Pseudobisexuality: D or D?

(It was in Brett's case because as a nascent pop star he clearly had had every opportunity to have a homosexual experience - the only barrier to his having one was his not actually wanting one. But imagine the person saying this had only had a sexual experience with one person, who happened to be of a different sex - would it still be a ridiculous statement?)

(I'm a heterosexual who has had a homosexual experience! Why is that a less stupid statement (if it is))

I am so very, very cool.

Even Brian Molko? Oops, sorry, pop star.

Yeah fair enough - I wish I still had the interview, the context was IIRC very much look-how-liberated-I-am rather than wow I wish I could have that elusive homo experience but the right person hasn't come along. It played well with the kids, anyway.

I used an example of clothing because a lot of the people I *thought* you had in mind are really operating on exactly that level of superficiality. They aren't trying to pass themselves off as bi or gay any more than those girls are passing themselves off as genuine Asians.

I'm sorry about what my original post seemed to have implied.

There was an article in Salon or something forever ago the kind of thing Honda is talking about... guys making fashion/appearance/social choices designed to emulate and infiltrate a hip gay subculture. I forget what the goal of all that was, but the article did quote some gay bartender familiar with the phenomenon saying that most of the guys who fake it like that have experimented with homosexual experiences, so there's the tie-in with the interpersonal situations I perceive matthew to be talking about.

Sounds like a duddish behavior... an ex-girlfriend of mine told me after our relationship was over that she might be a lesbian, but I think she was doing the same kind of trying-to-achieve-uniqueness thing. But i'm of the opinion that striving to be different/unique as an end in itself is pretty ridiculous. especially when you discuss your uniqueness in conversation.

I also had a practicing lesbian tell me i was the most incredible person she'd ever met and that when wet met and danced the week before at a wedding that she didn't want that moment to end. She didn't know what to do since she was (and still is, i assume) living with her girlfriend. I'm not not THAT good a dancer. So, like, wtf?

If you're gay and you sleep with someone, and they tell you the next day that they're not really gay, how different is that from any disappointing morning after? Like "sorry, i'm not really gay" vs. "sorry, i don't really like fat chicks" or something? Just disappointing? Sexual Identity vs. Body Image Identity... is matthew feeling let down and taking it too seriously or is there more to the story?

One of my oldest friends, who's gay, eventually gave away that he didn't take my claims to be bi seriously. I'd been with the aforementioned wife for twenty years, and the opportunity arose. He actually said "How do you know you're bi if you've never had sex with a man?" I asked how he'd known he was gay before he had sex with a man, or if that happened accidentally - "What's this thing in my mouth? Hey, this is nice..." I don't think he did believe it until recently, when I was able to tell him that I'd confirmed my bi-ness in a varied series of real tests...

Then she met the woman of her dreams, left her boyfriend, and moved to Texas with aforesaid woman. Which just goes to show.

This label was and still is applied to me libelouslly and in complete mean spirit by someone many of you know (hence the anon posting.) Her basis for accusing me of "trendy lesbianism" is not only completely wrong but quite frankly none of her business.

No one has the right to judge whether or not someone "passes the muster" in terms of sexuality. So someone isn't really bi until they have a same sex experience? How many experiences? What counts as sex? Do you see how complicated and ridiculous this can get?

In my case I had been with a man for 10 years but considered myself bisexual because I had always been attracted to both. While I was married to this man I met and fell in love with a woman. We split up (I'm not the type to carry on affairs). While I didn't end up with this woman I did date (and have sex) with women and men for the next few years. I am now in a committed relationship with a man. Does this make me "psuedo-bi"?

The person who slanders me does so, I believe, because for a while I called myself Lesbian and lived as such. After ending my marriage I thought perhaps I would date women exclusively. This turned out not to be the case, I was truly bi. Does this mean I was exploiting anyone? does this make me a phony?

For me personally, love and sex knows no gender. I'm in a relationship with the person I am with now because I love him. Gender has nothing to do with it.

People who would accuse me of being "trendy" don't have a fucking clue.

In my experience (because there are a lot of these types around), pseudobisexuality tends to occur in white, male, middle class boys with mild alternative tastes in music (Placeo, Ash, Idlewild, Strokes, etc). In the same way that its suggested that white middle class males develop persecution complexes when faced with the fact that they have to operate on a level playing field with everyone else, the pseud-bi acts like a bisexual because it gives him the chance to feel part of a minority, similar to his music taste.

Of course, if a gay man actually came on to him, he'd shit himself, but, hey....

In my personal experience, I've only known girls to pull the pseudo- gay act and it's always been used as a weapon to attack or harrass ex- boyfriends, I think.

No whales were harmed during the making of this thread.

thats different to me. i've only known girls who do it to titillate the current boyfriend.

this is essentialist bollocks.

I think this is true. Not for all girls but for most. And you're right probably some of the confusion comes from there.

look, i'm not pretending to not notice that in the western world (and even that is a generalisation that i am uncomfortable with) many girls are raised in an environment where they are given incentive to act in a feminine manner (not forgetting that there are PUNISHMENTS for girls who fail to do this), but you simply cannot state what "little girls" are like without this context. and i am especially uncomfortable with someone (which i am assuming from the name "charles") who is a male making these generalisations.

(also I've just noticed "pseudobi" ~= "CdeB")

I too often use this as fall-back when I can't think of any other way to introduce myself.

Someone was telling me yesterday that The Rock is annoying the WWF(E) community by going around boasting about (invented) gay experiences. Is that true?

dear n, does yr gaydar not fly off the meter when you see the rock?