Divisions between groups of friends

So assuming you don't socialise in just one group of friends, what sort of divisions are there between your different groups? Do you introduce friends across these boundaries a lot?

Since moving to London I find things a bit more complicated like this. In Dublin there was a natural geographical divide between my two main groups of friends, so you had people I knew from where I lived and people I knew through music stuff or whatever who I'd see in the city centre.

Here though I find most people I know live in the same area. This can be odd as sometimes I'll be out and someone will text to see if I want to do something and I think it'd be weird to introduce that person to whoever I'm with, or would fuse two friends together that I don't necessarily want to fuse together. Then I wonder if this is selfish.

What about you? Does anyone just freely introduce friends all the time?

throughout the years i've definitely co-mingled groups of friends, but in my 30s it seems i prefer keep all the clusters separate.

you're in your 30s?!

Several nebulous and overlapping groups of London friends, and uni friends, who are scattered all over the place, mostly Brighton and Norwich. Not a lot of cross-pollination for geographical reasons.

there are some seinfeld episodes about this you should check out for a uniquely neurotic american perspective.

imho, it's not an issue with groups of friends generally. my ilx friends get along with my work friends get along with my neighborhood friends pretty well as far as i can tell. where it becomes tricky is with dating, and who you introduce your prospective mate to.

oh, uh, to answer the question i do not keep my groups of friends separate -- like, i can't imagine having a friend who i wouldn't invite over if i knew xyz people were coming by too, actually.

Some of my friends are right disagreeable cunts, much as I love them, so I keep a bit of an eye on who I introduce to whom.

I do some co-mingling but sometimes it's just too weird, eg I have some friends I pretty much only watch sport with or whatever. Or just some of my friends are quite different. It's prob also about me though, I think I rather hanging out with a few friends one week, then a different few another week, and so on, rather than everyone all at once.

where it becomes tricky is with dating, and who you introduce your prospective mate to.

really otm. or being out on a date in neighbourhood and not wanting to tell friends but then if you bullshit it's like "oh i might drop by" and you're like "no, it's not the bar of the same name you think it is"

Mine all overlap to such an extent now that I tend not to worry about it. That said I mostly socialise with people who like to go out and meet other people so it's not really that much of an issue, although some of my oldest friends from school will still squirrel themselves off on one table if I get a load of people together.

ha chap OTM

no friends, no problem

and yes ally, i am in my 30s :/

Haha Ronan I have spent way too much time in the last year or so drinking with random Irish dudes to believe this is a problem for you!

consider yourself someone I can invite along!

i have had boyfriends i did not want to introduce to my friends or have around my friends for long periods of times, but not because of my friends, if you understand what i am saying here.

xpost cutty i am just surprised because i thought we were the same age -- i apologize for saying it so abruptly!

questionable boyfriend practices

i used to be uptight about mixing different groups of friends until one day i had a party where they all turned up and it turned out they really got on with each other. since then i've been cool with it.

also, some friends are obviously socially inept

When I had different groups of friends I dreaded having to mix them. I just find it really awkward to introduce people who would otherwise not know each other and try to divide my time equally between them so nobody's left out. Basically a socialisational nightmare for me.

the other thing here, sometimes the dynamic between some friends can be crap, eg one person is loud another is shy and as a result it's just awkward and you'd be better off with either one on their own.

I don't try to mix my groups of friends as a rule, but my female friends are all awesome and tend to like each other, if introduced in a setting that is neutral to both. I like to facilitate.

worlds collide!

xpost! Yeah, I've had at least one bad experience being the quiet person around a loud person. It was my best friend's ex, although it was before they had started dating. I was quiet (she took this as being perpetually mopey), she was constantly talking and a bit of a know-it-all, and we both went away from the event with a negative opinion of one another. After they started dating I figured I should try to be friendly with her, but she didn't want any of it – I got the feeling she was jealous that he and I were really close (or at least had been until they started dating and I never saw him).

Another in the list of ex-girlfriends who have disliked me for ridiculous reasons...

i love mixing groups of friends. and i love being mixed too, it's a great way of meeting new people, and i love meeting new people - i've met some A+ friends through group-mixing.

consequently, most groups i'm part of overlap with other groups. of course, spending any time among media/creative groups mean that everyone probably already knows each other anyway.

A lot of my friends are, like, me, just looking to hang out with EACH OTHER because we like each other and don't always get out enough. They/we are not looking to be forced to mix w strangers when our friends are right over there and will be much less work. This is why parties are best kept to one group or another.

yeah this is the other thing, sometimes you just want to hang out with one or two people cos you like hanging out with them! I guess what I find funny about being in London and in a busy neighbourhood is that you've no really good excuse if someone is saying "hey are you out today" or something and you're sitting in a bar with a friend or two. In Dublin I could say where I was and that automatically ruled out chances of other friend joining me.

nb: I don't dislike my friends

i don't like to mix certain groups of friends because i feel like i have to keep translating between them and explaining the in-jokes etc. (esp. with friends from back in the day + weird musician friends).

lex is otm, mixing friends is the best

ha I love translating between friends because of the easy self-inflated sense of importance that comes along with being the only person who knows what everyone is talking about

i feel like i just had this conversation tho

like i would never bring max out to meet my friends. we only hang out one on one.

;-) "one" on "one"

ha I love translating between friends because of the easy self-inflated sense of importance that comes along with being the only person who knows what everyone is talking about

lol if i'm being honest this is true, u feel like the hub of all the action. the centrepiece. i was actually called "the hub" the other week, when i hosted a port & stilton party and mixed friends at it. it was a great night.

ime the key w/ mixing groups is drugs and/or alcohol

ok some of you guys: making a conscious decision to, this weekend, just hang out with two people you haven't seen in a while and not invite your entire facebook list is not the same thing as a "division". do you guys think that, like, lex or max or i seriously just send out an allstaff every time we go set foot in a bar when we say "we love mixing and don't keep our friends separate"? they are two different things and i find the answers to this thread confusing.

no but i know at least one person who is terrified of mixing groups of friends, he's normally a rly chilled-out guy but for whatever reason this makes him highly nervous

when no one knows each other and they are not interacting, and everyone expects you to entertain them, it can become a nervous sitaution

actually me and ally and lex only hang out with each other

and then sometimes i hang out with cutty, alone

peter gabriel on the hifi

when no one knows each other and they are not interacting, and everyone expects you to entertain them, it can become a nervous sitaution

― cutty, Thursday, March 5, 2009 11:57 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is why an impt part of being the hub is buying beers or drugs

that's not necessarily the cure-all and it assumes all of your friends drink and drug!

then everyone wants to go to the bathroom with you also

okay lines must be drawn somewhere

this conversation is going off the rails

Most of my friends don't know each other, it'll probably stay that way.

activities are important

bowling, for example

lines are usually drawn in the bathroom

ok some of you guys: making a conscious decision to, this weekend, just hang out with two people you haven't seen in a while and not invite your entire facebook list is not the same thing as a "division".

Hahaha, no, I mean like whole groups of people who know each other but don't need to be mixed with, say, my entire ILX-and-related-peeps world. I would bring a couple of people from either group into the OTHER group as an introduction, maybe, but not just bang the two groups together in an apt and expect them to be BFFs before end of evening.

Also I don't bring the highland dance girls out and about because everyone else I know would eat them alive. So that group is totes separate.

on the steamed up mirror xp

making a conscious decision to, this weekend, just hang out with two people you haven't seen in a while and not invite your entire facebook list is not the same thing as a "division"

of course not but if you read the thread my point was specific to living in a smallish area where a lot of friends live, hence you don't always arrange things, and the possibility to mix friends always comes up.

also I hate the explaining things element of stuff, esp cos like wtf diff friends find diff things funny.

wow i am kinda jealous of all you ppl and your 'groups' of friends. apart from the 'group' of friends i have on ilx and one other forum, i haven't had a social group since i was 20. i seem to meet/get to know ppl only as individuals, and i find that most of these ppl don't really get on with one another the few times i have co-mingled them.

i really really miss having a bunch of ppl who all live in the same city to go hang out with.

where do you live?

oakland

i have about, hmmm let's see, 3 friends in this town

lol 2 of those are from ilx

That would depress me somewhat I think - knowing loads of individuals is all well and good but I think it would actually make me very lonely. I thin I crave camaraderie pretty much more than anything else.

I like hanging out with individual people. And occasional camraderie.

also, some friends are obviously socially inept

― cutty, Thursday, March 5, 2009 4:08 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

^^^ f u too cutty

I am the reason most people in NYC know each other.

shit i thought i was the reason

what do you guys mean, socially inept anyway? do you mean anger bear/blowhard/sociopath or quiet/shy/awkward kind of sense?

all of the above work

body odour is what I meant

hmm ok. i have had more issues with bringing round overbearing/obnoxious ppl into a group, shy people never seem to mind or cause problems -- i guess that is why i asked. i become embarrassed for the blowhards and regret their presence and get mean at them to shut them up, but so many of my friends are loudmouths (different from the type of loudmouth i'm describing btw) that it seems to work itself out.

i am trying to figure out situations where i'd keep a friend separate and still want to be their friend basically. and i am failing...

xpost 70% of my friends smell terrible all the time, they're unemployed drunks and "writers"

http://images.lowriderarte.com/drawings/0701_lrap_06_z+drawings+notorious_big.jpg
I want ya'll to play this at funerals in the hood.
Til all this black on black crime stop.
Some say the blind lead the blind.
But in the ghetto you never know,
When it's gon be yo time.
http://images.lowriderarte.com/drawings/0701_lrap_06_z+drawings+notorious_big.jpg
[Sons of Funk, Mo B. Dick, O'dell]
Sittin at the ghetto thinkin bout
All my homies passed away (uuunnnggghhh!)
Candy painted cadillacs and triple gold
That's how me and my boys rolled
How could it be?
Somebody took my boy from me
My best friend's gone
And I'm so all alone
I really miss my homies
Even though they gone away
I know you in a better place
And I hope to see ya soon someday
http://images.lowriderarte.com/drawings/0701_lrap_06_z+drawings+notorious_big.jpg
[Master P]
I used to hang with my boy even slang with my boy
Used to bang with my boy, goddam I miss my boy
We started out youngstas in the park throwin birds
In your hearse, damn it's sad to see my nigga in the dirt
The game got me workin, got me perkin, never jerkin
Still blowin dolja fo ya cause I know you up there workin
Ya little baby's cool and ya baby's mama straight
But today's a sad day to see the t-shirt with ya face
From the cradle to the grave, from the streets we used to fall
In the park you liked to ball, put yo name upon the wall
In the projects you's a legend on the street you was a star
But it's sad to see my homeboy ridin in that black car
A lotta soldiers done died, a lotta mothers done cried
You done took yo piece of the pie but you was too young to retire
Why soldiers ride for yo name leave it vain
Some Gs never change, damn they killed you for some change
Smile for my homie Kevin Miller my boy Randall
The ghetto persons that lost they loved ones to these ghetto scandals
http://images.lowriderarte.com/drawings/0701_lrap_06_z+drawings+notorious_big.jpg
Take a minute to smile for the dead (uuunnnggghhh!)
Smile for the dead (RIP 2Pac, Makaveli)
All my homies who done made it to the crossroads
(Biggie Smalls)
http://images.lowriderarte.com/drawings/0701_lrap_06_z+drawings+notorious_big.jpg
[Sons, Mo B. O'dell]
How could it be?
Somebody took my boy from me
(It's like I can't believe you gone)
My best friend's gone
(Sometimes I feel like I can't go on)
And I'm so all alone
(Everytime I see something you done left
I really miss my homies
(It just remind me, more and more of you, dawg)
Even though they gone away
(I just keep reminiscin)
I know you in a better place
(Cause I know you alright)
And I hope to see ya soon someday
(And I keep smilin, knowin I'm a see you in the crossroads]
http://images.lowriderarte.com/drawings/0701_lrap_06_z+drawings+notorious_big.jpg
[Pimp C]
We used to grip on the grain and flip them candy toys
But I'd give up all that bullshit if I could get back my boy
Off in the club smokin weed til 3, hollerin at the hoes
Spendin $4000 on me on gators and clothes
When I turned to rap, he had to chase the game
Nigga told me, "C, leave that dope, cause rappin is yo thang"
I ain't gone even lie, some nights I ride and cry
Wonderin why the real niggas always the ones to die
So I just smoke my weed and try to clear my mind
I wish that I had the power to turn back the hands of time
I wonder if there's a heaven up there for real Gs
For all the niggas in the game that be sellin keys
I keep my memories, try to keep my head stromg
But baby it's hard to be strong, when yo main homie gone
http://images.lowriderarte.com/drawings/0701_lrap_06_z+drawings+notorious_big.jpg
[Sons, Mo B. O'dell]
Even though you gone away
(Even though you gone, you ain't never gon be forgotten)
I know you in a better place
(Cause as long as I'm here
You gon live through me and other TRU playas)
I really miss my homies
Even though they gone away
I know you in a better place
And I hope to see ya soon someday
http://images.lowriderarte.com/drawings/0701_lrap_06_z+drawings+notorious_big.jpg
[Silkk]
I'm just sittin here dazed thinkin bout all the times we had
Thinkin the past, some was good and some was bad
Remember Dante?
It was a group of us, just a group of five
Now three dead, one in jail, it seem right now I'm the only one alive
To all my soldiers before me, may ya'll rest in peace
When He took three, took my soul, just the bodies
He at the crossroads guide us out to the rest of me
Wishin I could rewind time like demos
Me and you gettin girls, writin down numbers like memos
Makin million dollar bets, makin all our money stretch like limos
Even though I smile, it's sad, but they say gangstas can't cry
But if I close my eyes and visualize me together
Then I suddenly wanna smile
To see you laid down when it's yo time, when your time was up
You never seen your child, but he's here to remind us
Even though you was wrong, I never could belive that that was true
You was with me forever, you could check my rest in peace tattoos
See me and C and P forever gon be ridin and thuggin
Rest in peace to all the ones that didn't make it
And rest in peace to my brother
We gon miss you
http://images.lowriderarte.com/drawings/0701_lrap_06_z+drawings+notorious_big.jpg
(I love these fools)
I know you in a better place
(Every time I get on my knees)
And I hope to see ya soon someday
(I pray for you, I'm glad you in a better place
I hope I see ya soon, ain't no more killin
Ain't no more fights, and ain't no more tears)

Hey I might be a loud-mouthed drunk but I have a dayjob.

shy people never seem to mind or cause problems

haha i wonder why!

i am trying to figure out situations where i'd keep a friend separate and still want to be their friend

kind of as explained above really, I can't speak for others but I started this thread thinking of say being in a bar where I live and friends who live like ultra near asking am I doing anything, but I might be with some friends I haven't seen for a while or something and so maybe want to keep them separate. or like, some friends are just wildly different and it'd be weird to introduce them.

i'm not exactly sure why "shy people dont' mind" elicits a haha actually. i'm certainly in tune enough with my friends to know when someone is being quiet because they are pissed off and dislike someone in the group and when they're just quiet because they're enjoying listening to another person talk their ear off. quiet person with talkative person paired off at a party or large gathering is often a very good dynamic in my social circle.

and yeah, i understand your arguments, i just can't think of a personal situation in my life that's at all like that. the only situations i can think of where i wouldn't want to introduce two people are all situations that i eventually removed myself permanently from the company of the person who i was finding distasteful in situations...i suppose my friends aren't all wildly different in personality though.

Haha schef speaking of friend blend I was getting hammered w/tony e on Monday...

Ro: well, you just have to say in that case that you're already out for the evening, or at a dinner.

Hahhaha Ally, didn't I just tell you at your last party that I always have fun at your house b/c I like all your friends so much, because about 80% of them are also MY friends (or they are now, via you guys) so it's always no-pressure, all-fun?! That's pretty much the best of all worlds, I think.

kind of as explained above really, I can't speak for others but I started this thread thinking of say being in a bar where I live and friends who live like ultra near asking am I doing anything, but I might be with some friends I haven't seen for a while or something and so maybe want to keep them separate. or like, some friends are just wildly different and it'd be weird to introduce them.

― Local Garda, Thursday, March 5, 2009 1:14 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

ime my friends are usually better than i am at determining whether or not they'd feel comfortable hanging out with a bunch of my other friends--so in this kind of situation id be like "yeah im at the bar XXX hanging out with some of my college/high school/prison buddies, want to come down?" and let them decide if they feel comfortable--usually if they're in a social mood and want to kick it everything works out

yeah, i will text ppl "so and so and so and so are going to x bar, welcome to join" and let ppl decide for themselves too. my friends all end up getting along and becoming friends with each other anyway, it always seems like.

suzy, next time you see tony e tell him the managers in ny are a bunch of morons for me, thanking you...

yes yes yes also I mentioned you and he was like !!!! yes she is cool. this was after a story of me sending mean lawyer 5k in monopoly money to answer his grievance.

lol you mentioned me? thank you! maybe this will help my meager cause around here...

showed pic from grumpy's in fact! with a 'this is A, she is good smart people' endorsement so next time he's up in your area, say hi.

i will! he usually sits right down from my desk when he's in town actually.

I guess I'm sort of on the fence with this stuff. I mean, I try to push the envelope sometimes, (I invited a "dubious" friend of mine to an Xmas party last year and half-feared for the worst, but people ended up totally taking to him) but I am also mindful of scenarios involving old, dear friends in which hangout time can be a relatively infrequent event and I don't want to muck up the works by introducing strange elements into the proceedings.

But philosophically, anyhow, I am all for mixing up different people, and always have been. It almost always turns out well, or at least "interesting". And in the larger sphere of social dynamics, I can't help but think how at least a couple of my favoritest people in the world were people that I had some reservations about upon initially making their acquaintance. Friendship, like romantic love is not always an at-first-sight phenomenon, and oftentimes plays out as quite the contrary.

I should add I do have parties or mix friends or whatever sometimes, just since moving to Ldn particularly notice that there is more converging of friends geographically speaking, you could potentially see way more people every weekend, and as such choosing to see some friends over others is important.

Also like, some people you just know better. Some friends I happily see every week, others, not that there's anything wrong with them, I might see once every few weeks and that's fine.

All of this prob says more about me than my friends!

I have four more or less seperate groups of friends: old high school buddies; college friends; campaign people; and ilxpeople. The two that bleed into each other the most are the collegiates and politicos.

too difficult to seperate.

i think i did that for a while, but then since facebook happened it was impossible.

mostly the divide used to be internet friends and real life friends.

sometimes you have friends who correlate better with difft parts of yr personality and sometimes it's not good to co-mingle these

friends who share common tastes, interest and outlooks are fine to mix I think

Studying computing at university I acquired a group of computer geek pals who I avoided introducing to non-geek friends because interminable chat about Linux or car engines might result, which wd be not only crushingly dull for the non-geeks but a poor reflection on me and my other life.

Also kept another group apart (never really came up but I considered it one birthday and felt weird about it) just because it centred around one person who was more loud/dominating than most of my friends, so I worried the quieter group would think the others were all just supporting cast for some outrageous forthright ego woman. It would probably have been fine after a few drinks, but...

(Also someone regarded by me and group A as a notorious jerk knew absorbed himself into group B and somehow nobody there seemed to think he was a total asshat, which tainted B for A and made me fear any conversation between the two.)

The joke is on me, however, as I discovered a couple of years ago when accidentally stumbling across the livejournal of one of them that various groups I knew and thought wouldn't mix have moved to London and merged into one big happy friend-clan (or at least LJ-friend-clan) that I've completely lost touch with. Oh well.

it's ok you're with our clan now.

can I be in the clan

http://www.archives.state.al.us/archives_week_art/Yaci_Arano.jpg