Debbie Downers

do you have friends that talk about the negative things in their lives a lot? how do you react to it?

when is it OK to talk about feeling down etc? do you talk about it, or do you feel like it's your baggage and no one else's?

I don't hang out with these people

-- And I'm feeling really awful to begin with, even before that horrible thing happened. And so when things got really terrible, I -- wondering how much more depressing this can be; and I saw this sad show about an unhappy couple...
-- Look, uh-- I'm sorry. I'm right-- I've got to do this thing.
-- Oh, I'm sorry.
-- No, no, it's just--
-- No, I know I'm just this sad, gloomy... wretched depressed guy.
-- No, if we can just do this another time.
-- Okay. My stomach's kind of hurting me anyway.
-- Okay.

this is acceptable only on interwebs.

srsly, if things are goin bad why wdn't you tell yr friend. otoh, ordinary 'bad' stuff treated like life-changers alla time gets old.

I know two different people who I always thought were being downers about everything, but over the long term it started to seem like they really did have more significant bad things happen to them than most other people I knew -- an ongoing string of things like family deaths, ill pets, job losses, evictions, etc. etc.

I know one person who isn't so much a downer as just anxious about a lot of life, to the point where something that could be great (new job!) becomes a whole pile of stress, worry, and insecurity.

The former's hard to deal with because I feel like at some point they'll probably say "oh I have cancer" and I'll go "yeah, I'm not surprised, what else is new" -- the latter's harder to deal with, because it gets tiring to try and help and now just say "wtf is your problem, the world does not end if one tiny thing in your life goes a bit wrong, so just get over it like everyone else does"

i generally have a pretty open ear when it comes to listening to friend's concerns or problems -- the fact of listening to someone gripe, bitch, blow off steam, or deal with insecurity isn't really a burden in and of itself.

HOWEVER, if they don't show concern for your life, if they never ask you how you are doing, or only ask perfunctorily as a prelude to telling you how THEY are doing (and they're doing shitty as usual) -- then you want to cut these people out of your life as much as possible.

they are vampires and will bleed you of your good-will until nothing remains but contempt

i feel like i've started a thread related to this before. but i guess i'm curious to know bc i'm always afraid of talking about anything negative in my life, cuz i think i'll just alienate people.

i mean, it's pretty boring to be down on yourself, or down on life.

i generally have a pretty open ear when it comes to listening to friend's concerns or problems -- the fact of listening to someone gripe, bitch, blow off steam, or deal with insecurity isn't really a burden in and of itself.

HOWEVER, if they don't show concern for your life, if they never ask you how you are doing, or only ask perfunctorily as a prelude to telling you how THEY are doing (and they're doing shitty as usual) -- then you want to cut these people out of your life as much as possible.

― obi don quixote (elmo argonaut), Friday, February 27, 2009 6:52 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

they are vampires and will bleed you of your good-will until nothing remains but contempt

― obi don quixote (elmo argonaut), Friday, February 27, 2009 6:53 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this

there's a difference b/w that kind of thing and ppl who just complain a lot about shit, which i can tolerate more even tho it gets on my nerves. some very good friends just complain too fucking much about everything

yah ppl complaining about things are the worst

i dont see what you did there

lol. well i did start a "complainers" thread, where we pretty much hashed this out. i think i just wondered if other people felt awkward opening up about feeling low.

Some people are entertaining complainers, but I guess they don't really fit the category

i feel like in Surmounter's world every person who isn't Surmounter is a Debbie Downer

when do you show compassion to your fellomen who is stricken by suffering or misfurtune?

― Isagani R. Yap Jr., Tuesday, June 29, 2004 12:21 AM (4 years ago) Bookmark

i like people who can see the humor in shitty situations (nb: some things in life are too shitty for humor, but most things aren't)

i'm not saying you should just laugh off big injustices in life that need to be changed, but you can be an activist and have a smile on your face at the same time

I'd like to vent and bitch and moan but once I started I'd never stop, so I just swallow it for the most part.

they are vampires and will bleed you of your good-will until nothing remains but contempt

protip for ladies: if you are a downer, let the guys know on the first date so we can stop dating you sooner

This is a trick we already use to put guys like you off.

my tip is win-win for both the girl and the guy.. cuz its better he break it off now than later after there's emotional investment

ok - I know I don't need to tell a bunch of intelligent ilx-ladies any tips
i was just venting about the last girl i took out

someone should call the police abt that ^^^

This is a trick we already use to put guys like you off.

― one art, please (Trayce), Saturday, February 28, 2009 3:35 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ TRUTH BOMB

To get back to the subject matter, though, I think that this is one of those real tests of who your *real* friends, as opposed to acquaintances, really are.

Your real friends are the ones that will let you actually do a vent if you're on a downer, and listen and not judge and not be all "you're bringing me down, maaaan." Because when you're on a downer, you don't want advice, you don't want to be told that you're more shit than you already feel. You just want someone to listen.

I do it for other people as they are prepared to do it for me. As long as it's not the only topic of conversation that we are capable for. One of my closest friends, we'll get together and I'll do a 20 minute rant about how shit my life is, and she'll do a 20 minute rant about how shit her life is, and then we move on and get talking about how great certain bands are, how hott certain boys are, Renaissance painters, Catholic saints, philosophy, and so on and so forth. I think it's just like a pressure release valve.

I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who expected me to be positive all the time. That just seems like some heavy shit denial, and that's awful.

Sometimes I do get a bit tired of saying "Oh, that sucks" or "ah, don't worry, it'll be alright" or words to that effect. You want to help, have a laugh and be positive, but ultimately the change has got to come from the negative person. I feel harsh for thinking like this.

i confessed to my friend i was feeling quite depressed. i knew how she'd react. instead of being all huggy and shit, she said it was perfectly understandable and said i would get out of it myself. it helped, really did. don't feel ecstatic - as if i ever could - but i know i can get out of this on my own.

I always thought of a Debbie Downer as one of those people who is always like "Well, the nuclear disarmament movement didn't go so well now, did it?" and shrugs until her next grand pronouncement about the imminent end of the world as we know it. I feel this way when I talk about politics sometimes. It's bad.