldn’t be reading this (unless you are very bored, in which case you need to change jobs or get one, because believe me reading job ads for fun is not a sign of a healthy life).

At this point you are probably thinking the hard bit is finding a job at all - actually the hard part is finding a job you will enjoy. You spend a large part of your waking life at work (a large part of your sleeping life too if it’s that dull) so you owe it to yourself to try. So what’s the key to enjoying your job (apart from not having a manager you hate)? Well I’ll give you a little hint; if you’re good at it, chances are you’ll enjoy it. Now, I don’t just mean ‘good’ I mean actually talented at it.

So here is the most important part of this job ad; do you have the talents needed for this job? Well, there are two talents we are looking for (only two);

The first is communication (that means listening as well as talking before all you blabbermouths get too excited), the second is the ability to communicate well after loads of people have given you the brush off. So if you’re good at talking face to face and can cope with rejection, you have the talents were looking for.

“Ok”, your thinking, “Get to the point, what is the job you’re advertising?”

It’s called face to face fundraising.

Don't be fucking hassling me when I'm walking down Mare St minding my own business coz I'm not interested in signing up.

I once dispatched a street fundraiser who'd got enough chat out of me to proffer a clipboard with the line "Hey, you know what? A few months ago I was in the exact same position as you, having to get a shitty student job just to keep me in pocket. You should have chosen a different one."

Poor lass. I did feel kinda awesomely evil tho

grim unintentional punchlines

― Maximilian G. Neuchrist (country matters), Friday, 30 January 2009 14:20 (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

looool

i had a charity mugger in Glasgow say "don't be a wanker" to me because I ignored him. So I threatened to kick his cunt in and he went away. Was genuinely outraged afterwards, which happens very infrequently to me.

One used the opening line "do you want to go for a drink?" on me t'other week, which was a bit too flirty fishing for my liking.

I think it was even "don't be a wanker, mate". With the mate making it that much more annoying.

"I'll kick your cunt in" :)

A brilliantly Scottish phrase. I once said it to a wanker in London who thought it would be really funny to order me to "say somefing Scottish!"

xxpost

let it go man i said sorry

What other Scottish things could you say, Omino? i am curious (tartan)

i had a charity mugger in Glasgow say "don't be a wanker" to me because I ignored him.

i wonder if this was the same guy who said "on the phone, yeah i know all the tricks" to my girlfriend after she gave him a polite nobusysorry shake in the middle of a (genuine) phone call. she was enraged beyond all reason too. there are surely better ways to encourage people to talk to you. no one wants to talk to a guy with a kicked-in cunt.

'Yer a bawbag so ye are' - That would have worked on me.

I visited Chicago and let a guy on the street polish both of my shoes and then I gave him a Susan B. Anthony. He was upset, but hey why should I pay for the cow when I already got the milk.